~ToWriteLove's Work~

[ToWriteLove]

Here are the English and Italian Sonnets I have worked on, let me know what you think. :D

P.S. Sorry if I say something inapropriate/mispell something, I just typed what I wrote. XD


This poem is of fear, the feeling of failure no matter what has happened.

Shadows casted everywhere, taking me in,
All goes quiet, nothing comes to my deaf ears,
Is this Death? Taking me to his fiery den?
I see what I wish were not so, my cursed fears,
Appears as an Angel, saving me from Hell,
But I feel those cold, dark, skeletal-like claws,
Help! My skylarked pleads raise, silent as those bells,
Tears streak my face as I see how my luck draws,
Wait! Bells! I search hastly for these Godly sounds,
Looking in all directions, I hear no more,
Have I gone mad? Do my senses run like hounds?
Defeated am I, acid builds in my core,
Then I see them, hanging from my neck on rope,
Notice them I did not, notice though, false hope​

This poem is a way I have felt at times, a poem I was able to vent through.

All around me I see love, it's so secure,
I take it all in, content to see it all,
I may not be one, but I don't make the call,
It all happened so fast, it passed in a blur,
Heart aching, I will appear okay for sure,
Happy with friends, sad alone, a perfect shawl,
At least they're there sometimes for when I fall,
But there are times where that is not the cure,
Fighting on, it doesn't seem to be enough,
Memory of past, realizing what is lost,
Chances almost gone, might as well be in cuffs,
Were these now wanted losses worth the cost?
My luck is at its lowest, now I must bluff,
Pretending so no worries, heart cold as frost​

This particular one is based of the orginization To Write Love On Her Arms, which is also what my username is, if you ever need help, please check these guys out.

A vision, a statement, words giving them life,
They lean towards the shadows, but we stop them,
They think they're nothing, they think they are condemn,
Others put them down, so they take the knife,
It could be brother, sister, husband, or wife,
Emotions overflowing, gone past the brim,
Can touch anyone, do no be so dim,
To Write Love On Her Arms, help them with their strife,
Open your arms, accept them, share how you feel,
Welcome them, tell them truth, tell them they matter,
Treat them like they're normal, for they are, now heal,
You're not alone, this is not your stories end,
Now are fireworks, love spreads, covers, scatters,
The vision is hope, and hope is oh so real​

This is a poem I had wrote... Well easily said, when going through a dark time.

Sorrow, pain, tomorrow, never ending,
The glistening of tears shine on cut hands,
World's cruel torture, pulls and shoves my soul, bending,
Emotions out of control, loose like snapped bands,
Sadness sweeps over in a blink of an eye,
A soliloquy of memories past,
Appears as it pleases, crush me freely, why?
This is to much I fear this is my last,
Broke down, cannot stand again, I am finished,
To much expected, to much ignorance,
I'm not enough, love's not mine, I'm diminished,
End all, put no more on them, existance rinse,
Mind made up, finally clear, I write in pen,
My thoughts, my ideas, my love, knife against skin​

 

[TJgamer]

The concept is very well thought out. It shows very strong emotion.
The structure is okay, but sometimes it's a little hard to have the rhymes flow through, due to the lines being long and slightly uneven length.
There really wasn't anything "inappropriate". Overall, this was a nice piece of poetry.
Good job.

 

[ToWriteLove]

Thank you, it's probably my favorite style to be honest, may try posting some of my haikus, tankas, and chokas, later.

 

[ToWriteLove]

Here are my haikus, tankas, and chokas, let me know what you think please. :D


Winter breeze blows through,
Memories leaving with it,
Forgotten again​

Cherry blossums fall,
Reflections against water,
Petals now floating



Music on deaf ears,
A silent soliloquy,
Never been retold



Control's what they want,
Power, love, greed, but no trust,
Rulers with no friends



Fears grasping our souls,
Death a common reminder,
That it can be lost



Old customs long gone,
Respect and manners ignored,
Our elders shall cry



Safe in someones arms,
The comfort that comes with this,
Forever wanted



To know ones ending,
Like an impatient reader,
Don't read the last page



Working day and night,
Stress, anger, sadness it brings,
Never having fun



Minds easily warped,
Control yourself, be yourself,
Unique not normal



Water rising fast,
We are in over our heads,
Possible to drown



Wind moves everything,
Twisting and turning faster,
No control, no chance



Liars and sinners,
Majority nowadays,
Have we no morals?



Is it worth the fight,
Is peace really worth all this,
More sadness, more death?



Death all around us,
Ignorance most of the time,
Every day there's loss,
How is killing in the war,
Easier to take than here?



Loss of family,
It's not easily taken,
But we all fight through,
One is lost and one is gained,
Life starts, a new tale begins



Artist takes his brush,
Painting a tale yet been told,
Words falling into place,
Pictures turn into pages,
Pages turn into legends



Peace a common goal,
Most people want it, some don't,
Will it ever be?
Blasphemy used to obtain,
This seems oh so wrong,
It's moving farther away,
More sadness, more tears,
Are these the right decisions,
Using each other,
Arguing, fighting, killing,
Is it really worth all this?



Your Dreams and Nightmares,
They are a reality,
Mentally they're there,
A reflection of your soul,
Shows your greatest wants,
But also your greatest fears,
Do not be afraid,
Use them to your advantage,
Aim for your wishes,
Try to conquer your worst fears,
Face them all, don't turn your back​

 

[TJgamer]

These poems remind me of the Poor Richard's Almanac from Benjamin Franklin. It contained famous sayings and phrases that shows the wise, moral, good things we should do.
Yes, your poems are very neat. They really tell their messages clearly.
Good job!

 

[Scytheteen]

Very nice haikus! You've really grasped the idea of how a haiku is supposed to be written; a short and sweet bit of information that reveals a sea of imagery. You're posting a lot at a time, though. I'm nor saying it's a bad thing, it's just a lot for a reviewer to read and count syllables at once. I had a small problem with one haiku, though.

A lot of your haikus use the word "our". I suppose this is up for interpretation and how you say the word, but when I read the word "our" I say it as "ow-er", having two syllables. In your poetry, you're only counting it as one syllable, thus messing up the very strict structure of a haiku.

Again, it is up for interpretation, but that's just how I saw it. Very good job, though. I'd like to see you maybe relax a bit in your poetry and try some free verse. It's fun =]

 

[ToWriteLove]

our as one syllable is how my English Teacher told me to count it, so its possible that he was wrong. xD

And I have a lot of free verse, I am just posting my early work from my notebook. :P


EDIT: Looked it up and our can be counted as either one OR two syllables. Will be posting more later and will try to only post two or three per post.

 

[ToWriteLove]

Here are just a few other writings, not really a certain style, just wrote what felt right.


I wrote this one for the poem of the week theme nature:

Wind through my hair, as I drift away,
Current growing stronger, cast to sea astray,
Body ripples through the wave,
Clouds overhead, keeping from me what I crave,
Sunlight gone for ages, only storms remain,
A boiling anger inside me, nothing left to gain,
Yet the world accepts it, I hope it changes for its sake,
Ocean takes me under, an embrace I will take


I just wrote this in a random patern I made up: a,b,a,a,b,a,c,b,c,c,b,c


Window wide open, sitting there alone,
Whispers slipping through, barely reaching my ear,
Sounds change constantly, switching language, mood, and tone,
It gently pulls away its silhouette-like hands shaped of bone,
Then it snaps, banshee screams of fear,
Spins, twirls, twists, turns, till its true form shone,
There she stood, tears abode, memories flooding higher,
Colors of black, red, silver, and blue near,
Twilight strikes, the black night sky consumes the shire,
Blood drips on her brow, crimson as fire,
Tears of silver fall from my eyes, knowing it is she, my Dear,
She takes me, I struggle not as lips turn blue, The Crier

 

[TJgamer]

This random pattern of rhyming seemed a bit difficult to read smoothly, but it was a worthy experiment.
The mood is just...cool. A mixture of sorrow and horror. It's just great.
Keep up the good work.

 

[ToWriteLove]

Felt like writing some Pokemon related poetry since this is Pokecommunity, I decided to write about my two favorite Pokemon, Umbreon and Dragonite, let me know what you think.


Umbreon live on in eternal night,
Black trimmed with gold, like the moon in the sky,
It's a loner, wandering on till light,
Fearing none, strong will until they forever lie,
Its chill, low howl sends shivers even through the blight,
Ears prick up, hearing one of its own cry,
It races on, never leaving antoher on its own to fight,
Saving those troubled, leaves without a word, know why?
Umbreon is a loner, solo to its last bite


Dragonite, ruler of both sky and sea,
Scales of gold glistening with each wave and breeze,
Saving those stranded, whether it be on cliff, island, or tree,
Stronger than all, it can burn, drench, blow, crush or even freeze,
Wings so strong, even in storms they move free,
Nothin controls it, it does what it please,
It live its tale, a legend for all to see

 

[TJgamer]

You do pretty well in Pokétry. (Yes, I use that term)
Both seem to have a good setting and outline.
The only downside I can think of is how rhymes -ee and -eeze blend too much together, losing a bit of its distinct rhyming. Same goes for -y and -ight.
In the end, you did a good job.
Keep on writing!

 

[ToWriteLove]

I am just going to try writing something randomly, just whatever feels right because I need to vent.

If only you weren't easily swayed,
The rest of them would keep away,
You should have kept your path not strayed,
Vengence is foolish, you should have let it lay,
You try to turn from it, but now you have been played,
Now it haunts you, feeds off you, making it harder and harder for me to stay,
It's happened before, the pain is still there no matter how much it has been,
Anger builds up among all of us, its contagious to the core,
Arguing with all, why must it be like this, so mean,
It happens still, losing a friend and seperating more than before,
Here I am, for all to see, yet all ignore what they wish were not seen,
The struggle flows over, drowning me with tear,
Can't get away, bending us with no fear,
Why do they not listen? My sorrows fall on deaf ear,
I cry in the corner for no one to hear

 

[TJgamer]

A well done piece you've made.
I especially like the ending. It's just so sad!
The pattern is a bit hard to follow, but that might just be me.

 

[ToWriteLove]

Ya, was just venting so didn't look for even lines, lol. Thanks.

 

[ToWriteLove]

I actually put a little time into this one, making it even in syllables and all, this particular poem is of a dream I had last night, I hope you all enjoy it, tell me what you think.


Her eyes so bright, my heart beats strong,
Soul so pure, She's my cure,
Dream came true, I waited so long,
Love of mine, I'm so sure,
Hear of deception, must be wrong,
World shatters, I endure,
Creatures of Darkness, all around,
Hide, run, find her I must,
Search everywhere until she's found,
See someone, it smells fust,
Her lifeless form, there on the ground,
Body now one with dust,
Fall to my knees, Nightmare now bound,
Broken, oaths never sworn,
Shadows absorb, no time to mourn

 

[JX Valentine]

In terms of story, it's an interesting one. You start out making it seem like an ode to love/a girlfriend. Something sweet and heartwarming like that. Then, it quickly turns into something darker with the search ending rather miserably. I can tell there's a larger picture here (like why the girlfriend is dead), but the poem satisfies in a way that doesn't make me feel as if I have to know. As in, it doesn't feel incomplete. So, good job in that respect.

I do have a few notes about structure. It feels like you've got two different meter schemes going on at the same time: a short one with the odd-numbered lines and a long one with the even-numbered ones. This causes the poem to feel uneven and awkward at first because it's not clear how it should be read. A short meter scheme (i.e., one with only a few syllables) would imply that the poem needs to be read quickly because you've got a short series of beats, but a longer one would do the obvious opposite (make the poem feel like it needs to be read slowly). For a poem that's meant to be surreal and discordant (read: not even, lacking in harmony), it might work, but the problem is I'm not sure if you intended on it being discordant or if you're aiming for a set meter. Put it this way: if you meant to have the poetic equivalent of this with notes coming in at odd times and the percussion slowing down for a few seconds, then you can pretty much ignore this note.

For the rhyme scheme, it wasn't too bad, but there was a part where I felt like you could have tried a better rhyme. Namely, "find her I must" is hard to take seriously because that way of speaking is more associated with Yoda. Meanwhile, maybe "fust" has a slang meaning I'm not aware of, but as far as I know, it describes a kind of cloth at best (and dirtier, dirtier meanings you definitely did not mean at the very worst). In other words, "fust" doesn't really describe a smell to all audiences, so to avoid confusing people, it might be a good idea to consider something else here.

Also, it's a very interesting rhyme scheme in general, but that line ending in "bound" just sort of seems hanging out there because it's not rhyming with anything. Maybe add another line to have something fit or take it out and reword the last two to avoid losing meaning?

Overall, it's a nice story, but the structure could use a bit of polishing and adjusting. But that's okay because I get the feeling you're experimenting anyway.

 

[ToWriteLove]

Fust also means to smell ill/musty.

As for syllable amount I agree, I was trying to challenge myself by giving myself a structure and by doing so, I did 8/6 without considering 6 as short.

how does bound not rhyme with ground, around, and found? O_O

Thank for the reply. ^^

 

[JX Valentine]

Fust also means to smell ill/musty.

Mm, according to the dictionary, not really. According to Urban Dictionary, meanwhile, the closest it comes is "to mold over" or "to decay," but that still doesn't indicate a scent. So, to me, it doesn't quite mean to smell musty. In fact, according to the slang I'm used to, it takes on that dirty meaning you definitely don't want, so I wound up with a rather hilarious mental image the first time I read this.

Edit: Now I see. The definition you're going with is actually obsolete, so that would be why I couldn't come to that conclusion immediately. Most dictionaries (as I've shown you through that link) don't actually list that definition at all. It's like how no one uses the original definition for the word "protest." You'll want to be careful while using obsolete words in any written work because, as I've mentioned just a moment ago, sometimes the definitions that you mean aren't in use while definitions that you most certainly did not mean are. This runs at a risk of confusing a reader at best and conjuring hilarious mental images at the very worst.

How does bound not rhyme with ground, around, and found? O_O

It does, but the thing you'll want to note is that previously to that, you've been using an ABABAB rhyme scheme. In the first six lines, you have only three lines rhyming with each other (strong/long/wrong and cure/sure/endure). Then, in the second part of the poem, you have three even-numbered lines rhyming with each other (must/fust/dust) but four for the odd-numbered lines. As a result, the last of these appears to hang around by itself because, well, uneven numbers of lines rhyming. Alternatively, as I've mentioned, it reads as if it's not trying to rhyme with anything because the rhyme set that came just before it is complete.

 

[TJgamer]

A strange, but worthy experiment structure.
And based off a dream you've had? Hmmm...interesting.
And the rhymes are pretty neat. I don't really see any faults in them.
Good work.

 

[ToWriteLove]

Mm, according to the dictionary, not really. According to Urban Dictionary, meanwhile, the closest it comes is "to mold over" or "to decay," but that still doesn't indicate a scent. So, to me, it doesn't quite mean to smell musty. In fact, according to the slang I'm used to, it takes on that dirty meaning you definitely don't want, so I wound up with a rather hilarious mental image the first time I read this.

Edit: Now I see. The definition you're going with is actually obsolete, so that would be why I couldn't come to that conclusion immediately. Most dictionaries (as I've shown you through that link) don't actually list that definition at all. It's like how no one uses the original definition for the word "protest." You'll want to be careful while using obsolete words in any written work because, as I've mentioned just a moment ago, sometimes the definitions that you mean aren't in use while definitions that you most certainly did not mean are. This runs at a risk of confusing a reader at best and conjuring hilarious mental images at the very worst.



It does, but the thing you'll want to note is that previously to that, you've been using an ABABAB rhyme scheme. In the first six lines, you have only three lines rhyming with each other (strong/long/wrong and cure/sure/endure). Then, in the second part of the poem, you have three even-numbered lines rhyming with each other (must/fust/dust) but four for the odd-numbered lines. As a result, the last of these appears to hang around by itself because, well, uneven numbers of lines rhyming. Alternatively, as I've mentioned, it reads as if it's not trying to rhyme with anything because the rhyme set that came just before it is complete.

Alright, I see what your saying about the uneveness, thank you for the response/critiquing. :D

Dark waves raising high,
Footprints in sand washed away,
Receeds, gone again


There's the haiku I am entering for this weeks contest. I decided to go with the classic thought of haikus which were used to describe a seen that can be visualized that involves nature. Whether or not it works is the real question though. XD