Relationship III Parts

[collie]

1.

this is okay. rough and weird and dangerous. but okay.

i'm mildly (completely) afraid (petrified) but. it's going away. the fear. and the doubt. melts away to gather. at my cold feet. the nerves. i've decided to stop caring about them. i'm trying to enter the realm of us. after taking the subway of me. littered only by. temporary passengers with. no interest.

and you. were on the passageway of yourself. but i can't assume anything about. who was there. or the baggage you've learned to carry.

i keep looking at the station of Us. i don't know-if you're there yet. if i'm even. allowed to step off this train of me. if your train's even there. if i get up

and off and wait at that station. there's the chance. your train will pass me by. but i'm finding me suffocating. that fear. seems less and less. i'll wait. and maybe i'll find you. waiting and ready to be us. or

maybe your train will go by.
but i think i'm ready. to try to be Us.

2.

you haven't come out of the train yet. i'm waiting at the station. not yet tapping my foot. but sooner. it's going to start beating. tapping. i'm waiting. i tried the door for the train. knocked on the window. you're hiding there. not even realizing. you're shielding yourself from me.

if. when you go by the window. that i stand next to. leaning against. waiting. we try to talk. to convey messages. and we. get some words across. we share. we somehow. separated. learn more about each other. we learn each other's words.

maybe you don't. go by the window. because you're afraid i'll. learn everything. and we won't have any words in common. anymore.

it's okay. i'll adapt if you start speaking Russian.

but i might not. get to adapt. my train is honking. ready to pull out. and not leave permanently. it wants me to get back on. and see if you come out to stop me. the longer i wait. in this gray station. with a sky that doesn't seem to change. a vocabulary that only. sometimes grows. i doubt. you won't come out. i could be in that train. starting. leaving.

and you wouldn't come out.

yet i've realized. you're not the one keeping me at the station. you would like it. if you were (no you wouldn't). we can't. just leave the station. i'm not knocking. for entrance to you. i'm not breaking my back. learning your language. just so i can talk. with you.

there are other people. in your train. you brought them with you. and their baggage. my baggage is on the bench. i only plan to take a little. everyday i share a word. some of my baggage is. unnecessary.

these other people. suddenly. i share more words with them than you. and i think you realize. even if you want to pull away. we're all tangled up. my foot is in your train. my hand. my hair. part of my shirt. even a little of my baggage that won't leave. i'm cracking a smile at you. dorky smile. the smile people think you should be wearing. but we reversed the roles we should have had. so now i'm grinning at you. and them. through the crack that they've managed to open. in your train.

your hand. is reaching for the open button. so i can be let in. but you draw away every time. you realize. and don't. that your friends. are now my friends. tugging on me. prying open the door. tangling themselves in me. i'm grinning bigger. accepting that. you could give me up at any second. and they would kick me out. all you need. is to signal them. and i'll be tossed back onto the station.

i'm taking it a sign of your faith that you haven't tossed me out yet. it's why i'm grinning like an idiot as you spit fire at me through your eyes, through your words. i'd be a liar if i said i didn't like being so tangled up in everyone.

3.

i left your train.

tried. actually. failed miserably at. untangling myself.

you were giving the signal. which would leave me. tossed on the cold station. so i started pulling away. i didn't want. to be left. i didn't want to be tangled. it would hurt too much to be thrown out.

but i couldn't. the tangles. around our friends. were too tight. and i couldn't leap away. your train was pulling out. of the station. ready to leave me behind. and i was ready. to leave you.

(even though i'd be waiting for your never-returning train until i wasted away into the grey cement)

they pulled the doors open. i'm on the train now. and a lot of my baggage got left behind. i even dropped the baggage. you gave me as. they hauled me on board. i cried. sobbed into them. i was all tangled up in them.

and no where near you. i wanted to be.

i want you. if i could. i would stop the train. and have it just be. us. for once. but you don't want that. you didn't come onto the station. or even try. so i'll remain tangled. with them, not you. i'll remain. far away.

dorky smiles and dumb jokes. i'd like to be a player but i'm no good at it. not even close.

they've kept me on your train. and i don't regret being tangled with them. realizing. they didn't want to be untangled from me. that. even when my heart hurts. stings. burns a little. we all want the same thing. your happiness.

it's why we're on your train. and not our own.

~*~
Haha, relationship poetry.
Gonna go to bed now. I have a headache.
Does anyone else hate it when you actually try in a relationship and the other person doesn't? At all? Especially when they pull the classic, "I'm just confused about how I feel move" that you know means, "I don't like you anymore but I don't have the balls to say it."

Screw it, this is why I only dated guys. Girls are too much of a hassle. And I really wish I wasn't still in love with her.

 

[TJgamer]

It has a decent concept and outline.
But I am very sorry to say that this poetry has various flaws in it. For one thing, you did not capitalize any words.
Along with that, you attempted to separate the lines with periods, even though the proper way is use the return key at the end of each line, with a comma at the end of each line and a period at the end of each verse. Look at my signature for example.
Don't worry about it though. Just work harder and you could make great literature.

 

[Ayselipera]

It has a decent concept and outline.
But I am very sorry to say that this poetry has various flaws in it. For one thing, you did not capitalize any words.
Along with that, you attempted to separate the lines with periods, even though the proper way is use the return key at the end of each line, with a comma at the end of each line and a period at the end of each verse. Look at my signature for example.
Don't worry about it though. Just work harder and you could make great literature.

In general you can lay out a poem as to however you feel. There aren't any rules that state a poem must have capitalization or meet a certain format. Although most poems consist of versus written in a rhythmic format that does not mean all poems have to follow that style.

Take the famous poet E. E. Cummings (more commonly abbreviated as e. e. cummings because of his use of all lowercase words in some of his poems.) for example who used unconventional ways of writing his poetry.

Anyways I'm not a big love/breakup poetry person, but I think you have a good story going on here. I like when every word doesn't have a hidden meaning. Also I always view trains in a romantic light and I like that you combined a train in with the rest of the poem.