Stupid emo rant incoming.
Okay, so a little history. My parents were both really poor up until around the time I started school. Things started to really turn around at that point, and I actually ended up having probably the best life of anyone I know. Things just kept getting better and better as I got older, until last year. I had a lot of problems in my last year of high school, and went from a 3.7 to a 3.1 GPA, and had to go through summer school, and by the time college came around I couldn't handle it anymore, so I didn't go. I honestly think I would have dropped out if I had gone, but instead, I ended up just sitting at home for a year, eventually realizing that my life was completely pointless, and at that point, I had no way of doing anything, until the next year rolls around, and I go to college. Well, it's almost time for school again, and I'm not going. So much crap happened that I just couldn't, not to mention that we have no way to pay for it.
First, we ran out of money, and our house was foreclosed, so we had to move in with my grandma in some crappy cold little town in the middle of nowhere. Then I discover that I'm Gay, and go through a really rough transition, that made me sick, and I basically didn't eat/sleep for a week. Still recovering from that. I just arrived at my grandma's house a few days ago, and my welcome was as follows: Graffiti on my grandma's house, witnessing a gang fight, 2 girls being raped and murdered down the street, it's obvious that most people working in fastfood places are on meth, street races every night outside my house that wake me up, and my friend telling me not to come out to anyone in this town, or I very likely may be killed for it (I actually have yet to see anyone who isn't white, and I obviously can't tell if anyone is Gay or not.) Not to mention the fact that I didn't get to take any of my furniture, and have no room for a TV/computer in this tiny little closet of a room. I'm sleeping on a tiny little bed that I can't even lay down on without my feet hanging off the edge, and I have absolutely no way of entertaining myself but forums/chat rooms on my laptop, and working out. (I actually have abs now >.>) I'm essentially in prison.
Because of all of this, I've had some thoughts of suicide, although I would never be able to actually do it, nor do I actually want to. As far as I know, I have no way of getting into a college at this point, though I sure hope you guys can prove me wrong on that point... I just want to get out of here, and start from scratch. Actually do something with my life. There's so many amazing things in the world that I haven't seen/done. In fact, I haven't seen/done any of them. That's how empty my life actually has been.
If you guys know of any way for a 19 year old with no money or work experience to move out into the world, as far away from this hell hole that I live in now (without joining the military), please tell me.
(Also, please don't link me to a suicide help site or anything. -.-)
