[Pokémon] The Galactic Chronicles

~Justified~

~Working On A New Rom Hack~
  • 400
    Posts
    11
    Years
    • Seen Nov 23, 2015
    This story follows the adventures of Team Galactic members Carla and Aaron, who advance through the ranks and discover that Team Galactic's goal will cause catastrophic events to occur on a global scale if they are not stopped.
    This story is not lore-friendly, and it is kid-friendly.

    Chapter 1: Lying In Ruins
    Spoiler:
     
    This is an exciting beginning! Please do continue :3

    Some advice is to check your spaces a bit. Also, it's usually a good idea (especially when typing on a forum like this) to move to a new row when a new character speaks. As such:

    Woosh. A gust of wind threw me and Carla against the wall and extinguished our torch.

    "Uh, my back. What was that?" I said with a painful groan.

    I waited for Carla to respond, but heard nothing. I looked around, and to my left there was a flight of stairs leading into a dark room, I could barely make out Carla's silouhette at the bottom of the stairs-but she was standing.

    "Are you alright!?" I asked as I quickly ran down the stairs.

    "I'm fine, but look." She pointed to a wall with wierd carvings in it, they appeared to be letters but I couldn't make them out.

    "What is that?" I asked.

    Carla shrugged her shoulders and moved forward.

    In this next part, it's a bit unclear who is talking.
    "Wait," I said. She stopped, "Let me find our headsets". I used my hands to feel around the floor until i felt the small piece of metal connected to an arc by a flexible wire.

    Maybe you could reword it into:
    "Wait," I said and she stopped. "Let me find our headsets."

    I used my hands to feel around the floor until i felt the small piece of metal connected to an arc by a flexible wire.​

    All in all, I'm looking forward to see how this continues.
     
    Thanks for the feedback, I'll be sure to format it better next time!:)
     
    Back
    Top