[Pokémon] Pokemon Mystery Dungeon, Explorers of Elements

[Perriechu]

Catchy title? ;)

Anyway as you can guess this is a PMD Fiction, which means there won't be any swearing/Adult themes, although Romance may bloom :D

My first PMD Fan fiction, will feature in game PMD places but no characters.

I do not own Pokemon.

Oc's are property of me. :D

Enjoy ~ R&R.

Tina Evans was your typical high school girl and what are high school girls obsessed with...
Popularity, except Tina had a major problem with this, she had no friends. Tina was bullied everyday, and she hated it, she couldn't sleep, she wouldn't eat and her only friend? Were the people who gave birth to her. Tina was in the lunch line when something finally snapped inside of her, she was going to be brave and talk to the popular girls.

"Here's your Salad" A more than larger lunch lady grunted as she shoved the plate of greenery onto Tina's tray.

"Um... I'm sure something moved" She nervously commented at the salad.

"Take it or leave it" She grunted once more before serving the next student.

Tina nervously walked over to the popular girls table, who were all doing their make up, talking about boys and texting.

"Hey, um can I sit with you guys?" She timidly asked.

"Well it depends what are you eating" A blonde hair girl asked.

Wait what?! They actually spoke to her without using the words "Loser, freak, weird or ugly"

"Um Sala---

"Well were having Cold shoulder" The blonde girl harshly replied, as she turned back to her friends and laughed. Tina felt something inside her snap, she dropped her tray and ran home crying. She laid on her bed all day until her parents came home, but of course they never cared, her father went to his office whilst her Mum stuck herself in the kitchen.
Suddenly Tina felt a strange presence in the room, she sat up and looked around, nothing was their, the curtains started to wildly flutter, but the windows were shut.

"H...hello" She timidly squeaked.

"You..." A voice whispered.

"Who are you?" Tina asked again, her voice getting louder.

"Youuuuu" The voice replied, but this time sounded like it echoed.

"Go away!" She screamed.

"You!" It roared. Tina felt something grab her shoulder, before she could turn around something had grabbed her and sucked her into some portal.

"Hello?" A soft voice entered my mind.

Where was I? Who was I? What am I?

"Mum?" Tina asked in her confusion.

"No, I'm Kurt" The voice replied.

"I'm Tina" Tina replied, not bothering to get up and look.

"Are you just going to lay there all day?" He asked.

"Might aswell" Tina quietly murmured.

"Well the tides coming in so I would move" He laughed as I felt my self being rolled over.

"Whaaa" Tina suddenly cried as she breathed in a tonne of sand.

"Finally" Kurt cheered.

"Wait a minute, your an Eevee!" Tina exclaimed.

"And your a Vulpix, what's the big deal" Kurt replied.

"I'm a Vulpix?" Tina asked, she looked down at the ground to see two small brown paws.

"Now, quick a Fire type like you wouldn't like to see the huge tide" Kurt joked as he started to lead Tina away.

Tina didn't move she was more concerned with the huge wave heading towards her. Kurt was oblivious to this and thought that Tina was following him, he turned around to check on her, he saw her, and the wave.

"Look out!" Kurt screamed as he charged back over to save her.

Tina didn't move, she didn't even look at Kurt, she stood, froze infront of the wave.

"ICEBEAM!" A gruffed voice yelled as several Ice attacks smashed into the wave freezing it.

Tina all of a sudden snapped out of her daze and looked around, she saw Kurt panting next to her, the wave frozen infront of her, sparkling in the setting sun and a rather large Pokemon shaped like a ball with horns.
"Your!" Kurt stuttered as he pushed himself up.

"I'm Glalie, head of Team Frozen" Glalie announced.

Tina looked blankly at the funny looking Pokemon, she made a frown, then for some reason, she burst out laughing.

"No, Tina don't!" Kurt warned.

Tina had stopped her laughing fit to see Glalie turn from white and Black to full on Red.

"Oh dear..." Tina timidly winced and hid behind Kurt.

"Don't hide...RUN!" Kurt yelled as he dashed across the sand, not moving fast at all because the sand was slowing him down.

"Where do you think your going" A ghostly feminine voice laughed. Appearing from the huge rock leading to the main town came Froslass a ghostly looking creature.

Tina began to run the other way but was also halted.

"Halt!" A small squeaky voice demanded. Blasting from the sand came a small pointed Pokemon.

"I'm Snnoooorunt, and your not going anywhere!" He laughed.

Tina and Kurt were stuck in the predicament, they didn't know what to do, will they get out alive or will it end here?

Short chapter I know, don't want to much in there.

​

 

[bobandbill]

Just a heads up - centreing and changing the font of the text for fics makes it really hard to read. Here's a post explaining more on that subject.

Another note is that punctuation is missing in dialogue (which is a common enough error anyways, but still!). For instance:

"Here's your Salad" A more than larger lunch lady grunted as she shoved the plate of greenery onto Tina's tray.

You'd want to add a comma after salad and change the capital 'A' after the quotation mark to a regular small 'a'. (And btw salad rather than Salad as it is not a proper noun - there are some other instances of that too lik Red which should be red... and 'large' would work better than more than larger). Ie:

"Here's your salad," a large lunch lady grunted as she shoved the plate of greenery onto Tina's tray.

Reason for that is that punctuation is required before a closing set of speech/quotation marks, be that a hyphen, full stop, comma, exclamation mark, etc. Here a comma works as the part following the dialogue can be treated as one full sentence with the dialogue (e.g. like '"Look at that dog," the man jeered.', with 'the man jeered' continuing on from the speech, as opposed to '"Look at that dog." The dog did a backflip.' - with 'The dog did a backflip' being seperate from the dialogue and hence being its own sentence). That's also why 'A' should be 'a', as you treat the whole part as one sentence, and hence no capital letter (because it's not the start of a new sentence). Note here you essentially ignore the "" marks.

"Um... I'm sure something moved" She nervously commented at the salad.

"Take it or leave it" She grunted once more before serving the next student.

Same deal here - should be rather:

"Um... I'm sure something moved," she nervously commented at the salad.

"Take it or leave it," she grunted once more before serving the next student.

I'll also add that although the events seem interesting enough (sudden attack from some ice types), there's not that much in the way of description or character reaction - for instance Tina does not really react much to the fact that she's a Pokemon now and on a beach. Consider what she may be thinking for instance, and add it in, which'd make it more entertaining to read, and more realistic too.