Never again will I put my heart on the line

Snivi

Snivi

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    Never again will I put my heart on the line
    For you pulled it out and were so unkind
    I feel like a fool for trusting it with you
    Sorrow has overtaken it
    Pain is too much at times
    I feel as if love is the biggest joke
    Like I am falling and about to choke

    Never again will I put my heart on the line
    Being so naive and so blind
    I now know the real you
    I know you never cared
    Love is just a waste of my time
    I feel like I am now so empty inside
    I just want to curl up in the corner and hide

    Never again will I put my heart on the line
    I just hope someday soon I will be fine
    I shall move on but it just takes so much of my time
    Getting over you will be a good thing for sure
    But for now my heart is so sore
    I feel like a shell of what I once was
    But now I will try to forget what you caused
     
    Last edited:
    I like that poem, it reminds me of someone.
    I know that feeling
     
    Thanks Peach, glad you like it =3
     
    *hugs back* Thanks Amanda =3
     
    Thanks so much Stevo. Glad you liked it =3
     
    Glad you liked it =3
     
    Beautiful... ;.;

    Beautiful... just plain beautiful. *Huggles* I think this is the best poem I have ever read...:'(
     
    *hugs back* Thanks guys =3
     
    hey you posted this earlier, you must really like that poem :classic:
     
    I only posted this once. I have never posted it before. I wrote it the day this thread was started. I posted it on other forums, but I posted it here first.
     
    totodile said:
    Never again will I put my heart on the line
    For you pulled it out and were so unkind
    I feel like a fool for trusting it with you
    Sorrow has overtaken it
    Pain is too much at times
    I feel as if love is the biggest joke
    Like I am falling and about to choke

    Never again will I put my heart on the line
    Being so naive and so blind
    I now know the real you
    I know you never cared
    Love is just a waste of my time
    I feel like I am now so empty inside
    I just want to curl up in the corner and hide

    Never again will I put my heart on the line
    I just hope someday soon I will be fine
    I shall move on but it just takes so much of my time
    Getting over you will be a good thing for sure
    But for now my heart is so sore
    I feel like a shell of what I once was
    But now I will try to forget what you caused
    Click to expand...

    I'll try not to be over-critical here. The message of the poem is pretty clear but I find something wrong with this. The lines don't flow well with each other, your use of metaphors "I feel like a shell of what I once was" was uncalled for. You could've used something that relates more to how you got your heart broken and how you hope you'll recover. The lyrical form is a bit rusty. Poetry is a prose without a plot. Ehh, not everyone becomes a good poetry writer in one day. Keep working at it. ^^. -KLS
     
    Well most people like it and I was very emotional when I wrote it.
     
    totodile said:
    Well most people like it and I was very emotional when I wrote it.
    Click to expand...

    I'm not saying it's a bad poem, I'm just saying that it could use some if not alot of improvements. If you think you have what it takes to be a good poetry writer then you should really register in fictionpress.
     
    Awwwwwws, another awesome poem, yayness! ^o^ This poem fills the reader with sadness and rage in some parts. As though you've been betrayed and now it is revenge you'd seek. ^^;

    This poem sure has a lot of feeling poured into it, which is exactly what I like to see in writing. ^_~ I adore it when people just splash their feelings out on a page and don't even care how vigorous it may sound. ^____^

    Great work Angela, I <3 it. ^__^ *stamps the "Kelsey Seal of Approval" on Toto's poem* =3

    ~Kelsey
     
    Aww what a sweet review. =3

    Thanks Kelsey.
     
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