Pokemon - Elemental Islands

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Growlithe charged at Chikorita, but the grass pokemon just sat there. Maddy knew that something was up, and Joe was planning a counter attack.

"Chikorita! Use *snore* powder!"

Just before Growlithe hit, the Chikorita released the powder. Growlithe hit the pokemon, but fell asleep before it could use the other attack, the Fire Spin.

"Beginner," Kai plainly said. He smiled and said, "I could do better, hands down."

Maddy raised her eyebrows. Sure, Ian looked like a beginner, but this sort of battling didn't happen because he was a beginner, it was because Joe was an experienced trainer. And he knew just what beginners would do.

"Aww, geez..." moaned Ian. He flicked out a weird, blue flute from his bag and blew a few notes. Growlithe quickly woke up, and was ready for battle, yet again.

"Blue Flute," he explained to a confused Maddy. "used to wake pokemon up."

"Hmm, how would you get one of *hick* them over here?" Joe fiddled his fingers, pretending he was playing one.

"My dad's makes them; just get on with the battle!" Ian growled. He seemed really determined to win this battle.

"*whistle* Chikorita, use Tackle, *ba bum*" Joe pointed at Growlithe and Chikorita charged.

Ian smiled.

"Use Fire Wheel!" He shouted.

Growlithe released a large "wheel-like" fire ball that rolled over Chikorita. Smoke flew everywhere, covering the scene.

*Bum, bah bbbaaahhh* a voice chirped from the other side. The smoke flew away, revealing Growlithe, panting and Chikorita, fainted.

"Yeahh!" Ian punched a fist in the air and did a little victory dance.

Kai clapped quietly. He was hoping that Ian would lose.

"Go Ian!" Maddy called out to Ian. Ian blushed and returned his tired pokemon.

"Well done *fufufu*, you guys can now pass," Joe moved aside and smiled while they passed.

"Goodbye *mwahaha!*" Joe disappeared back into the forest, mumbling to his pokemon friends.

"Goodbye!" the other 3 waved goodbye, turned around and started walking towards White City.

"You were good Ian," Maddy looked at him and smiled.

Ian blushed again, "Th-thanks Maddy,"

Kai smirked. "Yeah, it was allright, but it was a fluke."

"A fluke?! I bet you couldn't even do that good!" Ian fired up. He didn't really like being put down, and he was even more annoyed that Kai had constantly been giving him a hard time.

"Oh yeah?!" Kai snapped right back.

"Yeah!" Ian was about to reach for another pokeball when Maddy interrupted.

"Maybe now's not the time. We need to eat and rest,"

Kai stepped back from Ian. "Maddy's right," he said "Now's not the time…later though…"

Maddy sighed and started walking for the PokeCentre. Kai sneered and followed.

"Humph," Ian followed suite.

They reached a pokecentre and refreshed their pokemon. Maddy rung home, and told her mum that she had reached the next town. She also booked a room for the group and organized food. The two boys, however, continued to feud.

"Why do you think you're so good? I could be just as good!" Ian snapped.

"Because! I have more experience, I know more, I'm smarter, and I'm older!" Kai shot right back.

"That doesn't make a difference! You lost against Maddy!"

"Beginners luck!"

"Wha-a! She is wwaayy better than you'll ever be!"

"That means she's better than you!"

"Hmph, well I bet, if I versed you, I would win by a long shot!"

"Your on!"

Maddy ran over and stopped the fight, before it gone any worse.

"Guys, guys, GUYS! Neither of you will get any better if you continue to fight! We really need to go get something to eat, and get some sleep, to go
after the gym leader tomorrow!" Maddy panted, that was a mouthful.
The two boys glanced at each other and gave a small nod.

"Weirdo," Kai muttered.

"Stuck-up," Ian mumbled.

Maddy sighed. These guys were as tough as two spearows fighting over a berry.

"Gawsh you guys, you really need to get your act together. We may have to train before we get to the gym. And that's train together!"

"Let's just go eat," Kai suggested. "It's late and we really need to sleep as well…"

Finally, someone was talking some sense.

"Thank-you!" Maddy took a breath, and calmed down. "Okay, the buffet thing is around the corner here," Maddy walked down a hallway and opened a door leading to a restaurant.



After a good feed and a good sleep, the three woke up the next morning, feeling refreshed and ready for the day ahead.

"Mornin'…" Ian groaned.

"Yeah… morning," Kai rolled over in his bed and tried to back to sleep.

Maddy smiled and rolled him back over.

"We have to go train today," she explained with a smile.

"Yeah, 5 more minutes…" Kai grunted, rolling back over and falling asleep.

Ian grunted as he got up. Maddy giggled as she packed her bag and got ready.

"I'm going to go outside and train, I'll be back soon enough!" Maddy smiled
and waved goodbye. The two boys raised a hand in farewell, and tried to get ready for the day ahead.

Kai rolled over to Ian and said, "Ya' know, you owe me a battle..." Kai faded off, teasing in a way.

"Yeah, what about it?" Ian stared at Kai, getting his drift.

"Well, Maddy ain't here..." Kai nodded his head towards the door and smiled, waiting for the yes.

"No... I'm going to have breakfast..." Ian left the room quietly and Kai stared at him angrily. It had seemed last nights fight had changed him... or maybe he knew better not to dig deep otherwise something would become between him and Maddy.

'Why does Kai hate me?' Ian thought as he dragged his feet to the room they ate in before. 'Was it something I did? I said sorry to Maddy... Maybe it's Maddy! He might think that I like her... more than average and he might like her too! Hmm... I just don't want him nagging at me, and bullying me anymore..'

Ian sighed, and went to get his breakfast.

'Why did I ever agree to let him join?' Kai thought sleepishly, 'He's so freakin' annoying, and trying to suck up when he's in trouble. I can't even believe that Maddy is okay with him!"

Kai sighed and turned over and went to sleep.

Outside, Maddy was having a great time, slowly making Eve stronger and bigger. She seemed to grow a bit after growing a level, but she was still small. This didn't really bother Maddy, as Eve was perfect in her own way.

"Eve! Use Tackle!" Maddy shouted at Eve. Eve nodded and tackled the near-by Pidgey, almost knocking it out in one go. The Pidgey, dazed and confused, tried to fly off, Eve was too quick for it, charging again and taking it down.

"Yeah Eve! You are the best!" Maddy cheered. Eve squealed in excitement and danced around the grass, running in complete circles.

Maddy smiled. The only thing that could ruin her bursts of joy, are Kai and
Ian, who were always constantly bickering over nothing. Maddy sighed. That now had ruined her happiness. Sensing something was going on, Eve jumped up into Maddy's arms, and tried to tickle her, and make her happy again.

"Don't worry Eve, I'm fine, let's just get back to our training!" Maddy laughed and Eve jumped back onto the ground and searched for more pokemon.

Maddy snapped out of her trance and joined the search. It took quite a while, since they had been training for a while.

Maddy heard a rustling sound, and a quiet sigh. Maddy smiled, thinking a pokemon was close by somewhere.


"Eve!" Maddy whispered, but Eve didn't seem to hear her, as she kept wondering around, her nose firmly sticking to the ground. Maddy shook her head, and quietly brushed past the bush. Behind it was a small, dark crack in a cliff.


Maddy poked her head in, and looked around for something interesting. Another moan caught her attention, and Maddy looked in the direction of the sound. A large, sad eye could only be seen in the darkness that swallowed the rest of the body.


"Are you okay?" Maddy said gently, and tried to move further into the cave.


It only stared at her, tears welling up in its eyes. Maddy felt a hint of sadness, but tried to see it's face.


"C'mon, chin up!" Maddy smiled at the mystery pokemon, but it only continued to stare at her.


"Cue…" the pokemon muttered, and turned it's back to Maddy.


'A Cubone?' Maddy sighed, and crawled out of the crack.


"Cue! Cubone!" Cubone rushed out of the hole and looked Maddy in the eye.


"What is it?" Maddy bent down to his height and smiled warmly. Eve came sprinting into the scene,
puffing and panting. It seemed to have been in a long battle and just won, by a tight thread. She took a final breath and fell to the ground, totally worn out.


"Cubone…" the cubone gave Eve a funny look and poked her with his bone. Maddy laughed as Eve fidgeted and moaned as Cubone poked her some more. While he was distracted, Maddy stood up, and slowly took a pokeball off her belt. Maddy clutched the ball waiting for the opportune moment.


'Wait 'till Kai sees this! He'll be so jealous!' Maddy grinned smugly and threw the pokeball at Cubone.
Cubone looked up at Maddy again with those large, puppy-dog eyes before the ball hit him, and a red light swallowed him, and threw him into the ball. It rattled, shook and turned for a moment. It finally rested and Maddy picked it up.


"Yeah Eve! We have a Cubone!" Eve smiled back happily, and gave a 'it's-time-to-go-home-now-' look.


"You wanna go home? Yeah, I guess we should, I'm hungry!" Maddy smiled and looked back to the ball
she held tightly in her hands.


"Shy… Shya I'll call you…" Maddy muttered to the pokeball, clicking it back to her belt and following Eve back to the PokeCentre.
 
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Hmm.... not bad. I see some improvement here in the attack descriptions, good job, keep improving, yadda, yadda, yadda. And yes, I understand getting sidetracked by school. But there are a few things you need to deal with in this story to make it easier to read- I know that last time you didn't quite appreciate my sadistic response, so I'm going to tone it down a bit this time, OK? Well, now we begin.

The first problem I saw was that you mixed up "You're", which is "You are", and "Your", or "belonging to you" at least once. This is an easy mistake to make, and I have done it more than once myself, so just remember you are not alone. Be careful when writing this next time. The second glaringly obvious mistake I found was also a grammar error. You used the numbers 2,5, etc. instead of the words two, five, etc. In proper writing form, you always write out the word instead of the number unless the number is greater then a certain amount- I forget how high it has to be before you can write the actual number instead of the word, but you get my drift. Finally, there is one instance in which you accidentally switched from past tense verb (was, did, beat) to present tense (is, are, beating). Here it is (and I quote):
Maddy smiled. The only thing that could ruin her bursts of joy, are Kai and
Ian, who were always constantly bickering over nothing.
Click to expand...

You see? Right there in the second sentence you placed "are" instead of "were". Easy mistake, be on the lookout next time. Additionally, you might want to learn a little more about how to use commas. You seem to just be sprinkling them in whenever you need a pause in the sentence- that is not how a comma works. Just like any other punctuation mark, commas have strict rules when it comes to their usage, and if you break the rules you risk having a giant grammar teacher appear from nowhere and eat you alive. ;:_:

I can forgive your poor sentence structure for now, but only because you are just starting out. By the way, slight apology for earlier- it's hard for me to remember that begginers can't always measure up to my standards. Anyway, I have one slight gripe about the plot- feel free to ignore it, but it would probably do you some good to listen. Or it might roast your brains out. Keh.

My one plot gripe: I feel sorry for Buddy. Like most Charmanders in fanfiction that are caught by main characters, he has been abandoned, *sob*, by his evil trainer. Why is it always Charmander that are abandoned? Why not Chikorita, or Cyndaquil, or even Cubone? Poor Charmander. They need to form a union or something.

Yeah. I'm done now.
 
Thanks ACC okay, now to reply to it..
Yeah, I'm always mixing them up even when i try to think about it. Probably because im on MSN while writing the story, i do try to use my best grammer for these things!
I thought that Microsoft Word would pick up most gramitical errors, so i do get locked between the past and the present. Mainly because i do RP so, it's kinda hard to think and do...
Charmander, because I'm using the exact same team as in my RP, cause I like that team :)
and i couldn't think of a good story of them meeting up, can you try to think up something to replace it?
 
Well... I'm not sure. Usually in my stories, I tend to avoid giving a Charmander to my characters so I won't have to think about that. Personally, as this is a made-up region, I would have just made Charmander a common Pokemon- hey, they have to be common SOMEWHERE- and had Maddy catch him after a long and humorous battle, possibly involving her slipping up and continually getting her butt kicked. After defeating her, the Charmander could then join her because she needs "some proffesional help", or she'll "flunk out at the first gym she comes to". Alternatively, you could have Buddy come in a trade with some eccentric old man for a common Pokemon that he happens to be enamored with. But that's really just my writing style- if you want an alternate story, it would be best to come up with your own, rather then relying on the ideas of another.
 
I have a reply. Nice chapter as always. I'll leave the spelling mistakes to ACC, who is supposed to be ashes as we speak. O_o?

So anyways, instead of Spark I think the Gym Leader's Eevee should have Mist Ball. You know Shadow Ball Vs. Mist Ball? Light and Dark? lol.
 
great ideas guys. ill have a think about it, but the old man one seems great :)
 
Great "chapter"!! I REALLY liked the conversation between Eve and Charmander. It was very well written. *holds up "#1 fan" sign*

Keep up the good work~
 
thanks! although i may be changing that section :P
i need more ideas on teh old man...
crazy old coot with a scared charmander that he wants to get rid of? IDEAS PEOPLE! lol
not to sound demanding ...
 
What about...a strange Pokemon has been stealing from the Pokemon Center? It stole from the center because it's trainer did not feed it? Then Maddy befriends it. Or...what if Maddy actually MET the trainer terrorizing the poor lizard by beating it, and she challenges him to a battle. Winner takes Charmander! Sidenote - if he won, what if the Charmander gets mad at him and scratches him, then runs and jumps up into Maddy's arms?

O_O
 
Eon, that was the original plan actually! Not all the detail, but winner takes Charmander...
hmm it's so hard to decide!!
Maybe i should just keep going with the story, and add the old coot later...
 
Oh, please no. No abused Charmander getting taken in a battle. Leave that to those who write Mary-Sue fics, please. (Come to think of it, I saw that in a Mary-Sue parody once- the guy abandoned the Charmander after it lost.) Anyway, the "crazy old man" idea wasn't entirely mine... I kinda got the idea from one of the few Advanced Generation anime episodes I watched- it was the one with the school for Pokemon referees in it. I thought the old Magikarp Man was funny, so I kept the idea in cold storage. As I have said, no "fight teh evil, mean trainer". Actually, having the Charmander getting beaten up by the trainer is slightly dumb, as the Pokemon would probably just barbecue the guy and leave him on the ground smoking in self defence, then abandon him. Yeah. The only Charmander to have actually been abused belonged to Daisuke (I forget his English name...). That particular Charmander, you note, was not abused in any other way then by being left out in the rain- serious for the Charmander, yeah, but it only worked because the Charmander loved its trainer, right up until the end where it barbequed him like a hot tamale. A very hot tamale. So yeah, please do not write in an abusive trainer. Leave abused Charmander to the incompetent writers with no talent or imagination and the master writers who pull it off so well that they can get away with it. Keh. If you really want an original idea, have her receive the Charmander in a trade from a trainer who was abused by it. That might be fun...

Additionally, Eon, what's with the whole "gym leader's Eevee needs a special attack" shtick? Shouldn't the Eevee just battle using its own moves? And on top of that, Mist Ball is exclusively used by Latias, and last I checked she wasn't entering into any love affairs with Eevee evolutions... Ash maybe, but no Eeveelutions. If Maddy wrote that in, the Altoshippers would crawl out of the woodwork and eat her alive. I might help- I hate irrational shippings.

I suddenly notice that I have somehow become one of the team of plot writers involved with this fanfic. You'd better give me some credit if you post this elsewhere, young lady, or I'll go "ninja-lawyer" on you! *pulls out numchucks*

Oh, Eon, the reason I am not ash is that Pokemon USA called me and told me to stop because they had the sole rights to Ash. Besides, I'm a ground type at heart.
 
XD Wouldn't it be hilarious if Ash's child ended up being able to use mist ball ..? But Nintendo wouldn't poison our minds with such implications, hmm? X3

Yes, I agree with ACC. Your spelling and grammar have improved somewhat since the last chapter, although I still have issues with Joe's odd sounds. Perhaps, if you use less, you could use a sentence structure like, "My name is-" He made an odd sound that sounded like a combination between a drowning cat and nails on a chalkboard. "- Joe. Who're you?" or something to that effect. Just so that it flows better. As far as I know, asterisks aren't used in any works of literature ... I don't even know why they exist. O.o I assume only when you're bullet-pointing stuff, but ... oh well.

VAMPIRES.

Oh mah. Yes, the discussion of charmander ... I think you should either make it a common pokémon in whichever area Maddison is currently in, or have her recieve it in a trade. Poor, abused charmander is, as it has been pointed out, a complete and utter cliché reserved for works of
Sue-ism. Also, if you have it as a rare pokémon or a gift, and it just happens to be that it's charmander season as she passes by or just happens to bump into a trainer who has a charmander and feels like giving it away for no apparent reason is very illogical. A sign of a good author is being able to think of logical explanation for each and every twist and turn and up and down and left and right their story may take, that could happen in a normal situation in real life (excepting the whole 'pokémon exist' factor). So there you go. Something simple that anyone else could do should go over well here ... Or maybe just don't have the charmander at all. D: Growlithe is nice. And numel is aggravatingly common. <3

Just for the records, Dexter doesn't give info on stats; I think pokénav/pokégear/pokétech (take your pick XP) does that. If it doesn't, it at least makes a bit more sense. And if Maddison doesn't have one ... Sucks to be her. You don't see Ash checking the stats of his 'monners, and in the anime, they very rarely make actual references to levels or stat gains. The anime, in this case, is the whole real life thing.

Ash is a Mary-Sue Gary-Stu! D: It's the classic sign of 'Chosen One-dom' and illogical victories! RUN FOR THE HILLS, I SAY! THE HILLS! >___<

... In other words, don't use Ash as your example. D:

And update soon, la~
 
okay, I got completely confused on the "Ash" part.... O.o
And Fullmetal, it's actually Madelaine (not Maddison) since that's my name, and I don't really feel like making up a name, as i usually use the same ones, (Haily, Riley yadda yadda)
another pokemon instead of Charmander you say?
hmm, something strong yet cutey :) Not growlithe since Ian has one, and it's kinda awkward writing about two, and besides, everyone loves variety!
Maybe.... (just staring at a couple of trainer cards lol)
okay, so far we have a normal, fire, steel and ghost...
Maybe umm lol argh!
A pichu maybe.... sounds good? or a pidgey...
Or maybe a Plusle or Minun, help me?
 
Uh...What about a Larvitar...XD I consider them cute/tough.???
 
Hey, Fullmetal, leave Ash alone. It's bad enough for the poor guy that his personality is poorly written and that he is a complete retard without people saying that he wins all of his battles illogically. Give the kid a break. He has lost before, y'know.... but yeah, he makes a sucky example for a fanfic author. Use him not. And as for the replacement Pokemon, don't use Larvitar- they may not be as rare as Charmander, but giving one to a beggining trainer is kinda dumb... go out on a limb. I'd suggest Aipom, Spinda, or Slugma. They'd be nice.
 
Aipom does become Etebossu, you know... but really, I have one Pokemon I'd prefer if you MUST have an evolver. (Are you ready for this....)

CUBONE.

Dios Mios, poor Cubone! Never been owned by a recurring character, always lonely, slightly creepy yet also cute- Cubone is perfect! Plus, you don't have to worry too much about its personality, as Cubone ar rather lonely by nature...

Oh, one final thing- have Maddy lose at some point. Badly. Avoid Sue-ism at all costs. Even if Maddy's Pokemon evolve, have her lose. In one of my favorite fanfics, in fact, the main character lost EVERY battle that his Pokemon evolved in. Bummer. But still better then "Ooh, looky! I'm an unbeatable begginer with my runty Eevee who uses uber-powerful attacks that aren't even naturally learned by Eevee! LOOKY!"

Yeah, I'm feeling a little psycho right now...
 
I was told to post this here...?

Name: Sarah
Age: 8
Status: Tag Along/New Trainer
Pokemon: Skitty, Cherimu
Apperance/Personality: A spunky little girl with long light brown hair that reaches her waistline. She wears two Pikachu barettes to hold back her bangs, and she wears a summer-type dress that has a daisy print. She believes that shes stronger than she really is.
 
I also suggest a Horsea. It is cute but can be tough. Especially if it learned some strong water move. It also can evolve to be powerful. Ever consider Maddy having the dragon/water evo of Horsea later on?

EDIT - Sarah, trainers can't be 8 years old.
 
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