The Human/Pokemon Reservation: The Brink of Extinction [R]

[dc_united]

Welcome to my first ever Pokemon related fanfic, combining military fiction, the apocalypse, and pokemon. Enjoy...


The Place, Ecruteak City, Johto. The date, GDF (Giovanni Downfall) +5 years

Prologue: The Beginning of Extinction
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Garret ran into the Pokemon center, exhausted and gasping for breath, his once pristine Rocket uniform desecrated by the dust from the Goldenrod-Ecruteak road. "Erm, can I... help you?" the on-duty nurse asked, a steaming cup of coffee in her hand. Garret looked up, his long, black, and greasy hair falling out of his eyes. "Yes! Yes you can help me! Where is the Time Capsule for this Pokemon center??" he yelled, any attempt at secrecy forgotten. The nurse, obviously disinterested in the requirements of the greasy-haired teen, pointed her finger the escalator leading to the second story. "THANK YOU!" Garret yelled, running up the escalator two steps at a time.

Now, we all know about the Time Capsules in Johto. As soon as you enter the Ecruteak Pokemon center, Bill says that you MUST NOT, under any circumstances, transport moves and pokemon that did not 'exist' in the past into the past. Our fateful, greasy-haired young man is about to break said rule.

Garret skidded to a stop outside the Time Capsule, his hands shaking as he reached into his pocket. Shaking and laughing with happiness and anticipation, he cradled the stolen masterball that contained THE Lugia. "Hehehe, with this, Team Rocket will never fall to that Twit!" Heedless of Bill's simple rule, Garret plunged into the Time Capsule, and placed the masterball on the conveyer belt that led to the Transfer Chamber. "Please select Trainer or Gym Leader you wish to trade with" said the computer, oblivious to the violation. "Giovanni! Give it to the gym leader Giovanni! Tell him it's vital to his plans, and will prevent a Very Bad Thing from happening!" Garret shreiked, hands shaking even more violently. "Transfer in progress. Please wait a moment. Wait one moment..." Then the computer's voice became garbled, and then a shriek of gibberish as it tried to carry out an impossible command. Garret backed up and attempted to open the door, but his shaking and sweaty hands couldn't get a firm enough grip. Lights flickered, there were garbled shrieks of a pokemon in pain, and the screeching of stressing metal, and then... silence.

Garret breathed a sigh of relief, running a hand through his hair. 'It's all right Garret. It's OK, just a malfunction from an incompetent machine." Just then, the transfer machine exploded, releasing all kinds of hell from the distant past, such as extinct pokemon and ancient storms. Although, fortunately, Garret wouldn't be around long enough to experience the catastophe, as he was instantly vaporized by the heatwave and heavily radioactive debris from the Time Capsule's explosion/severe malfunction.

Chapter One: 30 Years later

The world has changed since the Catastrophe. All kinds of ancient pokemon and life-changing storms were ripped out from the past and into the present, changing the landscape and life as we know it. Half of Sinnoh was submerged, and Hoenn vanished completely. Johto and Kanto were left relatively untouched, although they would be unrecognizable to their past denizens. We, the Humans and Pokemon of the Blackthorne Reservation, scratch a hard existance from the land, but one day we will-

"OI! Aleks! Quit loafing off! You've been hogging the Computer for an hour! Some of us need to communicate with relatives in that Reservation in the Orange Islands, ya know?" Aleks sighed, running a hand over his close-cropped brown hair, then saved the document he was writing and exited the word processor. "Alright Melvin, I just got to a good stopping point." Turning around and stretching his 17-year-old muscles, Aleks surveyed the Blackthorne Reservation with his wiry six-foot frame.

A few ramshackle houses made of corrugated iron surrounded the interior of the stone wall that surrounded the Reservation (theoretically to protect the other dwellings near the Reservation's center), along with a crude path that went to the Dragon's Den and Ice Path. Melvin shoved Aleks out into the sunlight with one weatherbeaten hand, and initiated a communications link. Turning to the center of town, Aleks headed for his apartment, stopping to pick his scarce mail from the first (and only positve)floor before boarding the elevator and heading down to the -16th floor.

Opening his door, he was tackled by his Raichu, Sparky; who let a loud "Raiii!" and a mild discharge of electricity. Extremities tingling, Aleks hurried into the bedroom he shared with his roommate, Amy. Frantically pulling off his shorts and T-shirt, he changed into his Protector uniform- tan pants, tan shirt, and old suede desert boots. He did go on duty in a few hours after all, and the first rule in the New World was to be prepared. Pulling his pokeballs out of the dresser drawer, he had just finished strapping all eight of them on when the tin can telephone next to his bed rattled. "Hello? Aleks Martin here." "Aleks! Get to the Outskirts now! I know it's not your shift yet, but Professor Trilo and one of his damned assistants are in trouble again!" Aleks nodded. "I'll be right there Comrade Commander Silas!" Dropping the tin can, Aleks picked his Raichu and bolted for the door and elevator. "First floor, quick! Professor's having problems!" Aleks yelled up the shaft. Moments later, the elevator began it's slow and shakey human-powered climb.
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[dc_united]

Chapter 2: Professor Trilo

Aleks skidded to a stop outside the Protector barracks. The barracks were crude, made mostly of cinder blocks and sandbags, and packed with what little trainer gear remained. As Aleks opened the door, Silias pulled him in. "Aleks! This is urgent, are you drunk?" Silas asked, sweat sliding down his face, an action mirrored by the two people standing behind him. "No, I haven't been drinking since yesterday." Silas sighed and cracked his back. "I'll give you the test anyway. If you're wasted and we lose Trilo, than we'll most likely suffer the same fate as Azalea Reservation." Everyone flinched at that. "First question: What are Protectors?" "Protectors," Aleks stated, "Are the evolution of Pokemon Trainers. We protect the few Reservations that remain." "Second question: Can you hop in a straight line?" Aleks did so, stopping at the barracks' far wall. "Alright Aleks, I guess you're sober. You're Comrades are Chuckwagon-(he pointed to a man about a year older than Aleks, blonde, tanned, and athletic) and Magnet-(he pointed to a thin girl with whispy blonde hair of indesciminante age.) "Get yourselves geared up-the Professor's dug himself another hole."

After slipping into the steel plates that were all that stood between a Protector and an angry fossil, Chuckwagon, Magnet, and Aleks left through the double gate that protected Blackthorne from the world outside. Magnet spoke up. "What do you think the Professors done this time?" Aleks shrugged, seeing as he was point and didn't want to get distracted. "Maybe" Chuckwagon threw out, "he tried to impregnate another girl with Kabutops sperm, remember that?" Aleks winced. That had almost gotten the Professor kicked out of the Reservation. Hadn't fared so well for the poor girl either. "He took his assistant with him though. He probably went to dig up some fossils." Magnet speculated. "Hold on" said Aleks. Sure enough, faint screams of terror came over the next hill. "I'll kill him." Said Chuckwagon, as he unshouldered his rifle.

The Professor, predictably, was hiding behind a boulder as a Spiquil attempted to capture the Professor's assistant. "Aw, crap, not another one of these." Chuckwagon whined. Whine he may, but Chuckwagon still released his Kabutops and charged down the hill, followed by Aleks and Magnet. Aleks shouldered his rifle and sighted the target. Sure enough, the pokedex hard-wired into the weapon identified the Spiquil. "Spiquil, the evolved form of Quilpain. A tri-type of rock, fire, and dragon, it is believed to be an ancestor of the Cyndaquil evolutionary family-" "Shut up! I already know what it is, dammit!" Yelled Aleks, shoving an Ultra Ball down the rifle's grenade launcher attachment. Magnet released her Rhyperior, and Chuckwagon loaded his rifle with a shocknet clip. "Rhyperior, Rock Blast! Kabutops, use Wring Out!" The two pokemon charged, forcing the Spiquil to chose targets. Evidently deciding that the Rhyperior made the better target, the Spiquil began to shudder and glow. "Kabutops, Rhyperior! Get out of there!" Magnet yelled, just as the Spiquil used it's inferno move. The whole landscape was charred from the powerful blast, and Rhyperior and Kabutops were no exception. "Kabutops, Rhyperior! Return!" Aleks fired off the ultra ball, but it was batted away. Chuckwagon raised his rifle, an obsolete KI-19, and fired a shocknet, which was dodged. Unfazed, Chuckwagon loaded another, stood and fired. "Chunk." It had jammed. There was, after all; a reason why the 19's were called Chunkers. Sensing an opprotunity, the Spiquil turned and fired off the spikes on it's back right at Chuckwagon, who was busy trying to reload his weapon.

To be continued-
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[dc_united]

Professor Trilo (cont')

"Chuckwagon, move!" Aleks yelled, reloading his rifle. Chuckwagon, however, finally managed to pry the problem round out and took aim. "I can hit it this time!" Chuckwagon, however, didn't have time. The Spiquil turned it's back to him and began shuddering violently while the spines on it's back glowed white-hot. "DOWN!" A second later, a semi circle of the Spiquil's spines shot out, one of which buried itself in Chuckwagon's left quad. "****! Get it out, get it out!" Magnet moved forward, only to scream and recoil in horror as the spike embedded in Chuckwagon's leg burst into flame, igniting Chuckwagon's skin as well. Ironically, his fireproof suit remained untouched, which would probably become his coffin as the inferno spread. Aleks ran forward and shoved his rifle into Magnet's hands. "Just keep shooting ultra balls at it!" She nodded and ran off. Pulling a crude fire extinguisher from his back, Aleks ripped Chuckwagon's face and chest plating off and sprayed him point-blank. Coughing and sputtering, Chuckwagon tried to rise, but Aleks pushed him back down. "Stay here!"

Magnet, meanwhile, was having problems of her own. She could barely lift the rifle, and it was even harder for her to aim. "Magnet! Take the first-aid kit and see to Chuckwagon!" She shook her head. "I can do this!" and she pulled the trigger. The ultra ball shot out of the modified grenade launcher with a whomp, and Magnet flew backwards. "Alright, you do it Aleks!" Aleks raised the rifle and sighted the Spiquil, which was now attempting to charge him. Aleks was on automatic now, real time. Sight target. Target found 30...no, 27 meters, maybe. God, I wish I had a proper sight. Brace yourself...fire! Alek's pulled the trigger, felt the weapon's powerful kick, and threw himself to the right, rolling at the last second. Turning and raising the rifle, Aleks saw the Spiquil dissolve in a blast of crimson light that soared into the ultra ball. Holding the rifle one handed, he advanced cautiosly, his Feraligatr's pokeball held firmly in his other hand. The ball blinked, shook, then flashed a deep blue light. Aleks lowered Feraligatr's pokeball and sighed with relief. Striding forward, he picked up his nineth pokemon and added it to his bandolier. "Excellent capture, Aleks!"

Professor Trilo strode forward confidently, his assistant and Magnet several feet behind him, walking/dragging Chuckwagon with them. Professor Trilo certainly exemplified the old-world professor doing field work. In his mid-thirties, the brown-haired professor was clad in a pair of safari shorts and a tan trench coat. Over a dozen pokeballs surrounded his waist, and he had a small bracelet of them as well. "Professor. Mind telling us what you were doing out here? You nearly killed your assistant, and for all we know, Chuckwagon as well!" Professor Trilo sighed. "Aleks, you'd make a horrible scientist. What are human lives when so many hitherto unknown pokemon began to reclaim the planet? We are on the edge of new breakthroughs! It may have destroyed society, but my research will rebuild it!" Aleks rolled his eyes, thankful that he had a polarized visor. "Is that why you attempted to impregnate that girl with Kabutops sperm?" "No, that was just to see if pokemon and people are genetically compatible. Turns out we aren't. Would've been so much better if the girl had lived, though." "So, what knowledge have you gained on this little outing Professor? Hopefully some important tidbit?" "It just so happens that I went digging for fossils. As you know, the area around Blackthorn City had an abundance of fossils before the catastrophe. Ever since, it's been too dangerous to go out without Protectors, not that I've ever follwed that particular rule." he added quite hastily. "So? What did you find?" "Well, there are no fossils. My hypothesis is that The Catastrophe has somehow altered time as we know it, which is quite obvious, otherwise you would have saved me from a rampant Typhlosion. Now, this is where it gets somewhat unbelievable. I think that the formerly-abundent fossils re-animated without human assistance! It's like the current time is in the past! Or something like that." Magnet spoke up for the first time. "Do you mind? We've got a critically injured man on our hands! Can we please head back to the Reservation?"

Spiquil:
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[dc_united]

Chapter 3
Chuckwagon

Aleks and Magnet didn't talk much when Chuckwagon was in Trilo's operating room. The two of them passed the time by pacing, drinking whatever beverages they could find, and staring at their feet. Finally, the doors to the lab opened and Professor Trilo sauntered out, hands in the pockets of a bloody lab coat. "I can assure you, young Mark is fine. A fair few burns, but he's fine, and accepting visitors." Without speaking, Aleks and Magnet rushed in.

Chuckwagon's 'fair few' burns turned out to be a bit of an understatement on Trilo's part. Most of Chuckwagon's exposed flesh was either a deep red or a crisped and flakey black, with a few spots of the original tan still there. Grimicing, Chuckwagon propped himself up. "Aleks, I guess I should thank you. If you hadn't captured that Spiquil, I'd be a box of ashes scattered outside the Reservation. I owe you a lot Aleks, and you too, Magnet." Aleks said nothing, but only nodded. If only he'd been more forceful in his command. "Aleks, Magnet, I guess it would be OK if you called me Mark". Aleks nodded "You can already call me Aleks...Mark" Magnet spoke for the first time since Chuckwagon's injury: "I guess you two can refer to me as Mary." Mark extended a shaking hand and shook both Aleks' and Mary's hands. Just then Trilo walked back in. "Aleks, Mary, I need you to leave now. Mark does need his bandages on, after all, since I really don't want his numerous burns and cuts getting infected by walking around in all this dirt. Now shoo!"

Mark's health increased during the following weeks, and he actually seemed to become more accustomed his new visiage, waving away Aleks' and Marys' concerns with "Eh, being attractive was more trouble then it was worth. Maybe I'll get some alone time now." Mary seemed to think that Mark truly meant what he said, but Aleks suspected that Mark did care deep down. However, Aleks' thoughts on Mark were interrupted when Trilo came running up to him on guard duty. "Aleks! Just the man I was looking for! Or, rather, one of the men. I've made some important strides in my research recently, however, I have found myself facing a roadblock." Aleks nodded. More then likely, Trilo had finally gone too far and was being blacklisted by the whole Reservation.
"My research on Pokemon breeding and evolution is rather incomplete, as you know, many things were destroyed during Garret's Stupidity." Aleks nodded, still keeping one eye on the fields and rice paddies that stretched in front of the Reservation. "It's rather common knowledge that Professor Elm (God rest his soul) was an authority on both. I have heard rumors from a traveler that Elm's lab survived fairly intact, even though he himself perished alongside most of Cherrygrove Reservation. I need you, Mark, and Mary to salvage whatever you can from Elm's lab-resarch, technology, books, even his Pokemon, if any survived. This is paramount becau..." Aleks cut him off: "Professor, if you want to find people who WANT to commit suicide, then I suggest you talk to the criminals. It's too dangerous traveling through Dark Path, and Fang Cavern is... well, Fang Cavern. I can tell you that nobody would volunteer for your suicide quest." Trilo sighed and tapped his clipboard absentmindedly with his fingers. "You know, Mark and Mary said the same thing, until I told them you had already volunteered and had gone." "YOU WHAT?!?!?" "Don't yell Aleks! All I did was bend the truth a bit- no doubt you'll be going now, anyway. Besides, they have the radio suits. They'll be fine once you get within hailing distance of them. Now, we need to get you your suit." Aleks frowned and reluctantly followed the Professor. Damn this man! He thought.

The radio suits, or 'zaku' as they were called by the few older residents in the Reservation, were the ultimate in Protector gear. There was, however, only five of them, and at least two had to be kept in the Reservation for communication with the other Reservations, via a crude network of antenna and cables. While donning the bulky plates, Aleks had an intense feeling of clausterphobia. The regular Protector suits were more like strapping shinguards over your body and wearing a paintball helmet. The 'zaku' however, was more like a suit of armor from the olden days. Finally, Trilo lowered the helmet and strapped the thing on. "Aleks, your communications channel is accessed by chinning the switch at the base of the helmet. Don't do it here though- you'll end up getting some rather...excess information. It should begin to work when you're within a few hundred meters of M&M, although that could vary- we haven't checked the antenna down there ever since Maintence Team 4 vanished down there. Apart from that, it's really no different than your regular Protector rig." Aleks nodded. He'd kill the man when he got back, and he had the feeling he'd have a fair amount of help doing so. "Oh Aleks! Do bring the suit back, as they are rather difficult to find, and I would hate for it to wind up in an Aerodactyl's esophagus."
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[Jaguar Grrl]

Hey, I really like this! It's interesting and fast-paced.

I spotted one confusing error, though. Dialogue should be separated somehow (ideally with an indention of one tab) each time a new character speaks. Since indentions don't seem to appear on this computer, I might do it this way:

Aleks skidded to a stop outside the Protector barracks. The barracks were crude, made mostly of cinder blocks and sandbags, and packed with what little trainer gear remained. As Aleks opened the door, Silias pulled him in.

"Aleks! This is urgent, are you drunk?" Silas asked, sweat sliding down his face, an action mirrored by the two people standing behind him.

"No, I haven't been drinking since yesterday."

Silas sighed and cracked his back. "I'll give you the test anyway. If you're wasted and we lose Trilo, than we'll most likely suffer the same fate as Azalea Reservation." Everyone flinched at that. "First question: What are Protectors?"

"Protectors," Aleks stated, "are the evolution of Pokemon Trainers. We protect the few Reservations that remain."

"Second question: Can you hop in a straight line?" Aleks did so, stopping at the barracks' far wall. "Alright Aleks, I guess you're sober. You're Comrades are Chuckwagon-(he pointed to a man about a year older than Aleks, blonde, tanned, and athletic) and Magnet-(he pointed to a thin girl with whispy blonde hair of indesciminante age.) "Get yourselves geared up-the Professor's dug himself another hole."

I hope that helps. I look forward to the rest!

 

[dc_united]

Chapter 4
Route 45

Mary and Mark walked across the broken and dusty landscape of Route 45, 'new' HS-19's clutched in their hands. Mark cleared his throat:

"You think Aleks is anywhere near here?" Mary shrugged, occasionally cradling her weapon. "If he was anywhere near us, he would have hailed us by now." "I guess you're right. Then again, these towers haven't been maintained for over a decade. Aleks could be right behind us and we'd never know it."

Aleks, meanwhile, was struggling along miles behind his comrades. Going down route 45 always spooked him, which was why he normally gave the entrance a wide berth. "Friggin' Trilo. I played right into that bastard's hands along with M&M. He wants Elm's fossilized research, he can get himself or send that damn assistant of his-it might do him useful to be doing something apart from running." There was a brief rustling in the trees overhead, and Aleks fired randomly, hearing rounds bounce off trees and the valley walls. Finally, a very dead Spearow dropped from the canopy, landing on the ground like a wrecked biplane. Breathing a sigh of relief, Aleks turned around, only to have a very angry Gligar glide into him, apparantly Aleks had just wasted it's dinner. "Get off, dammit!" Aleks pryed the Gligar off him and threw it to the ground. "Get going!" The Gligar stared at him, but stayed put. "Stupid creature." Aleks muttered, tramping off through the undergrowth.

Mark groaned and set his pack down. "We should rest here-maybe Aleks will double back when he gets to Dark Cave or Fang Cavern." Mary shrugged. "Maybe. I don't see why we can't rest on the 45 side of Cherrygrove though." "We're resting here because there's cover provided by the canopy. The last thing I want is to sleep in some ruined hut and have an Aerodactyl rip the roof off. Remember when that happened to Val? That's when we were finally given those harpoon guns."

chapter 4 to be continued
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[dc_united]

Chapter 4, cont'

Mark twisted the plates that protected his arm and undid the leather straps that held them in place, dropping them onto the dusty ground where they lay like abandoned scales.
"Damn, these things really do pinch your elbows" he said to himself, looking at the cuts and blisters on the area around his elbows. He looked over at Mary, but she was unconcerned, and attempting to re-apply some scavenged make up. "Huh? Actually, it must be you- my arms are fine." "Really? This sucks." And he went back to unstrapping the plates on his other arm.

"How far ahead can they be? It's not like they had a huge head start." Aleks groaned as he marched dismally through the woods. "Gligagli?" The Gligar following him asked, Aleks having long since abandoned his attempts of getting it to leave him alone.

"And what are you still following me for? You probably just want to kill me for getting rid of your meal. But that's not gonna happen, cause this armor isn't coming off until I'm back at the Reservation."

"Gli." And with that closing comment from Gligar, Aleks lapsed into silence, mixed with the occasional obscenity as he tripped over debries left over from the constant storms. Finally, the sun began to sink in the sky and the temperature began to drop slowly.

"Well, this fire should make us feel more like we're on a camping trip and not in the middle of a disaster area" Mary observed as she scraped together some kindling and lit a match. Mark grunted, preoccupied with popping the blisters on his arms. None of them noticed the hungry eyes watching from the canopy. Breaking open the old aluminum foil that served as ration-wrapping, Mary worked up a bit of a hum, something from an old song about running through the jungle, something her father, an older Protector, listened to. Suddenly, something that resembled a hairy Tangrowth charged out of the forest. Mark made a grab for his rifle, and caught the attention of the thing. Screeching incoherantly, the monster crossed the fifteen feet between itself and Mark in four quick strides and chomped down on his arm.

"S**t! Shoot it, shoot it!" Mark screamed, grabbing what he guessed was the creatures head and trying unsuccessfully to pry it off him. "Gurrga, nurrrg!" was the things response. Mary finally managed to get a few shots off, but they did no damage, hitting the creature in the lower leg. Finally from somewhere behind him, six shots rang out, burying bullets in creatures neck, chest, and head. Gurgling, the creature turned to face the new threat, and it grasped a dying glimpse of Aleks as he kicked it down and fired a point-blank shot into the monsters chest.

"How's your arm?"
Mark grimaced as he looked it over, and sure enough, there was a deep outline of a human bite mark, which was beginning to bleed profusely. "Bleeding, but fine. What was that though?" Mary kicked it, then parted the hairs away. "Human, from the looks of it, although Aleks did a good job of destroying it. Must have been a survivor of the attack that took out Cherrygrove Reservation." Mark shivered. "I guess we can catch up tomorrow, as we all seem to have been walking all day. Who wants first watch?"
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[Rabbit]

Well, Chapter 1 was pretty good. All I can say is, "ARRRGH why does he have a Raichu named Sparky for the love of all that is holy." Looks like a fun story.

A few more details about how the world has changed would be nice. My first impression is that the Reservation is a summer camp of sorts. Teenagers get roomates, free time, and long-distance communication. Whatever happened to the world, it couldn't have been an apocalypse. Of course, that's just Chapter 1.

Edit: Still looking good! Pretty fantastic, actually. You really know how to write a story, and you cut out the boring bits. The little tidbits of information about the world (Cherrygrove, Fang Cave, harpoons) are really effective. You do a good job of getting across the idea that everything outside of the Reservations is as dangerous as possible.

What I'd like to see are more visuals. Route 45 doesn't say anything to me. Even 'forest' is too vague. This story would really benefit from a vivid, detailed setting, since it's so different from everyday reality (for me, anyway).

Beware the cliches. Aleks saving everyone in the nick of time and attracting a wild Gligar by his...animal magnetism, or something, puts him squarely into Gary-Stu territory. The way Mark can't do anything but get injured all the time makes him look very ineffective. And Mary is on a slippery slope - she's putting on makeup in the middle of a wilderness filled with rabid, mankilling beasts.

 

[dc_united]

*Edit-believe me, that Gligar is attracted to Aleks for a very different reason, heheheh*

Chapter 5 (prt. 1)
Gligar

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Mark sat on a boulder strategically located between the entrance to Dark Cave and the path out of Route 45. His arm was bandaged with a spare burlap shirt, but he willed the discomfort out of his mind. Curiously, he lifted the bandage to peek at his wound, and recoiled. The bite mark was infected, despite Mary's best efforts to clean it, and the whole area was bubbly with pus. Feeling nausous, he replaced the bandage and raised his rifle again, tracking between the forest's twisted canopy and the waiting maw of Dark Cave. Tensing himself involuntarily, he kept a watchful eye on the mouth of the cave before turning back and warming his hands by the fire.

Aleks' Gligar, meanwhile, scurried about in the shadows, it's primitive mind still racing with the thoughts of it's destroyed meal. Scuttling about on the ground, it approached the sleeping form of Aleks. Burying it's front legs in the ground, it raisied itself up and readied the poison in it's tail. But then, it stopped. Something occured to it: Humans make noise. Lots of noise. If it stabbed the human here, he would doubtlessly awake and make noise, drawing other humans, who would make more noise. The things in Dark Cave didn't like noise, not at all. The things in Dark Cave would come out, which was a bad thing. Hesitantly, the Gligar lowered itself back down. Waiting was good. It waited while it stalked the Spearow, so it could wait while the humans made noise. Returning to the ground, it scuttled off and into a tree at the edge of the forest. It could wait.

Aleks pushed himself up and tapped Mark on the shoulder. "Get some rest." Mark looked like he was about to protest, then nodded and walked over to his bedroll. "Aleks - are we gonna go through Fang Cavern or Dark Cave?" Aleks thought for a moment. "I don't know. We'll put it to a vote when Mary wakes up." Mark nodded. "I'll try to get some sleep then."

 

[Lycaeus]

I really like this story :D
I wrote one kind of like it, but discontinued :/
Like the other two above said, try to add more detail. The story seems to be going very quickly.

 

[dc_united]

*Sorry I haven't updated for quite awhile. Sports kept me very busy*

Chapter 5 (part 2)
Into the Cave

Aleks cautiously poked his head into the Dark Cave entrance. Since nothing bit his head off, he decided that he could proceed with less caution.
"Mark! Mary! Use red light!"
Both complied, until Mark switched his light off. Aleks swung around hissing:
"What the hell is your problem!?"
"Nothing- it just occurred to me that maybe we should have these attached to our weapons instead of our helmets."
"Yeah, and then you can be blind when something eats your rifle as opposed to yourself."
"Oh. Good point."
"I know."
After some silent wandering, Aleks found a relatively smooth, table-like rock shelf. "Mary, Trilo gave you a map, right? It's a damn maze in here, and I know Maintenance 4 left some traps here to ward off hostile fossils."
After digging about in her pack for a moment, Mary withdrew a worn peice of laminated paper. Mark pried off his helmet and whistled softly.
"Whew, Lamination! Probably older then two of us combined."
Aleks scowled.
"Buckets on, Mark. I just hope this is relatively recent. Last thing I want is for the old route to be buried in rocks and us having to pick our way through a minefield."

The map proved to be Trilo's own, or at least one of them, complete with his helpful notes in his atypical semi-legible scrawl. Mark leaned over and grinned.
"Ha! All we have to do is follow the pre-Cataclysm wiring on the tunnel ceilings. That'll send us out about halfway between what's left of Cherrygrove and New Bark."
Aleks looked up at the ceiling. No wires.
"Damn, this is why I hate Trilo! Too lazy to tell us this stuff beforehand! Alright, we took a kind of spiraling route to get here, right?"
Mary nodded, one hand subconciously tightening on her rifle. After a moment's tracing, Aleks swore and handed Mary the map.
'God! We're all the way up near friggin' Goldenrod! Alright, lets get some water- these things are hotter then hell, and even less hospitable."
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[dc_united]

Chapter 5 (Part III)

Something stirred in the cave. A deep, low rumbling with the occasional movement that sent Tyranitar fleeing from the cave depths and sent Zubat screeching away into the daylight. Slowly, the behemoth lifted it's arrow-shaped head and opened it's eyes. Something had disturbed it's slumber. With a thud, it pulled itself out of the lake it called home. Then it closed it's eyes and began to concentrate. Within moments, it heard what had roused it: sharp stattaco cracks that reverberated down the twisting passages. Slowly and menacingly, it began to crawl into one of the side passages towards the cracks.

Aleks lowered his rifle and stared at the horde of dead Zubat and Golbat that lay scattered around the tunnel. Mark shoved another clip into his rifle before he shouldered it.
"Good thing we didnt' panic too much." Aleks nodded, but chose not to speak. There was something else coming, something big. Before he could even open his mouth, several Tyranitar burst forth into the range of their lights, but were content to move around the humans, except for a curious Larvitar who bumped against Aleks' leg, sniffed it, then went to rejoin it's parents. A few Pupitar levitated along behind the Tyranitar, before they too vanished.
"Not gonna lie, this is kinda creepy" Mark muttered, unshouldering his rifle.
Within moments, the behemoth, a massive creature resembling the worst aspects of a Steelix, Garchomp, Tyranitar, and T-Rex burst through the passage.
"No data on Pokemon. Professor Trilo apologizes, and requests that you increase his funding so that he can do his damn job."
Aleks raised his rifle and tried to mute the Pokedex.
"I'm going to kill that man."
​

 

[Neutrino]

The story itself is flowing along quite fantastically, but it's the way you set it out that smacked me in the face. Don't put chapters in three parts. Wait until you've written the entire thing up, and then post it. If you want a bit of tension and cliffhanger, then make it another chapter, although I wouldn't advise this since that would make them shorter than they already are, which is quite short. Try making them longer ;)