The Thunderbolt Revolution

[Eevee Tamer]

Sorry,it's the first chapter,it's kind of short.
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Kanto - Pallet Town: 6:34 A.M.
A Pokemon hid in the shadows,behind Professor Oak's lab.It looked like Pikachu,except it was midnight blue,with green ear tops,and green stripes on its back.It was named Kai.But... its Pokemon name was not known by anyone,except itself.It could talk... And whenever every 1 year passed,it would appear.And its last appearing years were 2002 and 2003... now's the time in years,it appears again.No one had ever been able to catch it,since it was so strong.It had all elemental attacks,and yet,there was only 1 of it.One that is wanted by Pokemon trainers.Kai's tail stuck up out of the grass,and pointed it's head into the window of the lab.All it saw were four Pokeballs.Each were different colors.Kai's Pokeball was blue on top,and green on bottom,like him.The others were different,though.Then,Kai turned around,crouched with it's tail the opposite way,and springed across the town,and the walking trainers,then splashed right into the water's bottom.Luckily,it's breathing in water was 133% better than how long humans could.It looked out of the water.No,it didn't jump out,but it watched still in the water's bottom,to see if there were any trainers around.They were all gone.Kai didn't know why,though.So it jumped out of the water,and ran off into a nearby forest.

 

[Mew13]

Kind of confusing, you said no trainer could capture it.... yet it's Pokeball was in the lab?? *Scrathces head* #_#

 

[Eevee Tamer]

It was caught by Professor Oak before... you know that professors are experts at catching Pokemon?

 

[Mr Cat Dog]

One of the major no-nos in fics is to use numbers instead of letters to have percaentages, and quantities. It's OK for years, but numbers for ny other purpose are NOT seen in great novels are they? You're also very right about the length, since it was just one long paragraph. One of the main ways to improve the length is to pile loads of description into it. This makes readers feel more... "into" the fic, and may improve the 3 rs of the fic (the reading, rating and ranting) done by people who view the fic. The plot itself is kinda confusing as Mew13 said before, and the part about it not being able to be captured, but it got captured kind of makes no sense whatsoever. Hopefully this will improve by the next chapter...

~ MCD