Try paragraphing. You have no idea how much it helps. ^_^; when using dialogues or moving onto something entirely different, it's best to use paragraph form or else I honestly get lost in there. XD The plotline in the beginning was rather interesting, and quite new..especially the last sentence of the first paragraph. Ooh...scary movie scene.
Latoshi's emotions and feelings you described were quite intriguing, as murder for fun isn't the most original thing I read, but it depends on how you write it. Like I said before, try paragraphing when a new subject arises. I like how you described the murder, like the last paragraph. Oh, this is like a scary movie but in Pokemon style. XD But still, only main thing I suggest are the paragraphs.
Other than that, nice job. ^_^
