What they will never say in LOTR

Gollum: Um hello old chum, I have a riddle for ye. What is in my pocket?

Bilbo: No no no, you got it all wrong, you don't even have pockets, thats my line!

Gollum: I must have thine precious, do you have it?

Bilbo: ... :dead: ...
 
Elrond: For 3000 years I have kept the same beautiful smooth face! That is because I use Dove facial creamer! Buy Dove today!

O_o
 
Elrond:...So anyway, I got this AWSOME new skateboard. It's so totally rad yo.

Legolas:*with an arm full of haircare products, yelling* Avon calling!
 
Aragorn: Who's up for second breakfast?
[watch the part after Bree in the movie to get this one more thouroghly]
 
Frodo: So why did you give me the ring?
Bilbo: Hmm...ring...?
Frodo: Oh come on just 5 seconds ago you were calling my precious my precious!
Bilbo: Hmm...nope doesn't ring a bell.
Frodo: Fine I'll take the ring and throw into the lava myself.
Bilbo: Ok now, have a nice trip.
Frodo: NICE TRIP! You expect me to risk my life to destroy one ring?
Gandolf: (perhaps I should just leave and pretend I was never here)
Frodo: And where do you think your going?
Gandalf: Can I have the ring?
Frodo: Take it.
Gandalf: Nah I don't want it, it doesn't suite me.
Frodo: Arrrgh!
 
Gollum: MY PRECIOUS!
Frodo: Oh shut the (Censored) up you dumb (censored) (Censored) (censored) retarded little grayish piece of (censored) and give me the (censored) ring so I can go ahead and destroy it!
Gollum: o_0
 
Gimli: Aragorn....
Aragorn: Yes?
Gimli:...I love you
Aragorn:....
Boromir's 'Ghost': HAWHAWHAW!!! Gimli and Aragorn sittin in a tree!
Aragorn: SHUT THE (censored) UP YOU (censored) HOBBIT GROPING SON OF A (censroed)!!!!!!
Boromir's 'Ghost:....k-i-s-s-i-n-g!
Aragorn: DIE!!!!!!*tackles the 'ghost'*
 
Aragorn: Okay..where's the instruction booklet that came with this sword?

Gimli: I shall hold a banquet in the honor of elves!

Elrond: Gimli, I reserve the right to a duel! Hiyah! Now, begin the staring contest...
 
Random Orc (to Saruman): Daddy?

Saruman: *Put's on eyepatch* Arr, ya mateys! Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Orcs: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS!

O.O
 
Aragorn: It's time to duel!

Frodo: I want to be an Oscar Mayer Weiner, that is what I truly want to be! But if I were an Oscar Mayer Wienier, there would be nothing left of meeeeeeee!!!

Gollum: Ohhh, my bologna has a first name
Sam: It's O-S-C-A-R!!!!
Lurtz: My bologna has a second name
Frodo: It's M-A-Y-E-R!!!!
Aragorn: Oh, I love to eat eat everyday
Legolas:.....What?

Legolas: Hey Elrond want to hear a joke?
Elrond: Sure!
Legolas: OK, how do you find a dumb blonde at the bottom of a lake?
Elrond: Who knows..
Legolas: Put a scratch sniff sticker at the bottom!
Elrond: I hope you know that your calling yourself stupid..
Legolas: Oh.. *looking at his blonde hair*

Sam: Me? I'm dishonest, and a dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest. Honestly. It's the honest ones you want to watch out for, because you can never predict when they're going to do something incredibly... stupid.....*picks his nose*
Gollum: And the fat hobbit says we are nasty????
 
Saruman: My little pony, my little pony...

Gollum: Hobbitses... I am your father.

Legolas: *british accent* Bond. James Bond.
 
Frodo: Oh crap...Where'd I put the ring?

Sam: Quit complaining, you (censored) ring carrier! I've been carrying all this (censored) (censored) on my back, and I haven't said ONE WORD! But all you have is a little ring! Wanna trade?!

Saruman: Have you saddled up Sugarbell yet? I want to go get some flowers to give this place some color...

Sauron: The ring will soon be--*fly buzzes around* ARGH! Shoo, fly, shoo! Get out of here! No, not the *buzz* EYE!!! AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!

Merry: Piggy-back from an orc...Like Disneyworld taken over by Darth Vader...
 
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