[Pokémon] rewrite dp186 by myself

[may_ag]

Remark:May has come to be a audience.

The referee officially states the rules; the battle will be a full battle, six-on-six with substitutions freely allowed on both sides. Coin Toss is used to decide who gets to pick their Pokemon first, and Paul wins. He sends out Torterra first.
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]The reason for Ash to recall Gliscor from McCann is to handle paul's Torterra.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Therefore,Ash sends out his Gliscor with out hesitation.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]The referee begins the match, [/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Paul orders Torterra to use Giga Drain.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Although Gliscor flies away, the Giga Drain scores a direct hit. [/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Brock tells May that Ash has ordered Gliscor intended to be hit to try so as to let Paul look down on [/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Gliscor and mislead Paul to use Frenzy Plant.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Seeing the motion of Gliscor ,Paul thinks that Gliscor do not have any improvement under the training of McCann.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Paul orders Frenzy Plant and convince it can cause Gliscor to faint. [/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Nevertheless, Gliscor escape from the Frenzy Plant by the skin of his teeth.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Gliscor have the ability to escape form it easIly,but he still want to hid his power.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Paul feels surprises but he have no worry at all.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Gliscor use fire fang , X-scissor and ice fang consecutively when Torterra is immobile .[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Ash receives expression in Gliscor's eyes then orders him to use Giga impact.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Paul knows nothing about the strategy of Giga impact of Gliscor's,then orders Torterra to use Giga Drain again.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]After the Giga impact has hit Torterra, Gliscor is immobile but he draw back by the power of the wind.As a result,the Giga Drain misses.[/FONT]

[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Until now,Paul disdain Ash' Gliscor no more. [/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Paul recall Torterra to prevent Gliscor defeat his Torterra .[/FONT]

Ash need the help of Gliscor to defeat Paul's Torterra ,he don't to venture his Gliscor vigor in flighting with Paul's Gliscor.Then he recall his Gliscor. And send out his Buizel.
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Paul's Gliscor usesand attack and Buizel use counter shield of aqua jet to resist the sand attack completely.[/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif][FONT=Times New Roman, serif][FONT=Times New Roman, serif][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Paul's Gliscor escaps from the aqua jet and recalled by Paul.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Paul's sends out Electabuzz and order him to uses light screen.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]When Electabuzz uses light screen,Ash recalls Buizel and send Infernape.[/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Paul orders Electabuzz to use Protect while Ash orders Infernape to use [/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Brick Break.[/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Electabuzz does not get hurt because of the Protect but the light screen is destroyed.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Then Paul recalls Electabuzz and sends Honchkrow .[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Ash recalls Infernape and send [/FONT]Torterra[FONT=Times New Roman, serif] consequently.[/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Honchkrow use[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif] Night Slash,Brave Bird and Shadow Ball consecutively.[/FONT][/FONT]
Torterra do nothing but just endure the attack.
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Knowing Ash's strategy,Paul does not order Honchkrow to [/FONT]approach Torterra any more but [FONT=Times New Roman, serif]orders Honchkrow to use Shadow Ball repetitively.[/FONT][/FONT]
In the second attack ,Ash releases that it is the very moment to turn defeat into victory.
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Ash orders [/FONT]Torterra[FONT=Times New Roman, serif] to use Rock Climb.[/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]The Rock Climb raises the ground in a second such the [/FONT]Torterra can approach flying [FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Honchkrow and press it on the ground .[/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Paul was shocked by the power of the Torterra.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Ash[/FONT][FONT=Times New Roman, serif] shouts "[/FONT]Leaf Storm, by the run"[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Torterra uses Leaf Storm in such short distant make a criticle hit to [FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Honchkrow.[/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]However, Honchkrow still escapes from [/FONT]Torterra's foots.[/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif]Paul recalls Honchkrow in this very moment.[/FONT]
[/FONT][/FONT]
[FONT=Times New Roman, serif][FONT=Times New Roman, serif]to be continous[/FONT]
[/FONT]

 

[Astinus]

This is very weak as a story. It's very bland in description, even though the main focus of the episode is a battle. But the battle doesn't feel exciting because of the way you wrote it. Don't just say that the Pokemon used an attack. Actually describe the Pokemon using the attack so the reader can see it as it happens.

Also, if you're going to rewrite an episode of the anime, my best advice to you is to write it as an episode of the anime. Watch DP186 a few times to get the feel of how it is written and then follow that formula to write your own version.

Last piece of advice is to write in a program that has spell-check (or use one of the many online) and proof-read, or get someone else to proof-read, your story before you post it. There are a few typos that would have been caught with just a simple read-over.

It'll be best to try this over again, keeping the short pieces of advice I gave you in mind.