WCK's Poems ~ Currently only 2

[White Christmas Kitsune]

WCK's Poems ~ Please Critique ^.^

I originally posted these in my journal on Gaia Online (I won't post the link cause that's against the rules..><)..I'm just letting you know that before you go and accuse me of stealing them <.< These were made by me during school when a friend was being sexually abused (I won't go into detail) and during a harsh breakup..So yeah. ^.^
The first is dedicated to a friend of mine IRL named Amanda.

Angel

Can't you hear this angel's call,
the call that made stars fall from the sky?
She cries out in distress,
but her cries are lost within the hatred surrounding her.

She wishes she could fly away,
far from this sadness she feels inside.
She wants to rise above this pain,
leaving it all behind.

But now she lays there,
cast aside and forgotten;
Her spirit broken and wings clipped,
unable to fly.

But she knows that someone,
somewhere,
is waiting just for her;
the one to mend her broken wings
and wash away her tears.



~*~*~*~*~*~

The second is just..I dunno. XD

You

You were the one who made me laugh,
made me smile;
no matter how bad things got,
you always cheered me up.

When you smiled at me,
the whole world stopped;
my heart skipped a beat
and almost jumped out of my chest.

When you hold my hand,
I marvel at how well they fit together;
it's as if we were made for each other,
predestined to be lovers.

When you put your arms around me,
I hold back the urge to sigh with delight;
I feel as if I could stay like this forever,
the two of us frozen in time.

But then you left me for another,
you broke my heart in two;
She must be much prettier and sweeter than I
to make you hate me.

You hold her hand
the same way you did with mine;
You whisper those three words
you whispered when you were mine.

I can't believe you chose my best friend,
the one who I've known since I was a little girl;
"Why me?", I cry;
"What went wrong?"

But now I understand
that whatever dosen't kill you
makes you stronger;
I'm stronger because of you.

 

[Kyosuke]

Thts really great, I love the way the first poem flowed, without really having a rhyming patten and it was pulled off very nicely.

The second one was equally nice, and has the felling like it was written for someone, that was cared abot deeply in the past.

Really great job all around, you put proper puncuation where it was needed, they both had a very nice poetic flow, and the meaning of it stood out right away, without constant re-reading to get the point.

 

[White Christmas Kitsune]

Thanks for the wonderful critique, Liquid ^.^ I'm flattered that I would attract the attention of a moderator so soon after joining..And yes the second poem was written about a person I cared deeply for..he had just cheated on me with my so called "best" friend and then dumped me for her, claiming our relationship was going "downhill"..which he and I both know is not true >.> He was my first kiss, and it still hurts to see him and her together at school, hugging and holding hands..it's like a knife to my heart. But I'll eventually get over the pain, I'm sure. ^.^ Thanks for the wonderful critique! ^.^

 

[Evenfall Dust]

very good poems keep it up!

 

[White Christmas Kitsune]

Thanks latias 1994 ^.^ I'll try to keep it up. We have christmas vacation this week so I should have time to write more..I promise I'll try to keep writing ^.^ I just need inspiration >.<;;

 

[butterfly]

thats a very sad poem! it reminds me
bec, that happened to my best friend flame_chi
before. i was one of her friends
then her best friend went after her man
n flame saw them together
n now im her best friend
and another thing i would ever do that to her
n she knows it

 

[flame_chi]

ya that happened to me before.
so i know how u feel
i really like the poems they
very good.
if u need someone to talk to im here for ya