Pokemon Dark Charcoal

[NightonEX]

[agelimit]all ages[/agelimit]
POKEMON!
Dark Charcoal
NOTE:Remember this is being written by a 10 year old, I cant say I'm a good writer. I dont know names for some things. There are some things that require thought. And the scientists are not our heros! The next post will be the start of the real story!

Chapter 1: The Red Branch Islands

The researchers were in their lab, studying the link between Pokemon and the moon. William was studying the ground of the moon.

"Sir...s-SIR!!! ADAM!! COME HERE!!!" he shouted.

"What is it, Will?"

"I saw...in the the reflection uh the moo...I saw...I saw..a new...a new...a newwwww...WOAH!!! Sorry there. Must have been my *toot* burrito." I saw a face in the moon. A new discovery, no?"

"Will...there has always been a face like spot on the moon"

"Well, I also saw a new region in the reflection of the new descovery of the new water on the new discovery of the new face."

"A new region....water..." Adam looked threw the telescope. "A crack! We've discovered a new region!!!! It came from the moon!!! Haha!!! And we've discovered possible life on the moon!!! Yaaaaaay!!!!!"

"I's feels specials *toot*" Will popped.

"So, we get paid now!!!" Adam laughed and called up Dr. Deck: 362-3325. "Hello, may I speak to-no-Adam....A-D-A-M....Eve....E-V-E. No, I'm not the direct son of God. I can speak with him? Okay, when? 3 and a half hours?No, I only have a girlfriend--4 hours....WHAT THE---"

"Adam, sir! You have to say the password to talk right now. Its--" And Will whispered the password into Adams ear opposite the phone.

"Is the password: 'Cheeseburgers on Friday and pizza on Friday?' Okay. Uh-huh. Okay, uh-huh. Yup,yuppep, yuppers, yupedydo....Hi Deck! I found a new region--the name?" Adam thought for a moment. "How about Moon Crack? Oh..uhh...I didnt realize...um... How about...THE RED BRANCH ISLANDS!!!! Oh..Did I hurt your ear? Oh, uhh...I'm so sorry. No, YUR mom took me out of middle school! Well at least I went--oh you went to high school...oh man...well the coordinates are--"

END OF CHAPTER
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Chapter 2: The Day of the Ninj--uhh...Adams Childhood

BUT MOOOOOOOM!!!!! I WANT ZELDA FOR OUR NINTENDO!!!!!!!!!

NO!! NO!!! NO!!! NO!!! NOOOOOOO!!!! MY NINTENDO BROKE JUST WHEN I STEPPED ON IT!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

He yells. He is not smart.

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIII WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTTTTTT MMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY CCCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOCCCCCCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAATTTTTTEEEE!!!!!!!

NO!!! I WONT RUN A *************************************ING MILE FOR NO ************************ ******** ********************** *** * *************ING GYM CLASS!!!!!

Not the nicest. Lets see how he talks to girls:

LETS MAKE OUT!!!

And this is in....lemme see....6th Grade. Well, since I'm gunna go into 6th grade tommorow......Well lets see if he gets to make out after this:

*gets beat hard by an 11 year old girl...no chance brudda.*

Now, how about when he's 15....

So, hot stuffs, wannaaaaa...uhhh....augh..*drops on floor and spazzes* AHHHH!!! OH GOD!!! AUGH!!!! WOAH! Oh sorry, most have been the *toot* burrito I had for breakfast.

As you can see....hes just another guy.

END OF CHAPTER

Please oh please post your comments!

EDIT: Can you please just comment....I put about an hour into this....its harder than it seems!

 

[Googlebug]

OK. It's too short. Age does not matter, I am eleven and not to be rude or boasting I can write better than that. Sure I have a fanfic I could have done tons better in but the more you pratice the better.

I dont really understand... any of it. To be honest I dont see anything to do with Pokemon apart from the word of it near the start. When you got the phone call I was lost! Uh huh yipper duh yip yip, cheeseburgers?

Dont bother explaining because its baffled me. Also when I say short i mean way to short a chapter should be at least three and above pages on a word processor!

The chaoter two thing? I dont even know what its meant to be...

- Googlebug.

 

[NightonEX]

You should wait until its finished to comment...

 

[lilninjapig]

Why shpuld he wait? You post a chapter, we comment.

Anyway, I really don't get chapter two...did you write those quotes yourself?

 

[Googlebug]

Chapter 2 is pretty er stupid. It makes no senese, the style of writing has totally changed it too short crazy and has no plot. Nighton how was I meant to know its finished huh? He post a small part of it which relaly you should only post when you add the whole chapter.-Googlebug.

 

[NightonEX]

Can a mod PLEASE close this thread? These people cant just say "Good job" This place offends me to much. If anyone can tell me the name of a Pokemon forum with a nicer community.....please PM me.

 

[Googlebug]

Good Job? That's not constructive critism. If you read the rules there should be no advertising. I was going pm you but its not working.

It would be better if you learnt to take critism. We cant say goob job because it isnt really. So what I might get in a little trouble but then that moderator might not understand where Im comong from. Dont hit me. XD.

My fanfics are not top notch either. I've got a great one and I've got a one I didnt put all the effort I could into. My bad.

You'll never grow as a good writer if you cant take that because wherever you go with a fanfic forum thats what will happen. People give critism. No one will be perfect and things are going to be mentioned. Theres always room for improvment.

-Googlebug.

 

[lilninjapig]

Google, it's hard when it is your first time ever to get that. I bawled for a week last December...

 

[Googlebug]

First time to ever get what? You bawled? I didnt.

 

[lilninjapig]

Google, let's take this up in PM, before we spam this thread up.

 

[Dr. Mack Foxx]

Can a mod PLEASE close this thread? These people cant just say "Good job" This place offends me to much. If anyone can tell me the name of a Pokemon forum with a nicer community.....please PM me.

You think this place is rough? Try SerebiiForums. Take it from me, those people can be downright mean.

Also, this story really is not very good. Seems rather sloppy and the "Second Chapter" appears to be just nonsense.

Now then, I would suggest you keep practicing and continue writing. It can take quite some time to get good, but don't give up. Your story could be something quite cool, but as is, it needs considerable work. Again, keep trying.

 

[Grovyle42(Griff8416)]

If you put a lot of time and effort into your fic and ask for some help when you need it then, chances are, it will be good. Try your best and I'd read it.

 

[Googlebug]

OK. Me and lininga have talked over this on pm. It's no big deal.

Maybe I should have mentioned that you can get help. This place isnt rough1 It's one of the best communitys I've been too! The plot is good thats for sure, Chapter 2 is a bit silly, seriously and I dont understand it.

Maybe needs more pokemon into it, after all this is a pokemon fanfic right?