• Our friends from the Johto Times are hosting a favorite Pokémon poll - and we'd love for you to participate! Click here for information on how to vote for your favorites!
  • Welcome to PokéCommunity! Register now and join one of the best fan communities on the 'net to talk Pokémon and more! We are not affiliated with The Pokémon Company or Nintendo.
    Register

Speccy's Morbid Poetry

Spectreon

WEEEEEEE! SUGAR!
    • 38
    Posts
    20
    Years
    This is a disturbing poem about a train...clicky clicky (it's a picture-poem hybrid)
    *image removed*

    And this is a poem I wrote after a bad period of my life.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~
    You took me
    Into the dark room
    Where there was no light or hope
    And shadows lurked everywhere

    You threw me
    On the metal-frame bed
    With the ragged sheets
    And the worn matress

    You cut me up
    With switchblades
    And laughed
    As my dark blood was spilt

    You hurt me
    You shattered me
    You violated me
    You crushed me

    You laughed
    As your friends had their fun
    Preying upon my helplessness
    My paralysis was your spur

    When it was over
    And the shadows withdrew
    I lay in the corner
    Rocking back and forth

    Covered in blood
    Bruises in the shape of your hands
    Blooming upon my pale breast
    And casting a dark stain upon my soul

    My eyes were glassy
    And clouded over
    My hair was matted
    And tangled like my thoughts

    My thoughts were murky
    Darkness, misery, despair
    Had taken root
    And hope seemed all but gone

    I was a fool
    A fool to trust you
    I trusted
    But I will trust no more
    I trust nobody

    Nowhere to run
    Nowhere to hide
    Nobody to trust
    Nobody to tell

    My spirit burns strong
    I will forgive
    But I will never forget
    I hate you

    Remember that
    I hate you
    I will forgive
    But I will never forget

    Nowhere to run
    Nowhere to hide
    Nobody to trust
    NObody to tell

    I hate you
    Remember that
    I will forgive
    But I will never forget

    I shall remember
    Always.....
     
    Very dark. I see pain in your heart. Someone had to hurt you very much in past. I have thrills.

    Good poetry, I hope you will put more.
     
    it's well written, but now i'm gonna have nightmares, i'm glad you are here spectreon...
    i can't wait to read more of your poemz.
     
    Well, thank you! ^0^

    Me ish so glad....that I'LL POST MORE POETRY! >:3

    You shattered me
    Like the glass on a mirror
    As the bloodied shards fly
    So does the phoenix aflame
    Poised for flight
    Wings spread bright
    Spring from night
    Into the sun
    Rise from the ashes of blood, of pain
    Of misery and suffering
    Be reborn in beauty and glory
    And use the shards to weave a new future
     
    ^beautiful poem, phoenixes are the best example of dying to an old life and rising to something new...i gives it a 9.99999/10
     
    Regarding "Choo-choo", was the choo-choos effective, or did it detract in any way? I'm wondering.
     
    ermm...just a liitle...the train sortof made the poem seem less serious. was it supposed to be a true story?*worries about spectreon*
     
    It's just a poem I made after some interesing nightmares I had.

    I was hoping the choo-choo part would add grim humor and make it more creepy, if you get what I mean. XP
     
    well knowing that now, it does, but before....it was somewhat scary to think that something bad might've actually happened to ya. thanx for clearing that up for me.
     
    Well, the second poem is all about the bad stuff that happened to me, but don't worry, I don't think there are any evil trains chugging around in Los Angeles. XD
     
    i wasn't talking about the train, but nonetheless, i am relieved *ahhh flushhhh...*
    j/k lol. there are evil trains everywhere, and vending machines *shudders*

    anyway, speccy, you did a magnificent job on both poems and i can't wait to read more of them in the future...
     
    This is a crappy poem I typed in a minute just now. Words have a habit of leaping to my head. XD

    You are my dark shadow
    Haunting me
    Tormenting me
    With past memories
    You cling to my shoulder
    And weigh me down
    One day...
    I stood up
    Eyes flashing
    Hands thundering
    "I FORGIVE YOU."
    With a bloodcurdling shriek
    And a ghastly dance of pain
    You vanished
    But..
    You will forevermore leave
    A dark stain
    As your legacy
     
    wow that's deep...i often have problems expressing pain unless it has to do with lost relationships...don't call it crappy because honestly, i liked it the best of all three. muy bien, very good
     
    Wow, those are some pretty powerful poems. I can almost feel everything that you felt. That last one really touched me somehow.
     
    meh this is quite cliche, believe me I've read the same thing hundreds of times on other poetry forums Ive been too, and heard things very similiar in creative writing classes Ive taken. You could've take the premise to much grander heights IM0.
    as for advice theres not much I can give except: don't insult your reader by presuming he or she cannot decipher strtegically placed metaphors. Instead of feeding your reader every little detail give them part of the story and then leave some open to interpretation.

    "You took me
    Into the dark room
    Where there was no light or hope
    And shadows lurked everywhere"

    -heres a good example. You have already lost my interest by giving me too much of the story. Instead of telling me where "they" brought you, I would rather you tell me how you felt as they were bringing you into the room. You don't neccesarily have to tell me straightforward that there was no light or hope and such. Instead give me something to think about. This pretty much applies to the rest of the poem.
     
    You must log in or register to reply here.
    Back
    Top