Poetic Whimsicott

[PartiallyInsaneWhimsicott]

I'm very modest, just to begin with that. This is my Poetry thread, and here will be where all my poems go. I'll link to my posts so that you don' have to flip through the others.
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1. I Am--This Post
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Well, here's my first poem. I wrote it for Language Arts, and it's either a poem or a short story every week, so. My teacher loved it and I got an A (well, B+--'twas late), but that's just her. I'm looking forward to hear what you think.
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I Am

I am the wind in your ear
I am the touch of the falling snow
I am the stark whiteness all around
I am the burn of oak and pine far away.

I see the tears in your eyes
I see the looks she gives you
I see the heart in you beating for him
I see the despair to which you have fallen.

I hear the way you weep at night
I hear the screams thrown at your parents
I hear the things that are whispered in your ear
I hear the insults hurled at you from all the world's mouths.

I feel the pain inside you
I feel the grief tearing at your soul
I feel the envy you have for the material things
I feel the unwanted caress and the fear that it causes.

I say the things that comfort you
I list the ways so many things scare you
I sing the song that lulls you to sleep at night
I scream the words that you're afraid to say yourself.

I am the thing that you love most
I am the beautiful songs in your ears
I am the things you say to express yourself
I am the wondrous sights that give your eyes purpose.

I am everything.

I am you.
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I'll let you decide the meaning...

 

[TJgamer]

What an awesome poem! I'm not just saying that. I mean it. This is a very good poem.
The patterns, the words used, the concept, everything.
Also the way how each line in each stanza is longer than the previous one is good too.
All the lines make good sense too. Except for one:

"I list the ways so many things scare you"

I get the idea of what it's saying, but, it seems to have improper grammar. You should probably check that out.
But all aside that, you did a marvelous job! If I were your teacher, I'd definitely give this an "A".
Good job!

 

[PartiallyInsaneWhimsicott]

All the lines make good sense too. Except for one:

"I list the ways so many things scare you"

I get the idea of what it's saying, but, it seems to have improper grammar. You should probably check that out.

Ah. I'll check that out. Thanks.

Thank you for such positive feedback! You just made my day. :3

 

[TJgamer]

You're very welcome.
I hope you write more poetry soon. You're pretty good at this. :cer_smile:

 

[PartiallyInsaneWhimsicott]

Thanks! Here's another one I pumped out for this site only--kind of weird when you're writing for something--'t's not really poetry if you're writing it for a purpose, but, whatever.
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TimeWeavers

People say time is like a
thread, laying out
in one way
continuously, everlastingly in a
line, but what people
don't realize is that
when they
spend time happily,
in ways only
family can make you,
making hilarious
mistakes and doing the
funniest things,
they pick up that
thread
and bend it and
move it
and make it so that
when they're done,
time is like not a
thread, but
a ball of yarn.
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So? What'd you think? For those of you that don't know or want to know right away what I think it to mean...

Spoiler:

I think that people say time is like a thread, straight an linear, but they themselves want the moments that are the happiest to them to be the closest, and they make time not a line, but a sphere, with the closest moments the ones they want to revisit and enjoy.

 

[TJgamer]

I admit that I didn't really get the poem's meaning until reading the spoiler. And yeah, it makes pretty good sense.
We always want to relive our happy moments. Sadly, our time goes in one direction. And we need to make the most out of it.
As for the poem itself, it's a bit hard to follow. Nearly all phrases are cut off in an awkward way and move on in the next line. I don't know if that was intentional or not.
But aside that, the concept is pretty fantastic. I like it's message.
Keep it up!

 

[Erufuun]

Oh wow, such a very poetic Whimsicott~ <3
Don't mind me, just dropping by and saying how wonderful you are! Keep up the good work! c: