Quilava's Vacation

[Latias9697]

Hi everyone my name is Zainab i want to make a story called Quilava's vacation.these are the carecters in the story.Marina,Quilava,Furret,Raichu,Totodile,Swablu,Taillow,Latias and Latios.I will like instead of saying quil! if quilava is talking i'll put just the translation.Well i'm working on it now so hope u like the story!

 

[Latias9697]

Quilava's Vacation! Part 1.

Marina:Here we are Quilava!Is'nt is beautiful? Quilava:Oh My God! Marina:This is the pokemon vacation resort. Quilava:I can tell. Marina:Here u go *unties collor* Have fun! *Quilava runs down the hill and into a pool* Quilava:WHEEE!!! Totodile:Ouch! Watch it! Quilava:Oops sorry.I didnt see u there under the water. Totodile:Well watch those flames there really hot!Now the pool is all hot. :( . *Quilava leaves the pool to play on somthing else* Quilava:Yay tireswings! *Raichu gets kicked off the tireswing and falls* Quilava:Oof not again! Raichu:Ugh I don't feel so good.*Raichu shackes her head* Oh my gosh look at my poor tail! its bent! Quilava:I'm so sorry I did'nt mean it. Raichu:You'll pay for this! *Quilava runs and finds lots of tunnels so she jumps in to play in one* Quilava:It's so dark here i hope i don't hurt anyone again. Furret:EEK!!!! Quilava:EEK!!!! Furret and Quilava:Who did that! Furret:You just smushed my head! Quilava:No i did'nt u did!Who are u anyway? Furret:I'm Furret who are you? Quilava:I'm Quilava.Sorry if I hurt you i'll just go everyone is mad at me. :( Furret:Wait!I'm not mad at you!

To Be Continued.

 

[imgonnakilllexie]

This should be in the pokemon writing section! Get a Mod. to move it!!!

 

[Natsuki]

This actually belongs in the Pokemon Fan Fiction forum. ^____^ Here, I'll move it there for you. ^.~

*moves*

~Kelsey

 

[Lily]

There's this thing called paragraphing. O.O My poor eyes...

Good story line with Marine and Quilava (if I could make it out underneath the incoherency) but you really must work on how to express your story's plot and all. =D

You're doing this in script format, so you should try paragraphing after every single dialogue. Astericks (the lil' *s) are not needed; you just write whatever's happening in ordinary paragraph form (usually in present tense) and paragraph them too, just like the dialogues, until you're ready to move on. If you're new to fic writing, read the rules. Please. They help.

We have fingers. We don't need to use smilies to replace expressions. ^^ You could just type it out~ (Because, well, that's the purpose of story writing, not roleplaying)

 

[Latias9697]

hmmp

everytime i try to make a story or somthing some ppl have to say its bad or tell me how to do it u dnt tell ppl what to do even on ttc forums ppl do the same i wnt post at all!

 

[Breezy]

They never said it was bad Latias. They're just giving you a few pointers in hopes that you will improve. Reviewers tell you how to write because they only want to bring you to your full potential. ^^

*points up and down* What Lileh and Chibeh said. I'm lazy, sue me. =P

 

[Chibi Pika]

*Points at Breezy's post* I'll ditto that, and besdies, I've seen mega harsh reviewing over the years and you haven't gotten any. We're just trying to give you some helpful pointers ;) Cause see, fics should be like actual stories, with the paragraphing explaining what happened. Like for instance, you could start out the very beginning with describing the resort and then have dialogue go something like:

"Here we are, Quilava!" Marina said, motioning to the fire Pok?mon at her side. "Isn't it beautiful?"

"Oh my God!" Quilava said, staring in awe.

"This is the Pok?mon Vacation Resort!" Marina said excitedly.

See? That's not that hard ^^ Try out the paragraphing, I guarantee you'll improve.

~Chibi~;249;