Pikabowser Attempts Poetry

[Pikabowser123]

Hello. This will my first post in this thread. I think I'll kick things off with 5 Haikus and one Acrostic poem. Hope you enjoy them :3

Poems #1-5 Haikus

Spoiler:

At the starlit night
Waitng in darkness's end
Haunter waits to scare

Moults from Nicada
Now what was one is two
Ninjask, Shedninja

Klink, Steel Pokemon
A perpetual motion
Eternally spins

A Pachirisu
Running in the autumn leaves
Gets food for winter

Skarmory flying
Thrusting through the heavy wind
Shines in the sunlight

Poem #6 Acrostic

Spoiler:

Wind flowing in the tuff of cotton
Happily blown away with every gust
Ivory coloured fur, as if it was snow
Making pranks along the way
Soft Plume almost like a Pillow
Ice buffets the poor Pokémon
Climbs into a cave to avoid it
Over a long period, the ice storm subsided
Takes one last look at the place it was in
To the winds it soars, to a place unknown

 

[bobandbill]

Deleted your duplicate thread for you.

Anyways, these haikus are alright imo. I like the Haunter one the best, as it seemed to get its nature within the haiku pretty nicely, and after that the one of Pachirisu. I feel that 'evolves' sounds a bit off in the Ninjask/Shedninja haiku, and the middle link of skarmory's sounds a bit odd with the 'Though,' part - the comma somewhat unsettles it imo.

As for the acrostic I quite liked the tale within the 2nd half - it wasn't just about it but how it hid from a storm, and I liked the last couple of lines in particular.

Ivory coloured fur, As if it was snow

'As' doesn't need to be capitalised there.

Wind flowing in the tuff of cotton
(...)
Soft tuff of cotton almost a Pillow

'tuff of cotton' twice is too repetitive imo, so I'd look to change one of those. I don't think pillow should be capitalised either, personally.

Over long period, the ice storm subsided

Maybe 'Over a long period'?

But these were good all in all - I look forward to seeing other Pokemon poems from you. =)

 

[Pikabowser123]

1a.) Yes I know That well "evolves" was the wrong word for it. It did bother me for a bit, but if I were to put "Two bug types", it would sound strange as well

1b.) The Skarmory haiku was the strangest one for me as well I didn't know what what to put for the second line so I tried that I guess it didn't work

2a.) It's a force of habit that I capitalize words that don't need to be capitalized. I'm trying to fix that

2b.) Ya.... I seen that now. Too many "tuffs of cotton".

2c.) Should of added the "a". I was in a middle of a gym battle while doing that part

Other than that Thank you. I'll Just Edit a few things and start on my second set. Same thing as before: 5 Haikus and another Acrostic just to practice and get ready to write a free-verse.

 

[bobandbill]

You're welcome. =)

As for 1a), maybe something like 'Two new forms'? Or maybe a complte reword, like say 'Both different and unique' or something along those lines. Up to you though.

 

[Pikabowser123]

Here is part two of my poems

Poems: #Haiku 7-12

Spoiler:

Silent in the grass
Elegant and dangerous
Persian stalks its prey

Shuppet roams the streets
Cries of anguish in its wake
Disappears at dawn

The Murkrow gather
A summoner of the night
Honchkrow leads the flock

Followed by Pawniard
The strategists of battle
Bisharp's final strike

Pokemon through time
Six hundred and forty nine
So ever expanding

Poem 13# Acrostic

Spoiler:

Covered in leagues of sand
Ominous winds have blow in the ruins
Forcing a mask to be left behind
And sarcophagus to be released upon the world
Gold, one of its favourite delicacies
Rumoured to also eat unsuspecting humans
Instantly turning them into lifeless husks
Groaning, as they become slaves to the demon
Using them from their own devilish purposes and
Smiling, as if to exclaim its victory on the foolish

I think I need to rework my thinking in these poems. Well, at least the last poem set was fixed up. Enjoy!