[Pokémon] Pokemon Journeys

[Rucario]

Chapter 1:
The Beginning of an Adventure

A faded alarm clock in the shape of a Pokeball sat at the edge of the nightstand beside the bed of a child read "4:23 AM". The child was Kevin Branch, a 10 year old boy from Pallet Town in the Kanto region. He was receiving his first Pokemon the next day, and he didn't know what one to choose. Kevin had an older brother, Danny, who was 11. He had chosen a Bulbasaur the year before and was currently in the Johto region, a region that nestled beside Kanto. Kevin slepted blissfully as he had dreams of the adventures that he would have traveling the Pokemon World with his Pokemon. He had thought long and hard the night before about what to choose. A Charmander: an orange lizard that blew fire and kept its life from the flame on its tail. Squirtle: A blue turtle Pokemon that swam through the rivers of Kanto. Bulbasaur: A dinosaur shaped Pokemon that carried a bulb on its back and could charge a powerful beam from his bulb that's powered by the sun. Each of them were individually powerful and could easily protect him. In Kevin's dream, a gang of Pokemon had surrounded Kevin and he wasn't able to move. The Pokemon began enclosing him and taunting him. An orange Pokemon with large wings and a dragon form landed in front of Kevin: Charizard. It spat a ring of fire around the circle of Pokemon and led Kevin to his back. The flew across the region and smoked along the skies of the cities. The altitude was compared to which of a skyscraper's. They sailed along the amber colored skies as dusk battled noon. Kevin was sure that he was going to pick Charmander for this reason. Charizard was the most reasonable choice for him. His friends, Ryan and Sean, had been discussing which Pokemon they were going to choose.

They were uncertain what one they would choose, but they knew that they would work it out. The Pokeball shaped clock hit "5:45 AM" and the alarm blared throughout the room. Kevin immediately swept his hand along the nightstand and knocked the clock to the ground, violently shutting the alarm off. The boys were to arrive at 6:30 AM to receive their first Pokemon Kevin ran across the room as the television played "Pokemon Stadium", a live television program that started at 5:00 AM where trainers from across the world met up at a stadium in one of the regions to battle it out and be proclaimed the winner. This battle was taking place at Viridian City, the city nearest to Kevin. He swept through his closet looking for his blue jeans and belt. A gray long-sleeved shirt was lying on his desk. It was just ironed the night before and was still slightly warm. Kevin tossed on his clothes and rushed downstairs. A black sweatshirt was resting on the back of the sofa and Kevin slid it over his head as he began to lie on the couch. The clock was now 6:03 and Kevin was still exhausted and uncertain about what Pokemon he was going to pick. He thought that if he would watch a little bit of television, that would help him clear his mind. He turned the television on and to his favorite program, "Pokemon Battle League". Pokemon Battle League was a show featuring all types of Pokemon battling each other. The thing that made this different from Stadium is that you could have a Squirtle fighting a Venusaur. The current battle was featuring a Charmander and a Squirtle.

This matchup was probably the best one and it made it more enjoyable to watch. Charmander ran to Squirtle and slashed its arm. Squirtle fired back by launching a masquerade of bubbles that slammed Charmander to the ground. Charmander lifted itself back up and slid onto the ground and knocked Charmander out. The battle raged on as Kevin's eyes became heavy. He rested his head on the arm of the sofa and fell asleep. He woke up at 8:08 AM after a short nap. Kevin turned off the television as he ran outside. He was supposed to meet his friends, Sean and Ryan, at 8:10 AM. They were to get to the laboratory at 8:30 AM and get their Pokemon. As Kevin stepped outside, the October wind brushed through his hair. It was October 18th and he was nervous. His stomach twisted as he met his friend Sean outside.

"Kevin, you made it!" Sean said excitedly.

"Of course. Where's Ryan at?" Kevin said, nervously.

"Probably sleeping. Whether it's important or not, he's always late." Sean said.

It's true… Ryan would always be late. For birthday parties, for school, for battles at the stadium, everything. He had the dream of becoming a Professor like Professor Oak, but the fact that he was always late was keeping him behind. He had the intelligence to do it, but he probably wouldn't show up on the first date. Kevin walked to Ryan's house which was right next to Sean's house. They knocked at the door and waited for a response. As they waited, they heard running and heavy breathing. Ryan appeared at the door, breathing heavily and nervous. He slammed the door and they heard stumbling and breathing. After a few moments, a disheveled Ryan appeared at the door and began walking with them.

"Sorry I'm late, guys… A Battle League marathon was on until 3 and I couldn't resist watching it." Ryan said apologetically.

"It's fine... The only problem is that we may be a little bit late to Professor Oak's lab…" Kevin said nervously.

"I'm really sorry… So, did you guys think of what Pokemon you guys are picking?" Ryan said, changing the subject.

"You bet! I'm getting Bulbasaur. Venusaur looks awesome!" Sean said with excitement.

"I have been thinking about Charmander. It looks good and it evolves into Charizard." Kevin said, thinking deeply now.

"Really? I was thinking of Squirtle. I saw it in the Pika Cup and it terrorized all of the others!" Ryan said excitedly.

"You know that Stadium is staged, right?" Sean said, lying with a smirk.

"No… It's not. Just stop now so that we don't have to argue. " Kevin said to stop a future argument.

They trailed up the hill and made it to Professor Oak's laboratory. Ryan ran ahead and stared on at the building where his future would begin. The gates opened and Kevin's stomach began to turn. They entered the laboratory and met up with Professor Oak. He stood and greeted them with a smile.

"You are the starting trainers? Wonderful! Follow me!"

Professor Oak was a family friend and was very close to Kevin's uncle. Kevin was mostly familiar with him as the man who was always at the family parties and gifted people with Pokemon. As they moved along, they walked down a flight of stairs to a basement with all of the Pokemon in the region listed in numerical order in a comfortable environment. Kevin looked at all of the Pokemon. Kevin was familiar with common forest or river Pokemon because when he was younger he would go to the lake by Viridian City and play with the Pokemon there like Poliwags and Horsea. He also went to Viridian Forest frequently to visit the Pikachu and Pidgey. There sat the 3 Pokemon: Charmander, Squirtle, Bulbasaur.

"Ah, here we start with you, Ryan. What one would you like?" Professor Oak said kindly.

"I would like a… Squrtle!" Ryan said excitedly.

Professor Oak handed Ryan the small blue turtle Pokemon and the Pokeball that went with it.

"Now Sean?…" Professor Oak said, trying to remember the name of the shorter boy.

"Yup. I'll have a Bulbasaur, please!" Sean said enthusiastically.

Sean was handed the small grass dinosaur Pokemon and its Pokeball.

"Now Kevin… I have 2 Pokemon in the back besides this Charmander. I have a Pikachu and an Eevee. What would you like?" Professor Oak said, somewhat apologetically.
"I'll have the Charmander, please." Kevin said with a large grin.

Kevin was handed the small fire lizard Pokemon and held it tight in his arms. It rested its head on Kevin's shoulder. All of the Pokemon were babies and were recently born. Fortunately, they could stand up. They were then handed a red device.

"This is the 'Pokedex'. It's my most recent invention. It's an encyclopedia of all Pokemon and registers its information when its caught." Professor Oak said.

They smiled and thanked him as they walked outside to find their families congratulating them and wishing them luck on their journeys. Kevin and his family walked back home as he prepared his knapsack with clothes, a Pokemon Battle League magazine in case he needed some tips or helpful advice, a few books, some Pokeballs that were gifts from his parents, and some food and water. Kevin stepped outside to the dirt road with Charmander at his side and looked up to see a Pokemon that resembled a Phoenix. It was flying through the October air and setting the skies on fire. It was as if the Pokemon was wishing Kevin luck on his journey. It was the start of a new life… The beginning of an adventure….

 

[Rucario]

Chapter 2:
Big City, Big Battles!

The tall green grass flowed as the wind shifted north. Charmander slowly made his way across with Kevin as they trudged through the uncut grass. It was as if the grass had been sitting there all summer and nobody decided to cut it. It annoyed Kevin, and probably other trainers as well, that nobody trimmed the grass now and then. Trainers that were just starting out, like Kevin, or people who were going to or from Viridian City couldn't make it to their destination in time because of the grass. They walked up Route 1 until they made it to the entrance to Viridian. As they entered, the smell of Evergreen Trees drifted through the air. The city was filled with trainers. Children, parents, Pokemon. They all walked through the large city. A large line stretched through the city as people gathered around and waited to enter. There was a stadium in Viridian City that was there for elite trainers from across the world. Red and Blue went there one day to decide the champion. Red defeated Blue's Charizard with his Pikachu and claimed the title of Champion as Blue went back home to battle more. Kevin wanted to see what was occurring, so he stepped into the long line of trainers and decided to see what would happen. Charmander became tired of waiting, as did Kevin. The line seemed to drift on forever and never end. When Kevin finally did get to the entrance of the Trainer House, Kevin was handed a ticket and he entered the building as he saw Red and Blue standing on opposite sides of each other on a battlefield.

Blue's Charizard was standing across from Pikachu's Blastoise. Both were in full condition and the large screen said that they were both down to their last Pokemon. It looked as if Red was going to win at this point. Blastoise fired a blast of cool water that sprayed the spectators with the backfire. Charizard dodged each of the blasts by flying around them. Blue smiled and spoke words that were inaudible because of the loud shouting of the spectators. Charizard slammed Blastoise in the chest Blastoise focused on Charizard. Charizard then lit the field on fire and then slipped fire around Blastoise's feet so that it was unable to move. Blastoise began to panic as Red calmly ordered Blastoise to fire water at the ground. Blastoise slammed the ground with gallons of water at a time. The backfire splashed Kevin as Charmander hid under the chair to protect its flame. Charizard then flew up to the top of the ceiling and then attacked Blastoise from above. Blastoise fell to the ground and the battle was now over. Red hid his head under his hat. To hide the shame, or to give credit and to even things with Blue? Blue then smiled and began crying tears of joy as he was handed a large trophy with a Pokeball on the top. Claiming the title of champion.


Kevin then walked back outside with Charmander, spotting a crystal clear lake that would be perfect for testing out his fishing rod. He sat at the edge of the water with Charmander at his side. Charmander had found a stick by a large Evergreen tree that he was dipping in and out of the water to imitate Kevin. Weight pulled on the other edge of the fishing rod. Kevin pulled on the fishing rod. He felt it get loose, but something was still on the other edge. Charmander began tugging on the handle of the fishing pole as hard as he could. They landed a Poliwag. Kevin had a Poliwag friend as a small child that he visited often. He had set a little mark on the bottom of the Poliwag's foot the day before the Poliwag was captured by an older man. Kevin decided that Charmander was at a disadvantage in this battle, so Kevin would need to take on the Poliwag himself. Poliwag began by spraying water at Kevin's legs. Kevin fell to the ground, but ejected himself back up to fight the Poliwag. Poliwag then jumped to dropkick Kevin in the face Kevin moved out of the way, but saw a small marking on the bottom of the Poliwag's foot. This was the one that Kevin had befriended at an earlier age.

Kevin then tackled the Poliwag to the ground and tossed a Pokeball at it. It rolled around a bit before. The Poliwag was caught. Kevin grabbed the Pokeball and set it at his side, feeling great about his first accomplishment: catching a Pokemon. He grasped the Pokeball in his hand as the entered the Viridian Forest. They walked through the tall grass as Kevin jumped at every noise made. He had a large fear of bugs and bug type Pokemon, and this was the hub for all bug Pokemon. They climbed through the grass as they watched out for bug type Pokemon. Having Poliwag and Charmander with him made him feel safer, but not by much. They neared the exit as relief fell over Kevin. Kevin spotted a Caterpie on top of a tree as it used Stringshot to tie Kevin's legs down. Kevin fell with a thud as Charmander looked for the suspect. A Butterfree fell over Kevin as it tortured him by slamming him to the ground. Two Pikachu appeared from a tree. One Pikachu sat and watched in fear as another one with a dent in its tail began to charge for an electrical attack. Charmander tackled the Butterfree to the ground as he fired a small flame at the Caterpie and the dent-tailed Pikachu.

Charmander and the Pikachu without the dented tail helped Kevin get untied as Kevin cried in pain and out of fear because of the event. As Kevin stood, the Pikachu ran to Kevin and reached up. Kevin shrugged and tossed a Pokeball at Pikachu. It didn't take much for the Pikachu to accept himself as part of the team, as he wanted to be with Kevin. They exited the forest to get to Pewter City. Charmander looked on at the tall mountains at the side as Kevin gazed at the beauty of the city where he would first make his mark by getting his first badge here. They walked over to the Pokemon Center as dusk prevailed over the light and Kevin lie down on the chair while placing his trust in the nurse who worked there and her Chansey. Kevin dozed off while the visions of Red and Blue's battle flashed in his mind as well as the attack of the bugs. Not only that but also getting three Pokemon in one day. It was huge! Kevin began to have visions of his friends and their Pokemon. Ryan, chasing after his Squirtle as it ran away from him as he followed behind, nervously. Sean, leading his Bulbasaur down the horizon as they faced the challenges as any trainer should. The sky began to go black as Kevin fell into a deeper sleep, preparing for the next adventures.

 

[Rucario]

Chapter 3:
Rock Challenge!

Kevin awoke on the 3rd floor of the Pewter City Pokemon City. A clock read "6:43" and what woke Kevin was the glare of an autumn morning with the sun shining over the rigid mountain sides. A flock of Pidgey flew by, cawing to each other in an attempt at communication. Kevin walked over to the nurse and got his Pokemon from her. They were now at full health and happy again. Charmander didn't stay in his Pokeball for long and he insisted on sticking with Kevin from this point onward. They entered the elevator and Charmander decided to press the button that said "M" that would take them to the main floor. Kevin became nervous and excited at the same time as he prepared to battle the first Gym Leader. What would he be like? Would he be strong? Weak? Would he have mercy on Kevin for being a starting trainer? Or would he be more aggressive towards him and brag to him about winning after Kevin lost. It wasn't a surprise that he was going to lose. All of these questions are flowing through his mind as he manages down the elevator to the main floor. He's bound to lose this, since it was his first battle with a trainer. He was also wondering where his friends were. What Ryan and Sean were doing and what their Pokemon were like. Sean said that he was going to leave a day later than Kevin, which would mean that he would have left yesterday. Kevin placed Sean somewhere in Viridian City and Ryan somewhere in a tree curled up with Squirtle fearing for his life and questioning how he even got up the tree.

As he was placing where his friends were in his mind, a shorter boy with long black hair stepped into the Pokemon Center holding a Bulbasaur in his arms. It was Sean. Sean came in with 2 other Pokeballs at his side, which means that Sean had caught 2 other Pokemon just like Kevin did. He walked in and didn't notice Kevin sitting down at a table reading a battle magazine with Charmander at his side eating crackers. Sean set his Pokemon on the counter where the nurse was and she placed them on a machine where they were healed. Kevin was wondering if he should walk up to Sean and say hi, but you never knew if you were getting Sean in a good mood or bad. He waited to see what kind of attitude he would give the nurse. He seemed like he was in a good mood because he was smiling when the nurse was talking to him and he seemed like he was waiting for someone to talk to him. Kevin walked closer to see if Sean would notice him, but he wasn't. Kevin approached Sean and waited if he would look over, but he was waiting for his Pokemon to come back, so maybe he was more focused on that. Kevin then just spoke to him.

"Sean, you're here!" Kevin said, acting surprised.

"So are you! I suppose you are here for the Gym?" Sean said, looking at the nurse who had just handed his Pokemon back.

"Yup. I heard the Gym Leader specializes in Rock Pokemon."

"Yeah, he does. Did you catch any new Pokemon?"

"Yes, I caught two: A Poliwag from Viridian City and a Pikachu that I caught in the Viridian Forest. What about you?"

"I caught a Rattata down Route 1 and a Kakuna when it was a Weedle in the middle of the Viridian Forest."

"Yeah. Did you go against the Gym Leader, yet?"

"I uh.. yeah... I did."

"Did you win?"

"Nope. That Gym Leader, Brock, is pretty strong. His Onix crushed my Rattata, Bulbasaur, and Kakuna."

"Oh. Better luck next time. Did you here from Ryan yet?"

"No, actually. I picture him somewhere lost in the Viridian City or Viridian Forest."

"So do I. Well, I better be going. I'm going to challenge the Gym Leader now."

"Good Luck."

They went their separate ways once again. Kevin stepped outside and smelled the fresh air. It was cooler and the view was amazing. You could see the mountains from the entrance of the Viridian Forest. Kevin walked a few streets away to the Gym where he saw it. It appeared to be a large rock with a door and windows with the words "PEWTER CITY GYM" carved a few feet above the door. It looked small from the outside, but the inside was larger than Kevin could have ever imagined. Although it looked great, Kevin didn't see any sign of a battlefield. A door sat at the back end of the Gym. Perhaps that was the room where you battle? The boy who was standing there was no older than 15. Above the boy was a small pin that was hanging on the wall. That was the badge the Kevin would receive if he was to defeat the Gym Leader. He looked tough, but Kevin had no fear of him. He approached the boy and held Charmander's Pokeball in his hand.

"I'm ready to battle!" Kevin shouted.

"Great. Although you will probably lose. Fire and Electric are weak to my rock Power! I am Brock, the leader of this Gym."

"That's fine. I can defeat you, but it won't be easy. I'm Kevin from Pallet Town, and I will defeat you now."

"I know that, but will you make it past my Geodude?"

"Maybe. But I'll do my best."

He tossed a Pokeball that popped and a Pokemon that appeared to be a rock with arms, eyes, and a mouth. That was Geodude? It looked easy to defeat, but he wasn't going to take any chances. Kevin tossed out Charmander. It looked at Geodude and was ready for its commands. "Charmander, use Ember!" Kevin ordered. It spat fire from its mouth and hit the small rock Pokemon. Geodude fired back with a tackle on Brock's command. Charmander lifted himself back up from the powerful move. "Charmander, burn Geodude with an Ember attack!" Charmander shot fire from its mouth and severely burnt Geodude. Geodude fell to the ground, but it wasn't out. "Geodude, Defense Curl!" Brock ordered. Geodude gathered rocks around him and dropped them as his defense rose. "Charmander, use Scratch!" Charmander rammed its claws into Geodude's side and knocked it to the ground. Geodude was out. Brock called Geodude back into his Pokeball and sent out his powerhouse: Onix! Onix appeared in a flash of light and roared and caused the Gym to tremble.

"Onix, use Rock Tomb!" Brock shouted. Onix sent a masquerade of boulders into Kevin and Charmander. Kevin fell to the ground as he began to drown under the river of rocks and rubble. Charmander emerged from the debree as Brock panicked and ran to the small cave of rocks and attempted to find Kevin. Kevin's arm was twisted behind him. He felt it being pulled and the force was lifting up through the rocks. Brock had lifted Kevin through the small rocks that were once boulders and was now panicked and out of breath. He was scared to death at the thought of one of his challengers dying because of him. Especially someone as young as Kevin. It had never happened before.

"Are you okay? Man, I'm so sorry. That could have ended really badly." Brock said, taking deep breaths as he leaned over. Each deep breath sounded to be a sigh of relief, but Kevin was unsure.

"Yes, I'm fine. I just can't believe that happened..." Kevin said, taking deep breaths as well.

"I'm really sorry. And I'm sure that Onix is too. He wouldn't ever mean to do that. It's really hard. Is your Charmander okay?"

"Yeah, he's just knocked out. It's really fortunate that we're all okay."

"You bet. Here, you don't even have to battle Onix anymore, here. Just take the badge."

"No, I insist on battling. I will win this the way I was planning to."

"That's fine. Just.. I'm really sorry. This was all really bad."

"It's no problem."

Onix appeared more scared and nervous than before. Kevin had tossed Pikachu's Pokeball. Pikachu was starting out. Kevin didn't know any of Pikachu's attacks, so he pulled out his PokeDex and looked at Pikachu's statistics. He knew Growl and Thundershock. "Pikachu, use Thundershock!" Kevin shouted. Pikachu fired a strike of electricity from his cheeks and hit Onix. Onix wasn't even phased by the attack. "Onix, use Bind." Brock said cautiously. Onix wrapped its tail around Pikachu and began choking it. He then threw Pikachu against a wall, knocking it out in one move. Pikachu was called back and Kevin held Poliwag's Pokeball in his hand. He was thinking. There is no way that Poliwag could do this. He had never used Poliwag and didn't know any of his moves. There was always next time. Kevin tossed Poliag's Pokeball and watched it come out. Kevin pulled out his PokeDex and switched it from Pikachu to Poliwag. "Poliwag, use Hypnosis!" Poliwag sent hypnotic waves that sent Onix to sleep. Onix was now on the ground asleep. "Use Bubble, Poliwag!" He blew bubbles at Onix and injured him. "Keep repeating Bubble!" Onix was now on the ground and unable to battle. "Use Tackle to finish it off. Poliwag jogged over to Onix and rammed it in the skull. Onix was now knocked out. Kevin approached Brock.

"Well, you won! Congratulations! I now present you with the Boulder Badge."

"Thank you, Brock!"

"Now, I just ask one thing of you: that I come with you on your journeys. My brother, Forrest, wants to take over the Gym, and I'll let him do that. I just want to become a Breeder and travel the world. You seemed like the kindest trainer I have met so far in my journeys, and I want to travel with you."

"Sure. I could learn a lot from you. You have a lot of experience with Pokemon and that could come in handy."

"Thanks, Kevin! I'll be right back. I just need to tell my parents and siblings that I'm going!"

"No Problem."

By the time Kevin had left, it was now 11:23 and air was fresher than usual. He waited a bit and Brock came back from the gym with a large backpack around his back. He was holding a few Pokeballs in his hand and set them at his side. The two friends began to move on from Pewter City to their next adventure, taking on whatever the world had for them...

 

[bobandbill]

Overall this seems like a decent start to this fic so far - there's some nice description here and there for instance and it seems to be a standard higher than the usual fic starting out thus far. There's some things I feel that could use improving that would smooth up a few parts of the fic, but nice work so far. For instance I like the fact you used a dream to show what Pokemon Kevin would decide - it was a neat touch I thought, and realistic too (dreams are cool after all =p). The 'rivals' of Kevin also seem to be interesting characters so far when they've appeared - I wonder how they will continue to feature, certainly. Having stuff like a Pokemon accidently attack the trainer with an attack in a gym battle was a nice idea I haven't actually seen much of either, so kudos for that. But now on to quotes!

A faded alarm clock in the shape of a Pokeball sat at the edge of the nightstand beside the bed of a child read "4:23 AM".

One such thing to watch out for is that the odd sentence here and there reads a bit oddly, including the first sentence. There's a bit too much crammed into this sentence with the way it is worded I feel - you could say begin a new sentence at 'of a child' and extend the remain bit out... although that leads me to my next point in that you seem awfully keen to tell us at times what is the date or time, especially when it doesn't seem too necessary like now. It's not bad to do it once in a blue moon but you seem to do that rather regularly - I would suggest minimising the times you do that.

The flew across the region and smoked along the skies of the cities.

They.

The altitude was compared to which of a skyscraper's.

Another sentence that reads a bit oddly - for instance the 'which of' part could be removed as they are unnecessary and are why the sentences sounds odd.

As Kevin stepped outside, the October wind brushed through his hair. It was October 18th and he was nervous.

Another instance of the date/times being oddly mentioned - it does not seem necessary for instance to mention that is is October and then follow up to way 'October the 18th.

The boys were to arrive at 6:30 AM to receive their first Pokemon. Kevin ran across the room as the television played "Pokemon Stadium",

He woke up at 8:08 AM after a short nap. Kevin turned off the television as he ran outside. He was supposed to meet his friends, Sean and Ryan, at 8:10 AM. They were to get to the laboratory at 8:30 AM and get their Pokemon.

And here it seems you got yourself confused as the information is confliction. (Also note the bolded full stop which could be added in as otherwise it's a run-on sentence in the first quote). Be wary of things like that, as it distracts from the story itself and can confuse your readers. ;p

"Sorry I'm late, guys… A Battle League marathon was on until 3 and I couldn't resist watching it." Ryan said apologetically.

Generally numbers less than 100 ought to be written out in words rather than as a number - so three over 3 for instance. Scondly, that full stop should actually be a comma. It's a common mistake people make with punctuation in dialogue (I'm guilty of it myself XD). Anyways, there should only be a full stop within the quotation marks if the sentence actually stops there, but if the dialogue and what follows 'flows on' and sounds like one sentnce, then it should be a comma (or say exclamation mark if shouted, etc - this is only n regards to when to or when not to use a full stop there).

Good way to make it easier I find is to ignore the quotation marks - so rather than '...I couldn't resist watching it. Ryan said apologetically.' (which leaves the latter three words seeming stuck in no-mans-land), it'd be '...I couldn't resist watching it, Ryan said apologetically.' - and then '...I couldn't resist watching it," Ryan said apologetically.', with the quotation mark again. Using another example from your fic:

"No… It's not. Just stop now so that we don't have to argue." Kevin said to stop a future argument.

'Kevin said to stop a future argument' does not stand well by itself as its own sentence, so treat it and the dialogue as one whole sentence and hence the comma:

"No… It's not. Just stop now so that we don't have to argue," Kevin said to stop a future argument.

(I will not that having Kevin say 'don't have to argue' and then telling us that he said this to stop a future argument is a bit repetitive though).

"This is the 'Pokedex'. It's my most recent invention. It's an encyclopedia of all Pokemon and registers its information when its caught." Professor Oak said.

it is or it's over its there, and comma over that full stop as well here (again, just 'Professor Oak said' makes for a too-short and odd sentence).

There sat the 3 Pokemon: Charmander, Squirtle, Bulbasaur.

three over 3 - this is a minor thing but it is a general rule of thumb with writing afteer all. =p

"Now Kevin… I have 2 Pokemon in the back besides this Charmander. I have a Pikachu and an Eevee. What would you like?" Professor Oak said, somewhat apologetically.

two over 2.

"I'll have the Charmander, please." Kevin said with a large grin.

And a comma there. And I must ask - was this a reference to the anime or that often fics have the main character get *rarepokehere* because there is a lack of the standard Pokemon, or even both? XD

Kevin stepped outside to the dirt road with Charmander at his side and looked up to see a Pokemon that resembled a Phoenix. It was flying through the October air and setting the skies on fire. It was as if the Pokemon was wishing Kevin luck on his journey. It was the start of a new life… The beginning of an adventure….

Now, this is another qualm of mine (besides the extra reference to the fact it's october =p) - it seems that a few too many times you followed the anime script - Ash saw a Ho-oh, and now so did Kevin. And jumping ahead to the last posted chapter:

"Now, I just ask one thing of you: that I come with you on your journeys. My brother, Forrest, wants to take over the Gym, and I'll let him do that. I just want to become a Breeder and travel the world. You seemed like the kindest trainer I have met so far in my journeys, and I want to travel with you."

Again this was iirc a part of the anime, just now with Kevin instead of Ash. I'd advise against this at it makes the fic seem like it is copying (and in a way it kinda is) and also adds too much predictablility (I actually guessed that might have happened because of the earlier anime-similarities beforehand).

Blue's Charizard was standing across from Pikachu's Blastoise.

Hubbawha? XD Again, watch for small simple mistakes like that (say consider a beta reader or proof-read a day after writing so it's easier to spot your own mistakes).

I'll just quickly mention a few other things before cutting off this review:

Poliwag then jumped to dropkick Kevin in the face Kevin moved out of the way, but saw a small marking on the bottom of the Poliwag's foot. This was the one that Kevin had befriended at an earlier age.

This was a neat touch but a bit too crammed in - only the paragraph before Kevin thinks about how here was a poliwag he used to play with and put a mark on - which made it rather obvious that this poliwag would be the same one given you only mention it there, but more importantly there doesn't seem to be any good reason for him to think that. Say if the Poliwag was acting in a way that reminded him of it, it would come off as more realistic - so I suggest expanding on things here and there and avoid rushing some details together like in this event.

Kevin then tackled the Poliwag to the ground and tossed a Pokeball at it. It rolled around a bit before. The Poliwag was caught.

Another example of this - it seems a bit rushed here as suddenly it reads like 'he tackled and thrw a pokeball. it wobbled. he caught it' - which is a bit bland compared to the rest. Rather, consider adding more here - how does the poliwag react to being tackled, for instance? How did the pokeball indicate the Poliwag was caught? How long did the rolling about seem to Kevin considering this was his first battle? Including details like that to us and 'showing us' how things happen rather than telling us what happens makes for more interesting reading, and is something that would improve some of the battles, I feel.

Kevin spotted a Caterpie on top of a tree as it used Stringshot to tie Kevin's legs down. Kevin fell with a thud as Charmander looked for the suspect. A Butterfree fell over Kevin as it tortured him by slamming him to the ground. Two Pikachu appeared from a tree. One Pikachu sat and watched in fear as another one with a dent in its tail began to charge for an electrical attack. Charmander tackled the Butterfree to the ground as he fired a small flame at the Caterpie and the dent-tailed Pikachu.

Another instance of the two previous points - it's all too quick here - summarising the paragraph, kevin looks at a catepie, it randomly attacks him, he falls, a butterfree randomly appars and attacks him, two pikachu appear as well, charamander attacks the butterfree and one of the pikachu who happens to have an odd tail. Yet here we have no idea how Kevin feels about being attacked or why he is attacked by the Pokemon all of a sudden (so it is hard to imagine and fully enjoy), and it seems rushed as well as too much happens in a short paragraph. Expanding and showing us more on how things happen is key to improving this.

What would he be like? Would he be strong? Weak? Would he have mercy on Kevin for being a starting trainer? Or would he be more aggressive towards him and brag to him about winning after Kevin lost.

I like that Kevin considers things and we get to see his thoughts and feelings on events or before after they happen though certainly - it just needs to happen more often, I feel, rather than just here and there. Also I'd suggest changing the full stop at the end there to a question mark as it seems to be a question as well.

"Oh. Better luck next time. Did you here from Ryan yet?"

"Good Luck."

hear, and luck (no need to capitalise it). Also the dialogue seems a bit robotic - I would suggest adding a bit more so we know how things are said (say his friend waves to him as he says 'good luck' and leaves, and so forth - show us what the characters do/how they say things if it is not already clear in the dialogue.

Charmander shot fire from its mouth and severely burnt Geodude. Geodude fell to the ground, but it wasn't out.

Another instance of the 'show us more' - here you tell us that fire burnt the geodude, and it fell but wasn't out... but again that's just telling us the events and not showing us - in what manner was the Geodude 'burnt' - all over, or on an arm? And how is he responding to this - is he angry or crying out in pain? Including such details would show us he is badly burnt and hurt rather than having to be told - it's like saying 'the giant towered over tiny tim' as opposed to saying 'the giant was very tall unlike tiny tim' - both tell us the same fact, but one is indirect and tends to be more interesting to read, and the other is more blunt and fact-like.

"Are you okay? Man, I'm so sorry. That could have ended really badly." Brock said, taking deep breaths as he leaned over.

Change that full stop to a comma.

Brock had lifted Kevin through the small rocks that were once boulders and was now panicked and out of breath. He was scared to death at the thought of one of his challengers dying because of him.

Again this was a neat idea for an event to happen in a gym battles, IMO.

He blew bubbles at Onix and injured him. "Keep repeating Bubble!" Onix was now on the ground and unable to battle. "Use Tackle to finish it off. Poliwag jogged over to Onix and rammed it in the skull. Onix was now knocked out.

Again, another time whre more description in a battle would have been nice - 'now on the ground and unable to battle' seems too simplistic and 'telling' for my liking, and makes it seem Poliwag's victory was rushed. We don't see the bubble attack being repeated or how the bubbles actually hurt the Onix - just that that is what happened.

By the time Kevin had left, it was now 11:23 and the air was fresher than usual.

Add in that 'the', and again the mention of the exact time seems unnecessary - you could just as easily tell is it was still morning, or the sun was hanging directly above Kevin, or so forth.

Again though, overall this is a decent beginning - I feel this could be really good if you clean up the mistakes and expand in places (particularly the battles to show us how things happen rather than tell us). Good luck with the rest of the fic!

 

[Rucario]

Overall this seems like a decent start to this fic so far - there's some nice description here and there for instance and it seems to be a standard higher than the usual fic starting out thus far. There's some things I feel that could use improving that would smooth up a few parts of the fic, but nice work so far. For instance I like the fact you used a dream to show what Pokemon Kevin would decide - it was a neat touch I thought, and realistic too (dreams are cool after all =p). The 'rivals' of Kevin also seem to be interesting characters so far when they've appeared - I wonder how they will continue to feature, certainly. Having stuff like a Pokemon accidently attack the trainer with an attack in a gym battle was a nice idea I haven't actually seen much of either, so kudos for that. But now on to quotes!
One such thing to watch out for is that the odd sentence here and there reads a bit oddly, including the first sentence. There's a bit too much crammed into this sentence with the way it is worded I feel - you could say begin a new sentence at 'of a child' and extend the remain bit out... although that leads me to my next point in that you seem awfully keen to tell us at times what is the date or time, especially when it doesn't seem too necessary like now. It's not bad to do it once in a blue moon but you seem to do that rather regularly - I would suggest minimising the times you do that.
They.
Another sentence that reads a bit oddly - for instance the 'which of' part could be removed as they are unnecessary and are why the sentences sounds odd.
Another instance of the date/times being oddly mentioned - it does not seem necessary for instance to mention that is is October and then follow up to way 'October the 18th.

And here it seems you got yourself confused as the information is confliction. (Also note the bolded full stop which could be added in as otherwise it's a run-on sentence in the first quote). Be wary of things like that, as it distracts from the story itself and can confuse your readers. ;p
Generally numbers less than 100 ought to be written out in words rather than as a number - so three over 3 for instance. Scondly, that full stop should actually be a comma. It's a common mistake people make with punctuation in dialogue (I'm guilty of it myself XD). Anyways, there should only be a full stop within the quotation marks if the sentence actually stops there, but if the dialogue and what follows 'flows on' and sounds like one sentnce, then it should be a comma (or say exclamation mark if shouted, etc - this is only n regards to when to or when not to use a full stop there).

Good way to make it easier I find is to ignore the quotation marks - so rather than '...I couldn't resist watching it. Ryan said apologetically.' (which leaves the latter three words seeming stuck in no-mans-land), it'd be '...I couldn't resist watching it, Ryan said apologetically.' - and then '...I couldn't resist watching it," Ryan said apologetically.', with the quotation mark again. Using another example from your fic:

'Kevin said to stop a future argument' does not stand well by itself as its own sentence, so treat it and the dialogue as one whole sentence and hence the comma:
(I will not that having Kevin say 'don't have to argue' and then telling us that he said this to stop a future argument is a bit repetitive though).
it is or it's over its there, and comma over that full stop as well here (again, just 'Professor Oak said' makes for a too-short and odd sentence).
three over 3 - this is a minor thing but it is a general rule of thumb with writing afteer all. =p
two over 2.
And a comma there. And I must ask - was this a reference to the anime or that often fics have the main character get *rarepokehere* because there is a lack of the standard Pokemon, or even both? XD

Now, this is another qualm of mine (besides the extra reference to the fact it's october =p) - it seems that a few too many times you followed the anime script - Ash saw a Ho-oh, and now so did Kevin. And jumping ahead to the last posted chapter:Again this was iirc a part of the anime, just now with Kevin instead of Ash. I'd advise against this at it makes the fic seem like it is copying (and in a way it kinda is) and also adds too much predictablility (I actually guessed that might have happened because of the earlier anime-similarities beforehand).

Hubbawha? XD Again, watch for small simple mistakes like that (say consider a beta reader or proof-read a day after writing so it's easier to spot your own mistakes).

I'll just quickly mention a few other things before cutting off this review:This was a neat touch but a bit too crammed in - only the paragraph before Kevin thinks about how here was a poliwag he used to play with and put a mark on - which made it rather obvious that this poliwag would be the same one given you only mention it there, but more importantly there doesn't seem to be any good reason for him to think that. Say if the Poliwag was acting in a way that reminded him of it, it would come off as more realistic - so I suggest expanding on things here and there and avoid rushing some details together like in this event.
Another example of this - it seems a bit rushed here as suddenly it reads like 'he tackled and thrw a pokeball. it wobbled. he caught it' - which is a bit bland compared to the rest. Rather, consider adding more here - how does the poliwag react to being tackled, for instance? How did the pokeball indicate the Poliwag was caught? How long did the rolling about seem to Kevin considering this was his first battle? Including details like that to us and 'showing us' how things happen rather than telling us what happens makes for more interesting reading, and is something that would improve some of the battles, I feel.
Another instance of the two previous points - it's all too quick here - summarising the paragraph, kevin looks at a catepie, it randomly attacks him, he falls, a butterfree randomly appars and attacks him, two pikachu appear as well, charamander attacks the butterfree and one of the pikachu who happens to have an odd tail. Yet here we have no idea how Kevin feels about being attacked or why he is attacked by the Pokemon all of a sudden (so it is hard to imagine and fully enjoy), and it seems rushed as well as too much happens in a short paragraph. Expanding and showing us more on how things happen is key to improving this.
I like that Kevin considers things and we get to see his thoughts and feelings on events or before after they happen though certainly - it just needs to happen more often, I feel, rather than just here and there. Also I'd suggest changing the full stop at the end there to a question mark as it seems to be a question as well.
hear, and luck (no need to capitalise it). Also the dialogue seems a bit robotic - I would suggest adding a bit more so we know how things are said (say his friend waves to him as he says 'good luck' and leaves, and so forth - show us what the characters do/how they say things if it is not already clear in the dialogue.
Another instance of the 'show us more' - here you tell us that fire burnt the geodude, and it fell but wasn't out... but again that's just telling us the events and not showing us - in what manner was the Geodude 'burnt' - all over, or on an arm? And how is he responding to this - is he angry or crying out in pain? Including such details would show us he is badly burnt and hurt rather than having to be told - it's like saying 'the giant towered over tiny tim' as opposed to saying 'the giant was very tall unlike tiny tim' - both tell us the same fact, but one is indirect and tends to be more interesting to read, and the other is more blunt and fact-like.Change that full stop to a comma.
Again this was a neat idea for an event to happen in a gym battles, IMO. Again, another time whre more description in a battle would have been nice - 'now on the ground and unable to battle' seems too simplistic and 'telling' for my liking, and makes it seem Poliwag's victory was rushed. We don't see the bubble attack being repeated or how the bubbles actually hurt the Onix - just that that is what happened.
Add in that 'the', and again the mention of the exact time seems unnecessary - you could just as easily tell is it was still morning, or the sun was hanging directly above Kevin, or so forth.

Again though, overall this is a decent beginning - I feel this could be really good if you clean up the mistakes and expand in places (particularly the battles to show us how things happen rather than tell us). Good luck with the rest of the fic!

Ah, thank you. It's great to see that someone is trying to help me on here, rather than to steer be into traffic as others do on some sites. "You're not adding enough." they claim. That was on another fan-fic, though. And that wasn't a Ho-Oh. :p I try and stay with Kanto Pokemon when I'm in Kanto, Kanto - Johto when in Johto, etc. This was A Moltres. Yes, I completely ruined it for everyone. :p

I love the style of your writing, please do continue.

Thank You. I've been meaning to add another chapter. Expect a Halloween chapter one of these nights. Today or Tomorrow.