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Present - PG-13

KARR

Master Nerd
  • 176
    Posts
    20
    Years
    Okay, all pokeshippers gather round.

    So, this is a new fanfic, but with the second 'half' of ACAI, and this is better. Yeah, Ash is a bit slow-witted here.


    Present

    Author?s Note: Look, I never saw Marina in ?life?, so I made her character up for this.

    Prologue:
    Team Rocket broken down thanks to the police. But, the police formed a ?new? Team Rocket to be helpful to the society. Team Rocket was based in Orre and it made Orre a nice, safe region. Someone had to be chosen as the Head. John, a eighteen-year old was chosen. He was said to never have been beaten in a Pokemon battle.
    John had one down part ? he was feelingless and cold to humans. Not much people knew why. But that changed one day.

    Part 1 ? Story of A Meeting

    After Ash and company left Orre, John went to Johto, to New Bark Town (actually to the areas of Tohjo Falls) to watch the stars. It was his favourite place to do that, because there was a good view of the sky and the sea was there too.
    Suddenly, he heard footsteps. He turned around and so did Espeon. A girl, about his age stopped when she saw the two.
    ?Are-are You J-John?? she asked quietly with disbelief.
    ?Yes.?
    ?I-I wanted to meet you, uh, I mean,? started the girl.
    The girl was very pretty and slim. Her hair was blue and it was in a weird shape. She wore a kind of small, white coat over a pink shirt, and blue and purple shorts. She still looked at John with disbelief. It seemed that she really wanted to meet him.
    But Espeon was faster than her. It ?probed? her mind and transferred many things to John.
    What did Espeon find? Many things, like a vision of the girls? room, which was filled with photos, pictures and drawings of John. But why? That question filled John?s head. Why?
    Espeon responded to that question. John was in shock. He felt odd. No-one had much need for him to live, except his fans (who cared about John?s Pokemon, not John), after his family died. But, this girl cared for him. Him. Not his Pokemon.
    At this moment, imaginary chunks of ice started falling off an imaginary heart. After a few seconds, the ice was gone.
    ?Well, do we plan to stand like this in silence?? asked John raising his eyebrow. He smiled and his voice wasn?t cold anymore.
    The girl smiled back. She had real luck.
    ?Well, why don?t you wait a few minutes here? I?ll be back in a moment!? said the girl and walked off a bit.
    John and Espeon observed her. She took her Pokegear and called someone. After a minute she came back.
    ?Well, then, would you like to come to my house for supper? I think my mother wants to meet you two and see if what they say about you is true,? said Marina. That was her name.
    ?Why not?? said John.
    The two headed off to New Bark Town and to Marina?s home. Marina rang the doorbell and her mother opened. They went inside and Marina?s mother was pretty much interested in John, but less in Espeon.
    ?They said you?re a cold and feelingless person! I think that was a lie,? said Marina?s mother. John didn?t respond to that because Marina wanted to show him her room.
    The room had posters, photos, drawings and other art of John. The computer on the desk was on and a website was showing: ?W&R John Fanclub?.
    ?Do you know what the W and R stand for?? asked John looking at the screen.
    ?Not really.?
    ?It stands for Wes and Rui. For example, that photo,? John pointed at a photo on the desk ?is clearly made from their office. I know they?ve been doing this, because I have cameras installed in the offices. They make money on that. They put ads on the site and it gets hundreds of visits a day. Good business,? explained John.
    ?Wes and Rui are Admins, aren?t they? That?s odd of them. Good idea with the cameras!?
    ?Thanks. I can see what each Admin is doing, so I know if they?re working or not. For example, did you know that Wes and Rui spend about an hour daily in their office flirting? Or that Celia desperately tries to find a date on the internet, but has been unsuccesful??
    ?Whoah, you know a lot!?
    ?Thanks.?
    Marina was now looking at John with a smile. John was smiling too. They were silent for two minutes and twenty-eight seconds.
    ?Supper is ready!? called Marina?s mother from downstairs.
    The supper consisted of Ditto Jelly with whipped cream and Pecha berries. John liked the supper and Espeon received a bar of chocolate, his favourite food. Marina?s mother seemed to be very happy about something.
    John?s thought were at Marina. He started to like her a lot. He thought about what Espeon discovered earlier on.
    When he had to go, he asked if he should come tomorrow.
    ?Sure!?

    ***

    ?Marina, I think you have your new friend waiting for you outside.?
    ?Is it John??
    ?Yes. He?s standing a few meters away from the door.?
    Marina went out and greeted her new ?friend?.
    ?Do You want to go somewhere? Espeon can teleport us,? asked John.
    ?I always wished to go to the Sevii Islands, but that is kind of stupid.?
    ?It?s not.?
    Espeon teleported the two and itself to One Island.
    ?Wow!? exclaimed Marina ?But I don?t have my swimming costume with me.?
    ?Which one??
    ?Uh, the red one??
    Suddenly the costume appeared levitating in front of Marina.
    ?While you get changed, I?ll go see Celio.?
    Celio?s Network Machine was perfectly well and Marina and John met after a few minutes.
    John complemented Marina as they went to a beach.
    ?Aren?t you too warm? I mean, you?re trousers are long,? said Marina with a kind of worried look on her face.
    ?My clothes are made of a synthetic material that lets air through. I?m all right.?
    After half an hour on the beach, someone interrupted their fun time.
    ?Hey, what are you doing with my girlfriend?!? screamed Junichi.
    ?Shut up, Junichi! I can do what I want! And I?m not your girlfriend, anyway. You?re pathetic! Go away!? Marina yelled to Junichi.
    ?You?d better do what she says,? said John, with his trademark eyebrow raising.
    ?Or what?? was the reply.
    ?Or I?ll have you running away.?
    ?Yeah, sure!?
    John let Metagross out of it?s Pokeball. Junichi didn?t like the look of this.
    ?Metagross, that guy is irritating,? John said, pointing at Junichi.
    Metagross walked up to Junichi and roared. Junichi shrieked and ran away.
    ?Good job Metagross.?
    John petted Metagross and returned it to it?s Pokeball.
    Espeon transferred a bit of John?s feelings to Marina?s mind without John?s knowledge. Marina smiled.
    ?Where were we? Ah, yes, we?ll go to Berry Forest a bit later,? started John, but Marina touched his lips.

    ***

    ?A picture like that would bring lots of fans of mine to your site, wouldn?t it?? John said, facing the door to Wes and Rui?s office. Marina and Espeon were standing next to him.
    There was no answer for a few seconds, then Wes came out.
    ?How do you know about the site?!? asked Wes.
    ?Look, I know many things, like your and Rui?s daily average of flirting. I counted that!?
    ?Oi!? sounded Rui hearing what John said.
    John laughed and walked on through the Rocket HQ corridor. Marina and Espeon followed. Celia came to greet them.
    ?Why can?t I ever get a date? Look, you?ve got someone here while I?m still alone? Why?!?
    ?Look, Celia, you need to have some kind of personality that people like. Work on it.?
    Don emerged from the door to his and Cristina?s office.
    ?Morning!? Don turned to Cristina ?You won?t guess. It looks like the rumours on W&R are true! John is being followed by a blue-haired girl!?
    John, Marina and Espeon just kept on walking to John?s office and went in.
    ?Don?t worry about them. Celia is jealous and the others are amazed. Ah, well, as if I were ugly,? said John, laughing a bit.
    ?No, you?re not ugly, you?re pretty handsome.?
    Espeon turned away from what happened next (Espeon decided the the two might need some privacy) and sat down on John?s chair, then switched the Camera Mode on the computer. Wes and Rui were flirting and making stuff for their website at the same time.
    Espeon sighed.

    Part 2 ? Never Underestimate Psychic Pokemon

    ?Sam, I think I might have a problem.?
    ?What? Maybe I can help solve it, Delia.?
    ?I don?t think so. You know, that Misty girl, when she was looking at Ash, I?d swear it wasn?t a normal look.?
    ?What??
    ?Yeah. And how Ash looked back. It seemed the same way. Maybe I?m imagining things??
    ?Maybe not? I have a way of finding it out.?
    ?Really?!?
    Prof. Oak took out his mobile phone (a Silph X-camera) and chose a number from the phone book.
    ?Hello? John? Can you come over to my lab for a while? Thanks.?
    Suddenly, John and his Espeon appeared in front of Prof. Oak.
    ?Yes, professor?? asked John, raising his eyebrow, like he did quite commonly.
    ?My friend, Delia Ketchum, has a problem.?
    ?Let me see, yes Mrs. Ketchum, there seems to be something between your son and Cerulean Gym Leader Misty. Should I invetsigate it more clearly??
    ?Yes, please,? Mrs. Ketchum was amazed.
    John closed his eyes for a few seconds.
    ?Well, how to call it? It is love. That?s what you hoped. And you want to bring them together. I have a plan and resources. Espeon will do it for a bar of chocolate. So, please, I need a list of guests for the wedding and, can the wedding rings be platinum??
    ?Wha-what??
    ?Look, you want them to get married and all that, and I?ll do it in a day, and I promise it will look great. Wedding guests list please.?
    Mrs. Ketchum wrote down the list on a piece of paper and Prof. Oak gave Espeon a bar of chocolate.
    ?Very well, Espeon has done the preparations. The concert in the Tower Colosseum shall beging tomorrow, seven PM.?
    ?Uh, what? That was fast.?
    ?All the invitations have the guests transportation means ready.?
    ?How??
    ?Espeon can teleport people.?
    ?Oh, right.?
    Mrs. Ketchum looked at John. He looked a little menacy, but he was nice. She was still amazed how John and Espeon got the wedding for her son ready so fast.
    ?See you tomorrow. I hope you will like what I have prepared.?
    John and Espeon teleported to wherever they were going.

    ***

    The sun was slowly setting while crowds got ready for the concert.
    ?Ladies and Gentlemen! I welcome you to the Tower Colosseum concert! Let the concert start!? said Don over the speakers. Spotlights lighted the stage.
    First up were Jessie and James. Their song was good. Then, there were The Kirlias, a band of Kirlias that did balley.
    ?And now, Ash and Misty, in a never-before-seen song, ?I Missed You?!? announced Don.
    Ash and Misty were astonished, but Espeon immediately took control of their bodies and they floated from their seats to the stage. The music went on while John and Marina were standing near the stage, but they couldn?t be seen. The lights only shone on the stage.

    M: I wondered what will happen next, ?cause I have a feeling for you, but I was so shy and never mentioned it, but now is the time.
    A: I feel the same and I wondered too, will it ever come to somethin?.
    M: I do hope so, as now we sing, there are high chances for this.
    A: We were away from each other and each night felt so different without you.
    M: I always wished we?d travel together again.
    A and M: I missed you!


    At this point they hugged and the lights went off. The same moment incredible fireworks started above the Tower. The fireworks were amazing and dazzling, too.
    Espeon stopped controlling Ash and Misty?s bodies. They were concious all the time, but couldn?t do anything about Espeon?s control of them.
    John walked up to Ash and gave him a bouquet of red roses and a ring box (with a ring inside) and Espeon transferred a kind of ?movie? to Ash which was Misty wondering of she?d ever marry Ash.
    John stepped away and a single spotlight went on as the fireworks stopped.
    Misty and the audience were surprised.
    Ash got into the right position and tried his best at talking.
    ?Mi-M-Misty, w-w-wi-will you-y-you m-marry m-me??
    Mrs. Ketchum looked happily and listened to Misty?s postive answer over the speakers.
    The moment Misty agreed, one single firework blew up above them. The best one. It kept on changing colours and the little balls kept on dividing.
    Ash and Misty looked at the firework as they hugged. John walked up again and could be partially seen.
    ?Okay, now, your wedding has been okayed, it?s ready. Espeon!? this wasn?t transmitted through the speakers.
    All the wedding guests, John, Marina and Espeon flew up over the Colosseum and flew to Agate.
    After a while, they passed Agate and landed in a piece of land in the forest. There were chairs and everything needed for the wedding.
    Ash clothes changed to his astonishment, and Marina led Misty behind the trees while the guests were seated.
    Misty?s clothes changed too.
    ?Wait a second, this is the wedding dress from my dream. And my hair is like in it too!? Misty said to Marina.
    ?Yes. It?s very nice I must say, prettier than mine on my wedding,? was the reply.
    ?You?re married?? asked Misty.
    ?Why, yes,? Marina showed Misty her ring. It was made of diamond.
    The ceremony started. Of course, the mistakes that always happen with the formula were present. Misty continued pronouncing ?I? for some time.
    ?And now you may kiss the bride.?
    Ash?s mother was crying from joy at this moment. So were members of Misty?s family.
    White flowers appeared out of nowhere and were falling at the newly weds. John walked up to them.
    ?The guests shall be put away at where they live, while you two, and Mrs. Ketchum, will be escorted to the Ketchum?s house.
    The guests disappeared at an instant, and the five people left (and Espeon, and Pikachu) flew really fast to Pallet town.
    They arrived and John and Marina stayed at the door.
    ?We shall meet again. But when?? said John as a spark of light blinked and Marina, John and Espeon were gone. A few little pices of soarkilng glitter were where they stood.

    ***

    Next morning, after a rather busy night (after John and Marina left them), Misty and Ash went down the stairs for breakfast.
    The table was larger than normal and it had many decorations on it. A sofa was at one side, and a chair on the other. Ash?s mother was sitting on it.
    A Gardevoir and a Blaziken, greeted them and seated them. They gave the three humans menus, and the three made their choices. Gardevoir and Blaziken went to the kitchen.
    Sounds of cooking could be heard.
    ?Who?s cooking?? asked Misty turning to the kitchen door.
    Mrs. Ketchum didn?t reply. She just smiled.
    Gardevoir and Blaziken served the breakfast and returned to the kitchen. A sound of recalling into Pokeballs could be heard.
    ?Good morning!? said John and Marina as they entered the room.
    ?You? What are you doing here?? asked Ash.
    ?Why, we just cooked breakfast, you know,? replied Marina.
    ?I thought we?d meet in a few days,? stated Misty.
    ?Nope,? replied John.
    As the breakfast finished (John and Marina insisted to stand and stated they already ate) John smiled.
    ?Well, then, ready for your honeymoon?? asked Marina.
    ?Mom, how much did you pay them?!? asked Ash fiercely.
    ?Why, did I do something wrong?? asked Ash?s mother.
    ?I thought we would go to the Sevii Islands for our honeymoon, but they have something planned for us. I?m not objecting, but,? started Misty.
    ?You are going to the Sevii Islands. Look, we know what you want,? interrupted Marina.
    ?Sevii Islands? Really?? asked Ash.
    ?Yes. To the Rocket Resort,? said John.
    ?Wow!? exclaimed Misty.
    ?We got you the presidential suite, as it?s called. I mean, we?re renting it to you. We?ve spent long enough there,? laughed Marina.
    ?I?m starting to like this!? excitedly said Misty.
    ?Besides, you don?t need to pack. It has everything: clothes, cosmetics, all that,? Marina explained.
    ?Wow! When are we going?? asked Ash.
    ?Now.?
    Suddenly the four of them (and Espeon, and Pikachu) were at the Rocket Resort, at the door to the presidential suite. John opened the door and let the rest in.
    ?Tinting windows, rotating clothes racks, jewelerry credenza that opens at a touch of a button,? Marina showed Ash and Misty round the room. It was spacy with a very large bed, and great big windows.
    ?It?s amazing! Who designed it, if I may ask?? asked Misty still looking round the room.
    ?Me,? clearly said Marina,
    ?Wow! Thanks a lot for all this! You really helped out. But why?? said Ash.
    ?Oh, it?s present from us. That phone, the blue button is us. Don?t be afraid to call. If you?re bored at the private beach, sorry, I didn?t mention it, you can call us and we?ll come. Oh, yeah, food is served when you want. The dining room is that way.? John showed with his finger ?See you!?
    Marina, John, and Espeon were gone.
    ?Well, that leaves us alone doesn?t it?? asked Misty.
    ?Sure does! So what do we do??
    ?Anything you want!?

    THE END

    Okay, the song was lousy. And don't start about ages. Please! Any other comments, just not that!
     
    Thanks!
    It's two stories (The Ash and Misty one happens a YEAR after the John and Marina one) and I'll release the next parts whenever I get them written. It's going kind of parallel.
    EDIT: I forgot to add that I might reveal in the stories the reason for John and Marina's behaviour when it came to doing something for Ash and Misty!
     
    Very different story, very enjoyable ^^ looking forward to the next part ^^

    One question -how large a jump was there between the first and second part of the story? (i ask because of the marriage between marina and john)
     
    Thanks!
    Marina and John were married after ten months (of knowing each other), I think, and Ash and Misty two months after Marina and John's wedding, that gives us twelve months, that's a year.
    I'll try to get the next part ASAP!
     
    Here. It's a bit short.

    Present ? Chapter 2

    John and Marina

    It was a month after the meeting of John and Marina. They became very close by that time and Marina started Team Rocket duty. John had her be his secretary (she didn?t object at all. She wanted to work together with her ?best friend?) so they could be together (otherwise, they wouldn?t be).
    Both had great fun watching what the Admins were doing (Wes and Rui went further in their actions, that means a step on from flirting). Celia actually managed to get a date, but it didn?t really work out. Celia started calling the guy she dated ?The Undesirable?.
    John took Marina to Hoenn for a day to show her what it?s like, because he once journeyed it. After seeing things that every tourist in Hoenn has to see, they went to Rustboro, and exactly to Devon Corp.
    ?John! How good to see you!? exclaimed Mr. Stone when he saw John.
    ?Well, it?s been a few months Mr. Stone! This is Marina, a friend of mine,? John introduced Marina.
    ?Well, why don?t you sit down?? asked Mr. Stone.
    Marina observed that John and Mr. Stone knew each other well. It seemed to her that Mr. Stone knew John a very long time.
    When they went out of the Devon Corp. building, Marina took a chance.
    ?John, it seemed to me as if Mr. Stone knew you for a very long time.?
    ?Yes. Mr. Stone was my grandfather?s friend.?
    ?And what?s with your family?? asked Marina.
    John sighed and told her his family was dead. His grandfather was the head and owner of Silph Co. and other things, but his family died.
    Marina apologised for her question and tried to comfort him, but he said he was alright. After all, he did live many years with this.

    Ash and Misty

    Sadly, the day came that they had to leave the Rocket Resort. They were a bit sad, but happy too. They decided they would love in Ash?s house for a bit, and find something of their own.
    When the planned time came, they appeared in front of where Ash?s house stood. But there was a whole new building there.
    ?What is that?!? asked Misty in amazement.
    ?It?s your house,? said John from behind.
    Mrs. Ketchum suddenly walked up.
    ?Hello there! How do you like our new house?? asked the smiling Delia Ketchum.
    The building looked a bit more than a normal house ? it looked a bit larger than a norma house. It had glass and stell, brick, it was a marvel of architecture.
    ?Mom, how did this get here?? asked Ash, still eating the building with his eyes.
    ?Well, John and Marina designed it and Espeon made it. Isn?t it nice? You have your own part, so this old woman won?t disturb you!?
    ?The walls of the two parts are soundproof, so,? started John.
    ?Don?t finish that sentence,? commanded Marina.
    After showing Ash and Misty around their new house, John and Marina were about to leave.
    ?Anyway, Ash, what will you do now? A job or something like that?? asked her son Mrs. Ketchum.
    ?Well, I don?t really know yet, Mom.?
    ?How about a position in Team Rocket? We might need two more Admins. Yes, that?s what I think,? said John. Both Ash and Misty seemed to cheer up a tiny bit.
    ?Yes, we need two more. We have five already, and it?s not enough! You?re in luck,? agreed Marina.
    Ash and Misty straight away agreed, and John and Marina said they?ll be back the next day.
     
    woah..espeon can make buildings O.O
    nice chapter ^^ they sound more like 'Team Romance' than 'Team Rocket' XD

    couple of tiny mistakes, you wrote 'love' in ash's house, instead of live..plus 'asked her son Mrs. Ketchum.' rather than 'Mrs Ketchum asked of her son', or 'asked Mrs Ketchum' ^^
     
    Look, I'm not writing what happens in Team Rocket actually, I'm writing what happens in the Admins and higher.
    Sorry for the mistakes.
    *bangs his dictionary and thesaurus circuits*
    Espeon used real materials to make the building.
     
    Yeah, I'm nearlys ure you know. Um, anyway, thanks for all the psotive comments!
    *smiles*
    Next part soon enough...
     
    Since I've read the John/Marina bit at the beginning, I won't comment on that one... so - to review:

    The main concern I had in that fic was the role of Espeon. It seemed like it was it's own God in a way. Whenever there emerged a problem - turn to Espeon. Everything that happened was really because of Espeon. I can live with it teleporting, and sorting out the invitations for the wedding... but flying everyone to the wedding ceremony? Espeons can't even fly. The only Psychic Pokemon that can fly are Xatu and Lugia. You seemed to address Espeon as some sort of wonder thing, as it created the house out of nothing (that's what I'm presuming). Everything does have limitations - even Psychic powers. Remember that even Mewtwo can be beaten.

    There were also some pace problems. Obviously this was to do with Espeon's teleportation powers, but everything seemed to by in a blur. It felt to quick. Especially the wedding - it all happened so fast.

    If you tone down Espeon's powers, this would be a much more believable fic, and so would seem better to the reader. Most other things you are fine with, although there were a couple of grammatical errors, so you should work on those as well. ^_^
     
    How about listing the good things too?
    Espeon DID NOT create the house out of nothing - it can't do something like that! It used normal building materials, and with help from a few people it could build the house in a fast way.

    Mewtwo can only be beaten by a Mew in the movie - remember that. It's barrier stopped all attacks.

    I refered as to psychic 'levitation' as flying, because I found no better word. Come on, Mew flies, and doesn't have wings.


    Espeon has restrictions, and I'll probably reveal that in the next part. Yeah, the next part will be interesting. And I'm not revealing anything.


    Postive comments next time too, please.
     
    You forgot Latias and Latios. They're psychic too!
     
    They do have a kind of wings, but not really ones good enough to fly.
    Still saying Mew levitaes using psychic powers. Alakazam holds up it's head when it becomes too heavy for it's neck with it's psychic powers.
     
    Here's Chapter 3. Enjoy!


    Present ? Chapter 3

    John and Marina

    ?What a beautiful day!? exclaimed Marina.
    All of John?s Pokemon were out of their Pokeballs and were on a bit of a cliff. It was a few meters down from it.
    Suddenly, without a warning, the part with the Pokemon and John crumbled. Marina was just lucky to be next to the part which crumbled.
    John and his Pokemon were between and a bit under piles of rock. This time Espeon couldn?t do anything, nor Gardevoir and Metagross.
    Marina ran down to them (to John exactly).
    ?Bell. Bag,? muttered John before becoming totally unconcious.
    Marina wondered what it was about. She took a look at the miserable sight ? all the Pokemon were hurt ? even Metagross ? so she took John?s bag delicately and looked in it. At the bottom, she found a little bell. There was an inscription on it: ?Ring the Bell When In Great Distress?.
    The bell rang, and Marina wondered what would a bell like this do.
    Something teleported next to the pile of rubble. Marina was sure that what she saw was two Pokemon ? a purple, big one and a smaller, pink one. The pink one was tremendously cute.
    ?Seems like John has a little problem, Mew,? said the purple Pokemon. Marina heard it, but it seemed that the mouth wasn?t moving.
    Mew levitated to John and touched his forehead. After a few seconds, John opened his eyes. Marina was just standing in astonishment.
    John stood up, looked around at his Pokemon, and looked at the visitors.
    ?Thanks. I wonder what would have happened if Marina didn?t ring the bell?? John said massaging his left leg.
    ?Well, you would be still lying in that rubble. Your Pokemon need help. Should we get them to the nearest Pokemon Center?? said Mewtwo.
    Marina wondered about what Pokemon it was and how it knew about Pokemon Centers. It was wild, it seemed.
    ?Mew!? went the pink Pokemon.
    ?Mew agrees. Come, on then!? said the purple, talking Pokemon.
    The Pokemon teleported John?s Pokemon, John and Marina to the nearest Pokemon Center.
    Nurse Joy was astonished at the sight.
    ?What did you do to your Pokemon?!? shouted the Nurse as she began to give them medicine and plasters.
    ?I didn?t do anything. A cliff crumbled when we were on it!? explained John.
    When the Nurse went off with the Pokemon, John turned to an empty space next to him.
    ?Thanks again, my friends. It is good we met again!? whispered John to the empty space.
    As a little spark appeared, John turned to Marina. She was calm now, but still amazed by what she met.
    ?Who, or what, was that?? she asked.
    ?Old friends of mine.?

    Ash and Misty

    Ash and Misty started living in their new house (kindly built by Espeon from materials supplied by humans).
    They got into Team Rocket thanks to John and Marina and were happy of their job. It wasn?t very important mind you, but it was preparing Kanto for Team Rocket. Johto and Hoenn were also being prepared, if that?s a good word.
    They were in charge of rebuilding the Rocket HQ under the Celadon Game Corner and organinsing other things. They spent time at home too, because they had an office at home.
    Misty was still ?gliding? over the idea of a child, and Ash didn?t object, but said they might want to wait until the Kanto HQ is finished.
    When John and Marina came for a visit, they decided to ask for advice. They looked up to them as some kind of authority ? John was their boss and they were marrie for a longer time.
    ?Hey, there! The first floor is basically finished, I?m happy to say!? reported Ash as he let Marina and John in.
    ?I know. And I wouldn?t wait for the finishing of the HQ. To the opening of the Kanto, well, it?s about eleven months? Yes, that?s when the planned date is. Enough time,? said John awaiting a reply.
    Misty looked at Espeon.
    ?Been reading minds again?? asked Misty.
    ?Espee! On!? replied Espeon.
    ?I have a feeling that that Espeon is somewhat overpowered! I mean, it?s abnormal,? stated Ash.
    ?Because it is abnormal. It?s my Espeon. The Pokemon I started my journey with. My family chose this one because it?s power was abnormal, just like the one of your Pikachu,? explained John.
    The four talked a bit about the HQ and the opening.
    ?So, you mean we should get to work, then?? asked Ash, with no particular reason in the conversation.
    ?We didn?t get the walls,? started John.
    ?Don?t finish that,? commanded Marina.
     
    A bit short again. Oh, well.


    Present ? Chapter 4

    John and Marina

    After the incident with the crumbling cliff, John and Marina went to the Rocket HQ to continue some work. In the evening, John returned Marina to her house. It was already two months after they met.
    Next morning, when John came to take Marina to the HQ, Marina wasn?t there! Her mother said she went for a walk.
    ?Espeon, where is she?? asked John his faithful friend.
    Espeon pointed it?s tail to where Prof. Elm?s lab was. John went there.
    Behind the buildings Marina was just winning a battle with Junichi.
    ?Alakazam! Use Psybeam!? said Marina to her Alakazam.
    Alakzam put its hands in front of it?s head and the dazzling, rainbow-cloured beam emerged, hitting the Meganium with immense power.
    Meganium went dizzy and plopped to the ground.
    ?No! No! I couldn?t have lost!? shouted Junichi returning Meganium to it?s Pokeball.
    ?Good job!? commented John walking up to Marina. She greeted him with a hug.
    Junichi looked at them in jealousy. He loathed John truelly.
    Espeon teleported them to the Rocket HQ.
    ?That Junichi guy is annoying, oh, look!? siad John and pointed at the screen, laughing.
    ?What is it?? asked Marina looking at the screen.
    Wes and Rui were hid under their desk and Latica went in and looked around. She heard a breath. And walked around the desk. The cameras had speakers.
    ?Well, what are you doing?? she asked.
    ?Well, we, uh,? started Wes.
    ?We, were cleaning the floor?? said Rui.
    ?If you were cleaning the floor I am a Ho-oh. Now, get up and back to work! Or I?ll reort you!? angrily shouted Laticia.
    The cameras had little speakers too.
    ?No need for that. I?m watching them,? said John through the little speakers.
    ?Wait, where did John?s voice comefrom?!? asked Rui.
    ?From your nightmares,? said Marina through the speakers.
    ?Back to work!? said Laticia and went out.

    Ash and Misty

    John, Marina, and Prof. Oak were invited to a celebrating supper the the Ketchum?s house.
    Ash was trying to pour some wine into Misty?s glass put the wine wouldn?t go out of the bottle!
    ?What?s happening?!? asked Ash shaking the bottle.
    Marina opened John?s bag, took out a Pokeball and John?s laptop. She switched the laptop on and let Porygon2 out of the Pokeball. She activated data transfer to Porygon2 and told it to use it?s projector on the wall.
    After a few seconds Porygon2 displayed a page on FAS and it?s consequences.
    ?A-whoops,? said Ash.
    Prof. Oak gave Misty and Ash a look of light disapproval and kept on eating. Mrs. Ketchum looked as if she made a great mistake.
    Marina returned Porygon2 to it?s Pokeball and switched the laptop off.
    Later on, Ash and Misty invited their friends to their part of the house to talk.
    When Marina and Misty were talking about clothes and cosmetics, Ash talked to John.
    ?Eh, all this and that, I think I might get short in money when I buy all the stuff we need,? said Ash with a sigh.
    John turned to his bag, took the wallet out, and gave a hundred-thousand Pokedollars (in ten-thousand notes) to Ash. Ash refused, but John put the money on his hand and squeezed it.
    ?Thanks,? whispered Ash.
     
    Honk! It's another chapter! No-one seems to be interested anymore... or is it just me?


    Present ? Chapter 5

    John and Marina

    One morning, when John and Marina (and Espeon) were going through the corridor to John?s office, they heard weeping. It came from Wes and Rui?s office!
    Espeon opened the door. Rui was inside alone and her face was partially covered by her hands, and the skin on her face was red. Tears fell from her cheaks like a Magikarp?s Waterfall.
    ?What?s the matter?? asked John walking into the room. Marina followed him.
    ?W-Wes and-and I argued yes-yesterday, and he stormed off shou-shouting. Late night the police caught him to-to-totally drunk, going ou-out of a bar.?
    ?One, stop the crying, two, I?ll try and do something,? said John and disappeared with Espeon and Marina.
    They appeared at the Pyrite jail.
    ?Where?s Wes?? John asked Sherles.
    ?I don?t think he?ll talk to anyone.? replied Sherles ?He?s over there, in fifteen.?
    ?Thanks.?
    Wes looked like an utter disgrace. He was lying face down, and was weeping as much as Rui.
    ?Hello!? John said.
    ?Go-away!? replied Wes in an incommunicative tone of voice.
    ?Don?t like to talk, ey? Well, there?s one person you?ll talk to, but first you get up,? cheerfully stated John.
    ?No.?
    Espeon made Wes levitate and face John.
    Wes moaned and tried to turn his face away (it looked even worse than Rui?s), but Espeon stopped him and teleported Rui to the jail.
    The crying two stared at each other for a while, and then started apologising through the bars. They were crying out of joy now.
    ?Sherles, will you let him out?? asked John looking at where Sherles was.
    ?I think I should. Are you firing him? I mean, being drunk in public is a federal offense,? said Sherles opening the door and giving Wes his Pokemon back.
    ?I?ll see about that. Maybe, under certain circumstances, I?ll let him stay.?

    Ash and Misty

    The two couples were together on a walk in Lilycove, and Misty was insignificantly heavier than normal.
    When they were a few tens of meters away from the Departement Store, they saw a dirty girl, dressed in red and in a bandana, with messy hair. Her shoes were in bad condition and the glove on her left hand was ripped. It was May.
    Misty and Ash looked at the mess of a person who stopped to stare back at them.
    ?Uh, what happened to you? Were you run over by the Magnet Train?? asked Misty.
    ?No, I decided that if Ash doesn?t love me, I?m nothing,? said the dirty Pokemon trainer.
    John and Marina became interested at this point.
    ?Do you mean you thought you had a chance?!? laughed Misty.
    ?Yeah. But it seems it was as good as the chance I?m a Magikarp.?
    Ash had the group walk on and leave May behind.
     
    I think one problem with the fanfic is they way is jumps about a lot, and runs thru a bit fast. For example, the random meeting with mew and mewtwo. The chapters don't seem synchronised and dont run on very easily.
    You might want to also work on a few details, eg on this: "were on a bit of a cliff. It was a few meters down from it." your descriptions may need some work -it's the descriptions and feelings that bring stories to life.
    Don't take what im saying the wrong way -im just trying to give helpful criticisms ^^
     
    Thanks...
    I'll try to work on it.
     
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