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[Pokémon] Pokemon in Real Life

It's December... Christmas time.

Chapter 21

"The seating chart looks great," Evan said.
We were looking at the auditorium map outside the Convention Center. The seating chart apparently is divided into 3 groups. The left and right sections were seats for people. The middle section was just a big space on the floor, reserved for pokemon.
"I'll be in the right section," Evan said. He then took out his Playstation 2 portable and sat down in the front row. He went on the internet browser and found a flash game on there called The Unfair Platformer, a platform game that is, well, unfair.
More and more people came in, many of them Trainers. They always seemed to stare at me. Other pokemon came in the middle section with me. Then, one boy asked what Evan was playing when he became frustrated on the second level.
"The Unfair Platformer," Evan answered. "I've heard of it, but I've never played it. Hey- Are you the guy-
"No," Evan was focused on the game.
"You look just like Guillermo's grandson!" The boy said. "I never heard-holy... You made me walk into a trap!"
"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to."
He played the next few levels. He was completely scared of the giant boulder on level 5.
"Hey! The show's starting!" The boy exclaimed. Evan didn't finish the game, but he didn't mind. He put the the console away and started watching. The pokemon suddenly gained interest when Guillermo and his performers showed up onto the stage. The conductor never noticed me during his performance.
"Hello, and welcome to my 21st performance on stage. We all hope you have a very pleasent evening tonight."
"My first performance will be my Strings in G Minor. This tune will sound romantic. Are you ready?" He asked his concert. 1, 2, 3, and the music started playing. It sounded like a mix of a Beethoven and a Mozart symphony. Apparently the pokemon around me were interested in the song. I was enjoying it too, but I then fell asleep halfway during the song. When I woke up, Evan was telling me to get up because the performance was over. I had missed 3 other songs of Guillermo's. What a bummer!
There was talk in the main corridor that there was snow outside. "Snow?" Evan said. Evan went through his backpack and put on his winter clothing that his mom got for him. "Let's get outside!"
Once outside, we were gretted by the white snow falling to the ground. Already it looked like a winter wonderland out there.
"Should we head for Fort Wayne now?" Evan asked.
"Why not?" I said.
Then Evan ran and accidently fell hard going down the main steps! "Oh my god! Evan! Are you okay?
"Owww! That hurt..." He slowly got up, and tried not to slip on the thick ice as we headed toward Fort Wayne.

End Chapter 21
 
No one has commented on here before? Well, I'm just going to make a few comments/suggestions here.

First thing is that the font is really annoying. It's the blue that contrasts with the themes people use, and its ridiculously huge. It's like one of those old people's phones with the huge keypad size. The font leaves a blare and, to me, it speaks volumes about a writer. Your story doesn't need flashy fonts or colors or dazzle to make it interesting. What makes your story interesting is the actual content, not how the content is delivered.

I get the concept, and it's something I've definitely seen before. But the thing is, it doesn't really seem like it's actually Pokemon in Real-Life since the whole world is just like the Pokemon World, with a few supermarket chains or the locations, or the fact that playstations are there instead of a SNES or whatever they protagonists has in the games. Other than that, they're pretty identical. Everyone goes on a journey, everyone knows about it, Pokemon aren't subject to a huge extent of experiments (that's what I'd think would happen), people know how to battle, Poke Balls exist, etc. That's just my view though.

Now, there's the formatting of the story. You have lots of dialogue and all, but none of it is spaced out. Remember to separate the lines of dialogue a bit more.

Just

Like

This.

That's pretty much all I'm going to say for now. Just keep doing your thing. It's a shame no one else has said anything.
 
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