My granpa's pokemon rant...

[Vyro]

My grandpa saw me playing diamond version and proceeded to give me this long speech...



Back in MY day we had 150 monsters, and that was ALL you needed! None o' these new-fangled 'cutey' monsters for children!

Look at dat thereTauros. A fine specimen of a monster. Look at the new-age Tauros. A CARTOON COW. Disgraceful! We had Pikachu and Raichu, but that wasn't CUTE enough for CHILDREN so they added Pichu, the Baby. Then they added those two Minun and Plushie creatures, which are completely obvious knockoffs! That's right, IVE SEEN YOUR NEW MONSTERS! BAH! Tailow? HootHoot? Starly? BAH! Give me Pidgey any day! Sentret? Zigzagoon? BIDOOF? You young whippersnappers can paint a Ratatta brown, but it's still a Ratatta!

The new popular starter is CHICKCHAR or something. Hooey! Back in my day, if you wanted a flaming monkey, you threw a Mankey into a bonfire!

I must say, it's nice to see the developers haven't gotten creative. A hippopotamus called "Hippopotas"? That's almost as clever as a pile of muck called "Muk"! Shows that the first generation was the BEST generation!

But everything they try to change doesn't work! Take evolution for example. Well, we DIDNT evolve them because evolution is a heathen scam! Everytime they tried to evolve, we would stop them because they were Intelligently Designed to be the way they were. But at least science was simpler in those days. Creatures evolved by leveling, stones, and trading! We didn't need to equip any new-fangled Kings Rock while leveling up at dusk while fighting a Goldeen at Cinnabar Island with a happiness level of 200 and spare Rare Candy in the inventory! That's ridiculous!

Also, there are no male or female monster of the same species! If they were, they would be a DIFFERENT SPECIES like Nidoran is. I notice that you haven't tried to reclassify them as the same species. That's because they are the ONLY monster with genders! All them other monsters are a-sexual. They don't breed! You kids today pass your monsters to some hag, and she has to genetically engineer you a cross-bred creature. WHY ELSE WOULD CREATURES ONLY MULTIPLY IN A DAYCARE CENTER?

Speaking of evolution, you young punks can stop evolving my monsters! Lickitung, Tangela and Rhydon were useless enough without you tainting them with stripes and spikes and scowls! If we wanted them to evolve, we would have done it the old fashioned way: by putting three of them together! I see what you did to Magneton! IF WE WANTED MAGNETON TO EVOLVE, WE WOULD JUST PUT THREE TOGETHER.

YOUR TURTWIG IS A BULBASAUR WITH A LEAF ON ITS HEAD!

Where was I? Oh yeah, your fancy colors. We didn't have color back in my day! We had black and puke green and we were grateful! People at the store would say, "Welcome to Cerulean City, the most vibrant city in Kanto. Would you like to see a third color?" and you would reply, "No, sir, I am satisfied with two" because THATS THE WAY GOD MADE IT.

And what's with these monsters that roam around the whole region? I don't care if you are a legendary, you stay in ONE house or cave. YOU DONT MOVE. I tells ya, the whole world is loosing control. Pretty soon these creatures will all be free. What kind of world has no pocket monster fighting action paralleling cockfighting? I am not sure, but it's a world I want none to do with!

Maybe this old fool is too naive for this new world. But with God as my witness, I will keep my level 100 Charmander, level 100 Magikarp, and level 100 Pikachu by my side forever. You kids wouldn't understand because you're too busy 'evolving' your monsters, watching their stat-ee-vees and teachin' them moves to balance against your friends. What a waste of time! I could beat the Elite Four everytime, back when that MEANT something. So you can go fight strangers over them thar internets if you will, but as for me and my monsters, we will retire from a world which no longer needs us.

 

[Zennerick]

Wha? Your grandpa played Pokemon?

 

[Spinor]

I did the math, and the only way for your grandpa to say that is if you were 3 years old at the moment. You oughta be a super genius to even type this.

I'm sorry but I've seen worse methods for nostalgic people to try and express their opinions. I understand but this is the way things turn out for us because of "developing" laws for cartoons and education for children. This is just too hard to believe that your grandpa would say that. He probably never touched a NES.

Oh, and back in my day, we had Square Wheels to make life harder! ;D

 

[Kayin]

The color comment was my favorite.

 

[RYOUKI]

"I must say, it's nice to see the developers haven't gotten creative. A hippopotamus called "Hippopotas"? That's almost as clever as a pile of muck called "Muk"! Shows that the first generation was the BEST generation!"

That was the best part, which gave me a though... of why your grandpa know all those Pokemon names?

 

[Dukey]

I'm doubting the truth here, I appreciate the time you've put into this, but I doubt your Grandpa played pokemon, and as Godot said, you'd have to be 3 :/

I had a laugh though ^^

 

[Bibliophibian]

Loved the parts about Lickitung, Tangela and Rhydon evolving, but especially the part about the colors.

Super lulzy at 4 a.m. x3

 

[Abbandon]

Awesome post.. totally gonna save that..

yup, the colours comment was awesome and lol @ Chickchar

Also, why would OP have to be 3.. you could be any age.. seriously
My nan occasionally plays games, maybe not pokemon but other game, yeah.. she's 73 (and i'm 19)

 

[The warden]

I did the math, and the only way for your grandpa to say that is if you were 3 years old at the moment. You oughta be a super genius to even type this.

I'm sorry but I've seen worse methods for nostalgic people to try and express their opinions. I understand but this is the way things turn out for us because of "developing" laws for cartoons and education for children. This is just too hard to believe that your grandpa would say that. He probably never touched a NES.

Oh, and back in my day, we had Square Wheels to make life harder! ;D

"I must say, it's nice to see the developers haven't gotten creative. A hippopotamus called "Hippopotas"? That's almost as clever as a pile of muck called "Muk"! Shows that the first generation was the BEST generation!"

That was the best part, which gave me a though... of why your grandpa know all those Pokemon names?

I'm doubting the truth here, I appreciate the time you've put into this, but I doubt your Grandpa played pokemon, and as Godot said, you'd have to be 3 :/

I had a laugh though ^^

Why does he have to be 3 years old, ok I get the idea about it seeming a tad unrealistic that his grandad played the pokemon games but that doesn't make it impossible, it's not like it's against the law to play pokemon just because you are old.

Maybe Darkly_the_flygon should tell us how his grandad started playing pokemon before we decide if we belive him or not.

 

[Jorah]

Uh, I think some people missed the point, I don't think the point of the post is to talk about what his grandad thinks, it's just what people who played RBY think and making fun of it XD

Where was I? Oh yeah, your fancy colors. We didn't have color back in my day! We had black and puke green and we were grateful! People at the store would say, "Welcome to Cerulean City, the most vibrant city in Kanto. Would you like to see a third color?" and you would reply, "No, sir, I am satisfied with two" because THATS THE WAY GOD MADE IT.

LOL XD I loved it, thanks for posting. I'm gonna have to save this somewhere

 

[⋚Raika⋚]

Nobody cares if it's real or not, but it's a fact that it is entertaining. xP

 

[Azonic]

/doesn't believe.

It's a good laugh tho.

 

[Suzume]

Uh, I think some people missed the point, I don't think the point of the post is to talk about what his grandad thinks, it's just what people who played RBY think and making fun of it XD

That's exactly what I thought, I felt weird when all these people were actually thinking his grandpa said that. Anyway, I think the post was great, and I had a good laught reading it. XD Thanks for sharing this with us~ :'D

 

[emoBill™]

But at least science was simpler in those days. Creatures evolved by leveling, stones, and trading! We didn't need to equip any new-fangled Kings Rock while leveling up at dusk while fighting a Goldeen at Cinnabar Island with a happiness level of 200 and spare Rare Candy in the inventory! That's ridiculous!

Ahahahaha, that was great.

I also doubt the vailidity of your post. However, it was incredibly entertaining. I was laughing a lot during this. So yeah, thanks for sharing it with us. I'd like to hear more of what your 'grandpa' says.

Especially since Pokemon didn't exist 'in his day', if no one noticed it yet. It's only been around since...what...1995?

He'd only be middle-aged, unless you have an extremely young grandfather.

 

[Lady Gaga]

But at least science was simpler in those days. Creatures evolved by leveling, stones, and trading! We didn't need to equip any new-fangled Kings Rock while leveling up at dusk while fighting a Goldeen at Cinnabar Island with a happiness level of 200 and spare Rare Candy in the inventory! That's ridiculous!

XD that was my favourite part! this is so well written, and i loled throughout the whole thing. you ahve one fiesty grandpa!!!

and lol i know what you mean. i was playing my yellow the other, and it was so magical, becaquse it was so simple, and so original.

 

[Kamakazai]

This is freaking awsome! A++

 

[The Scientist]

Requesting that this thread be stickied for all time.

 

[Vyro]

I never realised THIS would become popular!

 

[Amaranthine]

...








In my day we didn't make up stories to get people to like us. we just went off to the front line and shot some people for a reason which no-one really understood.

YOU LIE!

 

[Vyro]

^ Shut up...

Seriously go away....

I mean it....