nope nope nope! i can give an obscure hint if everyone wants one
EDIT: nvm, neko hina got it via vm, it was luxray.
Bruise colored bruises have often been described as black and blue. therefore, the pokemon in question is black and blue
"surprising" synonym: shocking. shocking = electric type. this pretty much narrows it down to shinx, luxio, and luxray
"no, i didnt 'pikachu'" this one is a bit harder to explain, but basically it meant to take the phoenetics of "pikachu" as the clue. in this case, "pikachu" sounds sort of like "peek at you", luxray can see through things. therefore, the answer is luxray.
for that last clue, which is nearly impossible to figure out, i was imagining a scene that goes something like this:
Misty is taking a bath. She spots Ash wandering around, a little too close for comfort, with Pikachu in tow.
Misty: ASH!!!! And just what, may I ask, are you doing HERE? You were spying on me, weren't you?
Ash: Wh- WAAAAHHHH! N-no, Misty, I didn't--
Pikachu: Pi-KA-chu!
Misty: Ooooohhh!
The wild Misty used Pound! It's a one-hit KO! Ash is defeated!
...
so yeah, thats basically it.