Pokemon: The Dark Era

[Dragonite_dave]

So guys what do you think about my fanfic so far? Let me now what you have to say and what would you imrpove about it. And most important: Are you liking it? Thanks and enjoy!

 

[Skip Shot]

One thing I really don't enjoy is how short the chapters are. Even spacing out the paragraphs will help a little. Right now, it looks just like a gigantic wall of characters.

Adding more description to your scenes can help as well. I'm really not getting a clear picture of exactly what is going, and am being forced to interpret. Readers shouldn't have to interpret, they should all see the same character from the writer.

 

[Dragonite_dave]

One thing I really don't enjoy is how short the chapters are. Even spacing out the paragraphs will help a little. Right now, it looks just like a gigantic wall of characters.

Adding more description to your scenes can help as well. I'm really not getting a clear picture of exactly what is going, and am being forced to interpret. Readers shouldn't have to interpret, they should all see the same character from the writer.

So what would you suggest me? I'm a little confused about that thing of the interpretation. So do you have any suggestion?

 

[Dragonite_dave]

So I haven't written anything in quite a long time, but a lot more is comming really soon!

If you have some suggestions or something like that, please fell free to post them, and the story is going to get more exciting! I'll write the next chapter soon.....

 

[Dragonite_dave]

Chapter Eight
The Poem

Back at Professor Oak's lab, Ash and the rest were thinking of all the possibilities. Ash's head was full of theories but he still was nervous about what had just happened.
"We need to stop her....SOON!!!!" said Ash
"I think we should relax. Think for a moment," said Brock
"We can't afford to waste time", shouted Ash. "The world is at stake here"
"But we won't win anything by losing our heads Ash," said Professor Oak in a soft voice. "I think that before we do anything more, we should find out more about this woman"
"I know how to do that," said Melissa. "My grandfather...he said that Allegra had entered this world, our world using a secret portal. He researched for a very long time... after a while he kept saying that he had found the portal. Maybe we could start there"
"That's a great idea Mel," said Misty. "Ash relax...everything will be okay"
Ash smiled and sat down.
"So where is this place, the portal?" he asked.
"Ahm...let me remember. Grandpa said that it was a legendary place...Apparently nobody knew for sure if the place indeed existed...He said it was near the Survival Area...you know Route 226. The Rackling Ruins."
"Wait I've heard about that," said Misty. "It's supposed to be an Urban Legend. There's even a popular poem about the Ruins right?"
"Yes, there is," said Brock.

"Under the black cloak, the ruins shall be. Follow the trail of the glowing rocks, don't be deceived by their look. Be wise enough to face your destiny and the door shall be opened. And the ruins you'll find and your answer will be in the sky"

They remained quiet for a while, until Ash walked towards the window and said:
"We'll have to go and search for those Ruins"
They agreed on going to the Survival Area and explore. Ash kept thinking on ways to stop Allegra, but after all the emotion of the day, when he sat down at the sofa and closed his eyes, he fell asleep and lost track of time.

The next day they woke up very early. Ash's mother made them hot cakes and orange juice. After they finished eating, they prepared and left Pallet Town. They arrived to Canalave City at 4 o'clock and then they went to the Survival Area. When they arrives they ate something since they were starving.
"Well, we're here," said Misty. "So where should we go?"
"Grandpa used to say the Ruins were hidden somewhere in Route 226."
"Well then, let's go," said Ash walking towards the grass.

They walked all night, trying to find something anything. As the night got darker and they got more and more tired, it was much more difficult to find the Ruins.
"Ash this is....pointless," said Misty. "We've been looking all night long and there's no sign of those stupid Ruins."
"There most be something around here...a cave or a door or something!" said Melissa. "Common grandpa, help me. Send me a sign!"
Ash looked around. Nothing. Just trees, grass and darkness. They sat down in the grass, too tired to keep going. Ash looked at the sky.
"It's beautiful isn't it?" asked Misty in a soft voice.
"Yeah it is," answered Brock smiling. "It's amazing how much we don't know about...everything!"
"And pretty soon it will all be gone", said Ash. "Unless we do something."
Misty looked at him and then looked back at the sky. They remained quiet for a while but suddenly Melissa stood up and opened her eyes.
"What is it Mel?" asked Brock standing up as well.
"The poem...it says: "Under the black cloak" right?"
"Yes," said Misty.
Melissa looked at the sky. "The black cloak" she whispered. "The shining rocks...the stars"
Ash suddenly understood. He looked up and saw the black cloak covered with shining rocks.
"It's the sky," he said. "And the stars."
"But there's thousand of stars....which of all is the Trail?" asked Misty.
"That Misty, is something we'll have to figure out," said Brock looking up.
Ash thought about the poem while he looked at the stars. "This is going to be hard" he thought as the stars shined and the moon glowed in their faces.

 

[Dragonite_dave]

Chapter Nine
Fallowing The Path

Ash kept looking at the sky, wondering what was the mystery behind the poem.
"Trail....maybe they have some kind of pattern", said Melissa.
"Maybe", said Brock looking at her. "I have and idea. We're not going to find anything standing here together."
"What, are you suggesting we should split?" asked Misty looking kind of scared. "It's very dark..."
"Just don't go too far", said Melissa. She went towards the trees, still looking at the sky. Brock went right. Misty went left. Ash stayed with Pikachu.
"What do you think pal?" asked Ash looking at Pikachu. His friend looked back at him and made a sad face.

"Glowing rocks....trail mmmmm". Ash walked around in circles, thinking of all the possibilities. Pikachu walked right behind him. He kept walking until he arrived to a small lake. The water flowed and Ash could see the moon reflected in the crystal water.
"Ash!"
The boy was so into his thoughts, that when Misty screamed his name he got scared and fell into the lake. He could hear Misty and Pikachu screaming. Ash started to swim when he realized that the lake was not very deep.
"I can probably stand up," he thought. He opened his eyes and saw the sky through the water. It was very dark but strangely, he couldn't see the stars. Well at least...no all of them. Suddenly, he realized. He stood up and he took a deep breath.
"Ash you scared me, I thought you were drowning!!!" Misty screamed.
Melissa and Brock were already there and they both looked scared.
"I think...I've found the trail," said Ash, breathing with difficulty.
"How, where?" asked Melissa surprised.
"Down there," Ash pointed at the lake. "I looked towards the sky and...I could only see some stars. They shined...glowed."
Melissa looked at him and then jumped into the lake. She stayed down for a few seconds and then came back up.
"He's right..." she was breathing very fast."What do you think?"
She looked at Ash and he looked at Misty and Brock.
"We should try to follow it...maybe....maybe it is the trail," said Brock.
"Okay...Misty, you and Brock should follow us by land...running", said Ash.
Misty and Brock nodded and Ash went back into the lake.

He looked up and saw a star shining. Right in front of it was another. Melissa was right behind Ash. The trail was leading them. Ash could feel his heart beating very fast. Suddenly he heard Brock calling his name. Ash went up took a deep breath.
"Look", said Brock pointing ahead. Ash turned around to see. The lake was divided by a small road. "The lake is divided into two...which way Ash?"
Ash went back down.
"Left!", he shouted.
"We'll have to get in the water Misty", said Brock.
Misty nodded and took two Poke balls out. Melissa did the same.
"Go Corsola and Goldeen!", shouted Misty
"Go Dewgong!" shouted Melissa
They grabbed their Pokémon. Pikachu jumped to Ash's shoulder.
"Go Buizel", he shouted. Buizel came out and Ash grabbed it's tail with one hand. Once they were down again, Ash turned around and looked once again to the sky. The trail was leading them. Ash was in front, leading the way. They kept going for a while, only stopping for air. Ash was nervous, wondering what was ahead of them. Suddenly he heard a strong and loud noise. He looked ahead and saw what seemed to be an enormous waterfall. He looked up and saw the trail leading them straight to the waterfall. Buizel turned around and saw Ash and Ash nodded. Buizel started to swim faster. The waterfall was closer and closer. Ash closed his eyes and squeezed Pikachu's hand. The noise kept getting louder and louder. Suddenly Ash felt a huge body of water falling down his back. He wanted to scream but he didn't. The water was hitting him very strongly. Ash grabbed Pikachu strongly with his left hand.
"I'm not letting you go friend", he thought.
The water was starting to hurt him and when Ash was about to let go, the water stopped falling.

Ash opened his eyes. He was in a small lake, smaller than the previous one. Buizel went up and Ash coughed while he looked around. Melissa was behind him and Misty and Brock appeared a few seconds later. Ash turned around to see what was ahead. The lake was very small, but much deeper.
"We're in some kind of cave", said Brock.
"What's that?", Misty asked pointing to a huge wall.
Buizel swam to land and Ash put it back on its Poke ball.
"Great job partner", said Ash. "You deserve a good rest".
He walked towards the wall with Pikachu walking besides him.
"It's...a door", said Ash. It seemed very old and it was covered with dust.
"There's something written", said Melissa who appeared behind Ash.
"I don't understand", said Misty. Ash didn't know what was that language. It was full of lines and dots.
"It's called Rarchlel. It's an ancient Pokémon language. Grandpa taught me a little. Let's see..." She stood up in front of the door and started reading. "Mmmm that is...drochdral...it means door."
"Obviously", said Brock.
"Mmmm that other is...well that is...it means...fraatharoum...fate. Door fate. Door of Fate or Door of Destiny."
"Be wise enough to face your destiny and the door shall be opened", said Ash. On each side of the door there was more text.
"I can translate it...but it will take some time", said Melissa.
Misty and Brock sat down near the lake. Ash started to walk around thinking that, when Melissa finished translating the text, it would be time to "face the destiny", and, although Ash didn't know what that meant, it sounded dangerous.

 

[Dragonite_dave]

Chapter Ten
The Riddle

After an hour or so, Melissa finally ended translating the text.
"Okay...I think I'm done", said Melissa checking one final time. "Yes, I'm done"
Ash came closer to watch the translated text.
"Wow, it's really long", said Misty.
"What does it say?" asked Brock.
Melissa looked at him and started reading.
"Be careful traveler. You have been brave enough to get to here but, are you smart enough to open this door? Solve my riddle, and you shall face what's inside. Fail to give the correct answer and your punishment shall be more than you can imagine. And now traveler your choice...Yes or No."
They remained quiet for a while. Finally Brock spoke.
"So, if we choose not to answer the riddle what's going to happen?"
"Nothing", said Melissa. "We just won't be able to enter the Ruins."
They all looked at Ash who was thinking. Then, after a few seconds, he said:
"Okay, let's do it."
Melissa nodded and turned around to face the door. She raised her hands and shouted.
"We are now prepare to face your challenge. We are here, waiting."
Ash looked around to see what was going to happen. Nothing.
"What's wrong," asked Misty. "Why is nothing happening?"
Melissa was about to say something when suddenly, the cave started to shake. The floor was moving very fast and very strong. Ash hugged Pikachu strongly and closed his eyes.

The small lake started to form some kind of whirlpool. The water made a very loud noise. Ash was starting to think the cave was going to collapse. He opened his eyes and saw something incredible. Something was coming out of the water. Ash couldn't see clearle because of the water.
"What's that?!" shouted Misty.
The water kept moving in circles, splashing them. Ash looked how shadow was beginning to form.
"I think it's...it's...a Pokémon," said Melissa, sounding a little scared.
Ash saw the shadow was starting to move towards them. It seemed to be some kind of snake, because it had no legs or arms. The Pokémon was becoming clearer as it came closer. The whirlpool was stopping. Ash was about to see the Pokémon when there was an explosion and the water covered the whole cave, bringing them down. Ash was coughing and he had hit his head with a rock.
"Pikachu," he shouted and saw his friend right beside him.
The boy looked up and finally saw the Pokémon. It looked like a sea serpent. A very beautiful sea serpent. The top of it's head was long and it had long hair-like fins drape from the sides of the head. Ash had never seen such a beautiful Pokémon.
"Milotic," said Melissa.
This Milotic wasn't a regular one. It was extremely big. Bigger than any Pokémon Ash had ever seen.
"Hello traveler," said the Milotic to Ash.
"You can talk?" asked Brock shocked.
"Yes I can." It's voice was very beautiful. Soft and gentle.
Ash felt very calm when he heard the voice. "I'm the guardian of the Door Of Destiny. You're very close to the Rackling Ruins. But first, you have to answer my riddle. If you succeed, you may pass. If you fail, you will face the consequences."
The Milotic moved and placed itself in front of the door.
"Are you prepared Traveler?"
The Milotic looked at Ash without even blinking. Ash looked at his friends who looked both scared and surprised.
"Yes I am," answered Ash making a fist with both hands and nodding.

"Very well Traveler. Listen carefully,"
Ash was very nervous and his legs were shaking. He tried to clear his head and to concentrate in the riddle, but his head was filled with thoughts. The Milotic was still looking at him very firmly. It spoke once again in a more deep voice.

"The ancient giant from the east
Was attacked by man and by beast
War bursted for a man's desire​

To punish the love, burn it on fire​

The giant swallowed a woman whole
Then, feeling hungry still, he tried
To swallow a horse and thus he died"​

Ash remained quiet for a while. He was thinking of each sentence of the riddle but he had no idea of what was the answer.
"Uhhmmm can you repeat it?" asked Ash. The Milotic looked at him, drew a smile and started to chant the riddle again. Ash analyzed each part of the riddle in his head. The Milotic remained quiet staring at Ash.
"Mmmmm I suppose you don't mean in this world...I mean our world, since you're guarding an entrance to another world. So you're probably talking about the other world. I really don't know much about that world...just the basics."
"I know several things. Grandpa taught them to me," said Melissa standing besides Ash. "Can I help?"
The Milotic looked at her and then, smiling, it nodded. Melissa started to think and then turned to face Ash.
"Well there are no actual giants there, right?" asked Ash. "Well then it can be a statue...a monument..."
"A country," said Brock from the other side.
"That makes sense," said Melissa. "Let me think. Eastern countries."
"Large eastern countries remember? Giant," reminded Ash.
"Russia...mmmm. I can't think of any other," she said desperately.
"Wait," shouted Misty. "Ancient...Milotic said Ancient giant of the East. Maybe it's an old country,"
Ash looked at Melissa. "Are there any countries that have sort of...disappeared?"
"Mmmm no. Not that I can recall," she answered looking disappointed. Ash closed his eyes and put his hands on his head. Melissa closed her eyes and started to mumble something. "Well, there were countries that used to be larger, because of their conquests. Grandpa loved to talk about history at night. Mmmm let me think. Rome...that was a pretty large empire. Egypt, Greece."
"Can you repeat the riddle again?" asked Ash. The Milotic once again smiled and began to chant.
"He swallowed a woman whole?" repeated Ash amazed. "That's metaphorically right?
The Milotic nodded.
"Ahm, swallow a horse...woman...obviously they talk about war," said Melissa.
"And something about love," said Ash. "Maybe forbidden love...maybe that love was the cause of the war."
Melissa opened her eyes and smiled. "They say something about a horse right?"
Ash nodded.
"Grandpa told me a legend about...a war caused by a woman, she ahm, she left her husband and left with another man," she started to play with her fingers.
"What else?" asked Ash excited.
Melissa looked at the Milotic and then looked at Ash. She looked back at the Pokémon and then she spoke with a weak voice.
"Troy?"
The Milotic smiled and moved away from the door.
"You have succeeded. Now you may pass"
The door started to move and once again the cave moved. The door was opening. Ash could feel his whole body shaking
"Finally," said Melissa. "The Ruins...they're here!"
Ash smiled and prepared himself to enter the Ruins, knowing that they might be one step closer to defeating Allegra.