Pokemon: Shinzenbi Okugi

[AinSophAur]

Title: Pokemon: Shinzenbi Okugi

Rating: PG-13 (for language and more bad-a** things than you're used to in Pokemon! This is the LAST time I will be censoring anything. Just so you know.)

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything. Everyone belongs to their own creators.

Summary: It's Pokemon fanboy Ichiro Ishihara's 18th birthday. But little does he know, he's about to embark on an epic adventure in the world of Pokemon. But there's a trade-off...

A/N: PLEASE comment and review my work! I am desperate for critique! This is my first fanfic. If you have any ideas, PLEASE post them to keep this idea alive!

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C H A P T E R O N E
.: b e g i n n i n g :.​

My name is Ichiro Ishihara. Today is my birthday.

I'm a big fan of Pokemon. I own all of the games except for one, Pokemon Platinum, seeing as I live in the United States. I'm hoping to get that for my birthday. Some people would find it odd that a 17-year old teenager would still be as into Pokemon as I am, but I see nothing wrong with it.

I am pretty good-looking, if I do say so myself. I've got medium-length brown hair, which I like to let hang into my intense blue eyes. I had a decent physique, seeing as I went to the gym every week. I was also really tall, hitting a growth spurt around 13 and shooting up like a weed since.

My room is full of a lot of Pokemon-themed items. I have posters hanging up, a Pokemon clock, and, most impressive, a large shelf containing all my games, mangas, DVDs, comics, and other items of that nature. I was turning 18 today, and my parents had a small party all set up for me.

It wasn't much, really. There were a few small things, a couple of T-shirts, but nothing really big. We finished off the Pokeball-shaped cake pretty fast, and I went up to my room to hang up my new clothes. I looked out the window and noticed the rain had picked up. I really hoped it didn't get too bad. I really don't want to hide out in a closet because of a tornado warning on my birthday.

I walked into my room. There was a gift laying on the bed. I didn't even need to read to notice my girlfriend's signature on the packaging. Her name is Karin, and she's just as big of a Pokemaniac as I am. I laid my clothes across my bed and opened the gift. It was a really big box, but for some reason, it was really light. I tore it open and saw a lot of crunched paper. In the middle was a copy of Pokemon Platinum. God, I love that girl.

I was thrilled. I popped the game into my DS and began playing. I lost track of time as I sat at my computer desk playing the hell out of that game. I was already at the second Gym when I decided to take a quick break. I glanced a look at the clock - it was seven minutes to 11:23, the time I was born. I laid my DS down and counted down the time under my breath.

Five...four...three...two...one...suddenly, a white, blinding light shone from my DS and blinded me. I shouted in shock, and heard a crashing as the window broke. The storm had picked up and water was rushing into my room. I tried to maneuver around the room, but the light made it impossible to see. I tried to make it to the door, but the water on the floor made me slip.

I fell towards my shelf with all the Pokemon stuff on it. I braced myself for impact, but nothing came. I opened my eyes and saw nothing but blackness. I tried to move, but was held in place. Suddenly, my body was burning. If I could have screamed, I would have. I clenched my eyes closed, wishing for the pain to end. It did.

I slowly opened my eyes. Where was I? It was a bedroom, but it wasn't mine. There were lots of Pokemon items, but none were mine. Hell, I had never seen any of these kind of products. There were figurines and carpets. The place was totally decked out in Poke stuff. I was about to start looking around when I noticed the bed. It seemed...taller than a normal bed. I looked up and saw a black figure and tried to make out what it was.

What I saw on the bed was a real life Eevee. It purred and leaned a bit towards me. I stepped back in fear, but tripped on something. In horror, I looked at a mirror positioned in the room. I saw a small boy staring back, eyes wide under his tangled brown hair. He was wearing clothes that were much too large, which was what he had tripped on. His shirt covered almost his entire body. My brain registered what I saw and came to one conclusion...

I had been turned into a ten-year old kid.

I continued to stare into the mirror, not believing my own eyes. I pinched myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming. It hurt. I slid out of the overlarge clothes and looked at myself. I was as scrawny as I was 8 years ago. All those years of going to the gym didn't show – I was as thin as a stick.​

I pulled the overlarge shirt back on, not having any other clothes in sight. I glanced back at the bed and saw the Eevee from before, looking at me. It jumped off the bed and moved towards me. I stumbled back and tripped over the shirt. I froze as it moved towards me and sniffed my foot. I didn't mention this before, but when I'm something of a coward. And I was terrified of this cute Pokemon.​

It continued sniffing until it got to my face. I didn't move a muscle. It got closer and...it licked me. I blinked in surprise. I tentatively reached out a hand and slowly petted it. It purred and curled up near me. A half-smile showed through my boyish features. I thought to myself, Where am I...and what happened to me?​

I stood back up and walked to the room's closet, hoping to find something to wear that actually fit me. I grabbed a shirt and some pants, along with a pair of underwear. I hoped they fit. I slid the clothes on silently...for some reason, they fit like a glove. I went back to the mirror to see what I had picked.​

I was wearing a shirt with a Pokeball design on it, along with some shorts. I still flinched when I saw the little boy looking back at me – it still hadn't really sunk in yet. I looked at a clock situated on the wall – it was 11:34 AM. Only a few minutes after I officially turned 18...or in this case, until I reverted back to 10 and was transported to this strange world. I turned on a small TV and turned on the weather.​

The weatherman was talking about regional weather. He said, "The weather for the Sinnoh region is looking up. Jubilife City might see some rain, but everyone else can look forward to some sunshine."​

I turned off the TV, soaking in his words. Sinnoh region? It can't be...​

I ran to the window and opened the curtains – which wasn't that easy, considering my short stature. I pulled myself onto the window sill and looked out.​

It may have been the dark playing tricks with me, but the layout of the buildings and the small crystal-clear lake reminded me of Twinleaf Town, the starter village in Diamond/Pearl/Platinum. But it couldn't be...​

I dropped from the windowsill and clambered onto the bed. I stared at the ceiling, immersed in my thoughts. I thought of my parents, and Karin...but one thought stuck out most of all...​

What happened?​

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Chapters one and two edited into one. Enjoy, and review...please.

 

[Dagzar]

So, you want a review? I'm not very good at reviewing, but I'll try anyways.

First off, I find it a bit odd that Ichiro didn't already own Pokemon Platinum and that he had to wait for his girlfriend to give him one. If he was a major Pokemon fan, I'd expect him to be lining up at dawn to get the game. Unless there's a reason I'm not aware of. Though I like how you portrayed Ichiro's shock of being pulled into the game, I do hope you got some reason why a teenager from our world would suddenly wake up in a Pokemon game. And I do like how Ichiro was afraid of the Eevee; very realistic and I'm supposing that the Eevee belongs to him?

The description could have been a bit better, especially concerning Twinleaf Town. How did he recognize it? It's been a while since I've played Pokemon Diamond, but I don't remember any significant landmarks that could have been recognized.

It's a good start though. I rarely come across a regular person going into the Pokemon world nowadays, though that may be because I don't really read Pokemon fanfiction.

Oh, one more piece of advice: I suggest you don't edit in chapters to posts or even put two chapters together in the same post. It would be just as easy to combine both chapters together into a longer one or put the new chapter into a differant post. (I think I just contracted myself there...)

Anyways, I'll be watching your story for more. ;)

 

[Breezy]

I agree with Dagzar; you really could combine both of your chapters into one more filling chapter. Both sections alone are pretty short and somewhat unsatisfying for your reader when read solo, but when they are combined they give a more wholesome feel.

Anyway.

My girlfriend had laid a gift on my bed during the party. Her name is Karin. We've been dating for almost 3 years now.

What is the importance of knowing that he's has a girlfriend for three years?

I was turning 18 today, and my parents had a small party all set up for me.

That night it rained.

It wasn't much, really. There were a few small things, a couple of T-shirts, but nothing really big

"That night it rained" is random. You're telling the reader it was his birthday, then it rained, then went back into the birthday without much warning. In a sense, it sounds like you're saying that the rain "wasn't much." Perhaps you can move the "night it rained" sentence somewhere else.

I didn't mention this before, but when I'm something of a coward

Either you unfinished this sentence of you didn't mean to type the "when" in this sentence. :3

There was a ... pattern in your style of writing. Ex)

I did this. I did that. I jumped here. Then I thought about it.

[some description here]. I fell.

What the! I was shocked! [some thought] I didn't know this would happen!

[more thought and description]. I saw I was ten. I put on clothes. I saw there was an Eevee.​

Ignoring what I typed in brackets (and how crappy my example was ;P), is there anything you see that each sentence has? Perhaps how they all start with "I"? Relying on this same type of sentence structure sentence after sentence has its pros and cons.

Pro wise, short and similar sentence structure can be used to create emphasis and helps binds several ideas together.

Ex) I came. I saw. I conquered.​

Yeah, I quoted Caesar. =X Shhh.

Likewise, it can also have its negatives. Repeating the same sentence structure can be a bit repetitious and dull if overused one after the other.

What was nice about your story was the reaction Ichiro got from entering the Pokemon world. Most of these stories usually have the kid being excited about entering the world of Pokemon, but your interpretation had a more realistic (as realistic as it can be from entering a Pokemon world ;P) feel to it. Your strong points were obviously Ichiro's own interpretations and thoughts, so kudos to you on that.

However, I *shouldn't* need to rely on a link to a picture to know what your character looks like. You yourself should tell me via your story. Very little was described. Quoting Dagzar again, how would Ichiro know what Twinleaf looked like? How would the reader know what Twinleaf looked like? Mind you, not everyone has played Pearl/Diamond (I know you said Platinum, but that hasn't been released yet. That gives you even more reason why you need to describe it somehow) or has a photographic memory or DS at hand. You've got to keep those readers in mind.

It's decent. The "guy entering the Pokemon game" isn't a new concept to fanfiction of course, but the personal interpretation and thought from Ichiro is a nice touch to an overused genre.

 

[AinSophAur]

I agree with Dagzar; you really could combine both of your chapters into one more filling chapter. Both sections alone are pretty short and somewhat unsatisfying for your reader when read solo, but when they are combined they give a more wholesome feel.

Anyway.

What is the importance of knowing that he's has a girlfriend for three years?

"That night it rained" is random. You're telling the reader it was his birthday, then it rained, then went back into the birthday without much warning. In a sense, it sounds like you're saying that the rain "wasn't much." Perhaps you can move the "night it rained" sentence somewhere else.

Either you unfinished this sentence of you didn't mean to type the "when" in this sentence. :3

There was a ... pattern in your style of writing. Ex)

I did this. I did that. I jumped here. Then I thought about it.

[some description here]. I fell.

What the! I was shocked! [some thought] I didn't know this would happen!

[more thought and description]. I saw I was ten. I put on clothes. I saw there was an Eevee.​

Ignoring what I typed in brackets (and how crappy my example was ;P), is there anything you see that each sentence has? Perhaps how they all start with "I"? Relying on this same type of sentence structure sentence after sentence has its pros and cons.

Pro wise, short and similar sentence structure can be used to create emphasis and helps binds several ideas together.

Ex) I came. I saw. I conquered.​

Yeah, I quoted Caesar. =X Shhh.

Likewise, it can also have its negatives. Repeating the same sentence structure can be a bit repetitious and dull if overused one after the other.

What was nice about your story was the reaction Ichiro got from entering the Pokemon world. Most of these stories usually have the kid being excited about entering the world of Pokemon, but your interpretation had a more realistic (as realistic as it can be from entering a Pokemon world ;P) feel to it. Your strong points were obviously Ichiro's own interpretations and thoughts, so kudos to you on that.

However, I *shouldn't* need to rely on a link to a picture to know what your character looks like. You yourself should tell me via your story. Very little was described. Quoting Dagzar again, how would Ichiro know what Twinleaf looked like? How would the reader know what Twinleaf looked like? Mind you, not everyone has played Pearl/Diamond (I know you said Platinum, but that hasn't been released yet. That gives you even more reason why you need to describe it somehow) or has a photographic memory or DS at hand. You've got to keep those readers in mind.

It's decent. The "guy entering the Pokemon game" isn't a new concept to fanfiction of course, but the personal interpretation and thought from Ichiro is a nice touch to an overused genre.

Thank you both for the reviews and criticism. I'll work on that in chapter three, now officially Chapter two, like you asked, which will be up tomorrow.

EDIT: I fixed several minor problems that were pointed out, and edit the two chapters into one. Enjoy.

 

[AinSophAur]

Chapter Two is now up, baby!

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C H A P T E R T W O​

.: n e w w o r l d :.​

​

I didn't know when I had fallen asleep. I had spent the entire night immersed in my thoughts, and sometime during, I must have drifted off. My dreams were a confused and tangled sort, and made almost no sense. But just before the sun was about to rise, the dim and clouded dreams had been replaced with a vision sharper than reality.

I was floating in darkness, the same as I was when I first tumbled into this world. A voice echoed out, though I didn't hear it. It's hard to explain, but it's like he was talking into my mind. The voice boomed, "You will understand your purpose here in time, Ichiro." I screamed back, "Wait, who are you!? What happened to me?! TELL ME!!!" There was no response, and all was black.

"Ichiro…Ichiro, wake up! Today is your last day, and you aren't going to sleep through it!"

I mumbled something unintelligible. That's right…it was my last day of high school. Does that mean that last night was a dream? It seemed so real…

"Ichiro! It's your last day of school before you start on your journey! Would you wake up!?"

Journey…wait a minute…

I opened my eyes and looked at the source of the voice. It was a tall woman with brown curly locks and a warm smile. I honestly had no idea who she was. I looked around to inspect my surroundings. It was the same room as last night. But that meant that what happened wasn't a dream! I threw the covers off and looked at myself. It was the body of a scrawny 10-year old. I didn't say anything, as this woman started to nag some more.

"Well, at least you're up! Honestly, you take so long to wake up usually. Are you excited about your last day?"

If I even attempted to explain what happened, this woman would think that I was crazy. I resigned to just mutter, "Sure, sure…" She seemed satisfied and walked out of the room. I replayed what she had said in my head. It did sound like me – I never woke up until the absolute last minute. But was that just a coincidence, or…nothing made sense to me at the moment…maybe that woman could explain things to me…but I had to be subtle…no sense making myself seem like an insane buffoon.

I noticed she had lain out some clothes for me to wear. I pulled on the clothes and inspected myself in the mirror. It was a white collared button-up shirt and navy jeans – a suitable school uniform. My reflection still made me cringe. Anyone would be weirded out when they one day see their reflection and instead of seeing yourself, you see yourself 8 years ago. I glanced down at the floor and noticed the Eevee from last night looking back at me. I smiled and patted its head, while it rubbed against my leg.

I walked out of the room and down a set of stairs into a small living room. It had a TV situated on top of a little stand, and a small purple couch. I heard sounds coming from the next room over, so I wandered over there. It was a decently sized kitchen, and the woman was at the counter, making some pancakes. I forgot how hungry I was, so I walked in and greeted her.

"Oh, hi sweetie!" she chimed. Sweetie? "I made you a nice breakfast for your last day!"

"Last day until my journey, right? So…where am I going?" I asked. She chuckled. "Are you still half-asleep, Ichi? It's your last day until you begin your Pokémon journey!

I froze. What?! Who is this woman? What does she mean, I'm going on a Pokémon journey?
"Now sit down, dear. Your mother made these especially for you."

Mother!? I couldn't resist myself. I blurted out, "What do you mean?" She chuckled again and said, "I made these for YOU, sweetie. Are you feeling okay?" I hesitantly nodded, thinking heavily…

What in the HELL is going on!? This woman claims to be my mother, but I don't know who she is…

I looked up at her again and noticed something I hadn't before. Her face was earlier obscured by her long, curly hair, but she had brushed it aside. She looked almost exactly like my real mother. But how was that possible? I decided to play along for now.

"Hey, Mom, what time should I be heading out?" I inquired. She checked the clock on the wall and responded, "About 10 minutes. You should hurry and eat your pancakes." I silently scarfed down the pancakes. They were delicious. The time finally came, and the woman, or "Mom", as I'll be calling her for the time being for the sake of simplicity, walked me out the door. I looked around at the quaint little town.

There were more buildings than I thought. I guess towns can't really have four houses and be considered a "town". I saw some kids about my "age" running towards a large building in the distance. With a heavy sigh, I resigned to my fate and walked towards an unknown future.

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Remember, PLEASE COMMENT AND REVIEW!

 

[AinSophAur]

Sorry for the double post, but I need reviews in order to stay inspired and know what to improve on. So, yeah.

Also, if someone reviews by this evening, I'll upload some pics I drew of Ichi, ages 17 and 10 :D

 

[AinSophAur]

I couldn't wait to write this. It's longer than both my first two chapters combined. Here it is...Chapter THREE!!!
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C H A P T E R T H R E E

. : f i r s t d a y : .​

"Let your mind start a journey thru a strange new world. Leave all thoughts of the world you knew before. Let your soul take you where you long to be...Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar, and you'll live as you've never lived before." –Erich Fromm

It has always been hotly debated how schools in the Pokémon world would go. The answer is actually simpler than you think. When students turn 10, or they have 6 years of schooling, they can choose to either leave on a Pokémon journey, or continue to secondary school, where you learn to be a chemist, biologist, or whatever pleases you.

I walked down the road through Twinleaf Town. There were more people than I thought there would be in a town this size, but for some reason, it seemed louder than it should have. Like I was hearing the voices amplified, or something. Whatever, though. I investigated the buildings on my way to Twinleaf Primary School, as I learned it was called.
There were shops, hotels, restaurants, and a lot of other buildings that weren't shown in the video game. For Christ's sake, the game had four buildings – yours, your friend's, and two others. I forget the specifics; I usually ignore the other two. I finally reached the end of the road and looked up at the building.

The school, if you could call it that, was in an extreme state of disrepair. The roof had several holes, and there were about four or five shingles still holding on. The windows that weren't shattered were grimy and covered in filth and graffiti. It looked like something right out of a horror movie, or Detroit. Either way, it was a shitty school.

It got a little better inside. They appeared to have a janitor, although from the look of things, he only worked one day a week. The floors were brown, although in some sections, you could still see what was left of the original white tiling. The walls were covered in graffiti and some red shit…I hoped it wasn't what I thought it was. I didn't have a single clue where to go, so I rummaged through the bag "Mom" had given me. In it (thank God) was a schedule of my last day classes. My first class was Math in room 207, so I walked to the room.

This school's a bigger shithole than my old school. Back in MY world, where things made sense, I went to a dump of a high school that had the worst teaching staff in history, but a janitor who either had immigrant friends or was paid more than enough to clean the school so well, you could actually see your face in the walls. This school was the exact opposite. The place was an absolute mess, but the staff was the kindest bunch of people you could ask for. The students were another story, however.

I sighed as I walked through the hallways, going to my last period. I didn't even need to pay attention, considering I was in high school and was attending a 5th grade class. Are Pokémon trainers that undereducated, I thought to myself. As I turned the corner to get to my last class, I noticed a gargantuan of a kid…for a 10-year-old, that is…holding up some other kid by the collar, with his fist held back menacingly. grade level classes.

"If you even try to enter that special Pokémon lottery tomorrow, I'll beat you so badly, your mother will disown you. Your ticket is MINE! Got it, Kenny?" The kid, Kenny, merely stuck his tongue out at the thug.

"Shut u-", he tried to spit out, but the thug punched him in the gut, knocking out all the wind.

"Wrong choice, you little ****." The thug reached back to drill Kenny in the face. I reacted quickly.

Now, there are some advantages to having such a small body. You're more flexible and much faster. And when I started at the gym at 12, I was still a runt, so I learned how to use my size to my advantage. After I hit my growth spurt, I moved more towards power moves, but if this kid was going to make it out of losing his entire top row of teeth, I had to remember my old lessons – quick.

I ran towards the bully, yelling at the top of my lungs. I still wonder why people do that. It just alerts your opponent to your presence. Luckily for me, I was facing the sack of muscles with no brain that I later learned was named Butch. REALLY clichéd name for a bully, don't you think? Anyways, I saw an open locker with one of those collapsible shelves, and I used this to make my move. I angled myself away from the bully, and towards the open locker. Without missing a beat, I placed my foot on the shelf and pushed myself as high as I could go. When I reached the top of my arc, I pulled my knees in and grabbed the top of the locker. As I swung back down, I extended both my knees and kicked poor Butch right in the nose. I heard the sound of shattering cartilage as he howled in pain. The dumb brute didn't even notice me until I had vaulted off the locker shelf.

Butch ran away, howling about revenge and how my family was ****ing dead. Nice to know my family's in another world, eh? I offered a hand to help the kid up, but he pushed himself up.

"Thanks, man."

I got my first good look at Kenny. He had spiked red hair, and a pale, timid face. His eyes, though…they were a brilliant green, and looked like burnished emeralds. They also had the look of someone who didn't take **** from anyone. I instantly liked him.

"No problem," I replied, "but you owe me."

Kenny laughed and asked, "How can I repay you then…umm, you know, I don't even know your name."

"It's Ichiro. And you can repay me by telling me what this Pokémon lottery I heard about is."

"You really don't know?" he queried. I shook my head. "It's for all the trainers tomorrow. Everyone who gets there gets a ticket, and the winning ticket wins a special Pokémon besides the three normal starters. No one besides the professor knows what it is, though."

I slowly put two and two together. "So that thug was trying to intimidate you into giving him your ticket so he had a better chance." I shook my head and sighed. "That means we'll be seeing him again."

Kenny laughed and replied, "Don't worry. Butch won't do anything in front of all those people. He only does things to others when he's alone or his cronies are backing him up. And they left him awhile ago, since he stole one of their Pokémon and abandoned it in the wild."

I gasped. "That's awful…how does a ****er like that get to even go on this journey?"

Kenny laughed again. "Please! Brain like his, there's no way he could be a productive member of society."

We had a good laugh until the bell rang, and Kenny ran off, promising to catch up with me outside the professor's house.

An hour and a half later, I walked in the door of my "house". I shouted, "I'm home." All of a sudden, "Mom" picked me up out of nowhere and started planting kisses on my cheek. Not even my REAL mother was allowed to pull that kind of ****. I struggled out of her grasp and panted. She had a strong grip. "Special occasion?" I gasped.

"Mom" laughed at this. "Well, you're leaving on your Pokémon journey tomorrow. I'm just going to miss you so much; I wanted something to keep me strong while my baby is gone." Cry me a ****in' river.

She made a big meal, and I scarfed it down. Kicking out a thug's teeth on your last day of school works up an appetite, you know. After that, I was too stuffed to keep from dozing off. I shuffled up the stairs and passed out on the bed.

Two figures were crying, talking to a police officer. One of them tearfully asked, "Has anyone found him yet?" The officer shook his head. "Ma'am, we believe the water carried him out the window. If the fall from the second floor didn't kill him, he would have drowned. I'm afraid we're…calling off the search." The first figure bawled even harder, and the second supported her. Her cried echoed as I reached out from where I watched, shouting for her. I watched as my hand shrunk to that of a kid's and everything slowly faded to black.

I screamed and jerked awake, breathing heavily. I knew exactly what it was I had just seen. ****.

I rummaged through the closet to find some clothes to wear. As I looked through the shirts, "Mom" shouted, "Sweetie, I already have clothes laid out for you to wear! I also packed your bag with enough clothes to last you for a good while!" I sighed and looked on the door. Sure enough, there was a bag hanging from it. I opened the zipper and inspected a lot of Potions, some Antidotes, regular survival gear, and several sets of clothing. I pulled the clothes out and zipped the bag back up. I silently pulled the clothes on, and examined myself in the mirror.

The small child who looked back at me didn't surprise me anymore. I had conceded to my fate that I was now a 10-year old runt, and that wasn't going to change. I was wearing a blue button up shirt, with short sleeves, and a pair of blue jeans with a belt that had several holes fitted in it to hold Pokeballs. She had also put a headband in that sported a white Pokeball logo on the front. I examined myself in the mirror, and, satisfied, I headed downstairs.

"Mom" hadn't made breakfast. How she knew I wasn't hungry, I'll never know. She looked at me and asked me to visit her soon. I nodded, and suddenly felt an urge of affection. I couldn't explain it, but tears started rolling down my face as she kissed me goodbye. "Goodbye, Ichi," she choked.

I mumbled a quick goodbye and ran out the door. I looked back at Mom, but kept running towards the exit of Twinleaf.

There was a bus there to escort kids to the professor's in Sandgem Town. I clambered onto the bus and plopped down into a seat at the back. I sighed and was about to close my eyes and take a nap when someone caught my attention. Butch had gotten on the bus. His piggy eyes raked the seats until they locked on me. He was about to make it to my seat when all of a sudden, Kenny slid out of nowhere into the spot next to me. Butch stopped and growled at Kenny, "Get the **** up, now."

I cracked open one eye. "Do you really want me to break your snout again, Butch?" He leered at me and thudded back to the front of the bus.

"Where the hell did you come from?" I asked Kenny. He grinned and pointed at the window. "I saw you needed some support, so I slid in through there." I laughed at this. "You're one crazy bastard." We talked quite a bit on the ride to Sandgem.

After an hour of riding, we made it to the Professor's. Everyone jumped off the bus and was given a small blue ticket by a cute girl about our age. I didn't really acknowledge her; I just took my ticket and went to wait outside the gate. I met up with Kenny, and we chattered until a tall, white-haired man walked out of the house and shouted for silence.

Professor Rowan comes off as an ******* to most. He doesn't talk much, and things he says are usually related to his work. As he walked out, I yawned. I wanted to hurry up and get this over with. Rowan greeted us, "Thank you for coming, all prospective trainers. The winner of the special Pokémon lottery for this year is the holder of ticket number…117!"

I glanced down at my ticket and froze. Printed on there, in small black letters…

Kenny moaned and glanced at my ticket. He immediately lit up. "Ichi, you won!"

The crowd heard this, and they all began to clap. I felt my face burn up as Rowan congratulated me and led me into his home.

Ok, maybe "home" isn't the best word. His entire house was a lab. Even his bedroom had a lab table put in for emergency calculations.

He led me to a place where three Pokeballs were sitting. "These are just for each trainer. We have dozens of the buggers in the back, so everyone gets theirs. But you are the only one to receive…this!"

He pulled out an egg. Not just any kind of egg, a Pokémon egg. And it was glowing. He handed it to me and backed away. I was a little nervous. I had no problems kicking Butch's teeth in, but Pokémon were supposed to be fictional, back in my world. The egg wobbled, and I almost dropped it. The top bit cracked, and a small body burst out of the egg. I was obviously ecstatic – my favorite pre-evolution Pokémon! I let out a big grin as the small blue jackal…dog…thing looked up at me. I stroked the infant Riolu's head and it let out a purr.

Then, in perfect English, it said to me, "Hi there!" Oh, ****.
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COMMENT AND REVIEW!!!

 

[Dagzar]

Okay, I have free time now, so I'll get right onto it.

-a journey thru a strange new world-

It's 'through', not 'thru'. A pretty common mistake. I apologize, though, if it the mistake came with the quote.

An interesting look on how a Pokemon school would go, it being dirty and not cared for is an interesting twist. I'm supposing that Ichiro doesn't have any close friends in that world since no one called him out on acting weird or not being 'himself'.

Butch seems like your average bully in stories and Kenny seems like your average sidekick. They don't have much of a personality yet, so I can't really judge them.

Oh, that reminds me. Names. I'm pretty sure Ichiro is a Japanese name, but Butch and Kenny are obviously English names. You had better decide whether you're going to be using English or Japanese names, since you can't use both in a single culture.

Another thing that bugs me is the way that Ichiro and Kenny interact. Now, I don't usually see ten-year-olds using swear words (but that might be because I'm a sheltered individual), but I also can't see how Ichiro and Kenny can interact. Ichiro is an eighteen year old (read: twelfth grader) and Kenny is a ten year old (read: fourth grader). I can't see how Ichiro can have any patience around Kenny since Ichiro is so much more mature and developed.

And about the Riolu, where should I start with the Riolu? For one, it was incredibly obvious that Ichiro was going to win the special Pokemon and it is made worse that Riolu is an overused starter in the Sinnoh region. And about it talking 'perfect English', you had better have a really good explanation for that. Since it just hatched, Riolu should hardly be aware what's going on, much less make a sound. Also, unless Riolu is some sort of telepath, it shouldn't be able to talk. Riolu is an animal and, as such, it doesn't have human vocal cords, so it is physically impossible.

Okay, got the bad stuff out of the way.

Your description has definitely improved. I could just imagine the school as Ichiro saw it and see the action when he confronted Butch. It was really detailed and I'm impressed you've improved so much in a short time. The chapter was much longer then the first one and looks better already.

One more thing though. You should really put about four days between chapter updates, since some people get bored if you update nearly every day. Just a suggestion.

Keep up the good work. I'll be watching, as always.

 

[AinSophAur]

I had a huge reply responding to all your comments. F**king server issues >_>

I'll add the reply later, setting up Comcast stuffs.

IT'S GOOD TO BE BACK :D

 

[AinSophAur]

It's 'through', not 'thru'. A pretty common mistake. I apologize, though, if it the mistake came with the quote.

Came with the quote.

Oh, that reminds me. Names. I'm pretty sure Ichiro is a Japanese name, but Butch and Kenny are obviously English names. You had better decide whether you're going to be using English or Japanese names, since you can't use both in a single culture.

Don't worry. Ichiro and Karin are the only Japanese names in the story. And Karin is a Grade 7 uber-minor character, soo...

Another thing that bugs me is the way that Ichiro and Kenny interact. Now, I don't usually see ten-year-olds using swear words (but that might be because I'm a sheltered individual), but I also can't see how Ichiro and Kenny can interact. Ichiro is an eighteen year old (read: twelfth grader) and Kenny is a ten year old (read: fourth grader). I can't see how Ichiro can have any patience around Kenny since Ichiro is so much more mature and developed.

Ichiro doesn't know anything about this world. He puts up with Kenny because Kenny will fill him in on some vital details. Also, Butch has abusive parents, which is why he swears. Ichiro is 18, so he doesn't have a problem with it. Kenny is pure, so he doesn't swear. But he might change, who knows... (Oh, wait, I do...)

And about the Riolu, where should I start with the Riolu? For one, it was incredibly obvious that Ichiro was going to win the special Pokemon and it is made worse that Riolu is an overused starter in the Sinnoh region. And about it talking 'perfect English', you had better have a really good explanation for that. Since it just hatched, Riolu should hardly be aware what's going on, much less make a sound. Also, unless Riolu is some sort of telepath, it shouldn't be able to talk. Riolu is an animal and, as such, it doesn't have human vocal cords, so it is physically impossible.

Your answers shall come in tonight's chapter, titled *SPOILER WARNING*

Spoiler:

"Luke"

There's my megapost. Chapter Four will be up TONIGHT!!! Woooo!

 

[AinSophAur]

Thanks to Dagzar (PokeCommunity) and Copper Hikari (FanFiction.net) for reviewing!

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"None of us knows what the next change is going to be, what unexpected opportunity is just around the corner, waiting a few months or a few years to change all the tenor of our lives." –Kathleen Norris

Chapter Four​

. : l u k e :.​

"Not a very original name," Luke said.

We were sitting at an outdoor restaurant, and my new Riolu was talking to me. Yeah, I said talking. Apparently, only I can understand him. But that isn't all. Remember when I said the town sounded too loud compared to the number of people I saw on the streets? That was all of the Pokémon talking. I had NO idea HOW I was hearing them talking, but I didn't really question it – nothing made sense anymore.

"Hey, you listening?" the impatient Riolu asked.

"Yeah, I'm just…thinking," I mumbled.

"Hey, I'm surprised, too. I thought you humans couldn't talk to us."

"We can't, as far as I know." I started scratching him behind the ears. "But I'm not worrying about it. I've got other matters on my plate."

Luke sighed and lay down on his back as I scratched him. I know "Luke" isn't a very original name for a Riolu, considering that it evolves into a Lucario. Luke, Lucario. Get it? Ha ha. Rowan pressed me for a name, and I just stuttered out Luke, so now that's his name. I yawned and noticed our food coming – some chicken for me and a formula bottle for Luke, since he was only a baby. Luke protested the bottle.

"I don't need some damned bottle. Give me some of your food, Ichi."

I laughed and just handed him the bottle. He sighed and started sucking the formula out. "Say," I asked, "How can you talk so well and understand me? I thought you were a newborn."

"We develop some vocal and motor skills in the egg. My parents taught me new words every night while I was in the egg, so I learned. I don't know how the humans got a hold of my egg, but they did, so here I am."

"Right…" I muttered. I started to scarf down the chicken when I noticed Kenny holding a Chimchar in his hands. I called out to him, and he noticed me and Luke.

"Hey, Ichi! What did you get for your starter?" He ran over and saw Luke sucking on his bottle. "A Riolu!? Awesome! What did you name him?"

"Luke," I said, somewhat embarrassed.

Kenny laughed at this. "Nice name for a Riolu. This is my partner, Blaze." The Chimchar looked at Luke and said, "Hey there, Luke. I'd stop and chat, but he's really hurting me the way he's squeezing on my sides..."

I giggled at this. "Hey Kenny, I think Blaze is a little bit uncomfortable." Kenny looked down and adjusted his grip. Blaze looked up at me, astonished. "Wait, you can understand me?" it squeaked. I gave it a brisk nod, not wanting to appear to be talking to a Chimchar. At least, not in public.

"So, when are you heading out for Jubilife City?" Kenny inquired.

"Tomorrow morning. Luke here needs to get a little more time learning how to battle before I actually use him. I wonder what he can use…" I pulled out my Pokedex, courtesy of Rowan, and scanned Luke.

"Known moves: Quick Attack, Foresight, Endure, and Aura Sphere," the device chirped.

"Aura Sphere…I thought only Lucario learned that…" I muttered. "Luke, mind trying out Aura Sphere?"

"You got it!" Luke's face scrunched up as he concentrated aura energy into his right hand…err, paw. Whatever. A small sphere formed, and he tossed it at a nearby boulder. The sphere drilled into the rock and exploded, leaving a sizable hole. Luke plopped back onto the table, breathing heavily. "That…takes…a lot…of energy…" he panted.

Kenny laughed. "Impressive! A Riolu who knows Aura Sphere! You hit the jackpot, didn't you?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I suppose…wait, look over there."

We both looked towards the road, where none other than Butch came bumbling towards us. He had a Pokeball in his hand, and I thought, They actually gave this idiot a Pokémon?

Butch arrived at our table and stared at Luke, who had gotten back up and continued to suck on his bottle. "You got a ****ing Riolu? What a load! I should have won that lottery. How about I take that little devil off your hands for you?" With that, he lunged towards Luke.

Now, when I said I wanted Luke to stay and train for one more night, I didn't mention that Luke and I had been training since I got him. I managed to get him up to level six before we quit, making him one level higher than your normal starter Pokémon, and more than enough to take care of this bumbling idiot.

"Luke, use Quick Attack." The little Riolu smirked at the lumbering moron who was trying to grab him. Right before Butch's hands closed around Luke, he vanished in a flash and reappeared over Butch's head. He landed nimbly in Butch's short, army-style hair. The idiot looked around frantically, shouting out, "Where is he!?" I laughed as he continued to look around until Luke tapped him on the head. Butch screamed in anger and tried to punch him. Before he could hit, Luke jumped off and Butch ended up hitting himself. He howled out in pain and swung blindly at wherever he saw Luke, but he ended up missing. Finally, he threw a desperation punch at me, trying to retain some modicum of dignity. I swiftly slid out of the way and grabbed Butch's arm as his punch sailed by me. I used his momentum and launched him into our table, which toppled over as he smacked against the cool metal headfirst.

Luke jumped over to my shoulder and started to giggle. "What an idiot! He couldn't hit me, so he tried to hit you?" I shrugged, not wanting to speak to Luke in public, considering I would look insane. Kenny stood staring in awe. "Dude…how did you learn to fight like that?" he exclaimed. I merely shrugged and said "I used to go to a gym. Taking care of morons like him is easy. There's no way that h-"

Before I could finish, I felt a sharp blow to the back of my head. Butch had roused himself and tossed his new Pokeball at me. As it tumbled to the ground, it burst open and a Turtwig popped out in a flash of light. "I will end you!" the turtle thing shouted. I looked up at Butch, who had a sneer on his face. "How about I kick your little Riolu's ass in a Pokémon battle? Right here, right now!" A small crowd started to form around us. I glanced at Luke, who nodded at me. I tossed my bag to Kenny, who caught it and beamed.

"Alright. Let's do this."

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My first ever Pokémon battle coming up in the next chapter! Remember to PLEASE, for the love of God, PLEASE rate, review, and comment!!!

 

[Dagzar]

It's nitpick time!

First off, I know you're going for a chosen one theme, but it bothers me that you let Riolu learn Aura Sphere. I might have let it go a bit if Riolu could actually learn Aura Sphere, but it can't; only it's evolved form can. Not that it would've been much better, but maybe you should've waited a few chapters before letting Riolu miraculously learn the attack. That way, it would've lessened Ichiro's Gary Sue-ness a bit at getting a rare Pokemon that breaks the Universe's laws.

Second, why did Ichiro look at Luke's attacks in his Pokedex when he was training his Pokemon only yesterday? Shouldn't Ichiro already know Luke's attacks by then?

There wasn't much to say about this chapter since it's pretty much just setting up the scene for the next chapter. I'm looking forward to see how you handle your first Pokemon battle, but judging by your previous action sequences, I'm sure you'll do fine.

I'll be watching.

 

[AinSophAur]

A/N: Huge thanks to Dagzar from PokeCommunity and Copper Hikari and Rtas from FanFiction for reviewing. You guys keep me inspired :D

Ok, first battle time! It won't end the way you are expecting.

Chapter Five​

. : c o m p l i c a t i o n s : .​

"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." –Oscar Wilde

Before I tell you about my Pokémon battle with Butch, let me tell you that these battles in real life are much different. You don't have PP or any of that ****. You have to gauge your Pokémon's actual stamina and such. You also aren't limited to only having four moves, which makes combat much more diverse. But enough about that…

The little Turtwig tried to growl at Luke, but it only came off sounding adorable. Butch sneered at us and said that he would ladies go first. Now, normally I wouldn't take this kind of insult, but you always want to take an advantage in a Pokémon battle. I smiled and replied, "If you say so. Luke, Quick Attack!" Luke vanished and faded in and out of sight, weaving through the crowds of people around us to hide himself better.

Butch screamed at his Turtwig, "Ripper, use Razor Leaf." Two things to mention here. One, Turtwig usually learns Razor Leaf at Level 13, so either the two had been doing some serious training, or it was the same case with Luke and Aura Sphere. Secondly…Ripper? Seriously? That's the most idiotic name I've ever heard someone call a Pokémon, let alone a Turtwig.

Ripper fired a bunch of small leaves from its body – though I have absolutely no idea where from exactly – into the crowd of people Luke was moving through. The crowd dove out of the way, trying to avoid the sharp leaves. I realized that Butch was actually using strategy – if he got the crowd out of the way…

"Luke, jump!"

"Too late!" Butch shouted. Ripper ran full speed at Luke, and appeared to hit him head-on. Luke, however, was moving too fast, and leaped over Ripper. The moronic Turtwig slammed into one of the members of the crowd instead, knocking them over. Luke took the opportunity to land a Quick Attack on the dazed beast and began to pound on it. Butch, watching furiously, screamed at his Pokémon to counter. Turtwig finally managed to knock Luke away, but it had already sustained serious damage.

Butch seemed to be thinking, as amazing as that sounds. He ground his teeth and looked around for opportunities to take the headway in this battle. He finally called out to Ripper, "Use Absorb, now!!!" The Turtwig squinted it's eyes and focused on Luke, as it began to drain his energy away. I shouted out, "That won't work for long! Luke, use Quick Attack!" Luke zipped in for an attack, but Ripper somehow managed to pull out a Razor Leaf while still sustaining the Absorb. Luke desperately attempted to avoid the leaves, but one hit him on the shoulder and the others knocked him back, leaving several small cuts.

Dammit, I thought, he may be strong for a Riolu, but he's still a baby. I can't let this drag on anymore. Time for the trump card.

"Luke," I called out, "Finish this fight! Use Aur-"

My vision flashed. The world seemed to melt away into nothing. I was floating in an eerily familiar abyss. Suddenly, I gasped as I saw a vision as clear as reality.

----------------------------------------------------

Two figures were sitting on a couch, watching videos. The videos consisted of a small, happy child, laughing and jabbering about his different toys or his birthday or whatever event they were watching.

"I miss him so much," one figured cooed. She seemed to be crying.

"I know. But the police have told us that no bodies have been found. We can't give up hope. He might still be alive."

The first figured sobbed. "I want to believe that, but…I don't want my hopes to be dashed. I don't think my heart could take it."

"Listen, sweetie, I swear, they will find our-" He was cut off by a knock on the door.

The two figures slowly got off of the couch and walked to the door. On the other side was a police officer, covered in rain from the torrential downpour outside. He seemed to be out of breath.

"Mister…Miss…Ishihara. We found a body that matches the description of your child. Please…come with me. Hurry."

The female broke down. "No…it…it can't be my little boy, it can't be…no, no, NO!"

She began crying hysterically, and the other figure comforted her. "Shush, shush, sweetie. Come on, we need to go see it. It will be hard, but I need you to be strong for this."

She nodded slowly and the two walked to the siren, not bothering to grab an umbrella. The vision seemed to fade out as the three figures vanished into the downpour.

----------------------------------

Another voice echoed from far away. "We can't let him continue like this. He's disrupting the balance of everything. The entire world will be turned to ruin if he goes on like this!"

A different voice, one that echoed with ages of wisdom, responded, "I know. But he's doing this to stop an even greater threat! We shouldn't intervene just yet. We will merely watch from the sidelines for now.

"Ichi! What's wrong!?"

"Wait," one of the voices boomed, "I think someone is here."

"…Damn," the other replied, "Someone IS here. But how…?"

"Ichiro! Answer me…please…do…som…e…thing…"

"No…" I whispered.

"This is his work! Sever the link, quickly!"

------------------------------------------------

The world seemed to reconstruct in front of me, as if a broken glass pane was putting itself back together. I watched as the scene pieced itself together in front of me. Luke was on his knees, having almost every ounce of his energy being sapped away. Butch was standing there, leering at me. Kenny was in the crowd, staring in horror.

"Lu….Luke…" I muttered. "I'm sorry…"

I stumbled forward towards Luke. I felt myself fall, and the ground rushed up to meet me. The last thing I remembered was the distinct taste of blood.

Not as long as I would like, but I like how this sets up the plot. It would have been longer, but I realized you can't make an entire chapter with two low-level Pokémon fighting, so I changed the chapter from "Battle" to "Complications". As for who the figures were, two you can guess for yourself. The other two…well, I don't like spoiling the plot :3

If you want a character to be included in the fanfic (or OC, as I'm told it's called XD), e-mail a rough outline and what you'd like the character to do to keepitclean92 (at) live.com

As always, remember to review and favorite. Thanks for reading!

 

[AinSophAur]

Buh-bump. Reviews, pleeeease.

 

[AinSophAur]

Bump. Wow, it's been awhile, eh? I'm going to continue on this, but I would REALLY like a review of Complications. The next chapter should be up soon...like, today soon.

MEEP!