[Pokémon] Mentor (PG-14)

[Dagzar]

Thanks Neiko Star!

I've been too lazy to reply lately, but your recent chapters are great! Was it creepy? I didn't really find it creepy...but maybe that's just me. (Lol, my friends at school say that I have no reaction to anything whatsoever XD)

Heh, you're the same as me with non-reacting at horror and such. Horror movies, when I actually watch them, don't scare me at all like most things don't (though, put a spider in front of me and it's a whole different matter :paranoid:).

Yeah, as the others have pointed out, it's 'laying' for objects. I've had trouble with that verb too. There also some minor grammar mistakes and typos, but the overall story is great. I would just advise re-reading your chapter before posting it.

Then again, I never do that...so yeah. xD

Yeah, not re-reading my chapter before posting is a bad habit of mine. I do try to do it sometimes, but I usually start skimming and missing things. Sometimes, I think I'm way too impatient when posting my chapter. ;)

 

[Neiko Star]

Yeah, not re-reading my chapter before posting is a bad habit of mine. I do try to do it sometimes, but I usually start skimming and missing things. Sometimes, I think I'm way too impatient when posting my chapter. ;)

Ahaha, you're exactly like me. The second I finish typing, I post it. And about the spider thing, I like have this reflex to jump everytime I see a worm. XD

 

[gooner]

i read ur story last nite and it was ace, its inspired me 2 rite my own (wen i get some free time).

 

[Incinermyn]

Loved this chapter, but does it have to be a two-parter? Just, experience has taught me that when you break stuff up, it destroys your story more often than not (at least that's what through me off in my last version of Dark Nostalgia).

 

[Dagzar]

Ahaha, you're exactly like me. The second I finish typing, I post it. And about the spider thing, I like have this reflex to jump everytime I see a worm. XD

*shivers* I used to play with worms and spiders when I was little, but now, I can't really look at them without freezing. At least with worms, I don't have to fear finding them climbing up my bedroom walls.

i read ur story last nite and it was ace, its inspired me 2 rite my own (wen i get some free time).

Thanks for reviewing, gooner! I'm glad I inspired you. I hope you story comes out well. ;)

Loved this chapter, but does it have to be a two-parter? Just, experience has taught me that when you break stuff up, it destroys your story more often than not (at least that's what through me off in my last version of Dark Nostalgia).

Thanks, Skunter! I would love it if I didn't have to break up chapters (as it breaks the mood), but chapter six was over 4000 words and chapter seven is already over 3400 words (and it's not even close to being finished)! I find that very long chapters can be a hassle to read at times and some people (like me) start skimming if it gets too long.

 

[Neiko Star]

True...but it's really freaky when you see them wriggling around half-squished in the streets on rainy days.

 

[gooner]

i forgot to mention that i would put it in the top 5 i've read (including other anime fanficts)

 

[Dagzar]

Mentor
Chapter 7: Lost (part two)​

"What should we do, Sands?" Leah asked her Pokemon quietly as she leaned against the wall of the bedroom, where she hopefully couldn't be seen by anyone. Her eyes glanced back to the door, which she left ajar, and her ears prickled to the sound of Sands yawning in response. Her body tensed and she found herself frustrated by the lack of attention.

"Be serious," she hissed at it. "This is important!"

Sands didn't seem to think so as it put its head back on the fire stone, eyes closed.

Sighing in exasperation, Leah took one last look at the door before abandoning her hiding spot and stiffly walking over to her Sandshrew. She bent down and wrapped her hands around Sands's middle. Sands tried to curl into itself and get rid of the intruding hands, but it was in vain as the trainer lifted the Pokemon into her arms. The ground type made a mournful yowl as the Fire Stone slipped from its clawed grasp and landed on the floor with a thump.

"Stop kicking me!" Leah said as she held her Pokemon tighter, despite its struggles for escape. Sands growled softly in warning when its trainer wound one of her arms around the area of its neck and as the limb started to tighten, the Sandshrew suddenly bit down on the flesh with its tiny fangs.

The trainer swore as she immediately half-dropped and half-threw the Pokemon away from her. Sands landed on its side and let out a yelp before getting up and scampering back to the Fire Stone, its teeth bloody. Leah cradled her arm and accessed the damage before glaring at the Pokemon.

"Your lucky my jacket took most of that," she threatened. "Seriously. It's just a Fire Stone. It's not that cold out! You don't need it."

Her hand found the semi-familiar feel of her Pokeball and she let the beam of red light immaterialize Sands, who didn't notice what was happening until it happened.

"Stupid Pokemon," Leah muttered as she put the sphere back into her pocket.

She sighed; her anger vanishing until she just felt tired.

Okay, she had to face the facts. Someone was in the house with her (probably). She didn't know who it was and her only weapon was a flashlight and a misbehaving Pokemon who couldn't even beat a baby Paras. Leaving the house wasn't an option since she refused to face the storm, and there wasn't anything she could do about that.

Her only options? Stay where she was and hope that no one would come upstairs and find her. Pros: she didn't have to move and she didn't think there was any reason for anyone to suddenly come upstairs (except for the expensive stones). Cons: she had no clue when the storm would end, there was no lock on the door (she checked) and she really didn't like being in the room.

Leah swallowed and looked at the window hopefully. The window, as if sensing her misplaced hope, cheerfully showed the rain coming down harder than ever and it silently promised that the rain wouldn't stop any time soon.

Damn it. What was she supposed to do?

Leave, her mind supplied. Not the house, but the room. There was another door, just outside in the hall, and it looked strong. Maybe it even had a lock on it, but was conveniently unlocked, just for her. And even then, there was another hallway with more doors. There was bound to be a room she could hide in that wasn't as creepy as the one she was currently in.

Leah took one last look around the room. The calm blue glow that the outside light produced didn't ease the situation. It was like the room was in the eye of the storm and it made her wary. The whole house was like a well-kept museum with a past that somehow refused to be forgotten.

Slowly and quietly, she went to the door and peered down the hallway, her cheek pressed against the doorframe. Her eyes spotted the door she was looking for and it was still closed, its solid frame seemingly beckoning her to open it to find out what was inside. It was funny, she thought. Just for a moment, she had expected the door to be open. Isn't that what always happened in the movies?

The coast was clear, so she made her way over to the door and lightly grasped the handle. It turned, slowly but surely. It was unlocked and she held her breath and she kept her free hand wound around her Pokeball. She pushed the door open and coughed as dust came drifting out of it. Her eyes closed against her will and she struggled to open them again, but when she did, it didn't help.

The room was so dark she couldn't see inside. The only things she could see were vague outlines of what could have been furniture. Her hand fumbled with the flashlight before turning it on. Though, once the light was on, she found herself standing nervously in the doorway, trying to use the light to gain a perspective on the room.

The room didn't look very big and, surprisingly, it wasn't another bedroom like she expected. Nope, it was just a room with dust-covered chairs and a coffee table. It didn't seem all that special and since the whole room was simply covered in dust, she didn't think that anyone had bothered to go in for a long time. She even doubted that the door had been opened.

As she stood there, she reminded herself that she could always send Sands out and go in first if she didn't feel like it. That way, if there was something dangerous, nothing bad would happen to her. But, she also thought, she wasn't a coward and didn't need to get a weak, little Pokemon to go in first. She could do it. All she had to do was walk in and check it out. It wasn't that hard.

The door, she found, didn't have a lock on it and she felt a bit foolish to think that it would have. Maybe if the house was a bit more modern it would have one, but with it being as old as it was, she didn't think any of the doors except for the ones that went outside would have a lock.

She took a few steps forward and entered the room. Dust floated in the air and gave her the urge to hold her breath, just so she wouldn't inhale any. Her flashlight illuminated every speck of the room: the corners, behind the chairs, under the table… but luckily, she didn't find a single thing. It was completely normal.

Clear, she thought to herself in relief.

Suddenly, she heard a tiny noise, a creaking sound. It wasn't much, but she felt her body tensing and her heart starting to speed up. She brought her Pokeball out into the open and held it out as a silent threat. She took a step back, but froze when she heard the tell-tale creak again. This time, it was louder with a couple small cracks accompanying it. Her flashlight spun around the room, light flashing to every corner as she twisted her body around without moving her feet.

Crack!

Again! Damn it. Where was it coming from? She tried to calm herself down as she listened deeply, straining her ears to pinpoint the location of the sound. It echoed around her and she vaguely wondered whether it was some type of ghost Pokemon causing it. Though, it didn't matter as when another crack sounded to her immediate right, she found herself unwilling stepping back again.

Another creak sounded, but this one was different as it dragged out until it evolved into a loud, terrifying crackle.

Leah got a sinking feeling in her chest and just happened to look down. Under the light and under her feet, the weak and worn floorboards cracked, showing the thin, devastating lines that spider webbed across it. With every crackle, the lines grew and spread out, like braches of a tree.

In the seconds that followed, Leah's mind wondered if the cracks were the reason the person in the mansion had never come into the room. It had been fifty years. It was a wonder that the other floors weren't in such a sorry state of decay as the one under her.

In one movement, she tried to throw herself backwards and off the splintering lines, but found herself unable to when the floor collapsed around her. Suddenly, the only thing holding her up was air and she felt a weightless feeling. Unfortunately, it only lasted a split-second as gravity took a hold of her and she fell.




"Ouch…" Leah groaned as she came back into the waking world. Her head spun and she mourned the loss of being unconscious. She would have stayed where she was because she didn't feel like moving, but a thing was poking sharply at her back. It was uncomfortable and annoying, so she got up.

As she sat up, she felt the odd and slightly nauseous sensation of her world spinning on its axis and when she opened her eyes, the feeling just got worse. Her hand blindly groped around to where she was laying and she pulled out a small piece of floorboard. It was cracked and its edges were sharp, which explained why it was so uncomfortable to lay on.

Her dull gray eyes looked around. The room she was in was unfamiliar to her. The walls were stone gray and had hairline cracks along the bottom. The floor was made of cold, hard cement and it was covered dust and pieces of wood. A few chairs were lying splinted around the floor, their legs and backs broken. There was even the old coffee table, cracked along its middle, lying almost right next to her. If she landed even a few feet then where she had really fallen, she could've been smacked by a table. Ouch.

Oddly, for such an abandoned place, there was a dim light coming from a single door that was ajar, on the other side of the room. Leah would've guessed that someone might be in there (maybe the mysterious person in the house?), but anyone, except for a deaf person, would hear a floor caving in and would check it out. If no one did, then no one was there.

Maybe the person in the house left a light on before leaving or something? How long was she out for?

Leah felt like she had better get up. As she did so, she winced at her ripped and bloodstained pants. When she got upright, a sharp pain made its way up her body from her leg when she put some pressure on it. Her vision blurred slightly and she grimaced at the feeling of wanting to throw up.

After she got her bearings, she groaned quietly. Just what she needed. Not only was she trapped in a haunted house, but she was injured too? Unfair.

There weren't any other entrances and exits in the room that she could see, only the lit door. She checked and made sure her Pokeball was still safely in her pocket before she shuffled to the door, wincing at every step her pain-filled leg took. She leaned on the door for a moment before pushing it open and glancing into the next room.

A single light bulb with no protective covering shone down from the ceiling. It was a bit brighter than she thought it would be, but as she looked around, she really, really wished that she could turn the light off. There were a few tables on the side of the room, pushed against the wall and on them, old machines that looked like they hadn't worked for a long time. On one of the tables, there was a deep and smooth slash that seemed to have been made by a giant claw; something like a Kabutops or a Scyther.

There were more slashes on the walls. They sunk deep into the concrete, like it was made of butter and the claw-marks sometimes overlapped with each other. But that wasn't all; not at all. On the floor, in the middle of the room, was a cage; though, that was as far as the resemblance went. The twisted metal lied on a ragged, red-checkered cloth and was colored burnt silver. The bars were wildly out of shape and they were wrapped around each other in a loving embrace. The base of the cage seemed only big enough to fit something like a Rhyhorn and the cage ceiling couldn't even be described since it was no where to be seen.

Overall, it didn't look like a pretty place.

"What the hell…?" Leah gaped as she stood frozen in the doorway. It became apparent to her that she probably looked silly just standing there, but it was hard to keep from staring. The scene looked like something straight out of a horror movie. It was like the mad scientist's evil lab where he conducted his evil experiments and generally did evil stuff.

Though this…? This was beyond even that.

"Did someone resurrect a Kabutops or something?" she asked herself as she held her Pokeball like a lifeline. She took a couple steps forward, but immediately wished she hadn't. When standing in the doorway, she was only able to see around three fourths of the room, but now she could see what she hadn't beforehand.

It wasn't anything spectacular, it was just a statue. Though it was the most lifelike statue she had ever seen in her entire life and that was saying something. It had a general cat-shaped body, but was standing in a position like a human. It had a head shaped like an upside-down triangle with two pointed ears and two long, bushy, mustache-like whiskers. It was standing on two short legs with clawed feet and had two armor-like shoulder pads. At its back was a long and fat tail that was stretched out behind it. Its two clawed hands were held out in front of it, both holding onto the same spoon that was pointing at the cage.

It looked in remarkable condition, but that wasn't the reason Leah was staring at it. The Pokemon looked like it was defending itself from… something. It looked scared, like it couldn't win.

It did bring up a question though. Why was a statue of a Kadabra doing in the lab of an abandoned mansion?

Unless…

'-Kadabra has warned me that it is going to rain for the next few days and my dear psychic type has nary been wrong-'

'-hit Kadabra-'

Leah's hand uncertainly reached out, trembling, as if to touch the lifeless statue.

It was impossible, but yet…

"Excuse me, miss?"

Instantly, Leah pulled back her hand in a snap and whirled around, Pokeball ready to be thrown and a command at her lips.

The old man took a step back and held his hands up in surrender, an apologetic expression on his face. "Sorry to startle you. I didn't expect to see anyone else down here."

"What?" Leah said, confused, her Pokeball still ready for action. "Who're you?"

"My name's Benjamin Chambers," the old man explained. "I'm the professor that works here." The so-called Professor Chambers did look pretty book-ish from Leah's point-of-view. He had thick glasses and thinning gray hair. His buttoned up white coat dripped water onto the floor and was partly see-through due to being wet.

"Wait… what? You're a professor?" Leah couldn't help but be confused. Was the man in front of her the mysterious intruder that had been making that noise and pretty much causing all her anxiously? "What're you doing here for?

"I should be asking you the same question, but I suppose anyone would want to take shelter from a storm like this one."

The comment was spot on and Leah's eyes narrowed as alarm bells rang in her head. "How'd you know I came in because of the storm?"

The old man chucked warmly. "Well, it wasn't very hard. Your clothes are damp and you have mud on your boots. Besides, people rarely enter the mansion and that's only to either get out of the weather or to find Pokemon that might live here."

"Oh." Her mental alarm bells had turned off and she felt a bit embarrassed. Though the feeling disappeared quickly as she remembered where she was exactly.

She pointed at the statue beside her. "What's with this?" Then she motioned to the cage and slash marks. "And with those?"

The professor sighed to himself and rubbed the back of his head. "I'm not exactly sure, but they're the reason I'm here. I'm trying to figure out what Pokemon caused it. Unfortunately, I'm not having the best of luck."

"So… this," Leah said, looking at the statue. "Wasn't always like… that?"

"I don't think so. Actually, I'm pretty certain that it was once a living Kadabra, though I can't prove it." He changed the subject. "Judging by the question, I say you read those papers on the second floor?"

"Yeah. What happened?"

"I'm not sure," the professor repeated and looked a bit apologetic.

"Huh." Leah frowned and tried to turn her attention away from the statue. She really didn't want to look at it since she couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to be alive one moment, eating and breathing, then to be immobile and stone the next.

"Why don't you come upstairs," the old man said, finding nothing else to talk about. "You don't look too well, though I don't think anyone would after falling through a floor."

"You heard?" Leah asked as she followed the professor back into the other room.

The professor carefully walked around a chair, careful not to step onto any of the bigger pieces of floorboard. "Not really. I was outside, enjoying the storm. Actually, my Magneton was enjoying it and I mostly just stood there. It was really surprising when I walked back inside to find that the ceiling collapsed."

"There's another door? I didn't see any."

"It's hard to see in the dark." The professor motioned to the gray colored door that blended perfectly in the wall, but was visible now that there was more than a little of light. He held it open for her and Leah dully went first to see a small and thin hallway seemingly squeezed between the walls. As they walked along the corridor, the pain in her leg burned, as if to remind her that it still existed. At the end of the hallway, she pushed open another door to find herself in a hallway adjoined to the entrance of the mansion.

They stood in silence before the stairs, the rain humming from above. Leah found herself disappointed the rain still hadn't stopped and she now more then ever wanted to just go back outside.

"What do you think of the mansion?" the professor asked her, breaking the quiet.

Leah was pulled out of her thoughts. "Huh? Oh, I dunno. Seems creepy and old."

"Most people think that. Did you see the bloody handprint upstairs?"

"Yeah. Do you know what caused it?" The phrase was getting a bit redundant.

"Not yet, but I hope I'll find out soon."

Silence.

"So," Leah started, "you're studying this mansion?" She was curious, despite herself.

"Yes," the professor said. "Though I'm mostly studying the thing that caused the scene downstairs. Whatever it was has to be powerful."

"Is it a new Pokemon?" She tried to imagine the Pokemon, one with blades and the power to turn flesh to stone, but couldn't.

"I'm certain of it since I can't think of any Pokemon that can bend bars, have huge claws and can turn a Pokemon to stone. Well, maybe a Groudon, but those have long since been extinct-"

Leah tuned out the professor at that point as something had caught her attention. Was it a trick of the ears or was the rain lessening just a bit? It certainly wasn't the roar she had been hearing beforehand. It was more like a pitter-patter sound, a welcome change from the previously angry weather.

"-or something like that." The professor stopped talking and seemed to catch onto the same line of thought she was having. "I think the rain is letting up."

"Finally!" Leah said, a small smile coming onto her features. She really, really wanted to leave. She had had enough of the spooky mansion to last a lifetime, at least.

Then something occurred to her.

"Hey, uh, professor?" Leah asked and continued, "what's that smell?"

"The smell?"

"Yeah, the burning one."

"Oh, Oh!" the old man said, looking a bit embarrassed. "That's the repel I put down this morning. It keeps the wild Pokemon from making their home here. It's only in this area that I put it down, so it wouldn't bother me while I work. Though, the smell is horrid, isn't it?"

Leah snorted. "That's for sure. I suppose that means that Sands had another reason after all."

"Who's Sands?"

She mentally jumped as she didn't intend the say the last bit out loud. "My Sandshrew. It completely ignored me and went upstairs to sleep in the kid's bedroom."

"Does it do that often?"

"Yeah, but I thought it was just cold or something."

The professor stared at her for a moment from behind his glasses. "You don't really like your Sandshrew, do you?"

"Why do you care?" Leah asked rudely, not willing to talk about her Pokemon. The rain would stop soon, she'd leave and soon after, she could go back home and forget about this little adventure.

"It puzzles me," he admitted as he took off his glasses and put them in his pocket. "I don't often talk to Pokemon trainers, but whenever I do, most of them seem to carry a great deal of affection for their Pokemon."

Leah shrugged. "Well I don't. There's probably lots of people who don't. What does it matter?"

"Because, despite you calling your Pokemon an 'it', your Sandshrew sports a nickname. Sands, was it? If you didn't care about your Pokemon, why did you name it?"

Leah didn't reply, a memory swelling over her ears.

"Your name is going to be Sands, okay? Sands is a special name, a unique one. You're not a Sandshrew anymore, you're a Sands. One of a kind! Grandma says that if I name you, we can become close friends and be like that forever. And that's what we're going to do, no if, ands or buts! Got it, Sands?"

Then the only thing she could hear was the rain.

"My grandmother told me to," Leah said shortly. "Besides, I was ten. All ten-year-olds want their Pokemon to be special."

"Isn't your Pokemon special?"

She shook her head. "Nope. Sands is stupid, lazy, selfish and can hardly beat a Rattata. Hardly even likes me. It's just a weak, average Pokemon."

"Then can I give you some advice?" the professor asked calmly before continuing. "Don't ignore me if this sounds cliché, but if you want your Pokemon to be strong and like you, why don't you try doing the same thing?"

"Be strong and be nice to Sands?" Leah asked skeptically. "Why?"

"Basically, If you show your Pokemon encouragement and spend time with it, it will do its best to be loyal and follow your commands since it won't want to disappoint you."

"Yeah?" she said and she was surprised at herself for actually starting to consider what the old man was saying. "But I'm only going to be training for like, another week. What does it matter?"

"Pokemon isn't just for a journey," he said. "But for life. If you nurture the bond between you and your Pokemon, it will always stay loyal and who knows? Maybe it will come in handy one day."

Suddenly, a ringing sound went off, the shrill and persistent noise making Leah jump. The professor stayed calm, however, and took out an old black cell phone from his pocket. He looked at the main screen for a moment before turning to Leah.

"Sorry," he said to her in an apologetic tone, pressing one hand against the speaker, muffling the sound. "I have to take this call."

Without another word, he hurried off, back down the corridor to the lab.

And Leah was left alone with the sound of the rain.

"… Handy, huh?" she said quietly to herself, going over the man's words. "Never needed it before."

Until now, that is.





Her boots splashed in the wet mud as she made her way out of the mansion's yard. Her hood was down and she felt the unpleasant sensation of the chilled wind blowing into her face. The rain had stopped, but the clouds were still hovering in the air, just waiting for her to get in the middle of the forest before dropping their cargo.

She really didn't want to be walking under a cloudy sky, but she didn't have much choice. It was either take the chance of quickly walking back to the Pokemon Center or wait another half-hour in the mansion for the off chance that the clouds would go away.

Her choice was obvious.

The professor had never come back from his phone call and she refused to stick around to say goodbye. Reluctantly, she had taken a slight detour before leaving and she hoped she didn't regret it.

The professor's advice, despite being uncalled for, made her do a little thinking. If she and Sands were going to be stuck together, then she would rather have it- him obeying her. And hey, she had to look on the bright side. If she was nice to Sands and actually trained him, she would get a loyal and powerful servant at her beck and call.

"Why didn't I ever consider this before?" Leah asked to the sky, which only replied with a slight rumble.

She redirected her question to her Pokemon. "Do you know why, Sands?"

Sands only shivered slightly and his claws dug into her jacket as Leah's hands held him to her chest.

"Hey," Leah scolded. "Don't go all silent on me, Sands. This is our bonding time. You should be happy of what I've done for you so far. I've let you out of your Pokeball and I'm actually holding you." She paused and warned, "By the way, you better not drop that Fire Stone. I technically stole that for you and it wouldn't be nice if my gift to you was damaged."

The swirls of the red and orange stone glowed slightly as Sand's free paw leaned against it as the rock was wedged between his and Leah's bodies. The warmth the stone and Sands' body gave off was comforting in a way she couldn't describe. Though she didn't admit that, of course.

"We'd better hurry, Sands," Leah said as she glanced at the sky. "The clouds aren't looking too good and I hate to get caught in the rain again."

She heard Sands whimper in reply and nodded.

"Yeah, that would suck."




A/N: Gods, I hated this chapter. I did like writing some parts, but wow, I never knew I could hate dialogue that much. And don't get me started on the beginning. Stupid beginning. I was going to finally reveal Leah's past in this chapter, but when I noticed that the word count was already over 4600, I decided to move it a few chapters ahead.

 

[Neiko Star]

A few typos, but good chapter. It's great to see Leah finally trying to bond with Sands. :) Can't wait for next week!

(Also, a little piece of advice: I've noticed that sometimes, you forget words. So, I would suggest re-reading each sentence after you've typed it. It's a lot easier than reviewing your whole chapter, and it works too.)

 

[Dagzar]

Thanks for the advice, Neiko!

A few typos, but good chapter. It's great to see Leah finally trying to bond with Sands. Can't wait for next week!

Yup! It was a bit of a relief, actually, to finally be able to refer Sands as a boy. It got really annoying to always refer to him as an 'it' and it always got me confused.

(Also, a little piece of advice: I've noticed that sometimes, you forget words. So, I would suggest re-reading each sentence after you've typed it. It's a lot easier than reviewing your whole chapter, and it works too.)

I have tried using that method before, but I always run into the problem of rereading what I intended to say, rather than what's actually there. Heh, but I have found my own solution in the form of the grammar check on Microsoft Word. I usually have the grammar check off since the green lines get really annoying, but I was astonished to see that it almost caught all those mistakes.

Anyways, I'll reread the chapter again and correct all those errors right now. ;)

 

[Neiko Star]

Yay. ^^ Also, sometimes, when I try to write a phrase, this is what I do: I write what I want to, then I continue writing about a few more lines. Then, I add more description and stuff, and I take words off or add some stuff to make the sentence sound smoother and less wordy. That could work for you, since I've noticed that sometimes your phrases become awkward to read somewhere in the middle of the sentence. It's really just about evening everything and trying to make a nice flow with your words. If it soundes nice to you, chances are it'll sound nice to your readers too.

 

[delongbi]

This was a pretty good chapter- it was interesting, as least. There were a lot of grammar errors though. I highly recommend checking over your work another time before you submit it. I also agree with Neiko; sometimes your sentences are a bit wordy. Writing a paragraph and then rereading it could help. Anyway- grammar...

She sighed, her anger vanishing until she just felt tired.

The comma should technically be a ;

The window, as if sensing her misplaced hope, cheerfully showed the rain coming down harder then ever and it silently promised that the rain wouldn't stop any time soon.

When making a comparison, than is used; not then.

Slowly and hopefully quiet, she went to

Should be quietly.

The room was so dark, she couldn't see inside.

The comma is unneeded. "So" almost never needs a comma.

If no one did, then no heard it and then there was no one there.

No one. Also, this sentence is awkward.

When she got upright, A sharp pain made its way up her body from her leg when she put some pressure on it.

a, not A

. It was a bit brighter then she thought

THAN!!!

I didn't love this chapter, but it was not particularly bad. I think it was necessary.

Anyway, I'm still reading! Keep up the good writing!

 

[Dagzar]

Yay. ^^ Also, sometimes, when I try to write a phrase, this is what I do: I write what I want to, then I continue writing about a few more lines. Then, I add more description and stuff, and I take words off or add some stuff to make the sentence sound smoother and less wordy. That could work for you, since I've noticed that sometimes your phrases become awkward to read somewhere in the middle of the sentence. It's really just about evening everything and trying to make a nice flow with your words. If it sounds nice to you, chances are it'll sound nice to your readers too.

Sometimes I use that method when I'm going over the chapter, adding and getting rid of stuff. I'll see if I can use that method more in the future, though. Thanks!

This was a pretty good chapter- it was interesting, as least. There were a lot of grammar errors though. I highly recommend checking over your work another time before you submit it. I also agree with Neiko; sometimes your sentences are a bit wordy. Writing a paragraph and then rereading it could help.

Thanks for the review, delongbi!

*sighs* I think I'm going to have to keep a very close eye on later chapters because these errors are very annoying. Yeah, I'm definitely going to put much more work in rereading things. I'll also try to cut down on the unnecessary words.

I didn't love this chapter, but it was not particularly bad. I think it was necessary.

Anyway, I'm still reading! Keep up the good writing!

Yeah, I didn't expect much from this chapter either. I don't think I set the mood right and I have a feeling that the characterization was out of whack, but it will set some events into motion and I suppose that's good enough. Though I have to say, I'm pretty optimistic on the next chapter as it's turning out really well so far. :D

 

[Neiko Star]

You know, Leah's so much like my RP character, whenever I try to imagine her I imagine my character. 0_0 But aggressive personalities are fun to write...

 

[Dagzar]

You know, Leah's so much like my RP character, whenever I try to imagine her I imagine my character. 0_0 But aggressive personalities are fun to write...

That's for sure :D. Characters like Leah are just so snarky, and I just love writing her dialogue. She one of the easiest characters I've ever written, much easier then some other characters I know. *glares at other non-Pokemon story*

 

[Neiko Star]

Mm-hmm. My characters are always extremely something. Extremely aggressive, extremely passive(lol that rimed XD), extremely shy, extremely creepy, etc. It's just easier. Oh, and I make my characters look like their personality too. (Aggressive+Stubborn+Rude+Annoyed=Spiky Redhead)

 

[Dagzar]

Mentor
Chapter 8: Vegetation​

"Come on!" Ed whined. "You said we could go today. You promised!"

Ally took a different approach. "Um, c- can we please go today? You did promise last night."

"I promised that under pressure," Leah argued, crossing her arms. She was sitting upright on her bed, a position she had become familiar with over the past few days. Sands, her ever unfaithful Pokemon, was sprawled out next to her, sleeping peacefully.

It had only been a few days since she had stumbled into the Pokemon Center, dripping wet. Just as she had predicted, the storm had started up again just as she was getting out of the forest and had trailed after her the whole time. Ed and Ally, both worried (despite Ed's denials), had met her in the lobby. They had badgered her for information, especially about her injured leg and she finally gave a condensed version of what happened. One that didn't involve blurred notes, creepy labs and feeling even an inch of fear.

"T-then when can we go to the gym?" Ally asked.

"Yeah," Ed said, backing his friend up. "We've been waiting for days to go!"

Leah sighed. "Look, I'm injured. It pains me to walk, so I have to be careful or I might make it worse." In reality, the leg had stopped throbbing a while ago and it now only flared up when she roughly poked it with her finger, but it wasn't something she was going to tell them.

Unluckily, Ally caught on to her ploy. "Didn't you say that yesterday? A-and the day before?"

"A-hah!" Ed cried as he pounced on the opportunity. "You're lying to us! You can walk, can't you?"

Sighing again, this time in defeat, Leah crossed her arms. "Yes, fine! I can walk, but can't you give me one more day?"

"No," Ed said.

"Hey," Leah said sharply. "Don't take that tone. You should be thanking me for giving you more time to train your Pokemon."

Ally looked downcast at that as she played with the frills on her shirt. "Y-yes, but… Sparks doesn't like training."

Leah rolled her eyes and caught her tongue before she unleashed her sarcasm. A few days ago, she couldn't stop her mouth when she heard that Ally had nicknamed her Voltorb 'Sparks'. It took a lot of effort and apologizing on her part to stop Ally from bursting into tears. She felt a little guilty after that, but squashed it whenever it came up.

"I'm not worried about a psycho Voltorb," Leah said. 'I'm more worried over the bug slash grass type that's weak to fire."

"Paras is getting stronger by the day," Ed said proudly. "He's totally ready to beat whatever fire type the gym leader uses."

Leah shrugged. "Fine. If you really think you're ready, I suppose we can go now-"

"I'm going to win!" Ed boasted and was encouraged by Ally's support.

Leah just sat there with a small smirk. Going up against a gym leader was no easy task. Of course, she had never tried it herself, but she had heard from her grandmother that a gym leader was much better than an ordinary trainer. A sharp punch to Ed's ego when he lost would certainly blast down his hope of being a trainer. Though, there was the off chance that either he would win or would just bounce back from his defeat. If that happened, she would have no clue what to do.

And she didn't even want to get started on Ally. She and her Voltorb were wild cards. Leah could see the girl winning just because Voltorb was unpredictable, though if Voltorb lost, then there was absolutely no chance of the girl bouncing back.

Everything's betted on the gym battle, Leah thought.

"Let's go!"

Leah snapped to attention at Ed's proclamation. She smiled grimly and picked up her Pokemon and held him to her chest. "Yeah, let's go."





"We're going right this time!"

"Yeah, yeah," Leah grumbled.

Ally, who had never seen the area before, was looking in every single direction, her face bright with wonder. Leah, who had seen the area, just kept her eyes in front of her and tried not to let her gaze stray over to the other pathway. She didn't really want to think about the mansion at that point. She was already plagued by it in her sleep and she didn't want to add more 'what ifs' to the fire.

Ed, who had taken over Leah's previously held position as The Guide, wouldn't shut up.

"Okay!" Ed said cheerfully. "The map that the kind lady at the Pokemon Center drew me says that we follow the path straight ahead and then we turn left-"

"You don't need to say it out loud," Leah pointed out as they walked along the right pathway. Unlike the left one, the winding road didn't go into the jungle, but beside it. Leah was fine with that as she wasn't looking forward to going into the jungle in the first place. Besides, the pathway gave a nice view of the ocean, which continuously crashed loudly against the rocks, the spray blasting into the air. With a curious gaze, Leah leaned her head over the fence that separated the pathway from the cliff side and looked down.

It was a long way down.

"Hey, Mentor person?" Ed asked, holding the map up to his face and pretended to be looking it over. "How do you become a gym leader?"

"A gym leader?" Leah repeated to herself. She questioned herself whether she should actually answer, but concluded that there wasn't any harm. "The Elite Four choose people if they show enough skill, or something like that."

"What type of skill?"

"I dunno, it depends. If they're good with a certain type of Pokemon, they could be chosen or they could go through some type of test."

"Cool!" Ed exclaimed. "I think I want to be a gym leader!"

Leah snorted. "With what type? Bug? Grass?"

"I think you'd be a good gym leader," Ally chimed in. "You're really good with your Paras." She blushed lightly.

"Really?" Ed said, pondering deeply. He then grinned. "Maybe that's what I'll do! Being a gym leader would be awesome! I can be a bug type gym leader and be the strongest trainer around!"

"Bug?" Leah said, stifling a smirk. "You're not going to go very far with that type. Can you really see yourself passing over all the other types of Pokemon, just to train a few measly bugs?"

"Oh!" Ally cried, interrupting the conversation. She pointed to a thinned out place through the trees where the pathway branched off. "Are we going that way?"

Leah looked at the girl strangely. She was being awfully relaxed and really, when was the last time Leah had heard her stutter or pause?

Ed nodded as he consulted the all-powerful-map. "Yup!"

Grimacing, Leah put her hands in her pockets and gripped Sands's Pokeball. It would be an understatement to think that she didn't want a storm to appear. She didn't think she could go through it all again.

They walked between the groove in the trees, the branches and leaves providing shade from the warm sun. Despite being in a different part of the jungle, Leah noticed that all the plants were exactly the same as the ones she saw a few days ago. Wasn't this supposed to be a tropical forest? She thought there would be a bit more variety.

"Wow," Ally said as she looked at the colorful flowers and bright green leaves of all different shapes. "They're so pretty!"

"Trust me," Leah told Ally cynically. "It'll stop being pretty when it's the only thing you can look at for a while."

That proved to be false as they had been walking for ten minutes and Ally still hadn't got tired of staring at the plants. In fact, she seemed to get more cheerful and seemed to look at the flowers as if she had never seen them before.

After another five minutes, Leah got tired of the girl craning her neck and widening her eyes. It was distracting.

"Why do you keep staring at them?" Leah asked. "They're the exact same as the ones from ten minutes ago!"

"No they're not," Ally disagreed. "They're different. See; look at that one, right there." They stopped as she pointed at a flower, the one she had been seemingly staring at. It had pointed oval petals that overlapped each other and were colored a pale pink with a burst of bright orange that flared from the center. It had a green stem and was attached to a bush that had several other identical flowers on it.

"Yeah?" Leah said. "What's the difference? I can't see a thing."

Ed agreed. "Sorry, Ally. But I can't see it either."

Ally frowned and seemed to be a bit embarrassed. She tried harder. "I can see it. That orange color on the flower is much more golden than the others and the center is yellow."

Squinting her eyes, Leah thought that the shades of the color might be a bit different, but it was probably just her eyes playing tricks on her.

"Wow, Ally," Ed said and Leah couldn't tell if he was being serious or not. "You must really like plants to stare at them all the time."

"I like flowers and plants," Ally agreed shyly. "I love being surrounded by them and love looking at them. It's not that hard to tell colors apart if you look at them a lot."

"We should get moving," Leah said, interrupting the sappy scene that was just getting started. "Don't you want to get to the gym?"

Ed snapped out of the conversation. "Right! Let's go!"

With Ed leading, Leah and Ally followed side-by-side. Ally looked a bit disappointed that Ed no longer seemed willing to talk about flowers, or at least, that's what Leah assumed from a side-glance.

After a few minutes of silence, Ally spoke up.

"Leah?" she asked politely.

"What?"

Now Ally was looking more like her usual nervous self. "What if we run into Pokemon?"

"Uh, you fight them?" Leah had trouble following Ally's question.

"No." She swallowed. "I mean the powerful ones, like- like a Magmar or a Fearow."

Ed's voice sounded from in front of them. "We can fight them off; my Paras can just stun them or something."

Leah ignored him and tried to ease Ally's worries since she didn't need the girl's fear to get infectious. "I don't think Fearow live here," she said. "And Magmar live in caves, I think."

That seemed to solve the issue as Ally quieted down and went back to glazing at the flowers.

Unfortunately, Ally's worries did indeed prove to be infectious as Leah started wondering what they would do if they were attacked. What Pokemon lived in the area anyway? Exotic types like fire, and poison, probably. Grass types and flying types too. But what actual Pokemon? Maybe Grimer and Koffing? Venonat? Venomoth? Scyther?

Ack.

"Hey," Leah called up to Ed. "When are we getting to the gym?"

Ed shrugged. "Dunno. The map says we just follow the road until we come to the gym."

"How helpful," Leah replied sarcastically and lapsed back into silence.

Around ten minutes later (or was it twelve? She really needed to buy a watch), Ally suddenly became alert. Leah watched her curiously as she looked all around her and sniffed the air.

She looked worried and it showed in her voice. "U-uh, what's that smell?"

Now that she mentioned it, Leah blinked as she got a whiff of the air that she hadn't noticed until it was pointed out. The smell was unusually pleasant and Leah felt herself trying to tug down a smile. "Huh, smells nice."

Ed agreed. "Yeah, where's it coming from?"

That question was immediately answered as the being that was releasing the pretty smell got in their way quite literally.

The Pokemon that had stumbled (hopped) onto the road looked much more plant than animal. If it just closed its narrow eyes and made the sharp and giant teeth disappear from what Leah would hesitate to call a mouth, it would look exactly like a plant. One with a yellow body with green spots peppered onto its smooth surface, two giant green leaves, a pink rim around its mouth and one other giant green leaf that lazed on said mouth and had some sort of vine slash tail attached to it.

"Victreebel," Leah supplied with a sigh. "We're doomed."

She wasn't feeling particularly scared however as the Victreebel had yet to spot them. Actually, scratch that. At her words, the Pokemon looked up, its pinpoint pupils centering on them like a wolf would stare at its prey. Its vine-like tail waved slowly in the air, the small yellow leaf on the end of it gleaming in the sunlight, shining like a blade.

Damn herself.

Her body tensed, legs itching to turn around and run. Though that wasn't really an option, she thought, as she glanced at the brats. Ally was frozen, her eyes not blinking as she stared at the Victreebel. Ed's back was turned, so Leah couldn't see his expression, but judging by the way he was talking earlier and the way his backpack strap started to slide off his shoulder, he wasn't going to back down any time soon.

Besides, the three had been walking in a straight line for a while. One Razor Leaf and it was all over. They couldn't (or wouldn't in Leah's case) even go off the path as Victreebel lived in groups, colonies, and where one Victreebel was, others were soon to follow.

Leah brought out her Pokeball from her pocket; jacket flapping as she abruptly took a big step back. Her Pokeball sailed through the air and hit the ground, unleashing Sands into the daylight.

The Sandshrew just stared at the carnivorous plant, which towered over it.

"Shrew?" he squeaked.

Ed fumbled with his backpack until he took his own Pokeball out. "Go! Paras!" Unlike Sands, Paras didn't seem fearful in the face of Victreebel, only giving it a cool stare. Its tiny feet made small pinpricks on the trail as it braised itself for battle.

"Attack," Leah commanded to her Pokemon and, on seeing Sands staring at her, added in a small voice, "I believe in you…"

Ed took a more direct approach. "Poison Powder!"

Paras shook itself as small purple dots became apparent on the two mushrooms on its back. Its back legs straightened as much as it could go, aiming the mushrooms at the grass type. It was an easy target as the Victreebel still hadn't moved. The mushrooms quivered by themselves and unleashed a cloud of purple dust, the spores clumping together and floating in the face of the Victreebel.

The plant only blinked before waving its leaves in the air like fans. The spores immediately floated to the side where they settled harmlessly on the ground. But the Pokemon wasn't done. Its tail made one final threatening wave before lashing out, almost too quick to see. The tail impacted the ground between the two trainers' Pokemon with a crack.

"Grab it!"

Leah's order wasn't ignored and Sands, despite his fear, leapt on the tail and grabbed it between his claws. With some of the tail still free, the ground type planted his foot right before the sharp leaf and the leaf couldn't do anything more then wither and struggle. Though the same couldn't be said for the Victreebel itself. With one smooth yank, the tail was ripped out of Sands's grasp and from under his feet. The Pokemon landed on his back, his soft stomach pointing upwards and unprotected.

"Up!" Leah screeched. "Up!"

Paras, who had been ignored by the two Pokemon and his own trainer during the scuffle, was concentrating. On the tip of one of its claws, the orange color was draining away until it was a stark white. It was an attack it had never used before, but it didn't show as it lied still, waiting. When the tail-like vine came whipping down again, Paras struck.

Just after Sands rolled out of the way and the tail once again hit the ground, Paras drove its claw into the appendage. A bit of blood oozed out of the tail and the tip of Paras's claw turn a pale yellow. The orange sheen of the bug type's skin seemed to glow as the Victreebel screeched. The tail quivered before it was weakly pulled back by the Victreebel, forcing Paras to let go.

"I think Paras just used Leech Life!" Ed said excitedly. "Wow, a new attack!"

Leah's sarcasm couldn't be denied. "Good for you, though I don't think it worked too well."

That was true. Victreebel didn't look weak, though its tail was hovering shakily in the air, a small amount of blood still dripping from the stab wound. The Pokemon also didn't look happy. Its mouth was opening and closing as if testing its jaw before eating a particularly chewy meal.

"I think we should run now," Leah suggested.

Ally had frozen when the battle begun, neither going for her Pokeball nor trying to help out. Leah took her eyes off Sands for a moment and glanced at her. Their eyes met half-way in-between and Ally's wide, terrified eyes only held the stare for a second before glancing past Leah and into the bush behind her. Leah turned as she followed Ally's line of sight, almost a bit afraid to see what else could possibly pop up.

As it turned out, a lot.

The new creature on the scene was a single entity, but was much more then it seemed as its brown furry head was raised, sniffing the air. Its bright brown eyes looked towards the Victreebel curiously, fox-like ears twitching. It had odd orange-ish fur that stuck up from its head and two fluffy tails that curled around themselves behind it. Its delicate paws felt the gravel of the path and sniffed it before hesitantly treading on it.

It ignorantly looked at the Victreebel with fascination as all the humans and Pokemon stopped what they were doing to access the threat level of the new Pokemon.

"Oh," Ally whispered, afraid she would scare away the new arrival. "It's a Vulpix!"

"Yeah," Leah said, watching the way the Vulpix swayed and smelling the pleasant scent in the air. "One that's about to be eaten."

Leah turned to the duo as she motioned for Sands to come back. Once the Sandshrew was uncomfortably in her arms, she said, "okay, here's our chance. Let's go."

Ed hesitated, a hand on his Paras's head. "What about the Vulpix?"

"It's playing decoy for us," Leah said, making a decision as she went past Ally and put one foot off the pathway. "Now come on, we'll go around the Victreebel and run."

"B-but we can't-" Ally protested, the words caught in her throat. "It-it'll die!"

Leah shushed her, looking back at the wild Pokemon who were eying each other. "Victreebel eat a lot of Vulpix. Do you want to get eaten instead?"

"N-no-"

"Good, then that's sorted out," Leah said as if it settled the matter. "Now let's move."

It was a nice suggestion on her part, but she, like the other two, found themselves frozen as they watched the events play out in front of them.

The Victreebel slowly caressed the Vulpix's neck with its tail before it gently wrapped around it in a type of embrace. The Vulpix didn't fight back, only curiously sniffing the air, not troubled by what was happening. Suddenly, the tail constricted and Vulpix let out a wheezing yelp as it was lifted into the air by its throat, legs kicking out to try to hit the aggressor. The tail brought the Pokemon over the Victreebel's open mouth, holding it there.

Ally whispered hoarsely, "I-I don't want t-to see this!"

Leah didn't have any words and she couldn't turn her eyes away from the scene. It was like a train wreck. People didn't want to watch two trains colliding, but you just couldn't help but stare in fascination as they crushed each other-

"No!" Ed yelled as he darted forward, dodging Leah's grab for him.

"Moron!" Leah hollered as she grasped Ally's shoulder, just in case she would follow, though that wasn't needed as Ally just gasped and shut her eyes.

Ed raced towards the two Pokemon and in seconds he had tackled the Victreebel, driving it backwards as the tail holding the Vulpix was released. The Vulpix landed on its feet, gasping and coughing as only an animal could. The Victreebel held up its leaves in defense, but Ed wouldn't stand for it.

Paras, who Ed had ungracefully brought along, suddenly found itself pushed into the Victreebel's face, its trainer's hand supporting it.

"Leech Life!" Ed shouted.

Paras didn't understand what its trainer was asking, but instinct took over and it did the rest. Its claw rapidly lost color and Paras slammed the tip into one of the only weak points it could see: Victreebel's eye.

The scream from the Pokemon had Leah and Ally putting their hands over their ears and Ed loosing his grip, but by that time, the damage had been done. Paras took its claw out of the hole where the Victreebel's eye had been, paying no notice to the slurping sound that came with it. A white liquid leaked from the torn hole that was mixed with the bright red of flesh blood. When Ed and Paras had safely gotten back to Leah and Ally, the carnivorous grass type had light pink liquid running down its front.

"Holy-!" Leah swore. "That's just-"

The Vulpix, who had recovered, let out a fierce growl and decided that having an eye torn apart wasn't enough. It inhaled, sharp fans visible, and let out a small fireball that hit the Victreebel in its side. The grass type let out a high-pitched shriek as the red flames scorched its flesh, turning its yellow skin gray and setting one of its leaves on fire.

The Victreebel had had enough. With its leaf ablaze and one of its eyes damaged, it obviously had no choice but to flee. And that's what it did as in a single bound, it hopped off the path, flaming leaf shaking wildly and tail waving behind it.

The trainers watched it for another minute as the fire became less visible as the Pokemon went farther away until they couldn't see it at all.

Leah turned to Ed. "That was stupid."

"I saved the Vulpix…" Ed said, not understanding as he looking at Paras's claw with fascination, especially at the white goopy part that was tipped with red.

"Yeah, but you almost got killed!" Leah had a feeling that she was shouting, but didn't feel like doing anything about it. "That Pokemon could have easily killed you. Its leaves were as sharp as knives, one slash and you could have been split in half-"

"But it didn't!" Ed said, raising his voice. "Me and Paras won! We didn't- didn't…"

Leah glanced at Ally, but took another when she realized that the girl was no longer beside her.

Ally was crouching on the ground in front of the trainers, her hand held out. The Vulpix sniffed it curiously and let Ally pet its head and touch its ears.

"Ally," Ed asked, standing up. "Is the Vulpix all right?"

"Yes," Ally replied, her voice sounding tired.

Since Sands was no longer needed, Leah returned him to her Pokeball and just stood there, watching what was going on around her. She swallowed at the sight of the small puddle of pink liquid, just sitting innocently on the ground. It made her flinch whenever she thought about something happening to someone's eyes. It was just… weird. Having it happening in front of her made her a bit queasy, but she was a bit relieved that Victreebel didn't look human at all. If it did, she could imagine herself throwing up.

The brats were different, though. Ed and Ally didn't seem all that concerned that Paras had pretty much gorged out the Victreebel's eye. They didn't seem to find it disgusting or a bit of a harsh punishment that the Victreebel would never see out of that eye again and only because it was trying to eat. Though, Leah had a theory that maybe it was because Vulpix was the cuter one of the two. Victreebel was just a plant with eyes to the brats, while Vulpix was a fluffy and cute fox thing.

Or maybe she was just over thinking it too much. Really, why did she care about some old Victreebel?

Leah's attentions were caught when Ally abruptly stood up, Vulpix no longer in sight.

"Vulpix leave?" Leah asked.

Ally turned around and shook her head. In her hand was a sparkling red and white Pokeball and Leah suddenly knew what happened.

Leah sighed. "You captured it?"

"Yes," Ally said, frowning. "I-it's only a baby, right?"

"Yeah," Leah replied, thinking of the two tails.

"Then why was it all alone? Where were its parents? Why weren't they protecting it?"

Leah found herself under a pleading look to answer the question. "Well," Leah said awkwardly. "Vulpix are territorial, don't ask me why. Vulpix only stick around for their babies only until they get their second tail. Then they go away. Vulpix usually hate other Vulpix." Or at least that's what she learned in school.

"That's sad," Ally concluded, looking at the Pokeball. "Poor Vulpix."

"Can we go to the gym now?" Ed asked, popping up from behind Leah.

Leah snorted. "You're sure back on topic, but yeah, I don't want to stick around."

The three moved on, Leah giving a disgusted glance to the drips of liquid Victreebel made. She walked a bit behind the duo and sighed as their dull conversation started to drift back to her.

"I'm naming her Amber," Ally said, smiling over her Pokeball with just an etch of concern.

"How'd you know Vulpix is a girl?" Ed asked.

Ally looked confused. "She's a Vulpix. Aren't Vulpix always girls?"

Oh yes, Leah thought to herself as they continued towards the Cinnabar Island Gym. This was going to be dull.





A/N: You know, I really didn't intend for this chapter to be so violent. This'll be the last time I'm writing a battle without a plan, that's for sure. And now, after looking back over the chapter, I'm questioning my decision for letting Paras use Leech Life through its claws instead of its sharp and awesome looking teeth. I'm pretty sure Leech Life doesn't work that way, but I think it's a bit too late to change it now.

Anyways, I checked this chapter over several times and I hope I caught all the mistakes, though I've probably missed one or two. Though, I have a question that I need answering: are you supposed to capitalize titles like Pokemon trainer and gym leader?

 

[Giratina ♀]

Another great chapter! There was only one continuous error I found in it: 'Leah, who had seen the area, just kept her eyes in front of her and tried not to let her glaze stray over to the other pathway.', 'With a curious glaze, Leah leaned her head over the fence that separated the pathway from the cliff side and looked down.' Glaze should be gaze, I believe. I don't think Leah is a doughnut.

Otherwise, Ally's been handled a lot better in this chapter. C: I think that with all of that talk about being a Gym Leader and then her admitted love of plants, Ally is probably going to turn into a Grass Gym Leader later down the road. As for your question about capitalization, I usually capitalize everything that the game treats with STICKY CAPS. It's a personal decision, but I always capitalize Trainer, Gym Leader, Hiker, etc.

 

[Dagzar]

Another great chapter! There was only one continuous error I found in it: 'Leah, who had seen the area, just kept her eyes in front of her and tried not to let her glaze stray over to the other pathway.', 'With a curious glaze, Leah leaned her head over the fence that separated the pathway from the cliff side and looked down.' Glaze should be gaze, I believe. I don't think Leah is a doughnut.

I knew there was something wrong with that word! I even highlighted it to look at it later, but then I skipped it! Though, this has to be one of the funniest mistakes I've ever made. I'll fix it right now. :embarrass

Otherwise, Ally's been handled a lot better in this chapter. C: I think that with all of that talk about being a Gym Leader and then her admitted love of plants, Ally is probably going to turn into a Grass Gym Leader later down the road. As for your question about capitalization, I usually capitalize everything that the game treats with STICKY CAPS. It's a personal decision, but I always capitalize Trainer, Gym Leader, Hiker, etc.

Yeah, I thought that too. She was actually a bit harder to write when not stuttering in every other sentence, but she's pretty fun once I got the hang of it. Her being a Gym Leader is a pretty interesting idea and I can actually imagine it. Hmm. Anyways, thanks for answering my question!

 

[Neiko Star]

Yay, another chapter! ^^ I found it interesting but I caught a few mistakes. Twice you put 'need' instead of 'needed' somewhere. (Sorry, I'm too lazy to go check where. >o<) Lol, the ending was funny...but true. I mean, seriously, I feel bad for all male Blissey. XD