Tell me what you think.

[LukerØath]

Okay. Let me make this clear. Magmar is my favorite Pokemon, and this explains why I have these Ideas for this fan fiction.

This is actually more of a Promotion than anything else.


Lukeroa is a boy living in the Jumai Village, off the far reaches of the Hirameki region. (Which features Kanto Pokemon only.) One day, he is walking down the street and sees something moving around in a forest just outside of the village. He runs after it even though he's aware of the dangers of going into the woods without a Pokemon, something is calling him that way. He runs deep into the woods and comes across an injured Magmar. The Magmar seems to frantically be attempting to get Lukeroa to leave. Out of nowhere, the legendary bird of Fire, Moltres comes and sweeps Lukeroa off of the ground and carries him to Moltres' cave. At the time, Lukeroa is only 5 years old. But 10 years later, after living with the Moltres for so long, it becomes like his mother, until it happens. For some reason, Moltres goes berserk on Lukeroa and begins attacking him within the confines of the cave. Outside a Magmar that has been waiting patiently for this moment jumps into the air with a massive fire punch charged up. He jumps toward the mountain and hits right in the cave, and catches Lukeroa as he comes out of the exploding Cave. Moltres then flies away, seemingly to never be seen again. Lukeroa and Magmar set out together to discover what happened that day with Moltres and to bring Moltres back to Lukeroa. What new things will they discover? What opponents will they come across? And what parts of Lukeroa's childhood will come to light? Find out all of this in my Fan fiction (I'm beginning to write tomorrow) titled: Pokemon: Tales of the Flame.

Note: The story will begin with Magmar waiting outside and then witnessing Moltres being so active, and the the Fire Punch, so get ready for instant action!


Seem like something you guys would enjoy??

 

[JX Valentine]

I'd hate to say this, but a lot of this plot will probably raise a lot of eyebrows. Namely:

1. Legendaries. Lots of people feature legendaries at the start of a new trainer story to make their character seem a bit more special/somewhat like Ash. However, few legendaries make themselves known to human beings because they're basically the gods of the Pokémon world (anime canon) or embodiments of nature (pretty much everything else). You've got to be pretty special in the first place to actually see one. In this case, however...

2. On top of that, you have Moltres swoop in and grab this kid for seemingly no apparent reason. Why would Moltres, the embodiment of flame, want to raise a human kid? (Note: In Special, Ho-oh had a pretty good reason why it kidnapped children. Likewise, you'll want to have a really good reason for having Moltres do so, and that really good reason should not be "because Lukeroa is special, and this will be explained in the story." Unfortunately, the moment you mention Moltres kidnapped a kid, your readers will want an explanation right there because this is basically a legendary calling a kid to it and taking him from his home and presumably loving family. It's not like Lukeroa is Romulus or Remus who might actually need wild Pokémon to take care of him. He really does have a place to call home until this legendary comes in and kidnaps him.)

3. Moreover, why would Moltres, after spending five years with a kid it seemingly randomly decided to kidnap, decide after that time period to try killing him? If this is some legendary-goes-berserk-thanks-to-outside-forces fic (a la Dragonfree's Quest for the Legends), it might still be hard to swallow because you're saying either that this happened right out of the blue or that Lukeroa completely ignored any signs that Moltres might flip out on him.

4. What is Magmar doing just conveniently waiting outside?
4a. What effect would Fire Punch have on the embodiment of fire? Literally fighting fire with fire doesn't actually work directly. I can't imagine that Lukeroa, a human being, would appreciate being set on fire even more by a second Pokémon, after all, and I'm not sure if Moltres would do anything but laugh if someone tried to use a Fire-type attack on it.
4b. Did you just say Magmar jumped up the side of a mountain in a single bound? O_o (I'd imagine that Moltres's cave wouldn't be at the foot of the mountain, considering it's a bird and a legendary who might not want to be bothered by every hiker for a couple mile radius.)

The short of it is that it's okay to write a story in which a trainer starts out with a Magmar. However, having a legendary Pokémon kidnap this potential trainer and then proceed to flip out on him to the point where he needs to be rescued by said Magmar, who seems keen on adding to the fact that the cave would probably be on fire at that point, is probably not a good way to go. I'd say think a bit harder about the beginning of this fic. Make sure you've got a decent reason behind the actions of your characters.

 

[LukerØath]

Wow. First and foremost, I have to thank you for giving me a detailed critique. Actually, there ARE going to be SOOOO many changes. I wrote that last night and had so many ideas floating around in my head, I was half asleep. This is basically going to completely change. The only thing to say constant is Magmar. I'm not gonna name the main character after myself, even if it does have a nice ring to it for a hero. lol. I'll post a new thread within the next few days. It'll be a full Prologue. Sound good? (:

 

[Neo Pikachu]

I agree with Valentine said, so I'm not going to repeat myself with the points she brought up.

When it comes to characters, its an absolute must for them to have motives. In this intro, it just seems like Moltres not only acts sporadically, but it really questions the intellectual integrity of what's supposed to be a Pokémon legendary.

Some other points that I was interested to know were these. Lukeroa was swept away by Moltres, but how would Moltres know how to take care of a human child, and why would it do so? You mention that Lukeroa "becomes like his mother," but how could that be possible? Lukeroa is a young human boy and Moltres is a fiery bird. Besides not having even the slightest bit of physical resemblance, I don't see how it could possibly work on a mental level either. And yes, if Moltres completely went berserk, does that mean Lukeroa could possibly follow? Like Valentine said, there's a reason why some people and creatures would go insane. To have Moltres completely lose its mind, you're going to need a reason for that.

Also, I find it strange that after ten years, no one has been looking to find Lukeroa. Meanwhile, the Magmar that Lukeroa found before he was captured only decides to save him… ten years later. Why the long delay? Why didn't the Magmar try to rescue him when it had the chance? And how did Magmar find Moltres's cave in the first place?

I know you said you would be changing a lot of things, but I also felt it was necessary to bring up these points. Don't be too quick to write out a story, make sure you have a strong idea of what you're getting into and consider all options and alternatives. I'd say give it a week of selective brainstorming first, don't be too quick to jump on an idea that later on might become a headache to deal with because you didn't consider all the aspects of it.

 

[Jalin Volt]

Let That Writing Fuse Box Linger More, You'll Get the Hang Of it :D

 

[ANARCHit3cht]

You said that you have a lot of ideas in your head, you should probably do A: Write more to incorporate more ideas and B: Read your selection over (or at least the certain parts were it might go either way)

 

[miley810]

You should add in something later in the story that moltas got him because destoney somehow I would think.I personly love the idea because I had already had a idea like that but its not exactly like that so please post it on here.