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The Spirits of Mount Pyre

Kiri

Breeder & Berry Grower
  • 435
    Posts
    19
    Years
    My very first fanfic! Warning: PG 13 later in the story...

    My life took a new turn, the day Blu died.
    That fateful day began like any other. My pencil drifted down my homework page, unsure what to write, and my mind drifted outside to the Lilycove bay where swimmers battled in the shallows. A Starmie faced a Luvdisc, shooting jets of water at it. I?d always wanted to be a pok?mon trainer, but the little Trainer School? well, I could still hear Ms. Johnson?s familiar words in my head: ?Kiri, you?re simply not trying enough. Think about it. If you can?t remember simple status changes, you?ll never be a good trainer??
    I shook my head to clear it of those futile thoughts. There had to be more to it than just good marks. I?d be a strong trainer one day, I always promised myself.
    Watching the Wingull wheel overhead, I didn?t hear the soft crackle of flames downstairs. Didn?t notice the air laced with smoke that drifted past, didn?t turn from my desk to see the flash of fire in the doorway. When I broke away from my daydream at last, it was too late. The flame had encircled my doorway. I screamed in terror. The only way out of my tiny bedroom was the little window overlooking the glittering blue sea. The flames tore across the rug, approaching me; I hoisted myself onto the windowsill, peered down, and a crowd of people stood looking at the house and shouting in alarm, but the shining sea rolled in and out again, unaware that anything was wrong. People- firemen, maybe- were pulling out a blanket, stretching it out beneath me. Frozen with shock and fear, I fell back in a dead faint.
    I woke up in hospital later, and my mother was by the bedside. She had left the stove on, she said, and left for the shops. The firemen had caught me as I fell out of the window, but I was unhurt. The house was fine, too, and the fire was quickly extinguished; she kept saying: ?It?s alright, we?re both fine.? But she was sobbing all the time, because it wasn?t just the two of us. There was Blu as well. Blu, the little Swablu who had been the family pokemon all my life, who had never made it out of the burning house. He had helped Mom with the cleaning with his cotton-like wings. He had played with me, fluttering around the house as I chased him, and when I?d had a nightmare he was always there to cuddle. It would never be the same without him.
    The next few days passed like a bad dream. Everything felt lonely without Blu chirping in the background. I whiled away the hours crying into my pillow. Then, one day, Mom wandered tentatively into my slightly singed room.
    ?Sweety,? she murmured, ?I know you?re upset, but we have to go to Mount Pyre soon. For Blu?s funeral.?

    TO BE CONTINUED?
     
    Last edited:

    Kiri

    Breeder & Berry Grower
  • 435
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Here comes part 2...
    Chapter 2
    We rode in the hearse, a closed carriage drawn by a pair of Absols, as was traditional in the olden days. Me and Mom were dressed in sombre black clothing. We?d done a lot for the funeral, since Blu was such a good friend. He was like the husband and father my family never had.
    I?d never been to Mount Pyre, though it wasn?t far from Lilycove. It was a great brown mountain, with fringes of green grass on its ledges, in the middle of a crystal-blue lake.
    ?It?s part of the sea,? Mom pointed out. ?It?s a gulf.? I wasn?t really listening, but gazing out at the sights. I flicked blonde tresses out of my eyes. Something about the mountain made me nervous, maybe it was the sight of the stone graves scattered on top, or the wreaths of mist around it, I didn?t know.
    There was a huge, round Wailmer waiting at a small stone dock on the edge of the water. I wondered what it was doing, until I saw the few people standing lethargically around the dock step onto it. It was a ferry! As we came closer, I noticed there were seats strapped to the pok?mon?s back. I picked up Blu?s little urn and carried it aboard. Mom put her arm around me for comfort, and the Wailmer set off. Despite myself, I couldn?t help enjoying the gentle bobbing sensation of riding on it. We got off on the tiny ridge of land outside a door, cut into the cliffs. My body gave an involuntary jolt as I saw the inside was covered in white marble headstones. I got more and more nervous as we ascended through the cavernous graveyard, and Mom noticed.
    ?Are you feeling alright, dear? You?re all green and shaky. Do you want to go outside for some fresh air? I?ll just be talking to the funeral people?? She spoke in a high, hurried voice as if she was trying to fight back tears. She pointed me towards a doorway in a corner- we were on the third floor by now- and led me out.
    I was standing on a vertiginously high ledge, looking down on the spray breaking on the rock far below. Above me, there was a wider ledge- more misty, and covered in tufts of grass. I trudged up to a roughly hewn staircase in the rock, but started when I got to the top.
    There was a big pok?mon right in my way.
    It was a Ninetails- I remembered from some lesson at school. It was beautiful, with a creamy white coat and nine bushy tails. It looked a bit like a fox. It had a pretty crest of fur on its head, and piercing blue eyes, instead of red ones as they usually have. I couldn?t look away from them. With yet another jolt of shock, I realised I could see through its sleek body, to a weathered gravestone behind it.
    ?You?you?re?you?re a ghost!? I cried. The Ninetails gazed at me, unblinking. Then, to my surprise, it slowly turned around and loped away to the gravestone, where it faded and disappeared. I just stood, alone on the silent mountain, gawping at where it had been. I wandered up to the grave. Weather had faded the letters carved into it, but I could still read it.
    NINETAILS
    DIED 1994
    HER FLAME WILL LIVE ON FOREVER
    I shivered with fear. Ghosts existed here! But then, an idea formed in my head: if a long dead Ninetails could come back to life, why couldn?t a Swablu?
     
  • 104
    Posts
    19
    Years
    • Seen Dec 27, 2010
    This is very descriptive but you may want to make an extra blank line evrytime some begins talking. It makes it look much neater and it makes it easier to read but keep up the good work!
     

    Kiri

    Breeder & Berry Grower
  • 435
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Oh yeah. Sorry, teachers tell you to do it that way.
    Part 3 coming soon...
     

    Kiri

    Breeder & Berry Grower
  • 435
    Posts
    19
    Years
    The Long Awaited Chapter 3

    I raced inside, my heart thumping. Mom stood inside, unmoving, with sad eyes.
    ?Mom!? I cried. ?I just saw a ghost! A Ninetails!?
    She sighed, shaking her head slowly.
    ?No, dear. I think you?re just upset about Blu, and you?re seeing things. I read about it in a book by a psychiatrist??
    ?What, you think I?m crazy?? I shrieked.
    ?No, no! Of course not. But maybe if you saw a grief counsellor for a while??? She was talking in a wheedling, gentle tone of voice, the sort used on young children being told that their goldfish was dead. It only irritated me.
    ?I don?t need therapy!? The words thundered out of my mouth, echoing around the high-ceiling of the room. A few people- dressed in black, sitting muttering in the corners- snapped their heads up as if woken suddenly. But Mom just stared. I was never angry like that. Maybe I had gone crazy?

    Again, tears filled my eyes. I bolted from the room, outside, up the stairs. I tripped and scraped a knee, grass-staining my black skirt. There were more and more flights of stairs, and I kept climbing. Eventually I met a dead end; a gravestone in the end and surrounded by walls of rough brown rock. I realised how lost I was on the mountain. I looked up into the bland white sky, and felt the prick of raindrops on my face. I huddled down by the gravestone and somehow, my mind full of miserable thoughts, fell asleep.

    I thought it was in my dream- a black shape sliding out of the mist. But my eyes were open. It was real. And suddenly, I could make out features- a face like a bare white skull, and a body shrouded in a black cloak- and it was floating above the ground! The second ghost I saw was considerably more terrifying than the first.

    ?Duuh-skull,? it wailed, in a voice like a harsh whisper on the wind. It kept drifting towards me- so I started to scream. The eerie silence was pierced, but the ghost didn?t flinch, and no-one answered, no-one came. I groaned and cowered in my corner, but then? the world was lit with blinding light! All I could see was the blackness of the ghost. It roared with rage, and seemed to drift out of existence. Then all of a sudden it was over and the light faded, more and more, until all that was left was a little Abra with glowing eyes.
    And a girl standing behind it.
    The girl was very tall and bony with a worn black dress and jet black hair. It was fixed tightly to her head in a bun, but the few strands that escaped fell down well past her shoulders. She took one look at my shocked, tear-stained face and chuckled.

    ?Poor thing. Looks like you?ve seen a ghost!? She was smiling- obviously her version of a smile, more like a shadow of one. It suited her- she looked like a shadow too.
    ?It?s not funny!? I cried. ?It could have hurt me!?
    ?No, it?s just a Pok?mon. Duskull. They?re common up here; and it wouldn?t have hurt you. It was just scaring you away from its territory.?
    ?Oh! A ghost pok?mon!? I sighed with relief. But the Ninetails was real, I was sure?
    She held out a hand to help me up.
    ?I?m Astra. Astra the psychic,? she nodded. ?And you?re Kiri.?
    ?How did??
    ?Psychic, remember??
    ?Oh?right?? I muttered. Astra seemed too much like a ghost herself to make me feel better. It helped to touch the paper-white skin of her hand, though. She was real. I started to feel a bit stupid for being so neurotic.

    ?We?d better go,? she murmured, glancing over her shoulder. ?Duskulls don?t like Flash. But they?ll be back soon, and now they?re angry.?
    At her feet, the little Abra?s eyes started to glow again, and for a split second it felt like I was shooting through something resistant, like water. But then I found myself standing between Astra and Mom inside the mountain.
     

    Kiri

    Breeder & Berry Grower
  • 435
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Thank you! *huggles* It's this support that keeps me writing and stops me giving up and taking up drinking.
     

    Kylie-chan

    [span="background:#000; padding: 2px 10px;"][color
  • 14,979
    Posts
    19
    Years
    cool... love the story... good description, not too long... draws ya in hook line and sinker
    KEEP IT UP KIRI, GIRL!!! WE, UR FANS, WANNA READ MORE :D
     

    Kylie-chan

    [span="background:#000; padding: 2px 10px;"][color
  • 14,979
    Posts
    19
    Years
    dat's good. I am also typing frantically as the fourth chapter of DoMT (you guys r up to the second, serebii.net is up to the fourth), makes progress. Actually it's getting quite hard. I've trapped May in a pretty hard position to worm out of. I dunno what I'll do with her anyway, so I'll just continue with James for the moment. I spend my nights pondering this story. (mine). So it had better be good (mine.) Yours is great, kiri.
     

    Mr Cat Dog

    Frasier says it best
  • 11,344
    Posts
    20
    Years
    It's a good start to a different fic so far. I haven't been able to classify it, as the plot has been quite slow - but slow's good for this, as it builds up the suspense very well. Well done. ^_^ Another thing I liked was the way you used description to capture the atmosphere of the funeral.

    You could space out your paragraphs a bit better. It makes my eyes go @_@ when I see a big clunk of text like that. Pressing enter twice should make it easier on the eye.
    Also, the chapters could be a bit longer. Not too much, but just a bit - to make them feel more like proper chapters, instead of bits of chapters.

    Well, all I can say is keep up the good work. ^_^
     

    Kiri

    Breeder & Berry Grower
  • 435
    Posts
    19
    Years
    I don't mind bad reviews, as long as they're constructive. Sorry about the typing- its the years of conflicting advice from English teachers, who want us to do indents, and IT people, who want us to leave a line.
    I haven't had many IT lessons, that's the thing.
    I'm making Chapter 4 longer, so that's why its taking ages....:)
     

    Latias1408

    Omg! It's Axel! *fangirl-like*
  • 30
    Posts
    19
    Years
    Wow

    WOW!!!!!!! YOUR STORYS ARE AMAZING KIRI!!! *looks at it again and again and again* so much detail ITS AWSOME!!! ^_^
     

    Kiri

    Breeder & Berry Grower
  • 435
    Posts
    19
    Years
    I apologize a huge amount for the no-fanfic thing. It's taking ages since the teachers give you like 5 hours homework a night for a bit. But it'll be done soon, I promise!
     
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