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Stuffed Friends

Ciera

This is a tragedy.
663
Posts
19
Years
    • We go on a trip,
    In a magical world,
    Where no one can find us.

    Over the clouds
    And under the ocean,
    While never moving an inch.

    We speak and play
    In silence, my friends
    And I.

    We romp and play,
    And never sleep,
    Always drowning in our fun...

    ...Until I wake,
    That is when they
    Return to their

    Cold gazes,
    High upon my shelves.

    I miss them already.

    -Fin.
     
    Last edited:

    Kelsey

    ~-*-~-*-~-*-~
    1,912
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • Seen Mar 30, 2005
    Ciera said:
    We go on a trip,
    In a magical world,
    Where no one can find us.

    Over the clouds
    And under the ocean,
    While never moving an inch.

    We speak and play
    In silence, my friends
    And I.

    We romp and play,
    And never sleep,
    Always drowning in our fun...

    ...Until I wake,
    That is when my
    Return to their

    Cold gazes,
    High upon my shelves.

    I miss them already.

    -Fin.
    Click to expand...

    Awwwwwwws, this is soo cute! <3<3 I love my stuffed animals, I used to play with them all the time. ^^ This poem is like a dream, where anything can happen and peace rains supreme. ^.^

    Don't you hate it though, when you wake up from a really good dream? And all you want to do is fall asleep and continue that dream? ^_____^ I think this poem was so wonderful, I wuved it. ^^

    Now, on to words of advice. XD OK, the flow is all right until the last few stanzas:

    ...Until I wake,
    That is when my
    Return to their

    Cold gazes,
    High upon my shelves.

    I miss them already.

    The first line's fine, but in the second line, did you perhaps mean to say "That is when my eyes"? Them, the last few lines are kinda choppy. Maybe try this format:

    ...Until I wake,
    That is when my eyes
    Return to their cold gazes,
    High upon my shelves.

    I miss them already.

    Other than that your poem ish wonderful! Keep up the great work! ^______^

    ~Kelsey
     

    Ciera

    This is a tragedy.
    663
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • I made a boo-boo ^^;

    Instead of my, it's supposed to be 'they', where it doesn't make sence..

    Anyway, thanks -huggles-
     

    Kelsey

    ~-*-~-*-~-*-~
    1,912
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • Seen Mar 30, 2005
    Ooh, I see. XD Well, that works out even better than what I thought it was. XD *huggles back*

    ~Kelsey
     

    Ciera

    This is a tragedy.
    663
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • I would hope so ^^; Anyway, I went through it again, and fixed the typos.
     

    Dignity

    [~As I lay dying~]
    2,830
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • Seen Sep 28, 2009
    Ooh! I like this poem. There is a certain type of innocence you don't usually find in poems. Good job! ^^-;; ~origin
     

    Ciera

    This is a tragedy.
    663
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • lol, innocence? Thanks, I guess. Wait- I don't guess, so, thank you, ^^;
     

    Dignity

    [~As I lay dying~]
    2,830
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • Seen Sep 28, 2009
    No problemo!! xD;; If you want any advice on writing, you can PM me if you wish, Ciera! ^^-; ~origin
     
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