[Pokémon] The Secret of Relique

[Beechlgz]

((Things I need help with: Dialogue. I get very confused very easily with dialogue grammar. You know, usage of quotations, when to add periods and when not to (I add them if I'm unsure), when and where to use commas, etc. I was using a guide, but I found it a bit difficult to comprehend.

That said, here's the fanfic))

Oh! Rating! Sory I forgot about the rating. Erm... I give it a M rating in the literature ratings for now only because of two isolated cases of coarse language, but there will be minor violence in later chapters. But later it could get a bit more serious, unless I change the planning for it (I'm hopeless for changing the planning half-way through so it's possible). I will make updates to a change in the rating very clear.

Prologue

"You're my best friend, but you know that already don't cha?"

The upright lizard-like animal cocked its head and blinked casually. It gave a quiet croak. Insects buzzed about the charmander and his human companion on this warm summer day. Its scales gleamed with borrowed light from the woodland ambience, reflecting the green leaves and sun. The garden stream made a constant trickling sound.

"Are you an animal?"

The charmander slowly licked his lips at the sight of juicy beetles. The little girl spun grass blades around her fingers absent-mindedly, not expecting any response from her pet.

"Daddy said pokemon are more like people." With that, she dropped her grass blades and heaved a sigh. "We don't make animals fight because it's cruel. Only people and pokemon fight." Like a little grownup she shook her head dramatically. "It's not nice to fight."

She got up, and brushed herself off before blissfully frolicking about her back garden. Her charmander slowly turned his head to watch her, cold and sluggish in the morning shade. The air was fresh and cool on this beautiful day, only dampening the charmander's fiery spirits. Taking a deep breath, he intensified his tail flame causing it to make flapping sounds in the breeze. There. That was better.

The young girl stopped in her tracks upon hearing a low humming sound. She ignored the midges landing on her face, preoccupied with the patchy sky. The sun had become hidden with clouds and the garden seemed much darker.

What could the sound be? It was hard to tell with her inexperience. The sound grew louder by the second until the ground started to vibrate. The little girl felt her heart start to skip with anxiety. Something sounded like tearing paper… getting louder and louder, echoing between the buildings. Seemingly out of nowhere, about eight or nine small, light jet-powered aircraft screamed with a thundering din overhead, leaving vapour trails behind them as they rocketed into the horizon.

As they disappeared the little girl took her hands off her ears. The garden was momentarily silenced before the bird song picked itself back up. A grin spread across the girl's face before she ran across the lawn and into the house to tell everyone what she had just seen.


Two weeks later…

"There's nothing left, that's everything" a middle-aged man informed as he wiped his forehead with a handkerchief. Standing outside what had been his home for the past seven years he looked around one more time at the doorway, as if he had x-ray vision and was having one last mental peek to see if anything was left in the house.

The little girl stood at the doorway with charmander at her side. The charmander almost looked concerned for her, staring up at her face and turning his head to try to get her attention. She just leaned against the door-frame and picked at the paintwork.

"You'll ruin your nice white dress up against that old thing…" Her father informed, not quite sure what to say to comfort her. He never did know what to say. He looked at his hands - filthy with dust and grime, best not give her a hug.

"It's really nice where we're going, there's no fighting…"

"Yes there is." The little girl pouted and huffed.

"Ah, yes…" Her dad kneeled down. "But that's just for sport, Bethany, you don't have to see it if you don't want to."

"Why can't we just stay?" Tears started to well up in her eyes and her lip quivered.

"Beth…" Her father sighed, unsure of how to respond without upsetting her. "I've told you this… It's going to get harder to live here. Your mother and I can't keep the house."

Beth buried her face into her arms and began to whimper… dad's attempt at tact had been once again unsuccessful, or so he thought. He sat himself down on the doorstep and took Beth into his arms and let her cry, not letting a little dust and dirt get in their way.
​

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"I'm sorry Pepper I know you don't like this…"

The candle-light ambience in the room was snuffed when the charmander was returned to his poke ball. Silence and darkness was vital for Beth's plan. Her room, littered with books, was left in its state of disarray. Beth slung her backpack over her shoulder. She had put on her softest sneakers to creep past the creaky floor board.

This was it, and so had it been many times before when she turned back. "This time" she thought to herself. Deep down she could feel tugging in her heart, drawing her back to her room. Comfort and security and fond memories. This was going to hurt her parents in big ways. She was overcome with shaking.

And she was out the door.

As Beth exited the apartment block, she had a feeling she had never felt before. Her mind buzzed with anxiety. She couldn't shake off the feeling that her mind was telling her - that this was very wrong. Like some kind of cosmic message from the universe was urging her to turn back. But at the same time, she couldn't turn back. She was too desperate for answers.

At a sufficient distance down the street, the street light was accompanied by the light of a flame.

"I'm sorry Pepper. Are you okay now?"

Pepper the charmander obediently nodded, checking himself over to see everything was still there. Afterwards he looked up. His eyes gave the impression of understanding and awareness of Beth's plan.

"Okay first, we go to Vermilion Port. That way we can catch a boat to the Relique region."

She unfolded her map and handed it down to Pepper.

"See, I've drawn the route we're going to take once we get to Relique. We can finally find out just what happened over there."

Pepper looked at the map, turning it around at all angles, appearing to be deep in thought.

"It's okay Pepper, I'll keep us right."

Pepper growled and murmured, trying to communicate with Beth as they walked.

Nothing had been the same since the move eight years ago. Shortly after moving to Kanto, the Relique region declared war with Kanto, Johto, and many other regions around the world. Her home had been Relique for half of her young life. She felt a strong connection - a pull. It pained her inside to know her home was at war, even if it lead to no bloodshed. And it pained her even more that despite all of her research, she could not find any conclusive reason as to why war was declared. The only thing that ended the war was a shift in power and after that, it became a "closed region". Media coverage, even for educational value, anywhere outside Relique about Relique was strictly prohibited.

Travel and tourism still occurred, but security was tight - people had reported even their cameras were confiscated by security before boarding to go back home, just because their family photos of their visit there happened to catch street names or distinguished buildings in the background.

The reason remained a mystery to many. In most cases, any information found had to be taken with a pinch of salt. Even the map she was about to rely on had been illegally downloaded off the internet, and she didn't know how accurate or up to date it was.

It required a five hour long coach ride to get to Vermilion. By time the coach made its final stop, the sky was already beginning to brighten. The clouds lit up a brilliant pink before the sun broke the horizon.

"I can't feel my legs!" One passenger commented as everyone exited the coach.

"I can't feel my ass…" Beth mumbled under her breath. In this instance, Pepper would probably have preferred to stay inside his poke ball, though he would argue against that if he could.

Setting her feet on the gravel path, it took some time to sink in that this was real. She really was this far from home, without her parent's consent. It was sickening but exciting all at once. Part of her wanted to scream like a little girl and wail to be taken back home to "mommy" and "daddy", and it took all of her willpower to suppress it and keep a level head. Another part of her saw a whole new journey ahead of her, and opportunity she had to take for herself… and trust in herself.

Beth looked around her, the parking lot was surrounded by trees and shrubs. The fresh morning air was as of yet untainted by traffic and smoke. To her right, a vast dark blue plane like none she had seen since she was just little.

"The sea…" Beth whispered. She swallowed the lump in her throat.

In her awe, she almost forgot something. Reaching into her backpack she brought out a poke ball.

"Sorry again, Pepper!" She apologised , releasing her pokemon.

"Growl…" Pepper yawned, as if he had just woken up.

The gravel parking lot led down to a small village area with basic amenities. Shops and houses lined a main centre area. The little dock housed mostly small fishing and private boats. The shops were not open yet, but the pokemon centre was always open. They could at least get a drink of water from the water dispensary there.

"You, trainer!"

Despite not being a trainer, Beth knew it was her being yelled at. She turned to see what the fuss was about.

"Aha!" Her gaze was met by the gaze of another. "We have locked eyes! You HAVE to battle me!"

A large, slightly chubby man in sports gear and a beanie hat roared with glee and laughter, as if he had just struck gold.

"I am NOT a trainer." Beth bluntly informed him. She's encountered this situation before, no use tip-toeing around the issue.

"Ahahah… huh?" The man seemed to deflate to about half the size. "…Oh."

"I'm sorry you'll have to find someone else." Beth cautiously picked up Pepper into her arms and started to quickly walk away, a little worried.

"Um.. Hey wait!" The man jogged after her. "But… you just got off the bus, you're on your own who protects you?"

"I protect me." Beth quickened her pace, en route to the pokemon centre.

She heard a snort come from next to her. Something she had said seemed highly amusing to this guy. At that moment she stopped, a little shocked.

"Are you this rude to everyone you meet?" She asked.

"You WEREN'T joking?!" Suddenly things didn't seem so amusing to him any more. "Yeesh, you'd think you'd never been outside on your own before…"

Beth wasn't sure what he was getting at, but she was tired and now beginning to get annoyed. He was right, she'd never been out alone before, but so what? Lots of people got on just fine without pokemon to protect them… didn't they?

"I don't like fighting." Getting that out of the way, she hoped he would leave it at that, and that she could get to herself and her pokemon some rest. She swerved out of his way and power walked down the road.

She could hear him yelling to her from the top of the road.

"You won't last five minutes out there!"

The back of her neck bristled. The nerve! But then she considered, that's just what he might have wanted. Maybe he was taunting her into battling. As if there was nobody else to battle around here…
​

 

[Scales]

It does look like an alright beginning to a fanfic. The only major errors that jump out at me are run on sentences, along with ones that are too short. The pacing could also use some work here and there.

Otherwise, good luck with it. I hope to see more

 

[Beechlgz]

Thanks, anywhere specific you could point out? As I'm not sure how to fix this as I don't know where the problems lie.

 

[Scales]

The upright lizard-like animal cocked its head and blinked casually. It gave a quiet croak.

For example. See that period? It should be instead a comma. The second sentence is too short and doesn't need to be on it's own.

A grin spread across the girl's face before she ran across the lawn and into the house to tell everyone what she had just seen.

Here's a run on. You need a comma somewhere in there, as there's too much information packed into one sentence. Or better yet you could split it off.

 

[Astinus]

There's not much yet for me to comment on aside from grammar. I'll try to explain as best I can.

"You'll ruin your nice white dress up against that old thing…" Her father informed, not quite sure what to say to comfort her.

Here, you want "her father" to be in lower-case, since it's describing the way the dialogue was said.

The rules for dialogue punctuation are a bit tricky to work out, but once you get them, they're simple. I'll show by examples:

"Hello," she said.

"Hello." She waved.

She said, "Hello."

She waved. "Hello."

With "she said", you're describing the way the dialogue was spoken. "Said" is a dialogue tag, and so is used in conjunction with a comma and a lower-cased letter when applicable. Like here:

"I can't feel my legs!" One passenger commented as everyone exited the coach.

I placed "one" in bold to show that that needs to begin with a lower-cased letter, since you're describing how the dialogue was said.

But "she waved" doesn't describe how the dialogue was said. It's a completely separate action, and so requires a full stop. It's its own sentence, and the dialogue is its own. Like here:

"Yes there is." The little girl pouted and huffed.

"The girl pouted and huffed" is separate from the dialogue, so you're fine here.

I noticed that commas seem to be giving you problems elsewhere. You also use commas for direct address, either before or after the name. So, for instance, here:

"It's okay, Pepper, I'll keep us right."

I added the bold comma for the direct address. (Also, I'm questioning the comma after Pepper because I feel like this sentence should be two, split right there.)

I don't know which guide for commas you were using, but I recommend this one. I also suggest that if you have any questions or need clarification, you can ask.

Other than your commas, you're looking good. Like I said, there's not much else I can comment on yet, since you've just started. I'm hoping to see more, though!

 

[Beechlgz]

Thanks, I can find the terminology for English guides a bit difficult sometimes, so I will study that link you gave me. Maybe the one I was reading was too complicated, this one seems a bit simpler.

And thanks for the pointers too, Scales and Astinus. I can already see a few things in chapter 2 that I need to fix in light of what you both said.

 

[Beechlgz]

I hope hope HOPE I got the grammar right this time, though there was still a couple of moments where I was a bit "eh... I don't know about this one". I think I just need experience, and need to read more. It seems like one of those things not easily learned from theory but learned best from practice.


EDIT: I just realised how short this chapter is. Oh well I feel like I finished it at a closing point anyway. Maybe the two chapters should be merged? They do sort of link together while seeming a bit odd on their own. Maybe chapter 1 and 2 should just be 1?

---

Chapter 2

After a quick rest, the two set off for the next bus as early as possible. The shops were only just opening. Beth bought a $1.50 pastry cake from the bakery before finding the bus station.

The bus was still to arrive. It wouldn't take long this time - it would take them straight to the seafront at Vermilion!

Suddenly, Beth didn't feel so hungry any more and wrapped up her breakfast to finish later. It just occurred to her that round about now would be the time that mom and dad would find out she wasn't at home. She didn't know if it was just tiredness or if it was guilt, but she started to feel nauseous. She forced down the lump forming in her throat. Stay positive, she reminded herself. It was difficult to ignore the nagging fluttering in her chest.

Beth did not board the bus right away since the driver told her he'd be waiting a little while for passengers. This morning was turning out to be warm and slightly stuffy. Beth predicted the ride might be a little uncomfortable. She took a swig of water before handing the bottle to Pepper, who took a smaller swig of water. Being a fire pokemon and a reptile, he didn't need much water - he never needed to sweat for starters.

"That pokemon can't come on the bus" the driver informed as he stepped out to light his cigarette. Beth just quietly nodded in response. She hated having to return Pepper to his poke ball all the time.

Inside the air conditioning was blowing a cool breeze about the bus. It was actually a little cooler in the bus than outside, which was a nice relief. Beth chose to sit by a window out of the sunlight. As passengers started to fill up the seats someone plonked down next to Beth.

"Fancy seeing you here."

A little confused Beth turned around. The second her eyes met with the passenger her head turned away from him towards the window. She took the brief moment to groan silently to herself before turning back to him again smiling cautiously at the man who had challenged her to a match earlier that morning.

"Yeah.. Funny…" she replied half-heartedly. She cringed inside at how antisocial she sounded, but she had not slept well so far. A nap was about all she wanted right now. Now it seemed she'd have to wait for the boat before she'd get any rest.

"So you got family in Vermillion or something?" he nosily asked her.

Beth figured there would be no point in not answering her question. Perhaps, the quicker he knew she didn't want to talk the better. Simple, quick answers should be enough of a hint.

"No" Beth said in a flat tone.

"Well… why are you going then? The gym? Oh, wait, you're not a trainer." He took a moment to think. "Now I get it! You're a member of the Pokemon Fan Club aren't you?"

"No" Beth's tone became slightly more irritable.

"Then what?" This man clearly wasn't taking a hint.

Beth carefully rubbed between her eyebrows. "I'm going to Relique and I need to catch a boat." Hopefully, she though, that would settle it.

"HEEEY! ME TOO!"

Beth nearly cried.

The whole bus ride was Beth listening to David (as he introduced himself to be) talk about the adventures he was going to embark on in Relique. Of how he was a "master" pokemon trainer who had "beaten the Elite Four" in Kanto and of how there was nothing more for him to do in Kanto. Of how he would defeat all of the gyms in Relique. Beth tried her best to simply ignore and not interject her disbelief. As if he would have challenged her to a match if he was so powerful. As if.

Even when they disembarked from the coach David was still running his mouth off. Even after Beth had stopped listening and was tending to her charmander before boarding the boat, he was still talking about how he would be her bodyguard.

Hold on, wait, what?

"Bodyguard? You must be joking!" Beth laughed for the first time since the start of her journey.

Pepper seemed to laugh along with her.

Beth didn't even bother to stick around to hear David respond - she simply placed her hand at the back of Pepper's head to motion for him to follow her. She was starting to not really care how rude she sounded. A sleep was really all she wanted now.

This particular dock wasn't very busy - there wasn't a lot of travel between Kanto and Relique. Many people were huddled under the shelters to hide from the summer sun, while a few had already started to board. The gap between the boat and the platform was bridged by a wooden walkway that rumbled as suitcases were wheeled over it.

David was nowhere to be found, to Beth's relief. The ride would be no longer than a few hours. Pokemon were allowed outside on the deck, and she had left her charmander to do as he pleased as she rested on one of the benches. She knew he would behave himself.

Finally a moment to relax…

 

[Astinus]

You are getting better. The punctuation of the dialogue is still your weak spot, except this time there was a different problem. I'll get to that.

I just realised how short this chapter is. Oh well I feel like I finished it at a closing point anyway. Maybe the two chapters should be merged? They do sort of link together while seeming a bit odd on their own. Maybe chapter 1 and 2 should just be 1?

Chapters can be however long they need to be. Don't try to make your chapters fit a certain length requirement. Otherwise, you'll have chapters stretched out longer than they need to be, or that cut out much earlier. You'll just get a feel for that as well.

As for that grammar:

"That pokemon can't come on the bus," the driver informed as he stepped out to light his cigarette.

"No," Beth said in a flat tone.

"No." Beth's tone became slightly more irritable.

First two get a comma because what follows after the dialogue is a tag that describes how the speech was said. Last one is (I believe) a full stop, because you're not describing the speech. You're describing something else. Like I said, I'm not 100% sure on that one.

I like how you gave David back story. He started off as a one-bit character, and while I'm not sure if he does make a return, he still has history. That's great, because that's how every character you write about should feel. Like they are part of a huge world.

Being a fire pokemon and a reptile, he didn't need much water - he never needed to sweat for starters.

I also like this. It adds a little bit of realism to this world you're writing about.

I'm still interested in seeing more of Beth's story! You're making improvements, definitely.

 

[Beechlgz]

Thanks for the comment. I'd actually forgotten that particular comma rule so I appreciate the reminder.

Um, I've upped the rating because of a usage of strong language. I tried to avoid it, but there was no other way for me to portray the character or the phrase that was being spoken. Apologies.

---

Chapter 3

The wind's direction had changed. It was only a few tens of miles North of Kanto, but already the chill could be felt in the air. The tips of Bethany's fingers started to feel a little icy, despite this being summer. Other passengers had started to put on warm sweaters or hide below deck. Pepper stood at the side of the railing watching as the land on the horizon grew ever closer. He seemed unaffected by the cool breeze, and Beth decided to stand by him for heat from his flame.

The approaching city was not incredibly large. It was more of a town to be exact, yet everybody called it Aires City. The boat docked by a long platform leading to a cobble-stone road. Beth was very surprised to see the cobbles had still never been replaced. She reasoned, perhaps they were trying to preserve the authenticity of the so-called "City".

The sound of the luggage bags and suitcases clattering as they rolled along the cobblestones triggered vivid memories that had not been accessed for a very long time. Looking round she could still clearly remember how the port looked the day she left Relique with her mum and dad.

Suddenly, Bethany felt so small again. She half-expected to be holding her dad's hand and to be returning to the boat. He was always there for support when she needed it. When she was scared of the new scenery, he reassured her everything was going to be okay. Now… she had nobody to reassure her and protect her, except Pepper of course. A flutter of anxiety washed over her. These were strange feelings. She had never been so far from home, not without her parents. She wondered if she should have taken her phone, just to reassure them they could stay in touch, or if it would have just made it easier for the police to track her. She tried to shrug it off before her anxious feelings began to grow out of control. It would be too easy to become distracted and upset.

As if that wasn't distracting enough, looking around as she approached the town, something just didn't seem right about it. It wasn't as she expected it to look. It wasn't just the difference in the season, having only seen the City in its earthy autumn colours. It wasn't just that the place seemed a whole lot greener and oddly overgrown. Approaching a small road, some of the houses looked like they were overdue for repairs. Cracks and graffiti tags littered a garden wall directly ahead.

"Oh God, oh God…"

Beth turned around to see a rather glam-looking blue-haired girl hide her face with her hands.

"I don't believe this…" the girl squealed, about ready to cry.

She looked completely alone. Beth wasn't sure she had seen her on the boat. Beth was also uncertain if she had a suitcase back then. But now, all the other young woman did was anxiously clutch her rather attention-drawing purse. The anxiety was coming back to Beth, but was it her own? She wondered if maybe this girl was in a similar situation to herself.

"Are you okay?" Beth asked.

There was a short pause before the girl uncovered her face and turned to Beth.

"Everything…" The girl's lips began to quiver, but she suppressed it for long enough to say "… it's all gone."

As the girl burst into tears in front of her, Beth could only assume she had been robbed. Suddenly Beth's self-inflicted situation paled in comparison. She wasn't sure what to do, but something inside her was urging her to do something to help. Not exactly sure what, she thought of the first thing she would do in the girl's situation.

"Have you called the police?"

The girl shook her head between sobs. "They took my phone. My purse is empty."

Beth found it a bit strange that the contents of the girl's purse had been taken, yet the purse itself was still there. It looked as if it could fetch a small sum.

"They must have taken them when I fell asleep on the boat…"

"Oh! Tell the boat staff! They'll be sure to help," Beth proudly suggested, feeling helpful.

"They're so mean. They wouldn't even let me use their phone!" The girl sniffled before continuing, "They said "Your items are YOUR responsibility" and they wouldn't say another word to me!"

Beth placed her hand on the girl's shoulder. How insensitive, she thought, they wouldn't even offer to help a stranded passenger. Suddenly anger fuelled her to take responsibility to help this girl find her things.

"Okay, don't panic. I'll help you. What's your name?"

The girl quietened down a bit from her sobbing, and replied meekly "… Linda…"

"Okay Linda…" Beth reached into her pocket and pulled out a few coins. "Hm… not enough."

"Hm?" Linda enquired.

"Oh I just wanted to see if I had enough to give you for the phone booth."

"You don't have a phone?" Linda frowned, seemingly confused at such a thing.

"No, I don't, sorry." Beth avoided going into the whole leaving-it-at-home-so-my-parents-don't-find-me thing. Beth stopped rummaging in her pocket for a moment. "Um… I'll need to use an ATM. You don't mind coming with me do you?"

Linda's face dramatically lit up. Beth swore it glittered. "I know just where we can find one!" Linda said, pointing down the road. "Just there and to the left."

"Oh…" Beth replied, waiting to see if Linda would lead her Linda simply stood and waited to be led, leading to one small awkward moment that prompted Beth to get moving towards the ATM help this poor girl.

Beth almost tripped up with Pepper clawing at her feet. "Pepper what is wrong with you? We'll get something to eat soon."

Pepper continued to claw. He was crying a noise Beth had not heard him make very often, sounding like a very screechy "Char, char!".

"Oh, he's so cute!" Linda squealed, grabbing Pepper and cuddling him as they made their way to the ATM. Only Beth could see the annoyance in his face, even though he didn't struggle. She just giggled, figuring there was no harm done.

The ATM was in the back of a wall facing into a forested area. Like much of the town the only noises that could be heard were bird songs. Beth had forgotten what it was like to be in Aires. The forest to the back was fenced, but still retained its natural beauty. Full of old conifers and deciduous trees it was evident that the forest had been untouched for hundreds of years.

"It's very beautiful isn't it?" Linda commented, as if she was reading Beth's mind.

Beth simply nodded as she concentrated on tying in her pin. As far away from home as she was, she was beginning to not regret it after all. Being cooped up indoors for much of her life in Kanto and under her parent's rule, Beth felt like she was finally getting a chance to live and see the world for what it is, and not what she had read in books or magazines. The pure raw energy in the fresh air was unlike the stale, brewery air in Celadon. Beth smiled, grateful for her freedom.

The teller beeped and Beth retrieved the money and her card. "Okay, I've taken out just enough…"

"Stay where you are."

Beth was confused at Linda's request, still facing the machine. "Do I have a bug on me?"

Beth felt something hard press up against her middle back. It was uncomfortably sharp.

"You'd be wise to hand over everything. No quick movements… or I might slip."

Linda's message was conveyed with a quick poke with the sharp object. At that moment it just dawned on Beth what was going on. A feeling of sickness washed over Beth as the warm blood in her body sank into her feet. Beth couldn't help herself from shaking. She'd been had. Big time.

"Pepper…?"

"Safe with me. Hurry up. Your card and money first," Linda abruptly demanded.

There was no sound from Pepper.

"I was going to help you…" Beth gritted her teeth. Her voice was shaky.

"Shut up and give me your things." Linda's voice quietened down to a whispering growl. "I don't want this to get messy any more than you do…"

Beth clutched her things tightly, arms shaking and twitching. She'd have nothing. She'd be stranded. In her mind she knew she'd be too slow in tracking Pepper without help. This was it. End of the road. She'd have to go to the police… and go back home. She'd have to face her parents without Pepper. She'd have to explain why she was so stupid. Her journey was over.

Beth gave up all dignity and handed back her wallet, sobbing pitifully.

"Good girl. Now your bag."

Beth desperately tried to think of a way out of the situation. Could she hit the weapon away with her bag? She could pretend she couldn't get it off with the weapon being in the way. Yet, as she thought this, she felt no courage to carry out any of her ideas. She just quietly cried as she began to slip the straps off her shoulders…

"GO FOR IT NOW!"

A shadow glanced overhead before something knocked both girls down. Beth fell to her hands and knees from the force of the knock, but she was distracted by a stinging pain in her back. Instinctively her hand reached around to touch it. It was wet. Turning around shakily, she saw a strange brown creature standing before her, facing Linda.

The brown creature was tall, long-legged and almost humanoid in shape save for a lack of any distinctive head. It cast a shadow over Linda, who scooted backwards before trying to get up. A man ran out behind Linda to block her escape. It was David.

"David!" Beth cried out. She didn't even think about how he had annoyed her before - she was just glad.

Linda growled and tried to make a quick escape, fumbling to her feet. David calmly grabbed her with little effort, grinning like he had just caught a whopper of a magikarp on a hook.

Linda smugly commented, trying to hide her embarrassment. "Let me guess… big brother? Boyfriend?"

It didn't take long for David to get Beth's things back. A card, a little money, and a very, very special little pokeball. But, Beth wondered, why did he let her go? After giving up the loot, Linda angrily snatched herself away from David and ran off down the street.

A window opened from one of the nearby houses. "God damn tourists!" The window closed again.

Beth had hardly noticed the disgruntled resident. The hitmonlee was kneeling before her in a concerned way, before looking back to his trainer.

"Are you hurt?" David asked.

Beth shook her head and slowly stood up, still feeling shaken. "It's just a scratch."

David mumbled "let me see" before inspecting the wound on her back. He shook his head and then turned back to face her.

"Are you ****ing stupid?!"

Beth's eyes widened with alarm, but before she could digest the profanity that David had yelled at her, he continued.

"Do you really have NO sense? Don't you know how lucky you just were?!"

Beth's eyes began to well up. If there was any dignity left in her, David was banishing it.

"Seriously you can't be trusted to be on your own! Who the Hell let you out on your own?! How old are you?"

At this point, Beth couldn't answer. Her head was lowered, her fringe covering her face. She appeared to shrink to about a third her size, reflecting how she felt inside. The only noises she could muster were pathetic sobs and dribbling.

David tried to say something else, but nothing came out his mouth. He sighed and relaxed, withdrawing what he was about to say. He cautiously placed his hand on her shoulder, unsure if she deserved any pity. He handed to Beth a red shiny pokeball.

"Someone would like to see you."

Beth carefully received the ball, face still streaming with tears, and pressed the button on the front. The light that poured out from the container reformed into the shape of a bipedal lizard.

"Pepper!" Beth kneeled down. Pepper, upon seeing Beth and everyone else, seemed confused as to what had just happened.


David, Beth and Pepper decided to sit in at a local café to allow the recent events to sink in. Her scratch needed nothing other than a little first-aid in the bathroom, but she needed to change her top.

At the table David sat with a tall cold beer, while his hitmonlee happily slurped on a strawberry smoothie through a straw, swinging its legs beneath the table. They had chosen an outdoor table, as a naked flame as big as Pepper's tail was not allowed inside.

"Your trainer has a lot to learn." David tried to converse with Pepper. "I mean... I could just take you home right now and she wouldn't even know."

Pepper's eyes widened anxiously before David smiled and replied "But I wouldn't. I'm not a thief."

A burger was Pepper's choice in the menu, but he had hardly touched it. Ever since Linda tricked Beth, Pepper had seemed rather out of sorts. Perhaps he, too, was still a bit shaken up.

Beth returned from the bathroom and sat down at her seat. All she had was water. A simple, plain glass of water. Her hand was still shaking as she gently sipped on it.

"So, little lady..." David leaned forward and clasped his hands. "Spill it. You're a runaway aren't you?"

"SHHH!" Beth hushed while looking around to see if anyone had heard what David had said.

"It's obvious." David leaned back again. "You're totally clueless. It's like you've been living on a leash or something."

"Just because of one incident..." Beth tried to argue, but stopped half-way when she realised she was out of steam. She just looked at the table and picked at the peeling plastic.

David leaned forward again. "You want to be independent?"

Beth just nodded, too tired to say anything.

"Stick with me for a while then. I'll teach you how to be street-wise."

Beth wasn't sure she'd ever learn how. She realised after today just how powerless she was. That so-called freedom she was so happy to have gained was nothing more than a fantasy. Thoughts of wanting to go home clashed with her desire to see her old home once again. No longer did this journey seem possible.

"I don't know if I want to keep going..." Beth's voice was quiet and flat.

David took a swig of his beer and placed it on the table. "Well I have no time for quitters. Make up your mind and stick with it. What will it be? You going to go home with your tail between your legs, let them shackle you up again..."

"It's not like that."

"Oh, I see, so they're the type that say they want to protect you am I right? And then never teach you how to protect yourself. You wanna know what I call that? Abuse. Neglect. Whatever you wanna call it. They're just manipulating you. They don't care if you're happy or not."

"You're wrong!" Beth raised her head, frowning angrily.

"Maybe I am. But the fact remains that they're no good for you. You need to live. But if you'd prefer to remain dependant on "mommy" and "daddy" for the rest of your life, by all means be my guest."

Beth knew they were probably sick with worry. The thought made Beth herself feel sick. They cared so much. But they never let her discover things for herself. They kept hiding everything. from her and hiding her from the world. She remembered how smothered and isolated she had felt at times. There were times when Beth felt she was going to explode and go crazy on everyone just because she felt so trapped.

If only she could go back not as a scared and frightened little girl, but as a strong and independent young woman. If only she could show them that she could make them proud.

"I don't want to go home." Beth shook her head to illustrate her point. "I don't want to go back to that."

 

[Astinus]

Apologies for the late review. Real life excuses.

I really like this chapter. It shows that poor Beth is not ready for the life of a trainer! And I liked how David's character came out, going from what I originally thought to be a creepy guy just asking for a battle to a rescuer who wants to see Beth safe.

My favorite part, though?

his hitmonlee happily slurped on a strawberry smoothie through a straw, swinging its legs beneath the table

Adorable. ^^ Hitmonlee's always been one of my favorite Pokemon, and seeing it that way is just plain cute.

Your grammar in terms of dialogue is much cleaner. I did, however, find a few typos. I'll go through them backwards, starting from the end of the chapter.

They kept hiding everything. from her and hiding her from the world.

Either the full stop after "everything" was supposed to be a comma, or you missed the capital letter for "From".

Pepper's eyes widened anxiously before David smiled and replied "But I wouldn't. I'm not a thief."

Missed that comma after "replied".

David mumbled "let me see" before inspecting the wound on her back.

At least "Let" should be capitalized.

Beth simply nodded as she concentrated on tying in her pin.

"tying" should be "typing".

Beth replied, waiting to see if Linda would lead her Linda simply stood and waited to be led, leading to one small awkward moment that prompted Beth to get moving towards the ATM help this poor girl.

Missed that full stop between "her" and "Linda".

And that's it. They're really just small typos that don't distract from the chapter. I found Beth's journey more interesting.

I'm enjoying this fanfic a lot, so I hope to see more of it.

 

[Beechlgz]

Thank you for your comments. I apologise as I have to go out just now, but here's a new chapter:

Chapter 4

"Hitmon!"

"Char?"

Fists clenched, a fighting stance was assumed by Bruce. His eyes gleamed with fiery passion, reflecting his opponent's flames.

"... growl?" Pepper cocked his head.

Bruce, not expecting the response, paused before relaxing. He sighed, shaking his 'head' with disappointment. He approached Pepper and proceeded to move the confused little lizard's arms and legs into a fighting stance. Bruce then walked back and assumed his own stance, giving out a "Hugh!" sound as he did so.

Pepper stood there in the clearing, still in the fighting pose but not knowing what to expect from Bruce. In a flash Bruce sprinted forward towards Pepper before delivering a kick to the face - but he stopped it centimetres short of contact with Pepper. Pepper stumbled backwards, mouth gaping and arms flailing with fright.

Bruce, stunned at Pepper's lack of self-defence, promptly buried his face into his hand.

The recovery seemed miraculous to David. Just hours ago Beth was feeling quite possibly the lowest she had ever felt. Now she was sitting on the grass noisily sucking on the remaining dribbles of a large cup of soda.

"I was sure there was a library here," Beth commented, still chewing on her straw as she spoke.

"Relax. We've had a rough day." David scoffed to himself for a moment at the thought of going to a stinking old library. "I'm itching for a battle. Where the Hell is the gym?"

"That's not nice you know."

"What? Oh, yeah I forgot." David rolled his eyes. "You hate battling right?"

"No... well that too, but, you know..." Beth leaned over and whispered, "Saying the 'H' word and the 'F' word."

David sat there confused for a moment, unsure if he could recall swearing at all. "You're too sensitive" was his only response.

Beth felt a shadow block out the heat from the sun. She looked up, squinting from the backlight of the sun to see the silhouette of a young boy, barely in his teens. He looked worried or lost.

"Um... is anyone here a pokemon trainer?" The boy asked anxiously.

"YES!" David leapt to his feet. "Battle me NOW!"

The scruffy-haired boy's eyes were like saucers. Beth could hear him gulp from where she was sitting. The oh-so creatively nicknamed Bruce the hitmonlee rushed to David's side and looked him in the eyes, almost begging to go first.

"I-I..." The boy stammered, "I d-didn't... um... if you want then..."

"Oh, no, you guys aren't going for it are you?" Beth complained.

"Ignore her let's just get started already!" David impatiently shouted, clenching his fists. "I'm so f-" David paused a moment, before rephrasing, "I'm so freaking bored!" David cringed at how that had come out.

"Well, I was actually wondering if you guys were from Kanto or something. But... I-I don't mind a battle first..."

Beth knew she'd have to move out of the way. She picked up her bag and went towards the shade of the trees and bushes where Pepper was still standing. Pepper didn't take his eyes off the scene, even when his owner sat down next to him. "Ugh, can you believe them?" Beth said to Pepper. Pepper just kept staring, oblivious to Beth's concerns.

"Let's make this friendly, okay?" The dorky-looking kid proposed.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, just pick your pokemon already!"

The boy seemed unfazed by David's rudeness and reached for a pokeball from his rather fancy pokeball-holding belt.

"This will be my first one," he let the ball gently drop on the grass. A pink light intelligently poured out and started to form into the shape of a creature.

"Wha?!" David stood back, unsure of what to make of what he was seeing.

Beth was suddenly more interested than she was letting on. She had never seen this pokemon before. Standing before its trainer was a medium-sized bird pokemon, similar in size to a pigeotto. However, instead of being earthy creams and pinks it was coloured blue and white with some black markings. It had a horizontally striped fan-tail rather than a vertically striped one. The feathers on the back of its head stuck up into a cone shape and its eyes - those were some strange eyes! The bird looked as if it was wearing a pair of hands-off binoculars or special prescription specs. The eyes were glassy, both perfectly forward-facing and looked magnified and dilated. They even had a grey rim that telescopic devices tend to have around the lens.

"What did you do to your pigeotto?!" David cried in horror.

"Huh? That's not a pigeotto?" The boy queried to himself, unsure of his own knowledge.

Everyone looked bemused for a few moments. David at this point was nervously grinning, realising his mistake too late. It was, quite obviously, not any bird pokemon he had ever seen before.

"It's a falscope. You don't have them where you're from?" The pokemon's trainer asked.

"No way this is totally new." David fiddled for a pokeball in his disorganised pockets. "Sorry, Bruce maybe next time, buddy."

Bruce heaved a heavy sigh, before trudging over, scuffing his feet as he went to sit out this battle.

"Okay!" David brought out a pokeball. "Geode!" he yelled before slamming the device unnecessarily hard against the ground.

From the light of the pokeball emerged a large, round, boulder-shaped pokemon covered in irregular bumps and pits. It stamped its heavy brittle feet, causing dust and little bits of rock to shed from its body. It clenched its hands before flexing in preparation for the fight.

"Oh, a graveller!" The opposing trainer exclaimed with joy. "I had only ever seen one of those once in this book--"

"Come on already pick your move!" David growled, getting too impatient to listen to the boy's story.

"Okay." Again, the boy seemed completely unaffected by David's impatience and disregard for manners. "First, Azure, use double team!"

"Azure..." David smirked, and sarcastically remarked "I haven't heard that one before!"

The blue and white spectacled bird pokemon started zipping between three different spots at increasing speed until all that could be seen were three perfect after-images. As dizzying as the display was to Geode, David made a loud, fake yawn and waved his hand in front of his mouth. "Boring..."

"You know what to do, Geode. Rock blast 'em all until you get the right one!"

Geode chuckled in a gruff voice before doing his flexing and stomping routine. As he did so faint lights began to spin around him, accreting mass as they fused with one another until there were five large balls of light orbiting his body. The balls of light dimmed until they were revealed to be large spinning boulders. With astounding accuracy Geode punched one of the high velocity boulders straight into the closest clone's direction. It shot straight through it, hitting the ground behind it and up-turning a tuft of grass as it landed with a thud. The falscope's after-image had entirely disappeared.

The boy trainer held his arms tight against his chest, as if afraid of being hit by the flying boulders.

"Falscope, quick attack before he hits you!"

The bird clones, standing firm, suddenly both took flight. From charging flight, they both suddenly zipped in Geode's direction as speeding blurs. They both made a painful cracking sound as they collided with Geode's face, before soaring behind him to turn around and return to their trainer. Geode rubbed his forehead and growled angrily before looking up, spotting the two bird after-images. He roared furiously before launching another orbiting boulder at one of them with his fist.

The boulder hurled in their direction but narrowly missed both of them and began to return to Earth. The boy trainer had to dodge to keep out of the way. Another tuft of grass was dislodged by the impact. The boy anxiously aired the collar of his shirt before wiping his forehead with a crumpled tissue. He looked up at his birds as they returned to the grass.

"Maybe air slash this time!" he commanded, "that ought to slow him down!"

Just as he said that there was a painful squawk and an explosion of loose feathers as one of the bird images went tumbling across the grass. When the real falscope came to a stop on his back, legs and wings splayed, a heavy rock rolled off of it and onto the grass next to it. Its remaining after-image clone was gone.

"Azure are you okay?!" the boy begged to ask, running to his pokemon's aide.

The bird stirred slightly before rearing her head. Her beak was slightly ajar, and she panted like a winded dog. Before the trainer had noticed, Beth was already by his pokemon's side, her face ruffling with concern. She touched the side of Azure's beak before revealing to Azure's trainer the red leaking fluid that had come off the side.

"What's going on over there? Are we gonna finish or what?!" David yelled impatiently.

"You won! Are you happy?" Beth cried sarcastically, yet unable to raise her eyes to meet David's.

"She'll be okay... she just needs more training, I'll take her to a pokemon centre," the boy tried to assure Beth.

"I wish you were both ashamed of yourselves!" Beth screamed before storming off down the road towards the town. "C'mon Pepper!" she commanded, not even checking to see if he would follow.

David and the trainer conversed as they checked Azure over before returning her to her pokeball. From the bushes Pepper watched by Bruce's side as the two young men exchanged handshakes. David slapped the boy's back in approval, causing him to flinch. Yet Pepper seemed mesmerised by this relatively common exchange of friendly gestures. They had just fought, now they were friends?

Pepper pondered for a moment, smiling and scratching his chin. He then assumed the fighting stance Bruce had taught him, before punching the air with as much force as he could in rapid succession, finishing off with a round kick and a slash of the tail... and then stumbling and falling onto his face.

Looking up, a friendly Hitmonlee hand offered to pull him back to his feet.