The Journey West [Rated R]

[Prototype Omega]

Table of Contents
~Introduction
~Prologue

Introduction
The story of the Journey West has been interpreted many times in various methods. A famous one most of you might immediately know is Dragonball (not the Z or GT variants). Saiyuki is also another anime some of you might know loosely based on the story. The following story will be of similar tastes, though I will try to stay as close to the original story as possible, which will be first evident with the names. Before we begin the story, I will display which Pokemon will represent the key characters of the story and the reasoning behind the choices.

Slowking as Xuánzàng: Xuánzàng is described in the story as a monk who set out to India to retrieve Buddhist scriptures for China. He is helpless when it comes to defending himself.

Infernape as Sūn Wùkōng: Sūn Wùkōng was born out of a rock that had been dormant for ages. He caused a lot of trouble in Heaven, defeating one hundred thousand celestial soldiers and it's Generals before the Jade Emperor prayed to Buddha and had him trapped under a mountain.

Grumpig as Zhū Bājiè: Zhū Bājiè was once an immortal who was the Field Marshal of one hundred thousand soldiers of the Milkey Way. However, during a celebration of gods, he drank too much and attempted to flirt with the beautiful moon goddess resulting in his banishment to the mortal world. He was suppose to have been reborn as a Human, but ended up in the womb of a sow and was turned into a half-pig, half-human monster.

Swampert as Shā Wùjìng: Shā Wùjìng was once a Curtain Raising General, who stood in attendance by the imperial chariot in the Hall of Miraculous Mist. He was exiled to the mortal world and made to look a monster because he accidently smashed a goblet belonging to the Heavenly Queen Mother during the Peach Banquet. Taking up residence in the Flowing Sands River, he would then terrorize surrounding villages and travelers as they tried to cross the river.

And there you have it. The major characters playing a roll in this Pokemon version of the Journey West. Other Pokemon will certainly have there roles in this story as there are many 'demons' that plague the group. The R rating is because I do not like to hold back. Sometimes it may seem mild, while others it may get rough, so to be on the safe side, I went with the highest rating (as it will probably end up being R over all anyways). There will be no Humans in this story and only human shaped Pokemon will talk and act as if they were, the rest will be like normal animals unless otherwise noted. The world they are in has been created, no Kanto, Sinnoh, etc.
​

With all the out of the way, please enjoy the story!
​

 

[9Gengar]

Ooh The Journey to the West! Cool! But will the characters possess pokemon powers? (e.g. Infernape with flamethrower) Will they possess "
other powers" from their "Journey to the West" counterparts? (e.g. Sun Wukong with his golden staff, transfiguration abilities, etc?)

By the way, I've noticed you haven't included roles for the "Guan Yin Pu Sa" or the Great Buddha. Or will you introduce these later in the story?

 

[Prototype Omega]

They will possess a combination of Pokemon abilities and powers as well as the powers and abilities described in the Journey West. Also, other roles will be revealed as the story continues, I simply wanted to get the main characters and party introduced. I will be posting the first part shortly after I revise it and have someone else look at it as well for a second revision.

 

[Prototype Omega]

Prologue
To the Ancient Land
​

A lone swellow soared through the night sky.

Below him, both to the left and to the right, were sheer cliffs dropping away endlessly into the night. The gaping abyss between the two bluffs was shrouded in a thick mist that left the bottom of the gorge fathomless and unseen. Swooping, the swellow flew low near the cliff on the right, where there was a narrow, meandering path. The tip of his pinions almost brushed the shoulder of a rider mounted on a black ponyta, who was walking slowly and carefully along the narrow pathway.

The horseman was a young fellow outfitted in dirty traveling clothes. His crown, which seemed much darker in the nighttime, sat regally upon his head, the spikes on either side pointed down and almost touching his shoulders. A sand-colored shirt peeked from under a black poncho with intricate silver embroidery that covered his chest and back and a pair of green pants that came to the top of his knees. His sandals were made of leather straps sparsely woven together to provide dexterity as well as protection.

From the look of his attire he seemed to be a traveler, and also a monk. Slung over his shoulder was a leather strap that bound to him a satchel of parchments, incenses and food. From his belt hung a large water-skin and a small scabbard, gently swinging in time to the movements of his horse.

The monk looked up and saw the swellow flying higher in the sky under the pale light of the full moon, shaded by gossamer curtains of swaying clouds. Distant shadows that looked like a pair of gigantic statues loomed before him in the distance.

Whinnying a warning, his head turn turned back to see a gap in the path ahead. Pulling at the reins, he ordered the ponyta to back off a few steps. Then as he kicked at its side, the horse lunged forward and jumped across the gap.

It landed perfectly on the other side of the drop, a few pebbles tumbling into the abyss at the disturbance its hind hooves caused. The rider straightened the long bundle wrapped in a dark cloth placed on the saddle in front of him, pausing for a moment before his steed continued onward.

His gaze was again fixed on the looming shadows as he recalled words he had heard in the past.

"Only winged beings are free to roam between our lands and the land beyond."

And yet here he was heading to that land: the ancient land where no being had set foot in for thousands of years, lying just over the horizon.

Turning his eyes once again to the dark bundle, he released one hand from the reins and caressed it gently.

He had decided.

All of this…
…will be for her.

His lips moved, softly calling a name.

"…Liu."

*****
​

Rays of sunlight shone through the green leaves and landed on the soil that was covered with a scattering of brown dead leaves; it was just late summer but the leaves had already started falling. The monk glanced at a small pond by the wayside with a few leaves drifting on its still surface.

Biting his lip bitterly, he kicked at the ponytas side to spur him on. He kept going forward even though his thoughts were forever drifting backwards to the past; the traveler continued to dwell on it every moment of every day, whether he was riding through the forest, finding shelter from the rain under a large boulder, or traveling under light drizzle in some distant meadow.

The journey continued until finally he reached a large mountain pass. 'Mountain pass' wasn't exactly the right term for it; although for the most part it seemed to be formed from a natural rock cliff, the lower parts of the gorge had been chiseled and carved into a row of columns. Moreover, at the edge of the pass right next to the empty space in the middle were blocks of yellowish white rock carved into intricate patterns reminiscent of a great city gate's design. High over the passageway rose even taller stone columns, the very same he had seen from a distance the night before and misidentified as gigantic statues. Small trees and vines sprang from the cracks in the columns and the walls as proof of how long this place had been forsaken. A blinding white light shone through the gap between the massive pillars, so monstrously large they seemed to have been built by gods or giants rather than pokemon.

The monk looked up at the gate to the ancient land in awe for a few moments before slowly moving on.

On the other side of the mountain pass was a long bridge made of white stone connected to a grand tower. The tower seemed to reach up to the heavens, so dizzyingly high that not even swellows could fly over its top. The bridge looked as if it could only exist because of some enchantment; so large and so lofty was it that someone on the ground would look as tiny as a fingertip to the eyes of one on the bridge. It was supported with tall columns and arches, spreading its weight evenly along the way. At one point the bridge stretched over an abyss, where there was a beach and the sea under shadows of surrounding cliffs. To the east there were many levels of great waterfalls, sending their rapid currents out to sea.

It'll probably take more than a thousand steps to cross the bridge, the traveler thought as they approached the middle of the bridge. He had counted that his ponyta had taken about five hundred steps so far and he gave up keeping track of them all at this point, letting his steed walk slowly and carefully until they reached the balcony of the tower. A carved stone door was there, with no handle and seemingly no other ways to open it save some unseen mechanism or magic.

But the monk knew just how to open it.

He reached for the sheathed dagger at his waist. The freed silver blade glowed an unearthly white, reflected the sunlight, and gathered it into a single bright ray pointing toward the concave circle pattern at the center of the door.

The sounds of stone moving suddenly echoed in reply. The heavy door opened slowly as if it were being pushed up by a gigantic hand, revealing the realm of darkness behind it.

His horse neighed nervously and backed away from the darkened passage, as if sensing some danger ahead. The monk examined the path before him briefly, like he had with all the other paths he had chosen, and then spurred his horse to go inside.

There would be no turning back in the ancient land they had set foot in.

 

[9Gengar]

Review for Prologue

Just a few minor things I want to point out.

The tip of his pinions almost brushed the shoulder of a rider mounted on a black ponyta, walking slowly and carefully along the narrow pathway. (It sounds as ifthe "tips of pinions" are walking! Instead, you could word it like this:

"The tips of his pinions almost brushed the shoulder of a rider mounted on a black ponyta, who was walking slowly and ...." )





I also noticed that you use a "subject + predicate" sentence structure quite often, e.g.

"He wore…", "His crown,….", "The swellow swooped….", "The horseman was….", "The tips of his pinions...",

Instead, try to vary these structures a bit: mixing in e.g.
preposition starters: "From the look of ….", "Below him….".
Or verb beginnings: "Pulling at the reins…"

Once you do so, your writing will feel even richer and more interesting!





I liked the first sentence:

"A lone swellow soared through the night sky." Nice short sentence, with a thought evoking image.

Apart from this, I also found some good descriptions:

"swellow flying higher in the sky under the pale light of the full moon, shaded by gossamer curtains of swaying clouds."

"Rays of sunlight shone through the green leaves and landed on the soil that was covered with a scattering of brown dead leaves"

" his thoughts were forever drifting backwards to the past"

"Small trees and vines sprang from the cracks in"

"so large and so lofty was it that"

"The freed silver blade glowed an unearthly white, reflected the sunlight, and gathered it into a single bright ray "

"revealing the realm of darkness behind it."

As you may see, some lines I quoted here are probably not even meant to be descriptive, but they are certain word combinations that strike my interest.



In general, you're quite good at setting the scene and painting a mostly tranquil mood all around. Yet be careful not to put "concentrate" too much description in ONE area (e.g. one bunch of paragraphs), or this really slows down the pace more than you probably intended to. It'd be better to "pepper" bits of description here or there to "colour the scene" yet keep the reader focused on your story.


Anyway, hope my review's helpful! :)