Rolo says:
frankly, i feel sick, been having recurring thoughts of a horror movie i saw when i was 11 or so, at someone's sleepover, god knows why i watched it... would've felt... impolite not to. years upon years, i've never really spoken about it to anyone, but, it's gotten bad and i have to... ye, you're my best friend an' all, i hope you understand... i never liked 'scary things' and still don't, really, i hate being scared. i've never really had nightmares at least... but i did cry the night of the day i saw the movie. i just think, you know, i'd best man up really, it's really just annoying nowadays, but ye, if i tell people, the only thing i've not really done yet the most suggested, i could feel better
Rolo says:
and i do since typing that, sigh
Jared says:
O:
Rolo says:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child's_Play ):
Jared says:
*Hug* ilu ><
Rolo says:
ehhh ^-^
Rolo says:
was never sure how anyone would react
Rolo says:
thankfully i never developed a fear of dolls from it
Rolo says:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bride_of_Chucky specifically, it was this one
Rolo says:
i don't think the recurring thought will go away from this though... but, it makes me physically ill. i'll admit it's more likely to the cause of why i throw up a few days ago
Jared says:
i remember thinking that was boring O¦
Rolo says:
really, or are you just saying that to make me feel better?
Jared says:
really O:
Rolo says:
:0 when did you see it...
Jared says:
i think all those films are crap
sometime last year
Rolo says:
wow
Rolo says:
if i'd talked about it more than when they asked me what's up when i cried, to my parents, maybe i wouldn't still be bothered at the age i'd legally be able to watch it now, hudur. doesn't help that my secondary education before coming to st doms was mightily depressing either
Rolo says:
all my life i'd really sort of.... avoiding saying chucky's name... :/ the line in the first harry potter film later in life "fear of the name only increases fear of the object itself" kinda struck me. anyways, fast forward to almost a week ago now, and i said it a few times to finally overcome this, so, recurring thoughts started, gararararra
Rolo says:
really it's just annoying and silly... i've always been realistic enough to understand "it's not real", but still get that sickening fearful feeling
Rolo says:
sorry for my rambling, this is just a life of bottled mental trauma, ha
Jared says:
hmmm, reminds me of how i always fear the unlikly occorance that i trip and taking my eye out on pointed corners
Rolo says:
aha, i guess we all have quirks
Rolo says:
from the scene of the skylight being smashed and killing the people below in their bath, walking under one always reminds me of that...
and when i refuel my car, of when he puts a burning rag down a police car's tank and it asplodes... don't think that'd happen irl mind, but ye, annoying again
Jared says:
D¦
Rolo says:
funny since, the movie never had any adverse effect to anyone else in the room, all same age as me. they were all talking about it at one time, arguing over the order the films go in
Jared says:
gee
Rolo says:
friends are chosen, family you just live with... prolly why i've never told my parents, and of friends, i've never had any as close as you
Jared says:
<3
Rolo says:
coming into secondary school, everyone started to act "grown up", complete asshats, sense as it makes really, but, i still wanted to play army or whatever... hey, i still would with a son
i've always been in a socially lacking position anyway, and my personality as i've grown has come to reflect that, i'm sort of adverse to meeting new people and stuff, you might've already gathered..
Jared says:
i never liked that role play stuff kids do
apart from a little bit of FF8, which i got bored of quickly, so i became evil and killed everyone
Rolo says:
ehh, these thoughts won't be going away mind... i've actually been thinking of going to the doctor about it
Jared says:
0:
Rolo says:
memory loss sounds like a blissful option... everything from before i was 14, which age i regard as the start of my meaningful life, gone. i haven't had a "good life" nor do i have a good memory, i just remember tangential or horrible things, really, so i wouldn't be at a loss as much as i'd feel a gain. all this might be from the details of my birth, heh, i suffered a bit of injury since i had to be forced out, hum.
Jared says:
o:
Rolo says:
and the injury was to my head... you know, this is another thing i've not been willing to talk about, although never had a reason not to. maybe since the ending scene of bride of chucky. bloody hell... so anyway yeah, it probably damaged my brain in some way, in fact, for how abnormal i am, i think it did, reading the line "you might have a mental illness" in threads about recurring thoughts, is another reason i think i should see a doctor... ..i've somewhat come to shun modern medicine as the source of the world's overpopulation, and, as i was also born with the umbilical cord around my neck, would've died if not for it, yet... yeah, just some big hypocrisy
Rolo says:
i might well end up feeling worse after speaking of everything, but my life is a long and depressing road, i've become emotionally numbed, no matter how many original characters i make i'm starting to realise, really, i'm lonely. so yeah, i want help, a lot of it, and tonight has been the start of that, i can only hope
Rolo says:
thanks for your patience, i think is all i can say... i feel like crying in happiness