[Pokémon] Pokemon Halloween Land

[Adam Levine]

In the creepy enchanted land with magical creatures,called Pokemon,people decided to make a Halloween Festival in Nuvema Town
Characters:
Mincinno,our friendly hero
Sigilyph,the calm flyer
Vullaby,Mincinno's friend
Watchog,the mean Pokemon
Scolipede,the giant hallow
Krookodile,the real one
Scrafty,Zoroark's curious buddy
Zoroark,the grown-up imp
Lampent,the joyful scare-maker
Golett,the simple one
Zweilous,the creepy headmaster
Zekrom,the lightning reaper
Mincinno was on his way for the Halloween Festival. Vullaby was walking with him,and entered Route 1,which they now named"The Forest of Purrlion". They both stared at the sign,when Zoroark dashed in a sign of relief,but Scrafty couldn't catch up,but Mincinno and Vullaby had no sign. Mincinno said,"Zoroark!" then he ran to Sigilyph,saying" Was that Zoroark?" When a thunderstrom came and destroyed Lampent's place,following through Scolipede's Lair. Watchog asked Mincinno and Vullaby,"Did you see that? MY HOUSE BURNED DOWN,AND I WANT YOU FIX IT!!!" Mincinno and Vullaby sighed,then they ran into Krookodile,whose party in Accumula turned into ashes. Golett's building weren't affected since they were made out of clay. Zekrom returned to its lair.......Golett says,"Wow,that thing's weak for my buildings." Mincinno rode on Vullaby and they flew to Opelucid,then Zweilous showed up. One of the heads said,"That was a strong cloud." Another head replied," NO! IT PROBABLY FLEW OFF YOUR HEAD!" Both of the heads started to bite their necks and started taunting each other with frustration,when suddenly Zekrom appeared. Both of the heads started replying,"Was that Darkrai?" Vullaby screamed in frustration,"NO! IT'S ZEKROM YOU SILLY NITWIT HEADS!" Both of the heads sighed and went back to their house when Zekrom blasted it................TBC(To Be Continued)

 

[Astinus]

I edited your title so you had the correct prefix: "Pokemon" instead of "Other".

I wouldn't have the list of characters before the story like you do. It's more memorable to the readers if you introduce your characters in the story through their actions, speech, and thoughts. For example, instead of saying that Watchog is the mean character, show him being mean to the other characters.

Don't forget proper paragraphing. Make a new paragraph whenever a character speaks or when you change topics in the narration. Don't use caps lock for your characters' dialogue just because they're shouting. Add in the missing spaces after words or punctuation marks, and ellipses are only three full stops (...).

Other than that, this looks like a cute and fun story. Keep writing.

Hope this helps!