The Joke Thread

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Midnight Beat

elit resu motsuc
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    You know everybody enjoys a good joke whether it is all the time or just to brighten up thier day so here you can post jokes that really make you laugh. However I do feel that this thread has the potential to get out of hand if you are to take the jokes to heart. So to avoid conflict here are some rules:

    - No racist and or sexist jokes
    - Keep all the jokes as clean as possible
    - Don't take any of the jokes here to heart they are ment to make people laugh not to hurt so don't go and start a flamming war over a joke, okay?
    - No bad jokes (It just wastes time) :P

    And just in case -> Permission to create thread by Drummersuff

    Alright I will start us off;

    One day a policeman stopped a motorist who had just gone through a four way stop sign and was about to give him a ticket when the motorist said. "Officer you can't give me a ticket for that!' "Why not" said the officer. "Because although I did not stop I slowed right down and its almost the same." "But you did not stop" replied the officer, "and the sign says STOP." "But the way was clear and it was safe" replied the motorist. The officer then pulls out his batton and starts hitting the motorist. "What are you doing!" yells the motorist in surprise. "Do you want me to slow down or stop" says the officer.

    Alright so it's not the best joke but it's a start.
     
    Ah,yes.lets think.Oh.Heres a horrible joke:

    There are three people in a car down the highway.One is named Shut up,one is named Manners,and one is named Road Kill.Shut Up is driving and is going a little too fast.Road Kill isn't wearing his seat belt,and when Shut Up stops,Road Kill goes flying out the front window.Manners goes outside to go pick him up.The police catch up with him for speeding."What is your name?" one asks.
    "Shut Up."
    "What is your name?"
    "Shut Up."
    "You have a minute to tell me your name."
    "Shut Up."
    "Where are your manners?"
    "Outside picking up Road Kill"

    Its stupid,but a joke none the less.
     
    Last edited:
    This is this joke that I heard on my friends Psp.

    *Man calls movie people*

    Man says:Hey guy how much is a movie ticket
    Movie dude says:that is 10dollars
    Man says:what about 2 tickets
    Movie dude says:that would be 20 dollars sir
    Man says: Yay I can bring 2 of my friends
    Man says: Well what about 3 tickets
    Movie dude says:30dollars
    Man says:Yay I can bring 2 of my friends!
    MAn says: well hey what about 4 tickets
    MOvie dude says:40dollars
    Man says:yay I can bring 2 of my friends
    Man says: Im going to watch airbud, do you guys have airbud
    Movie dude says: no we dont have airbud
    Man says: yay im going to see airbud
    Man says: Thanks lady
    Movie dude says: im not a lady
    Man says: okay bye lady.

    xD I hope you guys get it XD
     
    haha sorry I don't get it.

    Anyways, this is a little childish for a joke, but its the best one I know.

    4 men are trying to get through a forest and they come up to a bridge guarded by a canible. The men ask if they can get by and the canible says, "bring me back 10 fruit from the forest and I will let you pass" The men agree and go find the fruit. The first comes back with apples. The canible says "Shove all the fruit up your butt and I'll let you pass." The man gets 1...2...3 then all of them fall out so the canible eats him. The second man comes back with pineapples. He only gets one up his butt so the canible eats him. The third comes back with cherries and he gets 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...then laughs and they all fall out. The canible eats him. The other two men ask the third guy in heaven why he laughed. The third man replied "I saw the next guy carrying watermelon"

    Hard to explain. Hope you guys get it.
     
    @Manaphy1128 Classic

    @Shinji_ I'm not sure I get it either however I just might be off tonight so I'll read it again tomorrow.

    @Pipluper That's a good one.

    Thanks for posting guys
     
    Here's a funny one.
    Disclaimer:​
    Yes, it's a blonde joke. It doesnt mean blondes are stupid though. I know many blondes and I think that the "Blondes are stupid" is a bunch of crap.
    So, Dont take this personally if you are blonde. We all know blondes arent really stupid. The ones in the jokes are. Not real blondes just the ones in the jokes.
    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
    Here's the joke:​
    2 blondes are building a house. The first one is hammering nails into the wall. Every so often she throws one over her shoulder. The second one walks up and asks her "Why are you throwing those nails away?" and the the first one replies "Ugh! Half these nails have the head on the wrong side!! They're defective!" The second one then giggles and says "Silly! Those are for the other side of the house!"

    XD
    Ah. Funny.
     
    Poketrainer2004 said:
    Here's the joke:​
    2 blondes are building a house. The first one is hammering nails into the wall. Every so often she throws one over her shoulder. The second one walks up and asks her "Why are you throwing those nails away?" and the the first one replies "Ugh! Half these nails have the head on the wrong side!! They're defective!" The second one then giggles and says "Silly! Those are for the other side of the house!"

    XD
    Ah. Funny.
    Click to expand...

    Very very funny! Defective nails.... I love it.
     
    I've got one. Not haha funny, but a good lesson nevertheless.

    There are four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and everybody was asked to do it. everybody was sure somebody would do it. anybody could have done it, but nobody did it. Somebody got mad at this because it was everybody's job. Everyone thought anybody could do it, but nobody realized that everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that everybody blamed somebody for nobody doing what anybody could have done.
     
    There are three girls sitting on a porch. One has red hair (Jamie), one has blue hair (Lacy), and one has green hair (Kris). The mailman walks by, and says "Where did you get your hair done?". Jamie says "I got it done at the beauty salon". Lacy says "Mine was done at Krystal's beauty shop". Kris says (All while putting snot in her hair), "It's natural!".

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~

    It's better if you actually do it in real life, and not just write it... ugh.
     
    Very funny. I'm just going to respond once every 5 jokes and comment on all of them in one post instead of posting after every joke.
     
    Okay, here one my friend told me:

    NOTE: THIS IS ANOTHER "BLONDES ARE DUMB" JOKES, WITCH IS STERYOTYPICAL. IF YOU CAN'T TAKE A JOKE, CAN'T UNDERSTAND THE JOKE, OR WANT TO EAT THE JOKE, PLEASE DO NOT VIEW.

    ---

    Three girls, a Blonde, a Burnette, and a Red head, just robbed a bank and are running from the police.

    They came to a three way intersection, and split up.

    The Burnette took the left turn, and ended up in a group of brown dogs. She blended in with them, and when the police came,
    she exclaimed:
    "Bark! Bark!"
    The police left, letting her get away.

    The Red head took the straight path, and ended up with a bunch of red cats. She blended in with them, and when the police came,
    she exclaimed:
    "Meow! Meow!"
    The police left, letting her get away.

    The Blonde took the right path, and ended up in a potatoe farm. She layed down in the potatoes, and when the police came,
    she exclaimed:
    "Potatoe! Potatoe!"
    the police went:
    "WTF?"
    and captured the Blonde.


    ---

    Yay lack of humor!
     
    A stupid blonde joke and a few other stupid ones:

    NOTE: the following joke is not intended to be hurtful:

    Three serial killers,a blonde,a brunette,and a red head,have been caught on the top of a 15-level bulding.
    "Any last words before execution?"one officer asked.
    "Tornado!" the red head yells.The officers look while the red head ecscapes down the drain pipe.
    The officer turns to the brunette."Any last words?"
    "Hurricane!"she yells.The officers look,and she also ecscapes down the drain pipe.
    They then turn to the blonde."Any last words?"
    "Fire!" she yelled,so they shot her.

    Suzanne:Look what I found-a koala!
    Dave:I think you should take it to the zoo.
    Suzanne:You're right.I will.

    The next day they meet again,and Suzanne still has the koala.

    Dave:I thought you were taking it to the zoo.
    Suzanne;I did!Today were going to the movies.

    Two theives robbing an apartment hear the owner coming home.
    "Quick,jump out the window,"The first robber says.
    "Are you crazy?Were on the 13th floor!"says the second robber.
    The first one replies,"This is no time to be superstitious!"
     
    XD ROTFLMAO LITTERALLY! Achamo made the Funniest joke ever! Ok i got a good one

    2 Boys where hiking up a mountain when suddenly 1 of the boys Seemed to have fainted, Luckily, the other boy had a cell phone and called 911

    boy:911! I think my friend is dead! i need help!
    911:hold on! calm down, now let's make sure he's really dead
    There was silence for a moment, then a gunshot was heard. The boy went back online
    Boy: ok now what?
    ____
    WARNING:The following joke MAY be offensive to girls in a certain group and will cause a laugh attack to boys in a certain group
    _______

    What is Green,Lies in a ditch, and covered in cookie crumbs?

    A Girl scout that got hit by a truck
    __________________

    What do you say when a lawyer is about to be run over?

    Nothing
    __________________

    Why do ducks have webbed feet?

    To stamp out fires.

    Why do elephants have Flat feet?

    To stamp out Burning Ducks

    Why do Blue Whales live in the ocean?

    Hey! isn't a roasted Elephant enough for ya?
    ___________________

    What can Geese do, Ducks can't, and lawyers are supposed to do?

    Stick their bills up their crack.
     
    Ironic gunn, I'm blonde and I figured it out IMMEDIATELY. I won't say anything to ruin it though for the others. ;P

    One my dad keeps telling voer and over; and IMO, its the only good one he knows.

    One day, along the border between Ontario and Québec walked two men. One was a die-hard Québec seperatist and the other was a patriotic Ontarion. As all the other days, the two were walkign with eachother continously argueing over the stupidest ideas when they came across shiny object in the ground. They both raced to it and picked it up at the same time. They had notice dit was a genie's lamp and both ahd rubbed it. In a puff of smoke the genie appeared, but was confused at what to do in his situation. He usually grants the rubber 3 wishes; but for the first time ever, two people had rubbed it at once. He decided that each person would get one wish. The man from Québec was urgent and demanded that he wish first.

    "I wish that Québec was surrounded by a thick, impenetrable brick wall that ensures that no one can get in and no one can get out." Yelled the seperatist.

    The Ontarion chuckled and point to the wall and said, "Fill it up to the top with water, kays?"
     
    These jokes keep getting better (I really like the Canada one), way to go peoples!!!
     
    A Guy gets into a Taxi in NY.

    He tells the driver where he wants to go,the Cabbie Nods and starts to drive off.

    The Cabbie notices that the light just turned red so he floors it thru the Red Light.

    The Man just glances and then thinks maybe he didn't notice.

    The cabbie then does it a second time.

    The man starts to panic a bit.

    The cabbie does it a third time, and the man can't believe that he survived the 3rd red light with the Cabbie.

    Finally the Cab driver sees a green light and slams on the brakes..

    The man finally says, "What the ehck are you doing its Green, you went thru 3 red lights and Now your going to sit at a Green light, just Go already!

    The cabbie turns around, "Are you stupid, any minute now the other Cabs are going to be flying thru those Red Lights."
     
    Gun Yoshaiki posted a stupid link! i don't know what the joke is! It just keeps Chain Linking in a circle back to the original page, wat is up? i whant to know the joke.
     
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