My Pokemon Journey

Cassie-chan

    • 2,078
    Posts
    21
    Years
    I forgot a disclamer. I probly don't own pokemon. The End.
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    I quickly woke up. After I got dressed, I ran to Professor Oak's lab. Professor Oak looked up as I ran through the front door. "Ready to get your first Pokemon?" he asked. "Yes," I said. "Well, which one would you like?" asked Professor Oak. I immediately picked up Charmander. When I returned home, my Mom was waiting for me. "Cassie, where did you go?" she asked. I explained that I had gone to Professor Oaks lab and picked out my Pokemon. "Okay," she said. "Can I start my Pokemon journey?" I asked. "After breakfast," she said. As soon as I had finished eating, I went upstairs and got my backpack that I had packed the night before. As I went out the door my Mom stopped me. "Take this," she said while handing me a PokeGear (it contains a map, a phone and a radio). "Allright," I said, "I'll call you when I get to the next town." I had gotten about half way up Route 1 when I was attacked by a Rattita. I called out my Pokemon and used tackle attack on it. Rattia used tackle,too. The two pokemon slamed into each other. Charmander used another tackle, making rattia faint.
    "Way to go Charmander!" I yelled. Charmander got excited and stared briving fire. It had grown a level and learned ember! I returned Charmander and walked on. "Hey, whatca doing?" I heard. I turned around and saw a guy holding something. I grabbed my pokeball and started to throw it when the guy said "Take it easy! I'm not a trainer. I work for the mart in the town over there." "So?" I asked. "I give free samples out." he said. "Here you go."
    He tossed me a potion. I put it in my bag and started to walk off. "Wait," he said. "What?" I said, annoyed.
    "Shop at the mart," he yelled.
    Up ahead was a city, Virdian City. I went to the pokemon center and called Mom while my pokemon was healing.
    "Hey Honey," I heard her say. "What did you see?" I told her about Charmander, and the "sample man"
    "I can't wait to see you agean, my pokemon trainer" she said.
    We told each other good bye, then I explored the city. I saw the gym with no leader and talked to some people. I soon went back to the pokemon center and went to sleep.


    ...I'll add more soon...
     
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    Ha Ha. No school today. So I can add to my story. No one will look at my story. :'( Please Look!
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    When I woke up, I ran to the mart to buy some potions and pokeballs. After that I headed to the Virdian Forest. That Forest was like a maze! I had just gotten in when I heard "Wanna battle?" "Yes!" I yelled. He sent out a Caterpie which I KO'd with my Charmander's Ember. I got in another battle,Bug catcher, ember, won. After those two battles, I won 100P in all, plus experence for Charmander. After I walked off for a while, I saw a wild Caterpie. I used my Charmander's tackle twice, then threw a pokeball.
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    ...I'll write more later...
     
    You migh want to slow down and be more discriptive, but Good job, can't wait for more.
    *coughreadminecough*
     
    ok I'll try to be more discriptive. P.S I'll read your story when I finish this post.
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    The pokeball wiggled, then stopped. "I caught a pokemon!" I yelled, hugging Charmander. It must not have liked that, because it used its ember on me. I returned it to its pokeball and scaned it with the pokedex. "Pokemon: Charmander. Level:six. Attacks: tackle, ember, growl," the pokedex said. As I walked on, I saw a hole in the bushes. When I looked through, I saw a trainer. I used a potion on my Caterpie and climbed through. Right away the trainer said "How did you find my training spot?" I explaned that I had seen the hole in the bushes. "Challage me so I can beat you" he taunted. "I'll battle you!" I yelled. He sent out two pokemon. "That's not fair," I yelled. "I never said I was fair," he yelled. "Team Rocket never was fair." "You're from Team Rocket?!?!" I yelled. "Yes... I mean No! No!" he stamered. "I'll beat you!" I screamed, sending out a pokeball with Charmander.
    The guy had sent a rattea and a zubat. I scaned it with the pokedex, and told it to track both pokemon. Ratta was L.7, 50 HP, Zubat L.7, 49 HP, Charmander L.6, 47 HP.
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    I'll type more soon
     
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    What can I say? Enjoy my story!
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    I quickly told my Charmander to use ember on the ratttea till it faneted. Rattea was being chased by Charmander, and Charmander being chased by Zubat. Zubat used tackle on Charmander. Rattaa got away when Charmander was hit by the Tackle, so it hit Charmander w/ tackle.
     
    By now my charmander's had only 22 HP. The rattia was at 10 HP, and Zubat wasn't hurt at all. Then I sent out caterpie (I had just remembered I had it). It was at L.7 and had 59 HP. It used it's string shot on Zubat, stopping it in it's tracks. Zubat hit the ground as caterpie tackled rattia. Charmander tackled Zubat hard. Rattia fainted from caterpie's repeded tackles, so it came over to help charmander tackle the Zubat till it fainted.
    The rocket frowned as Zubat fainted. "How dare you!!!" he screamed. "Charmander, use ember on that rocket," I said. The rocket flew out of sight as the ember hit him. "Good job. Return," I said returning them to there pokeballs.
     
    Well, you obviously know one reason why I'm here hehe...

    Anyway, your story's pretty good! I see your staying pretty true to the games. There are, however, a few things I would like to comment on.....

    1) Is it just me, or does all the lvling up and such seem a tad bit unnecessary? You can say that your pokemon learned a new attack, but make it so that it catches you by suprise in the story or something. You gotta have something to attract people's attention and show them that this isn't any old pokemon fan fiction, but an original and captivating story!

    2) You do need to slow it down a tad still. You have to make little comments about the surroundings and such that keep the reader's interest. Reading fan fiction about pokemon is a lot different then writing about it!

    3) You have to find a way to organize the story better. Try not to let conversation's inside the whole story. Give them space! They're one of the most important parts! You also need to try and give your character a little more personality and let her go on more adventures.

    The story is really good though! I like how you decided to start it out like that! I feel that you have some good plans in the future!
     
    Ok, thanks for the review *how will I forse more people to review* After this I won't follow the games as much
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    I set up the tent. After the battle, it was getting dark, so I was setting up camp. I had collected sticks for a fire. The tent fell on me while I was thinking. "Owwwww" I screamed. "Darn tent! Caterpie, use your string shot to hold this up." Caterpie came out from behind my backpack and did as I said. It then crolded(sp) back to what it was doing. Charmander came up and lit the fire. "Thanks." "Char Char"
    "Ok...tent...fire...oh! food. I need food!" I dug into my pack.
    An hour later we were full. I brought out a map. "Pewter City, the home of Brock, the famious breeder. Gary was the gem leader there," I said to my pokemon. I laughed as I thought of Gary, the trainer with an ego bigger than Kanto, as my friends used to joke. He had never made it to the pokemon lege. He insested he at least become a gem leader, and with his granpa's power, he did. But he was the weakest one.
    I was sleepey now, so I croled into the sleeping bag. My pokemon returned to thier pokeballs, and I put them close to the bag, just in case.
    In the middle of the night...

    James: we're gonna catch a pokemon!
    Jesse: Be quiet! Soon I'll get the promion I deserve.
    Meouth: And I'll be the bosses lap cat!
    James: But our plans never work...
    *Meouth and Jesse wack James*
    James: Owwww
     
    Hey, pretty good so far may i add also it would be cool to include double battles and all of the pokemon. Maybe not yet though since it takes place in Kanto!
    I'll look for updates!
     
    Now that I've thought about the story long enough, another update!

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    After I got dressed and packed everthing up, I walked of into the forest.
    "I would be nice if I had a map of this huge place...wait!" I reached into my backpack and grabed my pokegear. I tried dialing my mom's number, but I the trees must have been blocking the rescepion. I walked on. "Prepare for trouble!" a girls voise yelled. I kept on walking. I had heard about that team, so I wasn't gonna wait for what I had heard to be the worst evil team. And when I say worst, I mean that they were not good at stealing pokemon. "And make It double" They yelled.
    "Just keep on walking" I said to myself. Just then Jessie and James jumped in front of me. I just sent out my Charmander. "Charmander, use-" "Don't interrept our motto!" Jessie yelled. I sat down to wait through the rest of the old motto. "Now we're gonna steal the rest of your pokemon!" James yelled. "I don't understand why you want my pokemon." I said. " I only have a caterpie and a charmander"
    "You're lieing" said Jessie. "I saw you yesterday, battleing with rare pokemon" It wasn't me-I knew that. Unless Charmander was "rare." "Charmander, use your tackle attack!"
    Team Rocket sent out their pokemon.
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    Well, It's an update!
     
    Cool story so far! It would be nice if you included a few Jhoto Pokemon to spice it up a bit but except for that it is cool! Could you read my story please and comment? I did take the time to read yours and comment....
     
    Hey why don't you add some Hoenn or Johto Poke'mon.
    This story is good but it would be cool if you found a Deoxys or something in the sky like Ash saw a Ho-oh in the first episode of Poke'mon.
     
    I like your story as well! I like how you are starting in Kanto, since I am most familliar with R/B/Y! Some suggestions...don't take them personally though!

    Try to give your character more depth. I want to know how this girl ticks! Physical descriptions are also important. The cool part about fan fics is that you can focus on developing the character as much as possible, since everyone is at least somewhat familliar with the games. Make up crazy adventures! Have fun with it, and in creating your character.

    Also, setting the scene a little better may help overall. We all have a pretty good idea about how things look in the games and television show, but even a really small description like describing a flower can add great depth to the story, and also bring out characteristics in you character!

    Hope these suggestions help! Keep up the good work!

    Best wishes,

    Skye
     
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