[Nonfiction] [Pokémon-themed Essay] Peer Review

[c-kazuma-n]

Edit: Thank you very much for letting me post my dumb essay and especially thank you, once more, illumine for taking time to review and comment on it, in addition to giving me advice and suggestions.

I didn't want to bump the thread up and make a consecutive post, but anyway a mod can lock this thread now as my final draft will be due tomorrow, again thank you very much.

Okay, so first I'd like to thank you for taking time to come into my thread, and I apologize if I'm disrupting the flow of the Fanfiction and Writing Forum, if this needs to be moved or deleted I'll understand.

Also, just a head's up, but I will be using comments in this thread as well as the Google Drive for my peer review, so if you don't want your username to be used please don't post in the thread, but you could write your name as "Anonymous" or whatever in the Google Drive if you want to make suggestions.

Basically, as the title states, I wrote an essay and would like some peer review on it. It's a compare and contrast essay, in which I'm comparing Red and Ash, however it goes beyond just listing the similarities and differences of the two, being that there is a slant to it.

Stance doesn't really matter, as I can choose to favor one of them or even remain neutral; I tried to remain neutral, but if you believe that I favored Ash more, which I think I may have done, then that's fine, although if you feel I could tweak my stance a little bit I'd be open to that.

My thesis of the essay is: "Fans of Pokémon have put Red on a pedestal because of their childhood view of heroism, in addition to that they are him, while only seeing the faults in Ash because he does not reflect their view on heroism".

I know how that sounds, but please don't take it too personally. The essay's content is to convince an audience in a hypothetical scenario, but if a heated argument does arise from this, I sincerely apologize in advance and I would not blame a mod if they decide to delete the thread entirely. I do realize that one of the rules is to be respectful towards each other, but I just wanted to be safe.

My basis comes from pretty much browsing through the internet, as I've seen this kind of discussion many times around other forums. What sparked it was that I remembered seeing a picture comparing Red and Ash starting with that Red is the "ultimate trainer" and Ash being "mediocre". I' am aware all of this is old stuff and there's a bunch of other pictures like that taking Ash's side, however as mentioned, this is essay is made to make a convincing argument in a hypothetical scenario.

Also, keep in mind I may have omitted some details, mostly because the paper has to be 4 page maximum, Orange Islands and the Movies, for example. Orange Islands is...well, I mostly felt that it wasn't really a "League", although it was a great accomplishment in Ash's life, I don't really consider it as much of an impact as participating in an actual League. As for the movies, well I'm not really sure on their stance on canon, however if you feel that I should mention them feel free to give me some advice on it.

For peer responses I'm mostly interested in the content and structure of the essay. What I mean by this is:

Do I have enough evidence to support my claim? Is the essay clear enough? Does it flow well? Things like that, of course you're free to correct grammar and spelling errors you find(I'm sure there's a bunch of them in there), but I just wanted to stress I'm more concerned with the content and structure; I'm also not too big on the title either, I realize it's kind of dumb, but I really have no idea what to call it. Anyway, again thank you for your time and any contribution that you can make.

Oh, and also I realize that it's 5 pages in Google Drive, I think it's because of the header pages, but it is 4 pages in Microsoft Word. And, while I don't see anything in the rules of the Pokécommunity in general or the Fanfiction and Writing rules, but I hope posting the link to the Google Drive is fine, as I'd like to use it because people can add in suggestions of their own on the essay itself, and I feel that'd be better than having me post my essay in the OP and people giving me suggestions via replying, but that does not necessarily mean I don't want you replying in this thread either (unless you don't want your username to be used, of course), I just wanted to make things easier for the process.

My dumb essay

Also, here's the outline if it's needed.

 

[illumine]

Firstly, thanks for posting the essay and outline. Good luck, as that goes. I won't generally highlight the occasional typos and such, which there aren't that many of. Anyway.

My thesis of the essay is: "Fans of Pokémon have put Red on a pedestal because of their childhood view of heroism, in addition to that they are him, while only seeing the faults in Ash because he does not reflect their view on heroism".

This might seem to take too much for granted when it comes to the fans of Pokémon, when the essay is generally written to examine the two characters. In addition, it sounds like it would only apply to a fairly marginal part of the fans, but in any case there doesn't seem to be that much behind it. Perhaps something like, 'While fans of Pokémon may' (the specific word 'may' here is always optional) 'prefer/pedestalise Red due to his reflecting views of heroism, as well as being identified with them, while only seeing faults in Ash compared to this form of heroism, this may distort their actual relation,' might improve it, without changing the content too much.

Orange Islands is...well, I mostly felt that it wasn't really a "League", although it was a great accomplishment in Ash's life, I don't really consider it as much of an impact as participating in an actual League. As for the movies, well I'm not really sure on their stance on canon, however if you feel that I should mention them feel free to give me some advice on it.

Orange Islands was not a league, and was quite disorganised and spur of the moment, but in general would be classified as part of the sequence where Ash gets to win some of the less important tournaments while being excluded from the important ones. That they seem to go along with this might be a factor in fans disliking them - for any ambition they might seem to show, and were supposed to represent, they consistently seem contented with either being mediocre or losing to people worse than them, often for spurious reasons.

With Ash, it is much different in contrast where he is much more active and engaging to both Pokémon and people alike, forging strong friendships, growing bonds, and rivalries throughout his journey.

'It is much different' and 'in contrast' seem slightly redundant here, 'With Ash it is quite different, as...' would work out. Now, however, this might also be a point worth noting, that while Red interacts primarily with the important aspects of the world around them and seeks to become a Pokémon Master, Ash is generally far more localised and related primarily to a few people who accompany him as friends, and in that sense you could say that Ash's goal of being a 'Pokémon Master' is merely derivative of Red, who gives this goal a concrete meaning for the players, where otherwise it's just a phrase. In that sense, in being introduced to a new world with strange creatures, the character who better reflects this and interacts with it might expect more favour, ultimately.

It might also be worth mentioning Red's re-appearance in G/S/C, speaking in ellipses to the even more alone protagonist, in a somewhat sparse Johto, as well as to distinguish them from the anime and manga characters who borrow the name.

Blue acts as a speed bump in your journey of the game, appearing when you least expect it

'Appearing in unexpected places' might be more formal.

Ash, unfortunately, loses due to extreme circumstances and takes the loss badly

This circumstance was a Pokemon being disobedient, and in what some might say was a slightly snarky way - it knew that it could win, but it did not care that Ash did. Ash had already had one Pokémon ruled out due to being put asleep, which in game terms would be a strange way to end a battle, and some reference to this might also be implicit. In this sense, it does seem relevant to their relation to Pokémon.

This negative outlook might stem from playing the games during childhood and living out as their own hero, through Red.

You should perhaps take care to distinguish 'Red,' in terms of their abstract traits, from the character as played by people. In this, just about anyone playing Red would probably come across as more likeable than Ash, who in this context was also a publicity mechanic. That said, people playing Pokémon might not have seen it as 'heroic,' per se, while being usually chided to stop playing it as much, or hearing about how it's Satanic, or disliked by girls, etc., but no doubt their ideals might have come into how they played it. While Red had this openness to expressing various ideals, Ash doesn't really express any enduring ones, or certainly fundamental ones, rather mostly just reacting to or pleasing people.

Could Ash want to be a Master of understanding Pokémon, to share dreams and grow bonds instead of being an ultimate trainer?

Pokémon Master in the anime is generally quite clearly connected to being a trainer. Such other roles have other names, which are filled by trainers like Brock. You could argue that this is in part to keep Ash on the path of a Pokémon trainer, rather than being derailed, as might easily occur in their case, by other such processes. You might say as the essay goes, however, that Red is merely an amalgam of events and activities, such as beating Gyms, without the content or direction that might give sense to the quest for Pokémon Mastery.

It also might be how the game presents interactions with Pokémon, just shown as things used to pursue your goal

To be fair, as your 'goal' is ultimately a Pokemon, that might be a bit ambiguous. The game doesn't necessarily present them in terms of 'HM Slaves,' etc., and you could say that that is more a question of people fobbing off an annoying feature of the game, than necessarily something that the game approves of. Likewise, storage is something that Ash also uses. It's true that the game doesn't usually encourage a particular relation to your Pokémon, however, and is in general a lot colder than an anime which was generally used for promotion of the series and such. It is valid, as you note, to note that the game does focus a lot more on battling and such and hence is colder, while the anime tends to value things mostly at odds with this, and hence seems to be reaching to something different, but nonetheless it must be noted that Ash's goal and purpose thus far has always been related to training and battling, however tenuously, and as such as a protagonist they may well be distracting and oblivious. That said, that the reclusive Red does end, hypothetically, by catching a reclusive, powerful Pokémon, does perhaps show a certain level of bonding with the creatures.

 

[c-kazuma-n]

Ah, sorry if this is too big, but I should not have assumed everyone might know how to use Google Doc's suggestion/editing, sorry about that!

c-kazuma-n
Professor R
ENG 100
February 25, 2016

To be a Pokémon Master​

As children, we perceive things differently and hold certain ideals close to heart, in some cases even following to later years. One such influence is the concept of idols or heroes, where they look up to them, with others wanting to be them. A hero can be anyone; a real person or even a fictional one; two persons that have influenced children, especially in the late 90s, is Red from the video game Pokémon Red & Blue and Ash Ketchum from the animated series, or anime for short, simply called Pokémon.

Pokémon the anime debuted first on September 8th, 1998 in the United States, captivating the young minds of many children, teens, and even adults with the presentation of these strange, but wonderfully, lovable creatures; while traveling along with the ten year-old Ash Ketchum in his journey to become a Pokémon Master. Later, on the 28th, Pokémon Red & Blue released, further enrapturing audiences familiar to the anime. The game introduces you as a eleven year-old child, where you could either choose a name from a default set or inputting a custom one, however most, I assume, went by "Ash" due to the anime coming out first or "Red", as that is the first default name you can choose, where you are sent off to begin shaping your very own journey in the Pokémon world.

Ash and Red both share similarities in their appearances, however Ash is actually modeled after Red, as while the anime did come before the game in the U.S., in Japan the game came out one year before the anime. Both Red and Ash wear a baseball cap, a black T-shirt, jeans, sneakers, and lastly a backpack. Their differences, though come from visual and color differences, for example Red's jacket is red and white, with two pouch pockets on the front of the jacket, while Ash's is blue, white, and yellow with normal side pockets; in addition, Ash wears green finger-less gloves, while Red does not.

Characteristically, they differ as Red is supposed to represent the player, being a "silent protagonist", in which the non-player characters, or NPCs, only act and react to Red as if having a one-sided conversation, and when there is a choice in engaging in the conversation it usually consists of a simple "Yes" or "No" answer. With Ash, it is much different in contrast where he is much more active and engaging to both Pokémon and people alike, forging strong friendships, growing bonds, and rivalries throughout his journey. It is also important to note that Ash usually travels with at least two other people, where we watch as their bonds grow throughout the show, but in the game Red is completely on his own with only himself to rely upon.

As mentioned Red's interactions are fairly one-sided and takes a "spoken only when spoken to" approach, except for certain situations where an NPC speaks to Red first. One of these NPCs is Red's rival, Blue. Confusingly, because the way the two games are named this can change, as Red's default name switches to Blue and Blue switches to Red, however canonically he is referred as Blue. Blue acts as a speed bump in your journey of the game, appearing when you least expect it and always being one step ahead of you, usually either having more Pokémon than you and/or are higher leveled, he also comes across very snarky and smart-aleck, and at the end he becomes the League Champion where you then face him to claim the title for yourself.

Ash differs with his interactions where he plays a more active role, especially when it comes to his Pokémon. For example, in the first episode of the anime where he meets Pikachu, they did not get along, with Pikachu refusing to obey as well as not getting in his Pokéball. Undeterred, Ash offered to understand Pikachu than forcing him to obey, but this didn't work out and it wasn't until they both risked their lives for each other where they finally became friends. Another case would be when he released his Primeape, and even though it was one of his strongest Pokémon he chose to let Primeape go so it could pursue its dreams. Lastly, was when Ash faced Lt. Surge, a gym leader, and was teased over using Pikachu, then beaten by Surge's evolved Pikachu, Raichu. In mock-sympathy, Surge offered Ash a Thunder Stone to evolve Pikachu, as he believed in strength through evolution. Ash did consider it at first, but let Pikachu decide on the decision, determined to show his own strength and proved it after beating Raichu, as while it was stronger and larger than him, it was not quick enough, as well as being unable to learn moves Pikachu could, which he used against Raichu to win.

Seemingly, both Red and Ash share the same goal, in the games Red's goal is to become the League Champion. With Ash, his goal is to become a Pokémon Master and like Red, Ash collects all eight badges and then enters into the Pokémon League, however the League differs in the anime, with trainers battling in a tournament, with the winner qualifying to challenge the Elite Four and Champion. Ash, unfortunately, loses due to extreme circumstances and takes the loss badly, but later better understands the experience using it to further strengthen his resolve. During their journeys they come across an evil group that steals and sells Pokémon called Team Rocket. Red was able to tackle the entire group and even forced them to disband, however in the anime Team Rocket takes a lesser role centering around stealing Ash's Pikachu because of seeing his strength first hand, however even when they do capture him they never succeed through.

The fans of Pokémon have been favorable towards Red over his feats, combined with that they are him, further cementing in the games, as he becomes the strongest trainer they've ever faced, where in Pokémon Gold & Silver, a sequel to Red & Blue, you're able to face Red himself, secluded inside of mountain, filled with strong wild Pokémon. He's regarded so much the theme that plays, which is actually the Champion's theme of the game, is referred to as Red's theme. Ash differs where fans find only the faults in him, with arguments such as, never being able to beat Team Rocket, releasing his Pokémon, and generally being quite dim.

This negative outlook might stem from playing the games during childhood and living out as their own hero, through Red. It also might be how the game presents interactions with Pokémon, just shown as things used to pursue your goal, in fact there is a widely used term for a certain role, "HM Slave", which is a Pokémon that's forced to learn certain moves you need to progress, and another example is the PC storage system, "Purgatory", as that's where captured, unwanted Pokémon goes. In Ash, they only see a kid who'll never become strong, acting like a hero that will never be; this also likely comes from the frustrations of the writers where Ash cannot win a League or the series would be over, but with all Ash has done with his Pokémon, is this his real goal? Ash's goal is to be a Pokémon Master, what is a Pokémon Master? Is it to be the greatest trainer? Or is it something else? It's said in the theme song "I want to be the very best!", the very best what? Could Ash want to be a Master of understanding Pokémon, to share dreams and grow bonds instead of being an ultimate trainer? Maybe this is why in Pokémon X & Y they went in favor for a deeper story, this might be why we we're also able to closely bond with our Pokémon, because while there was a "Happiness" system we weren't able to interact with them as directly as in X & Y, being able to pet, feed, and play with them. It's difficult to define a hero in someone else's view or even that of defining a Pokémon Master.

 

[c-kazuma-n]

Wow, jeez I knew my essay was messy, but hoo boy. Thank you very much for giving me your time to review me essay and your suggestions, comments, and advice!

This might seem to take too much for granted when it comes to the fans of Pokémon, when the essay is generally written to examine the two characters.

Yeah....I wasn't really too found of the thesis, but I had to make one on the spot and that's literally the only one I could think of. I know that's a very weak excuse, especially since I'm in college I should be more broader minded, but thank you for the suggestion.

Orange Islands

Hmm, well putting it that way, maybe I should add that about Orange Islands, I might have to cut out some things, maybe their appearances?

It might also be worth mentioning Red's re-appearance in G/S/C, speaking in ellipses to the even more alone protagonist, in a somewhat sparse Johto, as well as to distinguish them from the anime and manga characters who borrow the name.

I actually had that thought yesterday, in hindsight, about that.

'Appearing in unexpected places' might be more formal.

Ugh, it's also too wordy, and my Professor talked to me about that, thanks.

This circumstance was a Pokemon being disobedient, and in what some might say was a slightly snarky way - it knew that it could win, but it did not care that Ash did.

Right, I didn't expand on it because I was trying to keep it to 4 pages and I felt I didn't need to go into detail about it, as I was more focused on its affects on Ash.

While Red had this openness to expressing various ideals, Ash doesn't really express any enduring ones, or certainly fundamental ones, rather mostly just reacting to or pleasing people.

Well, I feel that it's more on that Red doesn't have much choice in the matter, since he's presented as not having many choices and confined to the 'right ones', like how some people wanting to join Team Rocket on the Gold Nugget bridge or that you're pretty much forced to take on Team Rocket in Sliph Co. to progress through the game, thus creating this heroic outlook.

Pokémon Master in the anime is generally quite clearly connected to being a trainer. Such other roles have other names, which are filled by trainers like Brock. You could argue that this is in part to keep Ash on the path of a Pokémon trainer, rather than being derailed, as might easily occur in their case, by other such processes. You might say as the essay goes, however, that Red is merely an amalgam of events and activities, such as beating Gyms, without the content or direction that might give sense to the quest for Pokémon Mastery.

I felt that Pokémon Master just wasn't really defined well, true it's connected to being a trainer, but it wasn't really expanded upon in detail, since Champion is obviously the best trainer in the region, Breeder is well a Breeder, and Coordinator is a trainer that prioritizes in Contests. My thoughts at first was that 'Pokémon Master' might have been the original goal set by Professor Oak in the games of catching all 150 Pokémon, but Ash never showed this, as while the tagline of the original series is to catch them all, and I think Ash says it like a couple of times...actually does he say it at all? I can't even remember, but he doesn't make much effort to catch all of them, although he does make an effort if he's interested in certain ones, however most of the time when he does catch one, the Pokémon itself chooses to join him or has a battle with him first to determine Ash's strength before being caught.

I do like the part of it being something to keep Ash on track, though.

To be fair, as your 'goal' is ultimately a Pokemon, that might be a bit ambiguous.

Well, true, but generally that is pretty much your goal, since the collection of 8 badges and becoming Champion would be more appealing than the goal of Professor Oak tasking you to collect all 150 Pokémon, and becoming Champion is the only way to technically 'end' the game.

'HM Slaves,' etc.

True, I could do that, but I also felt this presented players taking the quick way out by showing...ugh I can't think of the word, but showing an uncaring attitude towards the Pokémon by giving them HM moves, since generally, I believe, HM moves are not as effective than TMs or naturally learned moves and are often suggested against using them on your main team. For the storage, though I think I'm at least justified in that, as the game treats storage as well, storage, you never get any indication of the Pokémon's status and I think even Bill mentions they just become data in cyberspace, while in the anime they're seen staying in Professor Oak's lab, completely happy. There's also the feature of that you can release Pokémon back into the wild from the storage system...maybe I should make note of that as well.

but nonetheless it must be noted that Ash's goal and purpose thus far has always been related to training and battling, however tenuously, and as such as a protagonist they may well be distracting and oblivious.

Hmm, well I was focused more on his interactions with his Pokémon, as while true, training and battling is a majority of what goes on in his mind, he always asks his Pokémon first if they're ready to train or battle. There's even cases where he's about to choose a Pokémon to battle when another one comes out of its ball, wanting to take the place of the one Ash was about to choose. That Pokémon usually asks to take over or shows its determination in wanting to win in that specfic fight, which Ash usually (or I think always?) allows them to follow through even if they may lose or at a type-advantage.....actually maybe I should make note of that.

That said, that the reclusive Red does end, hypothetically, by catching a reclusive, powerful Pokémon, does perhaps show a certain level of bonding with the creatures.

Another thing I was hit in hindsight. I assumed, that Red went up into Mt. Silver to train, bringing his Pokémon and being determined to be the strongest trainer out there he pitted them against high level Pokémon without any say in the matter, but then I remembered that episode where Ash and his Pokémon were trapped in an icy cave and they all chose to stay out with him, facing the possibility of freezing to death than staying in the safety of their balls. It could be the same case with Red's Pokémon, where they share in that need to being the strongest and the only way to do that is to fight the high-leveled Pokémon in Mt. Silver.

Jeez, this was a long reply, but thank you very much again for taking time to read and review my essay, as well as your suggestions and comments!