Misconception

[Act]

I figured I'd tack on the next bit, though it's only about 600-700 words. Meh.

-----

Gina played with her hair again, trying to leash the horrible animal into a bun on the top of her head. The fact that it was wet made this extremely difficult, but she stubbornly refused to admit to herself that advice on getting a short haircut should have been taken. She gave an impatient sigh and turned around to face the entrance to Widow?s Peak.

It was boarded up crudely. The hinges where a door had once been were still visible, and Gina wondered whether they were costume or if the door really had been torn off at one point. More so, she wondered if the door had been ripped off recently.

She turned around again and hugged herself, rubbing her arms. Over the last few minutes the rain had picked up significantly, and between this and her ominous surroundings Gina was becoming increasingly uneasy. The land had become barren, with no path from the forest that sat a several hundred feet away. A hardy tree or shrub had sprung up here and there. Gina continued to coddle herself as she looked hopefully out into the oncoming darkness, wishing to see Jon coming back.

Her friend had left earlier, with Metapod?who had fallen asleep atop Caner-- in tow. Both trainers had wanted ghost pokemon, which had become more and more abundant as the closed in on the Peak (Jon had gone as far as to claim he?d seen a chimecho). After wasting her final two pok?balls on a gastly, Jon offered to catch each of them a pokemon and meet her at Widow?s peak so she could check into the Pokemon Center.

But now there was no Center and no Jon, and with Metapod out of sight, Sproing had gratuitously accepted Gina?s last offer to enter his pok?ball. Gina was unsettled and alone, without the initiative to check her guide to see if the Peak?s closing was routine, normal. In fact, she thought, she had no intention of ever finding out if the closing was normal, as her gut feeling told her enough.

Her heart skipped a beat and she shuddered as creaking and banging could be heard from inside the mountain. Pokemon live there, she convinced herself, it?s not like those stupid boards keep everything out and in. Gina had seriously considered breaking in; getting in trouble with an officer didn?t bother her at the moment as much as the rain and mysteriousness of her surroundings. In fact, she thought, an officer might even sympathize with a young girl?s situation.

Time passed slowly, and with every second came a new theory about what could have happened to Jon. Kidnapping, injury? if Gina didn?t have such a twist in her stomach when she thought about leaving?abandoning Metapod?she would have been on her way to the city long ago.

Headlights appeared in the distance at one point in the void of time, and Gina gasped loudly, a gasp that verged on a scream. She stood paralyzed for a second before working up the will to dash away. It took even more of a will to stop running, and to make herself duck behind a nearby boulder. The creaking and banging suddenly exited the realm of ?I?m hearing things? and made its way over to the entrance of the plateau. A pickup truck pulled up to meet it.

Gina didn?t want to see who was getting out, and she didn?t want to hear what was being said. Hide? she was always good at that. She?d always win tag and seeking games. She recited to herself the old rules she had lived by in hide-and-go-seek: Don?t look, don?t move, be quiet, don?t panic. Don?t look, don?t move, be quiet, don?t panic. Don?t look, don?t move, don?t? don?t?

----

Anyone know how I can change the title here? o.o' I want to. I may just start a new thread for that and the chapter one revision...

 

[Ionem]

Edit the first post.

Anyway, I'll get onto the next coupla chapters as soon as I finish and post my own chapter one.

 

[Act]

Edit the first post.

I tried that on another post and all it did was change it internally.

Better safe than stupid, I s'pose.

As a general though in reading over what I've written so far, it's amazing me how much my writing has changed with each part of the fic. Even the parts of chapters two and three differ. Weird.

EDIT: Si, all editing the title on the first post does is change the post title, not the thread. Hm...

 

[Ionem]

****. I'm used to Invision. On IB you can edit the first post to change the thread's title.

Why not PM your local neighboorhood mod? :) I've got to, too anyway. My title's not tentative anymore. :(

 

[Act]

And the next part >.> I'm almost finished... thank God...

----

Metapod stirred. He felt his eyes begin to open, but he closed them again, begging Celebi to let him fall asleep once more.

A sudden thrust forward woke him up entirely.

He examined his surroundings. He was still on Cancer, though he had loosened significantly and one more such lunge threatened to throw him off. The land whizzed by too quickly and he couldn?t see it well through his tired eyes, though it was obviously forested. Metapod wondered where they were, why they had left the barren land and headed back toward the forest. Most importantly, he wondered why he and Cancer were alone.

The king crab began to slow down in response to Metapod?s twitching. Breathing heavily, he came to a complete stop and set his claw down, facing the way they had come from. There was silence. Metapod waited for his taxi to offer an explanation, but none came. The eerie, complete lack of sound from not just his companion but from the forest as well unnerved Metapod, and he had no desire to break the silence. It seemed to him that Cancer felt much the same.

The brush in front of them moved without the prompting of a breeze. Metapod stiffened, hardened. They had been running. And Metapod?s common sense told him that a sea creature such as kingler, built for a life of leisure at the water?s edge, would not be running so quickly-- against his nature-- without reason. As the bush again wavered, Metapod could hear a muted groan come from Cancer as he took off again.

Metapod finally worked up the courage to speak as they fled, ((What?s going on?))

The sound of Cancer?s feet dominated the air for a second before Metapod heard him grunt, ((Don?t know.))

They again slowed as they reached the rock wall. Cancer turned in order to-- it seemed to Metapod-- make sure they weren?t being followed. Several moments passed before Cancer declared their safety by setting his torso to the ground. Metapod gave a sigh of relief.

((So. You have a name?)) Cancer asked, his voice still deep and more like a grunt than normal speech as he breathed heavily.

((Not by her yet,)) Metapod answered somewhat apprehensively. He wanted to know what had happened during his sleep, not what the weather was like. ((You?re welcome to call me Carsu.))

((Not by the girl; that much I know. But Carsu... Mean anything?)) Cancer droned, his breathing returning to normal. ((Not made for that,)) he added.

The metapod, seeing Cancer?s lax attitude, tried to calm himself. If the crab, who had assumedly seen whatever had happened, could relax, he could as well. Carsu took some time to examine his position. He carefully surveyed his surroundings. They had backtracked through the forest, most likely searching for a new pokemon. He gave a snort at the ignorance of the children as he realized they had just run from the edge of the dangerous part of the forest. There was no telling how deep into it they had been before he woke up. That would account for the missing human, the silly boy.

Still, Carsu put the question into the open again, ((What happened?))

There was no answer.

Now becoming nervous and exasperated, the inquiry neared a shout, ((Where is the boy? The girl? The stupid bird? The lizard! What happened while I was asleep?))

The silence continued. Carsu strained his body, trying to bend over and see if, possibly, the crustacean had been knocked out by exhaustion. No, the metapod concluded, his eyes were wide open. There were a few moments more silence, before an agitated moan came from the cocoon, followed by: ((It means ?small falcon?.))

((Ah,)) Cancer came to life, ((I see. Don?t worry yourself, as far as I know the girl is safe. She took the bird to the chansey building. If you?d kindly direct me, I?ll take us to her now.))

((The boy,)) Carsu demanded.

((He sent me to bring you to the girl,)) was the matter-of-fact reply.

((Why were we running, then?)) Carsu asked incredulouly. He leaned over again, trying to look Cancer in the face. He wasn?t sure intimidation would work on a kingler as it had on other caterpie, but he wanted to see if Cancer?s expression gave away anything about the seriousness of their position.

((Before I left, we were attacked. We ran,)) Cancer continued, still unsettlingly serene. Carsu waited for him to finish; he expected some explanation for why they were alone. But instead he felt a rumble as Cancer again lifted himself and began to head along the side of the precipice.

((You?re going in the wrong direction,)) the metapod offered.

Cancer complied, turning himself slowly, and they walked for a while, quiet, as both sides contemplated their situation. After several minutes, Cancer spoke, ((I don?t remember what happened to the boy.))

Carsu remained silent.
---

Reviews always appreciated o.o;;

 

[Lily]

After several minutes, Cancer spoke, ((I don?t remember what happened to the boy.))

What do you mean by that?! ;o;



...


Good chapter...I really envy word choices. I really do. It just seems to fit together (like a puzzle, almost). Yet I'm still having a hard time conjuring up a sufficient imagery of the scenes. Your details are splendid - marvelous - whatever *adjectives* I can think of, but it might just be me, or I just can't picture anything. O-O; Well, some of them I can, but I'd really love to see more descriptions.

For 'Carsu' and Cancer's dialogue, it basically showed what they did and all, although the dialogue itself was nicely written. The only shred I could find was 'forest,' 'rock wall,' and things of that sort.

Plot is moving along smoothly. Gina was portrayed well. =D I laughed a bit at the hair part. XP The first part had more descriptions in it than the second one; both were easy to understand, however. At least, I thought so. >> <<

lol either way I enjoyed reading this. :D



Oh, and if you'd like, I'll try changing the title of the thread. If I can't, then I'll consider myself a failure as a worthless mod and ask someone else to, probably the highly skilled Niko he comes back.

o.o;...I think.

I'll just shut up now. ;;


EDIT: OMG yay I did it!11 :D

 

[Act]

Haha, thank you very much ^^;

****, I really need to work on my imagery, huh? ::kicks something:: Not sure why I can't get that down. Practice makes perfect, I s'pose.

Carsu... it took me forever to come up with a name I didn't hate... o.o;; But it seems pokemon should have names to, ne? Thank you babynames.com, I guess xD

Lily, the Uber-mod who can change titles!!!1one :D:D:D