Pokemon: A New Era

[EricDaRed]

"What's the status of your group?" One man, dressed in a while lab coat and holding a clipboard asked another similarly dressed man as they stood outside a large glass-enclosed pen with twelve charmander sleeping, milling about, and playing inside.

"The charmander have all reached level fourteen, so we're about a week ahead of schedule... with one exception," The second man explained.

"Exception?" The supervisor's eyes narrowed. He didn't like exceptions; they were bad for business.

"That smaller one in the corner is only at level nine," the man said as he pointed the weaker charmander out through the glass, then he added, "and his flame is about twelve degrees cooler than the others."

"We can't afford to feed and raise sub-quality pokemon. Remove him immediately," The supervisor ordered cooly. He made a small mark on his clipboard and began to walk away.

"Yes sir," The second man answered as he gazed at the small charmander. Even though he knew the small creature was soon going to be put to sleep, he felt no pity for it.
​

Pokemon: A New Era

Chapter I
​

Luke Granes draped his fingers lightly on the links of a rusty chain-link fence as a gust of wind pushed past the fence, tossing the fourteen-year-old's reddish blonde hair to and fro. His dark brown eyes were fixed squarely forward, as were the eyes of several other students who had gathered on this side of the fence.

On the other side of the fence, just outside school grounds, too older boys stood facing each other in the middle of the street, with about thirty feet between them. No one was watching the boys, however, they were watching the two brawling pokemon between them.

"Pidgeotto, keep gusting!" One trainer called, encouraging the flying pokemon to continue his windy assault.

The other pokemon, a hefty quagsire, used his water gun attack, but the incoming wind pushed the water back, causing a misty spray to waft over the quagsire and his trainer. The quagsire smirked goofily at this, but his trainer was decidedly less amused.

"Quagsire, what are you doing!? This is a new shirt!" The trainer complained, tossing his arms outward in a mini-tantrum. He added in a spat, "I knew I should have asked dad for a Riachu!"

The crowd of on looking students laughed, including Luke, but there laughter was cut-short when a white and blue car rounded the corner at the end of the block and began to approach the trainers. The familiar PTPD logo of the Pallet Town Police Department was clearly visible on the side of the vehicle.

"Uh oh, they're in tru-bull," One of the spectating students remarked with a satisfied grin.

"Dude, I'm outta here!" The quagsire trainer said as he withdrew his pokemon back inside its pokeball. Even before the pokeball completely closed, the trainer was bolting toward the fence. The other trainer followed suit, withdrawing his pokemon and running down the sidewalk in the opposite direction of the patrol car.

The police car's flashing lights began to strobe as it accelerated in pursuit of the second trainer.

The quagsire trainer scrambled up the fence, hurling himself over the top and landing awkwardly on the ground near the crowd of gawking students. As he landed, a small punch fell from his coat pocket without his notice. After regaining his balance he began sprinting again, heading toward the other side of campus.

The show being over, the crowd of students began to disperse.

Luke paused before leaving, though, to bend down and inspect the pouch dropped by the fleeing pokemon. It was a metallic silver color, with a white label that read ''Poke'farms Premium Poke'pellets: extra moist cinnamon muffin flavor'. Luke picked up the pouch and put into the back pouch of his backpack, imagining he would give it to his neighbor who had a pet snubbul.

Luke slung his backpack over his shoulder and began his walk home. Luke lived a couple miles from school and he normally rode his bike home; however, the chain on his bicycle was broken at the moment, so he had to walk.

Luke didn't mind walking, though, because he could take a shortcut through a small patch of forest that bordered the south side of his neighborhood. Sometimes he would catch sight of forest pokemon like spearow, pidgey, and weedle, and he enjoyed seeing them. They never let him get close though, always running away as soon as they saw him. He never knew why. From his somewhat naive point of view, the pokemon shouldn't have any reason to be afraid of him.

Sometimes Luke wished he could have a pet pokemon, like his neighbor. His parents never let him though, explaining that indoor pokemon are too destructive on the home and that their homeowners' covenants prohibited outside pets.

Luke entered the small forest, still daydreaming about having a pet, and headed north between the trees. He scanned the branches as he went, but didn't spot any of the usual flying types. As he was looking up, he heard a 'sploosh' and felt his foot suddenly become damp and cold. He looked down to see that he has stepped in a puddle. He jerked his foot up and shook it in discomfort, he grumbled "Aww, man. Mom's gonna kill me."

Then he took a closer look around. There were many puddles, and even some of the tree branches were dripping wet. 'There hasn't been any rain all month, were did all of this water come from?' he wondered.

He soon got his answer. He spotted a small pidgey laying on its side on the ground. It's feathers were ruffled and soaked with water. He ran to its side a bent down, but as soon as he touched the bird its eyes shot open and it flew quickly into the air, its flight path noticeably wobbly.

From the right, a burst of water suddenly came crashing through the foliage. Luke spun around to see that a quagsire had fired the blast. Behind the round blue pokemon was the same trainer Luke saw fleeing the police an hour earlier. The trainer ordered, "After him you slowpoke, you're missing out on the experience!"

Experience? Luke was unsure of what the trainer was referring to, his knowledge of pokemon trainer jargon was somewhat limited. Regardless, Luke's blood was boiling at the fact that this trainer was bullying a weak, frightened pokemon.

As the quagsire waddled forward per his owner's command, Luke stepped around the tree to block the pokemon's path. The pokemon was taken aback slightly, and puzzled, "Qua??"

"Stop!" Luke demanded to the other boy, who was at least two years his senior.

"Get out of my way, twerp. I'm training my quagsire here," The older boy responded.

"Go train somewhere else! Don't attack helpless pokemon!" Luke demanded, hiding his fear of the older, stronger boy as much as he could.

"I don't have time for this, let's go Quag." The trainer replied. The quagsire stepped past Luke, scanning the trees for his soggy victim. As the trainer passed by, he looked into Luke's eyes with a menacing glare.

Luke stared back, frozen in place, his heart beating furiously in his chest.

The trainer and his quagsire went about twenty feet further into the forest, searching for the pidgey they were hunting. Luke followed them, still keeping quiet.

The older boy looked disdainfully over his shoulder at Luke and said, "Beat it, kid."

Just then, Luke spotted the pidgey a few yards to the left, resting on a low tree branch. Afraid that the older boy would spot the injured bird, Luke called out, "Hey! You're nothing but a big bully... and... uh, you need to leave these pokemon alone!"

The trainer spun around with his teeth and fists clenched. He took several heavy steps toward Luke before stopping a few inches from the younger boy's face, "What are you going to do about it?"

"This!" Luke said as he made a fist and accelerated it into the older boy's gut. The trainer grunted in surprise and Luke took off running in the opposite direction of the pidgey.

The diversion worked, the trainer and his quagsire were no longer pursuing the pidgey, but were now chasing after Luke instead. As he ran, Luke caught his foot on a tree root and sprawled forward and landed face-first in one of Quagsire's puddles.

Luke rolled over, with mud covering his face, to see the older boy standing over him with his fists ready to strike. Luke threw a handful of mud at the bully, splashing him in the eyes.

"Ahh! My eyes!" The older boy shouted. Then, as he wiped the mud from his eyes, he added, "That's it! Quagsire, use water gun!"

"Wha...?" Before Luke could finish the word, he was struck in the face by a powerful burst of pressurized water. He sputtered and coughed as he forced himself to his feet and began running again. He didn't even get ten feet away before his backpack was struck by another burst of water, and he was sent sprawling into the dirt again.

Luke was now completely soaked, and his clothing and hair was caked in mud.

"Hahaha," The older boy jeered. Motioning for his quagsire to stop, he said, "That'll teach you to get in my way, punk. Come on Quag, let's go home, all this training is making me hungry."

"Quag!" the pokemon said enthusiastically at the mention of food. With that, the bully returned Quagsire to his pokeball, turned, and began walking away.

Luke sat up, pulled of his backpack, and set it on a small spot on the ground that was still mostly dry. He sat there in the mud and numbly watched the trainer walk away. Suddenly, the trainer tripped and fell down, landing face-first in the mud.

The trainer shouted, "What tripped me!?"

Luke busted out laughing, thoroughly enjoying the poetic justice. The trainer gave Luke a thoroughly nasty look before getting up and angrily stomping away.

After the trainer was gone, something shiny caught Luke's eye near the spot where the bully tripped. Luke went over to investigate, carrying his backpack with him, and found a small thread of gleaming sturdy silk draped between the trees at ankle-level. Luke ran his fingers along the silk and said, "A trip wire?"

That's when Luke noticed a small green pokemon hiding in the brush. It was a caterpie. Luke looked at the pokemon, who's head was barley visible through the foliage, and said, "Is this your string? Did you trip that trainer?"

"Pi..." The Caterpie quickly ducked its head and it moved backward, clearly afraid of the mud-covered young man that was speaking to him.

"No, wait..." Luke spoke as softly as he could, "I wanted to thank you."

Luke reached into his backpack and pulled out the pack of poke'pellets . He tore open the bag and shook three of the light brown cinnamon flavored pellets into his hand. He tossed one of the pellets onto the ground near Caterpie's hiding place and said, "Here, have a snack. I hope you like cinnamon."

The worm-shaped pokemon eyed the pellet with interest, but didn't make any movement towards it. It was too nervous.

Luke tossed a couple more pellets onto the same spot and said, "I'm not like that mean trainer. I'm a nice guy."

Still, the caterpie remained hidden in the brush. After another three minutes or so, Luke put the bag of poke'pellets back into his bookbag and said, "Well, I have to go home little guy. Enjoy your snack."

With that, Luke slung his muddy backpack over his shoulder, and resumed his walk home. As he walked away, he didn't notice that Caterpie had left his hiding spot, just a little, in order to watch the young man walk away. As soon as Luke was gone, the small pokemon eagerly devoured the small pile of poke'pellets.

Luke was dreading his parents' reaction to his filthy state. Still, he didn't have much choice but to go home and face the music. Luke hopped over the wooden plank fence that bordered his yard and the small forest he cut through and walked up to his home's sliding glass door. He could see his father using the computer and his mother watching TV on the couch in the living room.

The dirty young man tapped on the window, and his mom looked curiously in his direction wondering why he didn't just come in. One look at her son answered that question for her. She jumped up from the couch and hurried over to the door, while her husband continued to type obliviously away on the computer.

Mrs. Granes slid the door open and looked at her son with a mix of frustration and concern, "What on earth happened to you!?"

"It's a long story mom... can I get cleaned up first?" He asked politely.

"Sure, honey, I'll go grab you a towel and some clean clothes," She answered.

A couple an hours later, at the dinner table over pot roast and peas, Luke told his parents what happened in the forest. Luke's father was furious. He wasn't furious at Luke, thankfully.

"How dare that kid attack my son with a pokemon! We should have him arrested!" Mr. Granes declared. Then he added, "I've always said this pokemon training thing has gone too far. Kids can't handle that kind of responsibility!"

"Well, you do have to have a pokemon training licence." Luke's mom replied, "It's not like it used to be were anyone with a dollar for a pokeball could become a pokemon trainer."

"Well the requirements are obviously not strict enough if people like this bully are allowed to train pokemon," Mr. Granes responded.

"Luke, you really shouldn't have punched that boy in the first place." Luke's mom lectured.

"But mom, he was harming innocent pokemon, I couldn't just let him..." Luke began to explain.

"Then you should have come to us," She interrupted. Luke's father nodded in agreement.

"Then he would have kept attacking that pidgey, and its not like you would actually have done anything about it!" Luke snapped.

"Watch your tone with us," Luke's dad said in an authoritative tone, his face firm and unyielding.

"No!" Luke said as he abruptly rose from his seat, "I did the right thing and all you can do is tell me that I was wrong! Thanks for the support!"

Leaving his dinner half-finished, Luke stormed down the hall into his room and slammed the door. His father started angrily after him, but Mrs. Granes gently grabbed her husband's arm and said, "Let him cool off. He's probably being defensive because he's embarrassed about being beat up."

"Fine." Mr. Granes said huffily as he sat down and shoved a forkful of peas into his mouth.

"You know, if we'd let Luke get a learner's license..." Mrs. Granes began.

"No." Her husband responded curtly.

"My brother could teach him how to..." She began again.

"No." He repeated, then added, "He's too young. Its too much responsibility."

"You were a pokemon trainer when you were twelve," his wife reasoned.

"Yea, and we know how that turned out, don't we? The answer is no." Mr. Granes said with finality, signaling that the conversation was over.

Later that evening, at around 9:00, Luke's mom tapped lightly on his door.

"Yea?" He answered.

His mother opened the door and looked in, seeing her son standing at the window and staring outside. Luke said to his mother, "What do you want?"

"To check on my stubborn son," she said playfully. Coming into the room she asked, "What are you looking at?"

"The forest. After that bully attacked me, a little caterpie spun a web between a couple trees and tripped him." Luke explained, "I was just wondering how that little guy was doing."

"Well maybe you'll see him on the way to school tomorrow, your father still hasn't gotten around to fixing your bike," She said.

"Hmm... maybe." Luke answered, "I don't think it will matter, the caterpie was too scared to come near me."

"Well, honey, pokemon are scared of us. They think they might be attacked, or captured." She explained, "We can't blame them, its our own fault."

After a quiet moment, Luke asked quietly, "Mom? Were wild pokemon always afraid of us like they are now?"

"No, but that was a long time ago, during your great-grandfather's time," She answered.

"If I was a pokemon trainer, I'd never attack a scared pokemon. I'd only try to capture pokemon that were willing to fight me and that, ya know, understand the risks," Luke said.

"That reminds me of something your great-grandfather told me. He said sometimes wild pokemon want to battle a trainer, because battling is a way for the pokemon to decide if the trainer is worthy to train them," She continued, "It's kinda like getting married. Some people want to get married, some don't. Those that do have to search for the right person. Some pokemon want to be domestic, to belong to a trainer, some don't. Those that do have to decide who they want to be partners with."

"Now," Luke's mom said as she leaned in and wrapped her boy in a warm hug, "Is a fourteen year old too grown-up to let his mother tuck him in?"

Luke blushed slightly and said, "Nah, mom, just don't tell my friends."

 

[Acrutheo]

He didn't like exceptions, they were bad for business.

Either add some cause-and-effect relation conjunction after the comma (such as "as", "because", etc.) or change the comma into a semicolon.

"We can't afford to feed and raise sub-quality pokemon. Remove him immediately." The supervisor ordered cooly.

The period directly before the terminative quote needs to be changed to a comma. You make this mistake in the speech directly below, as well, and a few other times throughout the story.

Luke Granes draped his fingers lightly on the links of a rusty chain-link fence as a gust of wind pushed past the fence, tossing the fourteen-year-old's reddish blonde hair to and fro. His dark brown eyes were fixed squarely forward, as were the eyes of several other students who had gathered on this side of the fence.

Nice description there. :D I love how well you merged action and imagery.

One trainer called, encouraging the flying pokemon to continue his windy assualt

"assualt" should be "assault".

The Quagsire smirked goofily at this, but his trainer was decidedly less amused.

I loved this sentence. :P

The crowd of on lookers students laughed, including Luke, but there laughter was cut-short when a white and blue car rounded the corner at the end of the block and began to approach the trainers

I suggest changing "on lookers students" to "onlooking students". However, I thought nobody was watching them?

The show being over, the crowd of students began to disperse. Luke paused before leaving, though, to bend down and inspect the pouch dropped by the fleeing pokemon. It was a metallic silver color, with a white label that read 'Poke'farms Premium Poke'pellets: extra moist cinnamon muffin flavor'.

Since its the end of the paragraph, you need to add another newline.

The trainer ordered, "After him you slow poke, you're missing out on the experience!"

Just a thought, but you could change "slow poke" to "slowpoke" for a pokemon feel.

"Stop!" Luke demanded to the other boy, who was at least 2 years his senior.

Since this is a formal piece of writing, "two" would suit better than "2".

all this training I making me hungry

"I" should be "is".

Luke busted out laughing, throughly enjoying the poetic justice

"throughly" should be "thoroughly".

Still, he didn't have much choice but go home and face the music.

"but go" should be "but to go".

"Watch your tone with us," Luke dad said in an authoritative tone.

"Luke" should be "Luke's".

I did the right thing and all you can do is tell me that I was wrong.

An exclamation mark would work better here than a period.

On another note, you vary whether pokemon names are capitalised. "Quagsire" and "quagsire" are both acceptable, depending on your style, but you must be consistent on whether you capitalise or not.

For the story as a whole, it's quite good. However, it could use more emotional description. Emotions are actually quite easy to put into words because of English's vast lexicon, and there are so many possible images and metaphors that can be utilised. You could talk about the "eruptive rage" that Luke felt towards the bully, for example. Or the "immovable will" of his father.

On the whole, still a solid start. I'll be watching this thread for future updates.

 

[EricDaRed]

Thanks for the input. I went through and fixed the spelling/punctuation errors your pointed out. Thanks.

Just a thought, but you could change "slow poke" to "slowpoke" for a pokemon feel.

Good idea. Thank you.

you vary whether pokemon names are capitalised. "Quagsire" and "quagsire" are both acceptable, depending on your style, but you must be consistent on whether you capitalise or not.

Thanks. My intention was to capitalize when using the pokemon's name as a proper name, Ex: Quagsire smiled goofily. When refering to the pokemon by its type, rather than its proper name, my intention was to not capitalize, Ex: The quagsire smiled goofily.

I went back through and realized that I was not consistently following my own rule! I fixed it. Thank you.

For the story as a whole, it's quite good. However, it could use more emotional description.

You're right. I'll try to be more conscious of this in future chapters.

Nice description there. :D I love how well you merged action and imagery.

I loved this sentence. :P

Thanks for sprinkling some nice comments in there. I enjoy them. I'm glad you enjoyed the story and I hope future installments won't disappoint you.

Keep up the good work on the Hoenn Empire, by the way.

 

[EricDaRed]

Chapter 2
​

Poke'farms was one of the largest commercial entities in the world. They dealt in professionally bred and raised pokemon, pokemon food, pokemon training equipment, consumer electronics, and even toys and games. The Poke'farms corporation was the true economic center of the Kanto/Johto continent and had also begun overseas expansion into both the Hoenn and Sinnoh regions.

The corporate headquarters of this commercial giant was located to the west of the urban metropolis of Pallet Town, covering an impressive thirty-two square miles of land. Just a few decades earlier, that area had been nothing but untamed wilderness.

On this particular day, office business in the Poke'farms heaquarters carried on as usual. A sixteen-year-old file clerk, named Alexia, was sorting through a mess of invoices piled on the desk of her cramped cubicle. She had been working at the Poke'farms corporate office for a couple months and, unfailingly, each afternoon when she came into the office she was met by a mound of paperwork similar to this one. It would take her all afternoon to finish, and even then she could only finish and get home on time if she didn't take any breaks.

The trim brunette bristled inwardly; high school students were supposed to hang out with their friends, waste time, and go to parties. They weren't supposed to go to school at nine o'clock, then to work at two o'clock and stay until seven o'clock before going home, doing homework, and going to bed. She glanced longingly at a small picture of the beach tacked onto her otherwise bland cubicle wall, and wished so much to be there instead of in this stuffy office.

"Alexia," a rough, yet vaguely feminine, voice interrupted the young woman's thoughts. The owner of the voice was a heavy-set woman with curly grey-blonde hair. She was the office manager.

"Yes, Ms. Phillips?" Alexia responded, swiveling her chair around so that she could face her boss.

"Tiffany called in sick, so I need you to do the runs today," The manager instructed.

Alexia's heart sank. Despite her inner dissatisfaction, she kept her expression calm and even exhibited a false glimmer of contentment. Alexia knew that the runs took at least two hours, and that she would still be expected to perform her typical duties afterward. She would likely not get home until after nine o'clock. Regardless, the brunette replied, "Yes, ma'am. I'll get started right away."

Ms. Phillips nodded in return and continued down the hall, calling for the attention of another cubicle-dweller. Alexia let her shoulders slump a bit and she let out an inaudible sigh. Her family couldn't afford to send her to college, so rising the 'corporate ladder' was her only real hope of forging a successful future. The young woman imagined she would be faking smiles and doing other peoples' work a lot if she was going to advance.

She rose to begin her unenviable task, and withdrew for a moment into somber introspection. She was locked into a corporate world and there didn't seem to be any hope of escaping. She was only sixteen, and yet she could predict the rest of her disinteresting, cookie-cutter existence as if some traveler from the future had given her a copy of her own biography. As she began to gather the intra-office mail, she further imagined that her biography wouldn't have many pages.


[Earlier, that same day.]


Luke Granes groaned in protest as his alarm clock bellowed its shrill song. The groggy young man stuffed his head under his pillow in an attempt to block out the unpleasant noise but, as usual, the alarm clock would not be ignored.

The sleepy youth found himself wishing that the alarm clock was on the small table beside his bed like it used to be. His mother got tired of Luke simply turning off his alarm and going back to sleep in the morning, so she moved the alarm clock across the room and put it on top of his dresser. Now Luke had to actually get out of bed if he wanted the harsh alarm tone to stop.

After climbing out of bed, Luke wearily shuffled over to his dresser and deactivated the alarm clock. He turned back toward his bed, took a single step toward it, and then as if on cue, his mother called from the kitchen, "Don't lay back down, Luke!"

The messy-haired boy groaned once more, turned to face his dresser again, and began to pull out the clothes he was going to wear. His mother knew him to well–it was really annoying.

About thirty minutes later Luke was in the bathroom brushing his teeth. His mom called to him again, "Luke, you're going to be late! Your lunch is in your backpack, and there's a breakfast burrito on the table."

After rinsing his mouth, Luke ran out into the kitchen. He threw his once again clean and dry backpack over his shoulder and scooped up the burrito. He inhaled the cheesy goodness in two quick bites and then called out as he ran out the back door, "Thanks mom, I'll see ya later!"

The young man stopped short of the fence, though, catching sight of something he did not expect. A caterpie was sitting on top of one of the fence posts: Luke instantly recognized it to be the same little critter that tripped the quagsire trainer the day before.

"Hey, little guy," Luke addressed the small pokemon as he reached into his backpack to pull out the package of poke'pellets, "I bet I know what you want..."

The caterpie bobbed it head up and down enthusiastically as it saw Luke pour a few pellets into his hand.

Luke held his palm out, stepped forward gently, and held the pellets just under the pokemon's nose.

The caterpie nibbled on one of the pellets, making little excited ticking sounds as it chewed. Luke held his breath for nearly a whole minute as he stared at the hungry pokemon, feeling a spontaneous and intense wave of endearment toward the caterpie.

After finishing the third pellet, Caterpie looked up at Luke, tilted its head slightly and said, "Pi!"

Luke dumped a couple more pellets into his hand and offered them to Caterpie, but the small pokemon shook its head.

"What's wr..." Luke started, but was cut off by his own gasp when Caterpie suddenly jumped from the fence post into Luke's outstretched hand. The caterpillar pokemon crawled up Luke's arm, causing the boy to giggle with every tickling step.

Caterpie reached Luke's shoulder and stared at his backpack. After a moment of sniffing the air, the eager pokemon said, "Pi, Pi, Pi!"

Luke bent down and carefully took off his backpack so as not to bump his new friend. He pulled out his lunch box, popped it open, and removed an apple slice and a couple of grapes. He set the fruit on the grass, inciting Caterpie to shuffle quickly down Luke's arm and hop onto the ground. With the eagerness of a snorlax, the bug pokemon began munching on the apple slice.

The piece of fruit was almost a third as long a the caterpie itself, yet the pokemon seemed unintimidated by the challenge. Luke stood, shouldered his backpack and said, "I have to go to school now, little guy, enjoy the fruit."

Luke climbed over the fence and entered the bordering forest. He paused to look at the happily nibbling capterpie and added, "Watch out for Quagsire!"

Luke didn't pay attention to anything in school that day; his thoughts were constantly on Caterpie. As he thought about his new friend, a kaleidoscope of emotions from excitement and elation to trepidation and anxiety inundated the fourteen-year old. He had never felt so happy, yet so sick, in his whole life.

Although Luke had little concept of its true scope, the beginning of a truly remarkable friendship had taken place that day; a friendship that would inexorably alter the rest of their lives.

 

[Acrutheo]

Keep up the good work on the Hoenn Empire, by the way.

Thanks. :D Always good to have someone appreciate my work. ^^

~~~~~

Just a few decades earlier, that area had been nothing but untamed wilderness.

I liked this reference. ^_^

Despite of her inner dissatisfaction,

Either change "Despite of" to "Despite" or "In spite of".

well–it

The hyphen needs a space either side of it.

He inhaled the whole burrito

I suggest something instead of "burrito" here, otherwise it gets a bit repetitive. Things like "wrap" could be a suitable substitute.

A caterpie was sitting on top of one of the fence posts, Luke instantly recognized it to be the same little critter that tripped the quagsire trainer the day before.

Either change the comma into a colon, or rephrase it as A caterpie was sitting on top of one of the fence posts, which Luke instantly recognized to be the same little critter that tripped the quagsire trainer the day before.

The caterpie nibbled on one of the pellets, making little excited ticking sounds as it chewed.

Good description of the noise. Simple, but good. ^^ Interesting note: as I read this line, my bird who is currently on my shoulder made a ticking noise.

Luke bent down and carefully took off his backpack so as not to bump his new friend. Luke pulled out the lunch box his mother packed and popped it open.

Luke pulled out an apple slice and a couple of grapes from the box and laid them in the grass

Try to vary the sentence structure here - it's a bit repetitive. Furthermore, around this area, five paragraphs in a row start with the word "Luke".

Catperpie

This should be "Caterpie".

[qupte=EricDaRed]inexorably alter[/quote]
Nice oxymoron. ^^

On the whole, a big improvement from chapter one. Your biggest problem here was the repetitiveness of structure, but otherwise, a solid chapter.

 

[EricDaRed]

I fixed the problems you pointed out. Thanks! I even went back and tried to adjust some of the awkward sentence structure.

One thing I have trouble with is getting my thoughts to flow smoothly. I have volumes worth of ideas swimming around in my head, but I seem to have trouble getting them down in a way that will captivate my readers.

I also seem to be having difficulty with emotional description. I tried a lot harder this chapter, but I still think I fell short of making the story involve the readers' emotions.

I didn't 'fix' one thing though:

The hyphen needs a space either side of it.

Actually, its not a hyphen its a dash. Dashes indicate an abrupt change of thought.

A dash is a long horizontal mark twice the length of a hyphen. It can be written correctly as both -- (two hyphens with a space) or – (two hyphens merged together). I beleive that – is preferred, but not all word processors/typewriters can produce that symbol, so -- can suffice.

When using a dash, you are not to place a space between the preceding word and the dash or between the following word and the dash.

I actually had to look this up to check, but as far as I can tell I am using the dash properly.

 

[Acrutheo]

My bad, then.

As for emotional description, if you're having trouble with it, start with a basic concept.

The boy was happy.

Then, you can develop it in many ways. One way is turning is using language techniques such as metaphors and imagery to show just how happy he was.

It was as if he'd received a negative test result for cancer, for example, would be used if the boy was happy because he avoided something undesirable.

Bright crimson flames of emotion flooded the boy's body with warmth: he had reached the summit, both emotionally and literally. Would be if, say, the boy was a Hiker and was climbing his first mountain.

You can also show it with body gestures. Smiles, bright faces, sparkling eyes (never make a comparison to diamonds though here - it'd be too cliche) to imply happiness rather than explictly express it work well, too.

 

[EricDaRed]

My bad, then.

No sweat. I've learned a few things from you so far, so its only proper that you learn something from me to!

 

[EricDaRed]

Chapter 3


​

Alexia shuddered visibly as icy waves of horror swirled throughout her being. In her quaking hands was a single unimposing file folder. Her assignment was to deliver this file to the Poke'farms medical department, along with the caged, muzzled, and whimpering charmander locked in the wheeled cage before her.

She shouldn't have opened the file. She should have just assumed the frightened pokemon was going to the clinic for a checkup, or medicine, or something... but it was too late for that now. The red-lettered recommendation inside the file was callously clear:

Subject unsuitable: Terminate Immediately.

The shapely brunette thumbed numbly through the pages in the file. Charts, graphs, performance reviews; all information pointing out the fire pokemon's failures and shortcomings.

Was this supposed to justify having the helpless pokemon murdered!?

Appalled nearly to the point of vomiting, the mortified file clerk dropped the file onto the floor of the empty hallway, fell to her knees, and began sobbing. As her lips tasted the saltiness of her tears, she raised her head to look at the doomed charmander. It looked back into her eyes, its muzzled expression bleak and hopeless.

As Alexia gazed into Charmander's eyes, she began to feel the icy chills melt away as if the small creature was somehow enlivening her with its own inner flame. Disbelief and horror were swept aside by this spontaneous inferno, being replaced by determination and rage. She stood defiantly and swept the hot tears from her flushed face.

This innocent pokemon would not die.

She would not allow it.



Elsewhere, young Luke Granes was sprinting across the campus of his middle school. Ignoring the shouts of the faculty for him to stop running, the eighth-grader surged forward. School had felt agonizingly long that day, for Luke could think of nothing other than the small caterpie he befriended the day before.

Luke imagined his diminutive friend might be hungry, so he had saved a couple more apple slices in his lunch box. He eagerly anticipated feeding the seemingly voracious bug.

As he entered the forest, Luke began to call out, "Caterpie! Caterpie, where are ya?"

While scanning the trees and bushes for the his friend, he spotted the pidgey from the previous day. To Luke's great relief, the pidgey seemed to have recovered from the quagsire's attacks.

"Piii!" a sudden high pitched squeal caught Luke off-guard. He turned his head toward the source of the sound and was shocked to see his friend Capterpie swinging through the air on a long string of silk attached to a high treebranch.

As it flew toward Luke, the caterpie released the string from its mouth, performed a smooth backflip, and landed squarely on Luke's right shoulder.

The impressed fourteen-year-old looked at his acrobatic visitor and said, "Wow, that was sweet! You're really good with your string, aren't you?"

"Pi!" Caterpie agreed. He then began to sniff the air and to look at his human friend expectantly.

"You just like me because I feed you," Luke remarked in a jovial tone.

Caterpie nodded in agreement.

Luke remained in the forest with his new friend for almost three hours. Time seemed to stretch and bend, to almost loose its meaning all together, as the two companions laughed and played together. Luke was happier than he ever remembered being. Somehow, the small insect pokemon was a better friend than any human friend Luke ever had.

As night began to fall, Luke realized with dread how late he was. After saying good night to Caterpie, Luke rushed home. He struggled to think of a believable excuse to offer, but none came to mind. He didn't dare tell his parents the truth; his father would probably over react, accuse him of trying to become a pokemon trainer, and forbid him from going into the woods again.

His heart racing, the young man slid open the back door and stepped inside his house.

His father, who was sitting at the computer, greeted the young man immediately without looking away from the monitor. There was a definite air of annoyance in Mr. Grane's tone as he said, "I see you're finally home."

Luke froze. What should he say? What could he say?

Mrs. Granes entered the room from the right and immediately noticed the conspicuous grass stains on her son's pants. After a mere half-beat, she said, "So, honey, how did you do on your make-up test?"

'Make-up test? I didn't have to take a...' Luke thought. Then as realization dawned upon him he responded, "It went well, mom. You know how good I am at math."

"Make up test?" Luke's dad spun around. The tone of his voice indicated that he wasn't buying what his wife and son were selling, "Nobody told me about this."

"I told you after you got home from work, honey, don't you remember?" Mrs. Granes asked in a sugary, innocent voice.

"No..." Mr. Granes answered with a raised eyebrow. He was beginning to doubt himself.

"Well you were using the computer, so..." Mrs. Granes explained, purposefully letting her sentence trail off.

Mr. Granes cleared his throat self-consciously and added, "Well, I'm glad you're taking your school work seriously. Good job, son."

"Uh... thanks dad," Luke answered as he headed toward his room.

Following her son into his room, Luke's mother quietly closed the door behind her and said, "You were playing with that caterpie, weren't you?"

"Yes." The young man answered.

"You know how your father feels about pets..." She spoke quietly, but with an undeniable seriousness.

"Yea, but how do you feel about them?" Luke asked, "You must've covered for me for a reason."

"How I feel doesn't matter–"

"Yes it does! You kn..."

Mrs. Granes cut her son off and repeated herself, speaking each word heavily and separately as if it were its own sentence, "It doesn't matter."

Luke paused uncertainly. His mother seemed to have been on his side when she covered for him, but now she seemed to be on his father's side. Did she want him to have a pet pokemon, or didn't she?

"Be careful, Luke," his mother said, "You can't have a pet. If you get too attached to this caterpie, you'll only end up hurting yourself and your friend."

"Don't you want me to have a pet?" Luke asked.

"Yes, I do... but its complicated." She smiled warmly, "Although, if he lives in the forest he's technically not a pet..."

Luke nodded with understanding.

His mother looked him squarely in the eyes and decreed, "He cannot come inside the house, understand?"

"But, Mom..."

"No. I can't budge on this one, Luke." She answered firmly.

After a silent moment, the young man accepted his defeat on this issue. He could have plenty of fun with Caterpie in the forest.

"He has big appetite, and he seems to like fruit." Luke said as he smiled sheepishly, "Could you, uh, pack me some extra fruit tomorrow?"

"Well, you are a growing boy. I guess I should make you bigger lunches," his mom smiled warmly as she wrapped her arm around Luke's shoulders.

Later that evening, the young man was settling into bed. He had just gotten comfortable lying on his stomach with one hand stuffed unceremoniously under his pillow and the other flopped at his side when a soft rapping came from the window.

Curious, Luke sat up and looked toward the window. He heard the tapping noise again, but couldn't see anything in the darkness. Luke clicked on his bed-side lamp, illuminating the small green visitor at his window.

Jumping out of bed, Luke ran over to the window and slid it open. Caterpie immediately hopped forward and Luke caught the bug in his arms like a football. Caterpie looked up at Luke and, even though it lacked the facial muscles to do so, Luke could have sworn that Caterpie was smiling at him.

A jabbing pain shot through Luke's innards like an erratic bolt of lightning. He could disobey his mother, risking his father's wrath, and let his friend stay or he could be obedient, force the pokemon back outside, and break its heart.

For a long moment Luke stood, still as a statue, weighing his choices; facing his dilemma.

 

[Acrutheo]

My first suggestion would be to change the "Subject Unsuitable: Terminate Immediately" to a less conspicuous font; humans are attracted to this new, exciting font and it kind of ruins it when that's the first thing we read. :P

He eagerly anticipated feeding the voracious bug.

"Voracious" has quite strong connotations, possibly too strong for something that was presumably fed this morning. Though, it's good to see that the vocabulary is varying. n_n

Luke remained in the forest with his new friend for almost three hours. The young man was happier than he ever remembered being.

A suggestion, here. After "nearly three hours", you could say something to the extent of, "but his happiness made it seem timeless." (Obviously with better wording.) That way, you can have emotional descriptions and the effects of those emotions.

over react

This is one word - "overreact".

Mr. Granes tone

Should be "Mr. Granes's tone".

A jabbing pain shot through Luke's innards like an erratic bolt of lightning. He could disobey his mother, risking his father's wrath, and let his friend stay or he could be obedient, force the pokemon back outside, and break its heart.

For a long moment Luke stood, still as a statue, weighing his choices; facing his dilemma.

Nice dilemma. ^^ Good cliffhanger, and will give you a chance to develop Luke.

Also, your descriptions about the mother's lie, the child's realisation, and the father's doubt was brilliant. ^^ The highlight of the chapter, I think. ^^

Your chapters are definitely improving. Keep it up. :D

 

[EricDaRed]

I fixed the errors you pointed out. As always, thank you very much for your reviews.

Your chapters are definitely improving.

I agree. I was pleased with Chapter 3; I think I managed to get in some good emotional imagery this time.

 

[Barker]

I don't often wander into the Fan Fiction forum, but I'm glad I did this time. The forbidden Caterpie plot is certainly interesting, but what I like most is the Alexia/Charmander and Pokéfarms portions; I honestly want to know what's going to happen to them.

Besides a few errors you missed (In addition to the edits Acrutheo suggested), this is a great start. Keep it up.

 

[EricDaRed]

I thank you for the complement. I was beginning to think that nobody but Acrutheo liked my story! :)

Although I'm up to 237 page hits, so I guess there are some people reading it!

As to Alexia + Charmander, a lot is going to happen. No spoilers from me though!

 

[EricDaRed]

Chapter 4
​

10:53 pm. The blocky red digits on Luke's alarm clock burned in sharp contrast to the darkened room. The young man was lying on his side in bed and staring blankly at the clock, watching as each minute passed by. He couldn't sleep.

Luke was grappling within himself over his recent decision. Despite the thick blanket that covered him, the fourteen-year-old shivered with a cold loneliness; he knew his decision would create a rift between himself and someone he cared very much for.

As he lifted the covers to peek at the softly snoring Caterpie snuggled against his stomach, Luke hoped that his mother could forgive him.




Several miles away, in the Poke'farms headquarters, Alexia was still at work. After learning of the charmander's soon to be apportioned fate, she did some discreet digging. At first, her hope was to simply adopt the doomed pokemon, but company policy made it abundantly clear that 'inferior pokemon' must not survive. To allow sub-quality pokemon to live would risk tarnishing the company's reputation for breeding and raising only the highest quality pokemon.

Her research had made one thing abundantly clear: There was no official, legal way for her to save Charmander. Even at the risk of destroying her future career, Alexia was determined not to let company policy dictate whether this pokemon would live or die.

Alexia had just finished up the last of the invoices on her desk. As she worked, she made sure to process each invoice flawlessly; she couldn't afford to draw any negative attention to herself. For her plan to succeed, she had to maintain the illusion of being a reliable, trustworthy employee.

Alone in the office, the young file clerk pulled Charmander's file from one of her desk drawers. She stared at the file and took a deep breath. It was time to put the finishing touches on her plan.

She flicked the lights out in the main office, locked the door, enabled the alarm system, and headed toward the medical department.

The medical department was one of only three Poke'farms departments that remained open overnight, the other two being the breeding and training departments. The breeding and training departments never closed because Poke'farms was very particular about only producing the finest quality pokemon, and thus had employees working to that effect around the clock. The medical department remained open so that any unexpected medical or veterinary issues in the other two departments could be handled promptly.

Using her keycard to unlock the side door, she entered the medical department and followed the hallway until it met two swinging doors akin to the kind customarily seen in hospitals. As she stepped through the doors, Alexia caught sight of a red-headed woman in her forties wearing a lab coat with 'Poke'farms Medical' engraved on the back. This woman was the veterinarian assigned to the night-shift.

"This file is for you," Alexia said to the veterinarian as she handed her the file on Charmander; the same file that ordered the innocent pokemon's death.

"Wow, you're here late," The red-haired vet glanced at her watch, it was nearly eleven. She added, "Day shift ended over an hour ago."

"The normal runner called in sick, so I got stuck doing the runs after I finished my normal work," Alexia shrugged innocently and then turned to leave.

"Wait," the vet stopped her as she opened the file folder and scanned its contents, "Isn't there supposed to be a charmander with this file?"

"Oh, I delivered that little guy during day shift. I accidently left his file in the training department! I stink at this mail thing." Alexia explained, maintaining an honest and innocent appearance. If there was one thing Alexia was good at, it was hiding her true motives and emotions.

The vet glanced across the room at a series of cages. All of the cages were empty: something wasn't adding up here. The vet looked at Alexia suspiciously and said, "Then were is he?"

"I don't know, I just dropped him off. Maybe day shift sent him somewhere else." Alexia offered. Her stomach tightened apprehensively, outsmarting this veterinarian was turning out to be more difficult than she expected.

"Stay there for a minute..." The cautious poke'farms employee stepped over to a filing cabinet and pulled out a thick notebook. If the charmander had already been disposed of, this notebook would contain a record of it. She opened to the most recent entry, signed by the day shift veterinarian. The entry detailed how charmander, by lethal injection, had been put to sleep earlier that day.

"You're right, they did, uh... send him somewhere else." The vet said as she smiled at Alexia, imagining that she was deceiving the young file clerk. Little did the vet know that it was she that was being deceived.

"Good. Sorry about the mixup!" Alexia gave the vet a sugary smile before leaving the clinic. The young file clerk rejoiced inwardly that the falsified notebook entry and forged signature held up under scrutiny.

Her plan complete, Alexia left the building, headed out to the parking lot, and hopped into her car. She was met by the sweet greeting of a young pokemon in a fire-proof box on her back seat, "Char, Char!"

"Hey little guy," Alexia said as he turned to face him, "I guess I'm your owner now..."

"Char?" Charmander said quizzically. The young pokemon apparently didn't yet have a concept of pokemon belonging to individual humans. All his life he had been surrounded by varying humans, but he never developed a relationship with any of them. As foreign as his new situation was to him, the fire pokemon was glad to be away from the other humans that, so often, seemed to despise him. They always seemed to look at him with disdain, as if nothing he ever did could please them.

There was something softer, kinder about this human. She didn't look at him the way the others did, but still...

Alexia reached back to pet her new pokemon, but the charmander shied away.

...he wasn't ready to trust her yet.

Alexia frowned inwardly, but didn't allow her disappointment to show in her face; it would be naive of her to expect the young pokemon to trust her so quickly. With that, the young woman drove away from Poke'farms, hoping she covered her tracks well enough to leave everyone else believing that charmander was dead.

 

[Acrutheo]

As he lifted the covers to peek at the softly snoring Caterpie snuggled against his stomach, Luke hoped that his mother could forgive him.

Good indirect way of saying it. ^^

Alexia was determined not to let company policy dictate whether this pokemon would live or die.

Great statement of opinion for her. :D

Using her keycard to unlock the side door, Alexia entered the medical department.

I think "she" would be better than "Alexia" here.

A great chapter that was superior in quality to the last. If only it could've been a little longer. ^^; But otherwise, a great chapter.

 

[EricDaRed]

If only it could've been a little longer. ^^; But otherwise, a great chapter.

As always, thanks for the complement. I grappled with the chapter being so short myself, but I finally decided that these events needed to be punctuated. I also thought it was a nice switch to have only a few sentences about Luke while the majority of the chapter focused on Alexia.

Chapter 5 is written, but I haven't decided whether I am going to bump it to chapter 6 and use chapter 5 for another purpose. Hmm... decisions, decisions.

 

[Ninja Caterpie]

Good indirect way of saying it. ^^

Saying what?

Well, it's quite interesting, keep it up...:)

 

[EricDaRed]

Chapter 5

​

As time went on, Luke and Caterpie had grown closer and closer.

With a steady supply of fresh fruit from his understanding mother, Luke always had something sweet to offer his little green friend. Each day, the two played in the morning before school and played in the afternoon after school. Caterpie even came to school with Luke a few times, hiding in his backpack, chewing small holes in random objects, and pilfering the contents of Luke's lunch box during the day.

Even though Luke had resumed biking to and from school again, meaning he no longer had to walk through the woods, he still made certain to visit Caterpie in the forest after he got home each day.

In the evenings, Caterpie had continued to sleep in Luke's room and, so far, had not been caught.

There had been a few close calls, though. A couple days earlier, for instance, Caterpie inexplicably began spraying strands of silk onto the ceiling of Luke's room during the night. When Luke awoke, he was met with an unruly mess of silk in the upper corner of his room. Somehow, the young man managed to unstick and dispose of the silk before his mother or father saw it.

Caterpie seemed rather cross about Luke undoing his work but, aside from a few unpleasantly sharp squeals of protest, seemed to accept Luke's decision. The young man had no idea why Caterpie would want to make such a mess.

Caterpie had no idea why Luke would want to avoid the mess.

Luke was now approaching the counseling department at the middle school were he was in the eighth grade. He had received a call via intercom during class asking him to report there. Luke found this to be rather odd; counseling sessions were usually held before or after school, not in the middle of class.

"Hello, Ms. Watson..." Luke said unenthusiastically as he entered the counseling office and grudgingly sat down in front of the counselor's desk.

He braced himself inwardly as he waited to hear what the brown-haired woman before him had say. He hated guidance counselors. All they ever did was tell him how great he was and how he could do anything he wanted to. This wouldn't normally be considered bad news, but Luke wasn't found of choices. He was the sort of person that takes ten minutes just to choose what flavor of ice cream to order. Then, as soon as he had his cone, he would find himself wishing he had chosen a different flavor.

"I have exciting news for you, Luke." The counselor smiled, clearly more enthused about this meeting than the student was, "We've got your test scores back from the standardized testing."

Luke perked up a bit. He may not like counselors, but he did like tests. He had never met a test he couldn't ace, with a little study of course.

"You scored in the 98th percentile..." Ms. Watson began.

Luke raised his eyebrows and nodded in self-approval. Being in the top two percent of his school was pretty good.

"...for all of Kanto." the counselor finished.

"The whole nation?" Luke gawked. Even he didn't expect to have done that well.

The counselor went on to say, "In fact, you scored higher than most tenth graders."

Sensing the direction the conversation was about to take, the fourteen year old asked, "What does this mean for me?"

"For starters, it means we might be able to advance you two grades. Meaning you'd jump right into your junior year of high school this August. All you have to do is pass a proficiency exam to prove you already know what the ninth and tenth grades would teach you." She said with a giddy grin; she didn't get to give students news this good very often. Then she went on, saying "Beyond that, it can mean almost anything..."

She went on to explain about scholarships and grants and the endless number of career fields Luke could choose to go into.

The young man slumped down into his chair as the counselor spoke, an anxious knot growing in his stomach; there were too many choices. He had no idea what he wanted to do with his life, no idea what career field he wanted to choose. Compared to choosing ice cream flavors, this was a nightmare.

Just then, he noticed a small hole in the knee of his jeans that Caterpie had chewed a few days earlier. The young man smiled, and the knot in his stomach melted away–at least he knew one thing he wanted to do with his life.

"Here, this is for you," The counselor said as she handed Luke a thick brochure, snapping the fourteen-year-old out of his pokemon related daydreaming.

"What's this?" Luke asked as he accepted the brochure. As he looked at it, he saw the imagine of a large four-story structure with so many windows that it seemed as if the very walls of the structure were made of glass. The letters 'VU' appeared in large blue print on the cover of the brochure–the symbol of Viridian University.

"In addition to skipping you forward two grades, we're going to waive some of your high school courses and allow you to take co-op college courses from VU instead." She said with a bright smile.

Luke began numbly flipping through the brochure. He had barley given college any thought, after all he was only in the eighth grade, and now he was going to start college courses next year. The news was pointedly surreal.

"That's not the best part..." The counselor added, her expression showing that she could barely contain herself.

"There's more?" Luke asked, dizzy from considering the implications of this news.

"The courses are going to be paid for by the school, and you get to pick what classes you want to take," Ms. Watson explained.

More choices!? Luke felt as if he was going to faint. Despite his misgivings over the plethora of choices before him, he was intensely excited. This news was huge, and he couldn't wait to tell his parents. They would be so proud of him!

This was turning out to be no ordinary Friday. After school was dismissed, Luke rode home as fast as his bike would take him. Upon skidding onto his front lawn, he jumped off the bike, failed to put up the kick-stand, and bolted toward the door. The elated teenager was inside the house and shouting for his mother before his bike had time to hit the ground.

"What's with the commotion?" Luke's mother asked as she appeared from her bedroom. She added sarcastically, "Is someone dying?"

Rambling on as if he had drank eight cups of coffee, Luke told his mother the news from school. As he showed her the Viridian University brochure, the middle-aged mom was so proud of her son that she was nearly to the point of tears. The two discussed his options, the different classes he could take, the different degrees he could pursue.

Then, just as the conversation was winding down, Mr. Granes got home and the conversation began again with renewed fervor.

Mr. Granes' reaction, minus the tears, mirrored that of his wife. He had always known his son was intelligent, but this was simply astounding. The proud father even felt a pang of guilt within himself; perhaps he had underestimated his son. Perhaps the boy was more responsible than he wanted to believe.

As the sun began to set, Luke's mother looked toward the back door. She knew that, in his excitement, her son had neglected to visit Caterpie. She cleared her throat and suggested innocently, "Luke, why don't you play outside for a little bit while I get dinner ready?"

Luke's eyes widened as he realized he had forgotten to visit his friend. The little guy was probably worried sick! Without so much as a word, the young man rushed outside, grabbing a banana from the fruit basket as he ran by.

Mr. Granes chuckled as watched his son zoom by with the curved fruit in hand. The middle-aged man commented, "Luke sure does love his fruit."

The outside air had cooled noticeably since Luke first got home. A cool breeze blew past him and there looked to be only about twenty minutes of daylight remaining in the darkening sky.

Luke hopped over the fence and called, "Caterpie! Were are ya buddy?"

A pidgey chirping and a tree-branched creaking in the wind were the only answers to the young man's call.

Luke's eyes narrowed in concern; Caterpie normally answer him instantly. Luke called again, "Hey, Caterpie, I brought you a banana!"

There was no gleeful squeal.

There was no sign of Catperpie.

Luke panicked. He began frantically searching the forest, with daylight dimming more and more with each desperate minute that passed.

Luke's repeated, desperate calls, caught his mother's attention. Her husband, who was clicking away on the computer, seemed not to have heard Luke's cries. She left a pot simmering on the stove and stepped quietly outside.

"Luke, what's wrong?" Ms. Granes asked as she approached the fence and caught sight of her son.

The fourteen-year-boy son ran up to her with tears streaming down his face, "I can't find him... he's... he's not..."

"It's ok, take a deep breath... I'll help you look," His mother said reassuringly.

They searched for over ten minutes, but even together, they could not find the small pokemon. Luke's despair was mounting.

Inside the house, Luke's father became concerned when he heard a sizzling noise in kitchen. When he investigated, he found that a once gently simmering pot had begun to overflow onto the stove-top. He turned down the heat and, puzzled, set off in search of his wife.

Outside, Luke was now crying harder. He tried to stop the tears, but he couldn't. He kept thinking about the horrible things that could have happened to the innocent bug. Not least of which was the possibility that the little guy ran away because Luke didn't come out to see him on time.

"Luke," his mother said softly as she knelt down next to her son. In the hopes of discovering some clue, she asked, "Has Caterpie been acting strange lately? Did he seem sick or anything?"

"Well, uh..." Luke hesitated. The incident with the silk in his room was pretty strange, to say the least, but to tell his mom about it he would have to admit that he let Caterpie inside the house.

After a moment, the young man found the strength to tell his mother. This was no time to selfishly hide the truth. The young man, with a mixture of shame and despair in his quaking voice, admitted, "Well... in my room a couple days ago he shot a bunch of silk on to the ceiling... he made a big wad of it."

Ms. Granes stared blankly at her son. Did he just say inside? She was formulating her response when a deep, authoritative voice came from behind her. Apparently, she would not be the one to respond to this troubling revelation.

"Silk? From a pokemon?" Luke's father asked, having overheard Luke's confession. It suddenly felt even colder and darker outside.

Luke nodded quietly, forcing himself to hold back his tears in front of his father.

"What kind of pokemon?" Mr. Granes asked next, his tone rigid and emotionless.

"A caterpie," Mrs. Granes answered. Then, hoping to divert her husband's impending wrath she added, "Honey, you should..."

Mr. Granes held up his hand to silence his wife without breaking the hard stare he was directing into his son's eyes.

After several moments of heavy silence, the father decided that his point had been made.

"Take this, dear," Mr. Granes said as he handed his wife the flashlight he had brought with him, "Keep looking, I'm going to grab some more flashlights."

Luke and his mother stared blankly at each other as Mr. Granes headed back toward the house. This was not the reaction they anticipated.

Luke continued to call for his friend while his mother swept the forest floor with the flashlight. She wasn't hopeful; if the caterpie were here, it would've responded by now.

"Any luck?" Mr. Granes asked as he approached a few minutes later. He was carrying two more flashlights and a red-colored, rectangular object. He handed a flashlight to his son and the young boy quickly turned it on and began frantically sweeping the forest.

Despite his father's proximity, the young boy had begun to cry once more. A terrible hollowness was spreading through him that felt as if it was going to snuff out his very life.

Mr. Granes turned on his flashlight and began searching as well, scanning the treetops while his wife and their son continued to focus on the ground. He had noticed the unusually large bulk of fruit Luke had been taking to school lately and, assuming the fruit had been to feed the missing bug, he had a strong hunch as to Caterpie's whereabouts.

After a few minutes, Mr. Granes spotted exactly what he was looking for. He called his family over to him, waving his arm excitedly in a 'come over here' gesture.

Illuminating a particular treetop, Luke's father focused his flashlight on a large object stuck between two branches on the tree's trunk. It was squarish, green, and covered with a thin layer of silk that adhered to the side of the tree.

"See, that?" Mr. Granes asked as his son looked up at the strange object, "That's your friend."

Luke's mother smiled immediately upon seeing the silk-encased green object and said, "Oh, I should've known."

"It looks like Caterpie put all that fruit you've been feeding him to work, he's begun the next stage of his life-cycle." Mr. Granes explained.

Luke had heard of this sort of thing before. Some bug-type pokemon encase themselves in various sorts of cocoons to protect themselves while their bodies undergo a transformation.

"What... what's he called now?" Luke asked. He was dazed, but relieved. Caterpie, or whatever he was called, was safe.

"Here, take this." Luke father handed Luke the rectangular red object he had brought outside with him.

Luke examined the scratched, worn surface of the device, noticing that its surface could fold outward if the poke-ball shaped button on the center was pressed. Curious, the young man pressed the button and the device opened up, revealing a small control pad, a video screen, and a small speaker.

The screen flashed and the speakers fizzled for a moment as the device powered on after nearly two decades of inactivity. Once the screen had solidified into a sold white and the speakers had abandoned their staticy protests, a small red light strobed a fet times at the end of the deviced stubby antenna.

A few moments later, a picture of a green, blockish, immobile pokemon appeared on the screen and the device spoke in a robotic voice, "Metapod: the evoloved form of caterpie. After a period of growth, Metapod will break out of its cocoon in order to evolve into a Butterfree. Metapod can harden their shells to protect against attacks."

"Woah, what is this?" Luke asked, staring at the mini-pokemon encyclopedia with awe.

"It's called a poke'dex," Luke's mother answered, "That one is an old version that once belonged to my great grandfather. Your father must've fished it out of the attic."

"It doesn't have the touch-screen and voice activation of the newer models, but it can display all of the same data." Luke father added.

"So, how long until Metapod evolves again?" Luke asked as he stared as his friend in its new, almost alien-looking, form.

"Scroll down," Mr. Granes pointed at the pokedex.

Luke scrolled down, reading through a variety of information on Metapod. Average statistics, moves it can learn, type strengths and weakness, and much more was listed. Luke came to a subheading entitled 'Evolution' and began to read aloud, "Metapod evolve into Butterfree at approximately level 10. Varying by climate and care, Metapod typically take 10 to 12 weeks to evolve. Studies have shown that allowing Metapod to observe pokemon battles can speed their evolution. If a Metapod's shell is broken before it is ready to evolve, the result is death."

Luke stopped abruptly after the word 'death'. While Metapod wasn't in any danger at the moment, the very concept that it could be killed was unsettling for the young man.

Sensing his discomfort, his mother said, "Don't worry sweetie, Metapod has a tough shell. He'll be fine."

"So, dad, what do we do now? Should we take him inside?" Luke asked.

"No, I don't think so, he seems fine up in the tree." Mr. Granes answered, "The little pokemon inside that shell is delicate, so we don't want to shake it too much."

"Its time to eat dinner, kiddo," Luke's mom added, the suggested, "Why don't you come out here tomorrow morning and read Metapod a story?"

"He can hear?" Luke asked, surprised to think that Metapod's bulky exterior had ears of some sort.

"Oh yea, he's just as aware of his surroundings as he was when he was a caterpie," Mr. Granes answered, "He's just resting and taking it easy while he metamorphs into a Butterfree."

"Cool..." Luke said softly as he continued staring upward, ignoring the building cramp in the back of his kneck.

"Let's go in honey," Mr. Granes as as he lead his wife away, "Luke can say goodnight to Metapod while you clean up that disaster on the stove!"

Luke chuckled as he listened to his parents banter on their way inside. After they were gone he pocketed the poke'dex and began speaking to his newly evolved friend. He talked about anything and everything, but nothing in particular. It was just nice to know that his friend was listening.

The short-term panic aside, Luke decided this had turned out to be a pretty good Friday.

 

[Barker]

Good read, Eric. I had at first figured he would take the Caterpie on the typical OT journey, but now I'm not too sure. It's interesting, at least, to see how the higher education system works in the Pokemon world. (Considering in the Anime and whatnot, kids are set loose before they hit puberty.. -_-)

Anyway, I wonder what sort of classes Luke will take.. and what's going on with Alexia.

Also, not very many mistakes this time. :p

Keep it up, remember; you've got a fan here.

 

[Matt11]

Great Fic here, very interesting to read. You have a few spelling mistakes but they're small and far between.

I like the cliffhanger's too. Is Luke gonna go to school or train his pokemon? How is he going to meet Alexia?

Very good story keep it up!