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The Daily Crush Syndrome

Gokey Shuckle

Bisexual and Proud
2,582
Posts
19
Years
    • What shall I do with the crush I obtain?
    Tell the man I desire, or wait and be lame.

    I see him on the horizon with his dark brown eyes.
    I creep around looking like one of those spies.

    My heart beats soundly at the sight of a god.
    A man I have missed, while in my daily pod.

    He works in the mall so quickly is he.
    Making sandwiches and selling herbal ice tea.

    His smile so perfect it makes me proudly melt.
    If only I had ESP so he knew how I felt.

    A chance with a person so common like me.
    But alas my heartbreaks when he is seen with she.

    Even though I think he plays for both teams.
    I hope it is not everything that it remotely seems.

    My grasp for reality closely slips away.
    When I dream of him and me in a romantic display.

    I want to touch his lips with mine and enjoy a laugh.
    But I am still mad at the sight of his better half.

    One day he will be free and I can go in for the kill,
    But right now, I think it's best that I just chill.

    I may never get to feel his warm embrace,
    But when he ditches the blonde, on goes the chase!

    I may seem a little crazy, but it's crazy in love
    with a man I can't have, but will never be sick of.

    Love can be a dream untold with twists and turns
    Until the truth becomes known and starts to burn

    The man I desire is of the bisexual persuation
    Him plus me would make a perfect equation

    Time will tell whether we become eternal lovers
    If my heart explodes, I hope it recovers

    A crush can be lethal, or it can be grand
    A crush may be nothing more than a one night stand

    In conclusion, I think he is the man for me.
    Will I be with him? Just wait and see!
     

    Abnegation

    10,674
    Posts
    15
    Years
    • Seen yesterday
    Wow this poem is very very good i can honestly say there isn't much at all wrong here!
    I can only nit pic on personal preferrance.
    Great Toneality & when you ryhme it doesn't seem as if you used the first 2 words that sound alike to use!
    Very well done. I just have few marks or possible changes.


    "My heart beats soundly at the sight of a god.
    A man I have missed, while in my daily pod."

    I feel this line is a little forced. The first line is fine but it seems as if you struggled to string the next line to rhyme. It's just me but i feel you could find something better as 'While in my daily pod' is slightly broad and hard to determine.

    "when he is seen with she."

    Again personal prefferance but i feel this line makes you want to cringe a little. because you've lost who's point oof veiw the reader is in. Which should be the poets however this line does not directly refer to the poet but in general.


    "One day he will be free and I can go in for the kill,
    But right now, I think it's best that I just chill."

    Just Stay chill sounds better to me. A little bit but its open to interpretation

    "The man I desire is of the bisexual persuation
    Him plus me would make a perfect equation"

    Argueably your best line. The 'ua' Rhyme is very effective as is the 'tion' rhyme so these lines blend very well.


    I can say now that i really did nit pic. I could not give you much critics as it was very well written. I commend you for great peotry and hope to see more! I enjoyed it very much & maybe even learned a little bit!
     
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