Pokemon goes to school

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Pikachu Jr

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    Pokemon goes to school: Season 1
    Chapter 1: Helllooooooo new school!
    In this wonderful Pokemon world theres these three nice pokemon called Turtwig,Piplup and their leader Pikachu.They live in the number 1 most voted town pokemon paradise.they've been best friends since preschool. right now they were a home having fun. As you can see, it was the last day of summer. Just about now, Piplup and Turtwig was walking to Pikachu's house. Piplup then knocked on Pikachu's door.When Pikachu awnsered the door piplup said "Happy last day of summer Pikachu!" Pikachu:Thanks! Pikachu:come on in! When Pikachu let turtwig and piplup inside, he walked them to his room. Oh hi Piplup and turtwig! Pikachu's Mom perked, as Pikachu led both Piplup and turtwig towards his room. "Ms.Pikachu's mom!" Piplup and Turtwig exclaimed in Unison, surprised as her sudden appearance. Pikachu's Mom: Where are your taking your friends pikachu? Pikachu: To my room, of corse Mom. Pikachu's mom: Oh, but before you go, would you like some fresh baked Poke blocks? Pikachu,Turtig,Piplup: No thanks! Pikachu countineued walking up stairs.once he opened his door he pullled a box from under his bed.It had only school supplies in it. Piplup:Wow! thats a lot of school supplies Pikachu: Thanks! Pikachu: You got to take the best school stuff on the first day of school!Turtwig: Yeah, I guess your right. Pikachu:I wonder if we're in the same classroom. Turtwig: Don't remind me. Pikachu: Sorry. Turtwig:Well see you guys tommorow! Turtwig and piplup: Bye! Pikachu: Bye! As soon as piplup and turtwig left pikachu'sroom pikachu jumped into bed and turtwig, pikachu, and Piplp both said hope you have a nice day at school. Chapter 2 coming soon! And now a sneak peak of chapter 2! It smeems on the 1st day of school piplups late! Piplup: {looks at clock.] on no! im' late for school!
     
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    Hmm, okay, where should I start?

    First of all, there are three main concerns that should be addressed, or at least considered, before you continue. These are grammar, punctuation and length. There are a few errors in spelling, and the structure of the chapter could have been better also.

    Pikachu Jr said:
    In this wonderful pokemon world theres these 3 nice pokemon called turtwig,Piplup and there leader Pikachu.
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    Okay, take your first sentence for example. First of all, names of characters are capitalised to indicate a person (or Pokemon in this case) from another person. Also, try to avoid using actual numbers, such as "3", and write the word "three" instead.

    Pikachu Jr said:
    In this wonderful Pokemon world, there are three nice Pokemon called Turtwig, Piplup and their leader, Pikachu.
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    "There" details an area or location, whereas "their" refers to a person's belonging or posession, or in this case, their leader. Pikachu is Turtwig and Piplup's leader. I also removed the word "these", as it prompted a possesive tone that the author may have included unintentionally. I was also going to remove the word "nice" as other descriptive words could have well been used in its place instead, but I'll leave that up to you.

    Also, when writing monologues or dialogues, it is more professional and easy on the eyes, to use quotations (" and ') to encase a character's speech.

    Pikachu Jr said:
    When pikachu awnsered the door piplup ssaid "Happy last day of summer Pikachu!" Pikachu:Thanks! Pikachu:come on in! When Pikachu let turtwig and piplup in he walked them to his room. Pikachu's Mom: OH HI Piplup and turtwig! Piplup and turtwig: Ms.Pikachu's mom!
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    In these sentences where a dialogue has broken out between all four characters, it is more beneficial to add quotations around verbal sentences, as well as spacing out each sentence so that the paragraph does not become cluttered.

    Pikachu Jr said:
    When Pikachu awnsered the door, Piplup said, "Happy last day of Summer Pikachu!".

    "Thanks!" Pikachu replied. "Come on in!"

    When Pikachu let Turtwig and Piplup inside, he walked them to his room.

    "Oh hi Piplup and Turtwig!" Pikachu's mother perked, as Pikachu led both Piplup and Turtwig towards his room.

    "Ms. Pikachu's mom!" Piplup and Turtwig exclaimed in unison, surprised by her sudden appearance.
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    Grammar is important, and can make your sentences look a lot better when used effectively.

    Also, when writing a conversation between characters, it is important to also incorporate descriptive paragraphs between lines, to help establish a setting and/or mood for the story. This prevents most of your dialogue scenes turning into scripts, which are not encouraged unless they are well written.

    I hope this will help you in writing your next chapter, as I look forward to seeing to what happens next. ^-^
     
    dont listen to him or her make it crappy and it makes it sound funny keep up the good work and see fat tony's secret life for example doesnt make no sence .. BUT FUNNY and i like ur style its funny
     
    Chapter 2: Late,Late,Late!
    It was a beutiful morning at Pokemon town on the first day of School. Meanwhile, Piplup was still sleeping in his bed, Intill his alarm clock ringed. Piplup then pushed the button after a few seconds. Piplup tirdley got out of his bed, and then into his bathroom. Piplup then put some toothpaste on his toothbrush. then he dicided to look at the clock. Piplup:[Still tired.] Oh....it's only 4:00...Piplup ten started to brush his teeth, intill he quickly looked at the clock agian. Piplup: What!?!!! 4:00?!?!!!? Im late for School!!! Piplup threw his toothbrush and toothpate,and zoomed to his backpack. Piplup then headed downstairs for the door. Piplup's Mom: Have a nice day at school sweetie. Piplup: Yeah,Ok Mom! Pilup the opened the door and then found out that the bus was leaving him already. Piplup: Hey,Wait up! Aw...crud... Then Piplup saw Pikachu and Turtwig running to him. Turtwig: aw man, we missed it to. Piplup: What?! You missed it too? Pikachu: Yeah! So how are we going to go to School now? Piplup: Hmmmm...Oh I know! Turtwig, use your vine whip on the road! Turtwig: Uh....ok.... Turtwig then used his vines on the road. Piplup: Now use those vines to lift your body up. Pikachu: Piplup are you sure you know what your doing? Piplup: Trust me Pikachu. Piplup: Piplup then grabed Pikachu and hopped on Turtwig's back. Piplup: Now use your vines to run after that bus! Turtwig: Ok! Piplup:Hang on Pikachu! Turtwig then ran after the bus as quickly as possible. My Mom said I have to stop , But i'll write more, Sorry!
     
    Dude, didn't you listen to Phanima? Don't write it in script form, use quotation marks, and make it longer. A lot longer. You could make this story way better by not writing it like you do now.
     
    I'll try my best Wooty Mcwoot and Phanima. Now to countinue chapter 2: The faster Turtwig ran, the faster the bus went. "Go faster!" Pikachu said, with fear, But just as Turtwig started to go faster, his vines got stuck in a sewer vent, and fell. Pikachu and Piplup screamed, as they were flying in the air. After they were flying in the air, they landed on a car. Then sudddenly a purple-dark like ghost came from the shadows, with red, scary eyes. "Out of my way!!!" Said the mysterious shadow, in a rude voice. "What's that guy's problem?" Piplup said, in a mad voice. The Shadow became so mad, he threw a shadow-dark ball at Piplup and Pikachu. Pikachu: Look out, Piplup!! Before The Shadow ball hit Piplup and Pikachu, The both of them jumped of the car and onto the shadow ball. Then the shadow figure, did another shadow ball at Piplup and Pikachu. Pikachu: What do we do now!? Piplup became so mad he did a huge bubblebeam at the Shadow ball, and The Shadow Creature. Then the Shadow came out of the Shadows, screaming while flying in the air, and fell on road. It was a Gengar! "You idiot, do you know what you just did!?" "Now I'm really late for School!" Gengar said, in a very angry voice. "Does it look like I care?!" Piplup said in a very angry voice. Then Piplup did a huge bubble attack at Gengar, and he flew all the way in the air. "Allright Piplup!" Pikachu and Turtwig said, in a very happy voice.But then Pikachu then saw the Shadow ball was going to crash! "PIPLUP, WERE ABOUT TO CRASH INTO A TREE!" Pikachu said in a very scared voice. Piplup:Well why did'nt you say so? Piplup then grabed Pikachu, and jumped of the Shadow ball. Then the Shadow ball hit the Tree, and exploded. Piplup: That was close! Pikachu: TURTWIG! Are you alright?! Turtwig: Yeah, I'm allright. Pikachu: We better get to School! Pikachu,Piplup and Turtwig then headed for middle School. Once they reached the School, they went to the priceibles office.Pikachu: Excuse me sir, but we would like to know what class were in. Princible: Why would the Three of you would like to know when both of you are in the smame class? Pikachu,Piplup and Turtwig was speechless, intill they yelled a big horray. Piplup: THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST YEAR EVER! Turtwig: YOU GOT THAT RIGHT! Pikachu: OH BOY! WITH A DAY LIKE THIS NOTING CAN GO WRONG! Gengar: [In shadows snikering.] I'm not so sure about that Pikachu.
     
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    Chapter 3: Body Trouble
    It was another Peaceful afternoon in Pokemon Town. Meanwhile, Pikachu was working, frustradedly. He begined to sweat as he looked at the clock. Then he returned to his work. After a few ticks on the clock, The School Bell rang. Then, all the students started running out the room, excited to get out. Pikachu, Piplup, and Turtwig, was the last Students to get out.
    "Dang! What the heck is that Teacher's problem?!" Pikachu said, in a mad tone.
    " For your information, You should know that in Every Middle School, the teachers get more harder in every Subject, Pikachu!" Turtwig said, loudly.
    " Oh just, Shut Up." Said Pikachu, in his mind.

    While Pikachu and his friends was walking down the hallway, Gengar was sneaking near the lockers, with a letter in his hand.
    "Hehehe, Oh this plan is going to be so great; Once I put this letter in Pikachu's Locker, he is going to be so sorry." Gengar said, snickering.
    Gengar then walked quietly to To the lockers, without seen. Then he dialed the locker number on Pikachu's locker, and stuffed the letter in his locker, and closed the locker door. Once he heard Pikachu's voice coming, he dissapeared. Pikachu then walked to his locker to get his books, intill he was surprised at appearance of the letter. "What's this?" Piakchu said, confused. As Piplup was getting the books out out his locker made a weird look at Pikachu. What's wrong, Pikachu." Turtwig also peeked out out of his locker to see what was going on.
    " It's a letter, but it dosen't have any adress on it." Pikachu said, as he begined to open it. To be countinued.
     
    Clearly you choose to ignore reviews.

    Just stop writing.
     
    I'm so sorry guys, It's just that, Im' only 11 years old, and Im' not really good with my grammer and Putiation. And I can't write THAT long, because I get tired. Somtimes I rush trough a chapter so I can have time to do want I want to do. And I can't ask my Mom to help me, beacuse she's to busy. She says she will try to help me this saturday or sunday. Anyway Again, Im' SO sorry. Please forgive me! PLEASE!
     
    Your whole chapter is scrunched up. Use the enter button. Or the return button. Just because you're 11 doesnt mean you get to ignore reviews and write bad stories. And you shouldnt write in speech format. And that also doesnt mean we have to automatically say that it's good.
     
    I am using the Enter button, It's just that, I don't know When to push it. I also don't know what A speech Format is. And I am not trying to get you guys to like it, Im' trying the best I can. It's just so HARD!
     
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    Pika, if you're having that much trouble, PM me the chapter before you write it up, and I'll try and help you with the chapter.
     
    Lily said:
    Clearly you choose to ignore reviews.

    Just stop writing.
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    >_> Way to shoot a guy a down.

    Encouragement is what he needs, lets offer him help instead.

    Comments like that do nothing to help out, considering he has clearly explained that he has trouble in certain areas of writing.
     
    I also used to write like that. When I was six... >_>
     
    Wooty McWoot said:
    I also used to write like that. When I was six... >_>
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    Six year olds make useless posts like that as well.

    Like I said in my previous post, lets help and encourage, not flame him. At least hes making and attempting a story, many are just reading and criticising. I read in the rules that constructive criticism is allowed, but many of you are just flaming, basically breaking the rules. C'mon guys step up and help out others. I'm sorry if its not my place to say this but it just gets me mad sometimes...
     
    Thanks for the help, Ukballer and X-files! Im' really happy now!
     
    ukballer said:
    Six year olds make useless posts like that as well.

    Like I said in my previous post, lets help and encourage, not flame him. At least hes making and attempting a story, many are just reading and criticising. I read in the rules that constructive criticism is allowed, but many of you are just flaming, basically breaking the rules. C'mon guys step up and help out others. I'm sorry if its not my place to say this but it just gets me mad sometimes...
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    I agree here.

    Anyway, if you need a beta or something before posting the next chapter, just PM me. I'd give a full review on your story but no time.
     
    um.. no need to be rude but, what does it mean to Pm someone?
     
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