Opinion on storyline

[Flygonia]

Hey guys,

I've decided which name my fangame is going to get. Pokemon Eminence. Now the next thing. I need your opinion on the basic storyline I wrote. Do you like it or dislike? Tell me! Want something added to the storyline? Tell me! Here is the storyline:

You start off in the Monar Region as a grown up man or woman. You wake up in your one room house in Splitstone Town/ and you see a letter laying on the floor. It is a letter from the professor, Professor Redwood. He wrote that his boss refused him to go on an adventure to investigate more Pokemon and he should stay inside. He asks you and your neighbour, Paul, to go on an adventure for him and collect data for his research. You happily take the opportunity to be a professional Pokemon Trainer. You and Paul go to the professor's lab and obtain your starter. You can choose any starter, from Gen 1 to Gen 5. When you choose your starter, you finally can your start your adventure of dreaming for 28 years of being a professional Pokemon Trainer. You'll need to collect 10(will maybe decrease to 8) gym badges to be able to enter the Pokemon League. On your adventure, you'll come across some weird criminal activities with the local maffia, Team Agony, who tries to rule all over Monar and will execute everyone who tries to stop them. After a while, Team Agony kidnapped your friend Paul and a gym leader. Save them, disband Team Agony and become the Champion!

So please give your opinion!

 

[Heartbreak_1_]

hmmm, I think it's definitely got some potential, however as one who isn't into the whole killing in Pokemon that's my only thing I'm saying no to, but otherwise, I do like the take its an adult and not a kid going on an adventure and everything.

 

[Panamanian]

Replace:

Monar Region with Kanto Region
Splitstone Town with Pallet Town
Paul with Blue
Professor Redwood with Professor Oak
Team Agony with Team Rocket

And it's basically the exact same game as fire red.

Only difference is your rival and a gym leader being kidnapped and you getting a letter instead of venturing out.

You got to spice up the story a bit, its too similar to the normal games. If that's your thing though then all good.

Some recommendations:

1. Create legitimate bad blood between the rival and player.

For example, the player accidently killed the rival's younger brother when the player was playing with him by a river with heavy currents. The rival deeply resents the player for this.

2. Introduce a love triangle

The player sincerely loves a girl, but the girl doesn't love him back. She's rich and elite. She thinks he's nice, but not boyfriend material. She however, falls all over another NPC, maybe a gym leader.

3. Create a real motivation for evil teams actions

Maybe the leader of the evil team's family grew up starving and extremely poor. Maybe his mother died of hunger just so he could be fed. He vows that he'll become someome whose family has all the food and riches in life. That's how he starts his life of robberies, kidnappings, and large heists.

5. Create a real motivation for the player character

Maybe the player character's dad was once a great pokemon trainer, but he failed the elite four and could never become champion. You want to become a champion, not just for yourself, but to make your dad proud as well.

 

[Dark Necroninja]

Definitely has a lot of potential. But replace the 1-5 gen starters to 1-6 if you can. And Team Agony doesn't seem evil enough. Probably a new Team name. But all in all a great story.😊

 

[koolaidpack1]

This is pretty good and i cant wait for the game