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This was my entry to the PokéCommunity GT 2023 Small Writing Competition. The prompt was lost so I decided to make a shitpost that could make even the most astute of readers lost. Thank you all.
Edit: needless to say I got the shittiest score by the judges
Spoiler:
Ah… Poopoo Island – a mysterious island in the middle of the Turdific Ocean. No one can pinpoint the exact location of this enigmatic ocean, and that is because it is said to drift in and out of multiple realities. Ironically, this place doesn't smell that bad. Even more surprising is the fact that there are no storms in this ocean, nor are there any waves; the water is so calm it feels like it is still. Despite this, visitors will mysteriously appear on the island, having no idea how they got there.
One such group of visitors consisted of a young man and his pet dog. The two woke up on the beach on the north side of the island. The man, sporting a green t-shirt and maroon pants, was still asleep in the sand until the talking dog woke him up. Ehhh? Wow, a talking dog! I had never seen that before! Especially one that spoke with this weird, rhotacized manner. He spoke with the "r" sound at the beginning of every word – it seems as though if you followed this dog around and listened to him talk, you could get an infinite stream of alliteration. I'm not going to do that though, that sounds incredibly boring and utterly pointless.
*ahem*
Anyways, it seemed like these two were the bumbling idiot type. Despite being completely lost on this island and away from the civilization that they were used to, the only thing on their mind was the sand, which is there. What? Huh? Sorry, I conveyed that incorrectly, it's rather the "sandwiches there". But there were no sandwiches there, at least, I didn't prepare any for them. There shouldn't be sandwiches there! What the HECK!
Okay okay, let's calm down. To another monitor, yes!
*mhmmm ahem hmm*
On the western coast of the island we can see a rare, spherical spaceship. Out walked two men, both donning strange, white armor; one was tall and bald and the other was short and not bald. Both of them… had tails? Based on the way they were talking, the larger one seemed to obey the other one, to some extent at least. However, they seemed confused, as if they were expecting someone to be waiting for them.
For a few brief seconds, they seemed utterly and completely lost. I… I don't know how else to put it except that they were lost. For the powers that be, I feel like I have to drill in the fact that they were lost. As if people washing up onto a beach and being confused being a reference to Lost wasn't enough already, I have to reiterate many times that these men were lost. Even the man-dog duo were lost, they were just too dumb.
In a fit of rage, the bald man started shooting what seemed to be blasts of energy at the surroundings. Trees, rocks, and even parts of the center mountain were blown into nothingness almost instantaneously. Wait, the center mountain? That's where – oh shit-
*RUMBLE*
"Oh crap oh crap oh crap… I'm just supposed to be recording this slightly shady reality show thingy for my summer internship… I don't wanna die..."
*RUMBLE*
*SLAM*
"Hey! What the fuck is going on, you dipshit!? What did you do!?"
"Eep! I'm sorry Mr. Pie sir, I really didn't mean for any of this to happen!"
*RUMBLE RUMBLE*
"You imbecile, I trust you with one task to remake Total Drama Island just like Cartoon Network, and you fuck it up completely! You're lucky we've got the Barrier up or I'd have your neck right now!"
"Well, sir, I am making that show just like you asked! See, look! I've started recording already!"
"Ugh… alright, I'll have a listen first. But if this is some dogshit then I'll have my hand so far up your ass that you wish you were never born!"
…
…
"Are you out of your damn mind!? Journey to the Center of Poopoo Island? Who comes up with this shit!? At least name it Doodoo Island instead of Poopoo Island, since that's the actual name of the island! And we're obviously going to get copyright strikes because the name is so very clearly plagiarizing Journey to the West, one of China's Four Great Classical Novels!"
"Sir, I'm pretty sure China doesn't doesn't copyright strike people. And I wasn't even referencing Journey to the West, I was referencing that movie with Brendan Fraser. Though, I guess we could get strikes for that- Hooooo- Hey! Sir, please don't look at the monit-"
*RUMBLE RUMBLE*
"Huh? The fuck? Who's this talking dog and scrawny-ass teenager? And what about those two samurai monkeys?"
"That's-"
"And a green ogre, am I seeing that right? A green ogre with a ninja headband and a tail? That just shat his own pants?"
"Uhh… that's… what? Why did he crap himself?"
"There's some dumbass kid with a shit-stained book here as well! Let me just check the logs to see who you brought over!"
"Well see I thought I'd turn on this Interdimensional Switch then-"
"You WHAAAT?"
*RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE*
"Turn… on… the… Interdimensional Switch?"
"YOU FOOLISH FOOL! You never turn on the Interdimensional Switch. You're supposed to leave it OFF, and THEN you activate the Matter Transporter. We're supposed to be getting normal humans, not the fucking Ben 10 alien shit!"
"Okay okay, but look at it this way. That Shaggy and Scooby duo, they look pretty normal. They're kind of dumb, but that's perfect for our show. And uh… Death Note guy, what's his name? Light Yagami? He's an average human, right? Plus, the Death Note shouldn't work in our realm. As for the other guys-"
"Did you say Light Yagami?"
"-ta and Nappa are kind of humans, right? Say we neutralize their powers, they could be great contes-"
"I SAID, DID YOU SAY LIGHT YAGAMI?!"
*RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE*
"Y-y-yes, sir! Uh, you know, the guy from the Death Note series? He has a god-complex and-"
"I KNOW WHO LIGHT YAGAMI IS! I'VE WATCHED DEATH NOTE THRICE AND HAVE THE ENTIRE MANGA COLLECTION."
"So why-"
"THAT-"
*ding*
"IS NOT LIGHT YAGAMI!"
"Huh? What? Shouldn't the logs say… Wait, who's Wipe Yabooti?
"
*SIGH*
"That guy is Wipe Yabooti. And from this close-up picture on this monitor, it looks like he doesn't carry the Death Note, he carries the Sh!t Note. If I'm guessing right, it has the ability to make anyone whose name he writes in it defecate themselves."
"Oh, so that's why that other guy crapped himself earlier. Wait, but how did Wipe Yabooti know his name? Ooooh, he has the Shinigami Eyes!"
"Sh!tigami Eyes, actually. You finally figured it out, you daft wanker!"
*RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE*
"Oh, um, Mr. Pie?"
"What is it now, Qwerty?"
"There was someone else that was brought over that the logs somehow didn't log. Hehe?"
"They what? Who?"
"Yeah, I think it was because he was too large."
"WHO!???"
*RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE*
"And that rumbling? It all makes sense now, that's not the mountain."
"WHO!??? I'LL RIP YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF RIGHT NOW!"
*cough cough*
"C-can you ple-please let go, sir?"
*huff*
"It's-It's a Gigantamax Pokémon. We're doomed."
"Oh, shit."
"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX!"
*PRPRPRPPRPRRPRPRPRRPRPRPRPPRPRPRPRR*
One such group of visitors consisted of a young man and his pet dog. The two woke up on the beach on the north side of the island. The man, sporting a green t-shirt and maroon pants, was still asleep in the sand until the talking dog woke him up. Ehhh? Wow, a talking dog! I had never seen that before! Especially one that spoke with this weird, rhotacized manner. He spoke with the "r" sound at the beginning of every word – it seems as though if you followed this dog around and listened to him talk, you could get an infinite stream of alliteration. I'm not going to do that though, that sounds incredibly boring and utterly pointless.
*ahem*
Anyways, it seemed like these two were the bumbling idiot type. Despite being completely lost on this island and away from the civilization that they were used to, the only thing on their mind was the sand, which is there. What? Huh? Sorry, I conveyed that incorrectly, it's rather the "sandwiches there". But there were no sandwiches there, at least, I didn't prepare any for them. There shouldn't be sandwiches there! What the HECK!
Okay okay, let's calm down. To another monitor, yes!
*mhmmm ahem hmm*
On the western coast of the island we can see a rare, spherical spaceship. Out walked two men, both donning strange, white armor; one was tall and bald and the other was short and not bald. Both of them… had tails? Based on the way they were talking, the larger one seemed to obey the other one, to some extent at least. However, they seemed confused, as if they were expecting someone to be waiting for them.
For a few brief seconds, they seemed utterly and completely lost. I… I don't know how else to put it except that they were lost. For the powers that be, I feel like I have to drill in the fact that they were lost. As if people washing up onto a beach and being confused being a reference to Lost wasn't enough already, I have to reiterate many times that these men were lost. Even the man-dog duo were lost, they were just too dumb.
In a fit of rage, the bald man started shooting what seemed to be blasts of energy at the surroundings. Trees, rocks, and even parts of the center mountain were blown into nothingness almost instantaneously. Wait, the center mountain? That's where – oh shit-
*RUMBLE*
"Oh crap oh crap oh crap… I'm just supposed to be recording this slightly shady reality show thingy for my summer internship… I don't wanna die..."
*RUMBLE*
*SLAM*
"Hey! What the fuck is going on, you dipshit!? What did you do!?"
"Eep! I'm sorry Mr. Pie sir, I really didn't mean for any of this to happen!"
*RUMBLE RUMBLE*
"You imbecile, I trust you with one task to remake Total Drama Island just like Cartoon Network, and you fuck it up completely! You're lucky we've got the Barrier up or I'd have your neck right now!"
"Well, sir, I am making that show just like you asked! See, look! I've started recording already!"
"Ugh… alright, I'll have a listen first. But if this is some dogshit then I'll have my hand so far up your ass that you wish you were never born!"
…
…
"Are you out of your damn mind!? Journey to the Center of Poopoo Island? Who comes up with this shit!? At least name it Doodoo Island instead of Poopoo Island, since that's the actual name of the island! And we're obviously going to get copyright strikes because the name is so very clearly plagiarizing Journey to the West, one of China's Four Great Classical Novels!"
"Sir, I'm pretty sure China doesn't doesn't copyright strike people. And I wasn't even referencing Journey to the West, I was referencing that movie with Brendan Fraser. Though, I guess we could get strikes for that- Hooooo- Hey! Sir, please don't look at the monit-"
*RUMBLE RUMBLE*
"Huh? The fuck? Who's this talking dog and scrawny-ass teenager? And what about those two samurai monkeys?"
"That's-"
"And a green ogre, am I seeing that right? A green ogre with a ninja headband and a tail? That just shat his own pants?"
"Uhh… that's… what? Why did he crap himself?"
"There's some dumbass kid with a shit-stained book here as well! Let me just check the logs to see who you brought over!"
"Well see I thought I'd turn on this Interdimensional Switch then-"
"You WHAAAT?"
*RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE*
"Turn… on… the… Interdimensional Switch?"
"YOU FOOLISH FOOL! You never turn on the Interdimensional Switch. You're supposed to leave it OFF, and THEN you activate the Matter Transporter. We're supposed to be getting normal humans, not the fucking Ben 10 alien shit!"
"Okay okay, but look at it this way. That Shaggy and Scooby duo, they look pretty normal. They're kind of dumb, but that's perfect for our show. And uh… Death Note guy, what's his name? Light Yagami? He's an average human, right? Plus, the Death Note shouldn't work in our realm. As for the other guys-"
"Did you say Light Yagami?"
"-ta and Nappa are kind of humans, right? Say we neutralize their powers, they could be great contes-"
"I SAID, DID YOU SAY LIGHT YAGAMI?!"
*RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE*
"Y-y-yes, sir! Uh, you know, the guy from the Death Note series? He has a god-complex and-"
"I KNOW WHO LIGHT YAGAMI IS! I'VE WATCHED DEATH NOTE THRICE AND HAVE THE ENTIRE MANGA COLLECTION."
"So why-"
"THAT-"
*ding*
"IS NOT LIGHT YAGAMI!"
"Huh? What? Shouldn't the logs say… Wait, who's Wipe Yabooti?
"
*SIGH*
"That guy is Wipe Yabooti. And from this close-up picture on this monitor, it looks like he doesn't carry the Death Note, he carries the Sh!t Note. If I'm guessing right, it has the ability to make anyone whose name he writes in it defecate themselves."
"Oh, so that's why that other guy crapped himself earlier. Wait, but how did Wipe Yabooti know his name? Ooooh, he has the Shinigami Eyes!"
"Sh!tigami Eyes, actually. You finally figured it out, you daft wanker!"
*RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE*
"Oh, um, Mr. Pie?"
"What is it now, Qwerty?"
"There was someone else that was brought over that the logs somehow didn't log. Hehe?"
"They what? Who?"
"Yeah, I think it was because he was too large."
"WHO!???"
*RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE RUMBLE*
"And that rumbling? It all makes sense now, that's not the mountain."
"WHO!??? I'LL RIP YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF RIGHT NOW!"
*cough cough*
"C-can you ple-please let go, sir?"
*huff*
"It's-It's a Gigantamax Pokémon. We're doomed."
"Oh, shit."
"LAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAX!"
*PRPRPRPPRPRRPRPRPRRPRPRPRPPRPRPRPRR*
Edit: needless to say I got the shittiest score by the judges
Last edited:
