Released

[BattleBeard]

A non-rhyming poem...about a Pokemon released...a l o n e


Where is your shadow?
All I see is the bright colors of outside
whyamialone

Are you gone?
Where did you go? Are you coming back?
pleasecomeback

I cannot understand!
Why did you leave me?
whywhywhy

I was safe inside that machine.
I heard one beep and I feel asleep.
youareselfish

I woke up here.
Outside.
In the wild.
Defenseless.
Powerless.
Alone.
I feel so weak without you.

iambroken
...

Come back, please.

...

You're not coming back

where are you

please

help

me

 

[TJgamer]

This is........interesting.
I don't really know what to say. It's not good or bad. It's just strange.
I also don't get what purpose the last line in each stanza is. Having three words blended together like that. I really don't understand it.
I see how it's emotional and everything, but, I can't put my finger on it's exact meaning.
Sorry, that's all I have to say. And hey, maybe it's just my mindset or something. Perhaps other people will understand it better.

 

[Pokepal17]

I agree with the person above me. The poem itself isn't bad, but it seems kinda strange because I can't really imagine from a Pokemon's perspective. I like the emotional tone given to it. From my own perspective, it sounds like a child being abandoned, but I could be wrong...

 

[Misheard Whisper]

The use of the blended words was, in my opinion (*forces self to type full words*) a valid and effective stylistic choice. It added to the sense of frantic panic and the helplessness of the speaker, in part because it made the narrator sound more childlike and afraid.

The poem as a whole was effective in conveying its point, but for this stanza:

I was safe inside that machine.
I heard one beep and I feel asleep.
youareselfish

It is somewhat jarring, as it lifts the reader out of their immersion within the poem and places them back in the real world. Not only does it talk about a 'machine', which contrasts uncomfortably with the natural theme going on here, but the awkward rhyme in the second line is jarring as well, as it gives the poem an almost bouncy rhythm that I feel it really shouldn't have, and it probably wasn't what you were going for, either.