What went wrong: Proofread it. Proofread, edit, fix typos, revise it for grammar and punctuation. It makes life SO much easier on your readers.
I also generally disagree with a repeating stanze, excepting songs. It tends to lose meaning after the first two repititions. It's something to consider, at the least.
Word choice as well, be a little more creative then generic terms to express love and devotion. There's not much here to interest a reader and after a while, it becomes very bland. Tying in with this slightly, use stronger imagery and metaphor. It engages the mind more than direct statements. I cannot stress that point enough. It helps avoid such direct bluntness that it loses its emotional impact upon the reader.
What went right: The emotion is heartfelt, at least, and there is value to be found in that.
How to make it better: Run it through Word for basic revisions. Work on others yourself. Tighten up the language through multiple and carefully considered edits. Definately work on utilizing poetic devices to make the poem less blunt. Finally, eliminate two of the three repeating stanzas.
Overall score: 4/10
