Your 14 year old sibling wants to have sex.

[Star-Lord]

@Moogles - Ignoring the fact you're being condescending and confrontational.

Lovin' this whole superiority thing with the passive aggressive jabs @ me being confrontational and condescending.

A key factor of this post is that we can't stop them, Nun pointed that out. I'm no saying we can stop younger people from having sex, I'm not even saying we definitely should. I'm saying that I personally believe that having sex at such a young age is a bad idea. Evidently my views are not the same as yours.

I don't actually think it's all that good of an idea either, but I also understand that it isn't my place to start making judgements about children who have sex at that age, nor do I think it would be my place to stop them. I also have an understanding that children have done this for a long time so I don't see why people turn it into a big deal. Don't care for it? I'm not advocating that anybody has to. It's just really funny watching so many people miss what I personally think is the larger point in the whole scheme.

As for whether or not people at that age possess the judgement for that sort of thing, most people at that age think more with hormones than with logic. If the opportunity for sex is there they'll take it without actually considering the consequences of their actions. I would hardly call that good judgement.

Yep, I don't think it's good judgement either. However people are going to make bad judgement calls in their life and grow from their mistakes, and I find that with something that (at least in western society) is as inconsequential as consensual sex... people need to start prioritizing and think outside their comfort zone, like was said the point of this thread was.

 

[gimmepie]

@Moogles - It's not a superiority thing, I wanted to make it clear that I'm not factoring any ill will or anything into my response.

It's not about being judgemental or controlling it's more like saying "well I personally think you're being an idiot but I can't stop you so I'll just do my best to educate you about the probable consequences of taking that course of action so I am fulfilling my role as your older sibling to look out for you."

 

[El Héroe Oscuro]

holy christ get over yourself

kids have always had sex this young this isn't a new thing

I understand that it isn't a new thing, but that doesn't mean I can't be upset about the condition of it. Yes, sex is a mutual agreement of endearment and should be done more often as it's a pleasurable, healthy act that benefits both parties; however, just in my personal opinion, I feel that a child at the age of 14 does not have the comprehension to fully understand what they are doing and the implications that it can possibly cause. They are still growing in a sexual way - hormones, puberty, etc. - so I don't feel that a person who has fully matured should be participating in such an act.

That's just my two cents.

 

[Honest]

This is good debate, keep it going kiddies.

Just don't kill each other, please.

 

[abnegation]

First of all, I'd like to step in and say to some of you guys who are getting hot headed about a discussion and other people's opinions; calm down. This is theoretical chat, not "who can I make look like an idiot by belittling their opinion".

Now, with that said, I work with kids and sexual health organisations, so I get questions from young people every week about how they should approach sex at a young age. All I can suggest is that they get educated before they do it, and cross reference that education with their reasoning for having sex, and whether they're ready or not. A lot of the time, consensual sex between minors is rare when it happens. There's often at least one party that comes out of it feeling hard done by. You see, the problem with a young girl having sex is that it's quite a different experience than what a boy would have. A boy has nothing to lose other than their virginity (assuming this is the first instance for both parties). A girl can go through a great deal of pain during their first sexual encounter, and she needs to be prepared to understand what is going to happen, and how it's a natural piece of the puzzle that is a sexually active lifestyle.

The notion that "all kids do it", is rather inaccurate, in fact, it's disproven. There are plenty of statistics to suggest that people wait until they are legal to have sex. And without going too far off the subject point; what has the action of others got to do with a theoretical situation that essentially is 100% down to the decision of a young girl? The only person's opinions and feelings you should be regarding in a situation like this are the ones of the person you're talking to. Whether or not Jimmy down the road had sex with 13 year old Mary, and Steven from Chester had sex with 50 girls before he was 18, and this is allll a common occurrence for minors; has zero relevance to the discussion and argument at hand to begin with. Again, the logic put forward in this thread is about advice giving to a young girl, the actions of others do not matter.

Now, if I'm convinced that she's ready and that this is a consensual act, then it'd make me feel a bit better. I personally think that young people should wait until they're a bit older, but you can't gauge someone's sexual experience and maturity by their age. It's just rare that a 14 year old has all the right assumptions when it comes to sex. Regardless of whether or not the girl is sure she wants to, I would inform her of all she's going to be experiencing and going through, in a biological and mental sense. After that, I would really talk to her about whether or not this is pressure or something she's built up to.

One major problem for young people who become sexually active is the aftermath, and what others can say about it. Of course, sex should be an act between two people in this society (at least at that age, haha), but I don't believe that word wouldn't get around. It's very easy for a young girl to get labeled with the wrong things, if she becomes sexually active at a young age, she's going to be one of the few realistically. I wouldn't want her to be called "Sally the Slapper" or something else crude that falls under the lines of a girl that gives it up too easy.

It's a delicate situation no matter what way you look at it, 99% of the time I would want a girl or boy of that age to perhaps wait another year or two. I've been sexually active with other females since the age of 15, and if I had the choice now, I would tell myself to wait another little while until the time was right. In saying all of this, I would rather my 14 year old sister have sex at that age if the timing is right and she's perfectly ready, than for her to do it years later and to have an extremely bad experience.

Also this suits Discussions & Debates more (sorry Andy!), so I'm gonna ship it over there.

Moved~

 

[Goo]

I'd tell her its her body and whatever she wants to do with it, is okay as long as she wants it.

I'd mention safety as well, but I think its most important as to why. I mean is it because everyone else is? Because she'd think she'd be cool? Because she wants to please her boyfriend/girlfriend? Or just because it feels good?

The reasons why are more important than the act and more important than trying to stop her.

The worst advice a parent ever gave me was when my mom told me I needed to sleep with my now husband fast so he wouldn't leave me. The first time I met him.

I sincerely and deeply regret taking her advice.

EDIT: I should say now, soon to be ex-husband. I knew it didn't feel right and I should have trusted my intuition.

 

[professor plum]

I'd explain to them the emotional as well as physical risks involved of having sex, and also the importance of safe sex. Knowledge is extremely important when making an adult decision.
There are ramifications that can occur at a young age, as previously mentioned - the aforementioned possibility of being labeled, for one.
But, I mean, at the end of the day, it's not my decision. I can only love and support them in their decision.

 

[Star-Lord]

The notion that "all kids do it", is rather inaccurate, in fact, it's disproven. There are plenty of statistics to suggest that people wait until they are legal to have sex.

If you're going to say stuff at least post #receipts like come on. It's sort of lazy to quote statistics exist and then not show them.

Not to mention the point wasn't "all kids do it" but rather that there have kids in older generations that have done the same thing and have been perfectly fine.

" You see, the problem with a young girl having sex is that it's quite a different experience than what a boy would have. A boy has nothing to lose other than their virginity (assuming this is the first instance for both parties). A girl can go through a great deal of pain during their first sexual encounter, and she needs to be prepared to understand what is going to happen, and how it's a natural piece of the puzzle that is a sexually active lifestyle."

The only problem I have with this is that it complete discounts gay youth and they need just as much sexual education as anybody else. Which isn't to say that you're wrong but rather you should be thinking about that as well (especially if you work with kids)

 

[Yukari]

If I had a sibling at my age who wanted to do this, I would preach to him about how we don't believe in having sex before marriage, the I would move on to how we also don't have sex under the age of consent, then I would end this sermon by telling him that is he went through with it I would hurt him, and I'm sure nobody on here doubts this.

But that's just me. And the thread points out that we can't stop them, -_-. If he wants to bring shame and disgrace on the entire family, fine, If he wants to be disowned and rejected by me, fine, that's his choice, but I will do everything in my power to persuade him not to. If all else fails, I will disown my own sibling.

 

[abnegation]

If you're going to say stuff at least post #receipts like come on. It's sort of lazy to quote statistics exist and then not show them.

Not to mention the point wasn't "all kids do it" but rather that there have kids in older generations that have done the same thing and have been perfectly fine.

Forgive my lack of citation, but I wasn't intending on being lazy so there's no need to get antsy. It takes a quick Google search to find these statistics. I'll add those in a moment. Again, I agree with you, plenty of people have had sex at a young age and have grown up exceedingly fine. However, it's not uncommon for the young mind to treat sexual acts with a sense of liberty without caution. You are a proponent of sexual education yourself, and currently the issue with sex education is that it's not taught enough, and not in-depth enough. This is why it takes younger people a lot longer to develop the understanding. However in saying that, laws aren't always just put in place to protect a child's innocence. Honestly, Governments couldn't give a hoot about the ethics of how consensual sex may affect a minor; they're put in place because of genetics. Sexual interaction (excluding certain things like oral sex) can affect sexual growth. On average, girls tend to finish their puberty stage between the ages of 15-17^{1 2 3}. So while we're quite frequently debating the morality of the act here, there is also the physical side that is easily overlooked. Males develop completely between the ages of 16-17 on average, but often more care needs to be taken to ensure that a female has completely gone through puberty before having sex, as she won't be sexually mature. That is a concern a lot of countries have in regards to their consensual laws.

As for citation on statistics of the average age in which people have sex in first world countries, well I'll post up some of those below and add the references:
UK/Ireland: 17-18 (age of consent: 16/17)
United States: 18 (age of consent: 15-18 depending on state)
Canada: 18.1 (age of consent: 16)
Spain: 16.2 (age of consent: 13)
Scandinavia: 16.3 (age of consent: 15-16)
Russia: 18.7 (age of consent: 16)
Australia: 17.9 (age of consent: 16)

References:
http://chartsbin.com/view/xxj (you can note further references in which they note on that page also)

In fairness, some of those statistics are out of date to a degree. Some European countries have a much lower age of consent, and average age in which people lose their virginity. Netherlands, Germany, and Iceland being a few. Interestingly, the average age in which people begin to have sex in Germany is at 15, while the age of consent is actually 14. Again, my point was that on average people tend to wait until they are of age by law. As seen above by the examples I gave, the average age of people losing their virginity is higher than the consensual law in each case.

The only problem I have with this is that it complete discounts gay youth and they need just as much sexual education as anybody else. Which isn't to say that you're wrong but rather you should be thinking about that as well (especially if you work with kids)

Again, I'm answering the topic at hand, to which I assumed that we weren't talking about male homosexual groups. But yes, of course the male species would also need just as much education. If I was speaking to a homosexual male or female about sex, I would also provide them with all the information I could before they embark in the act.

 

[Puddle]

My fourteen year old sibling in this scenario is a guy.
He's an edgy 14 year old and he's having sex with a college chick.
I don't give him advice. I give him a high five for being awesome.

 

[PokemonLeagueChamp]

There's nothing you can do to change their mind or convince them otherwise; so don't even bother trying.

What advice do you give to them?

Nothing I can do to change their mind? Well, that's fine and dandy. That just means I use less subtle methods, like physically keeping them from carrying out their plan(whether that entails shutting them in their room, physical fight, etc), telling me parents, and/or convincing their apparent planned partner that they're no longer interested.

Getting real tired of kids having sex at 15 and under like this is the 1100's.

 

[Star-Lord]

Forgive my lack of citation, but I wasn't intending on being lazy so there's no need to get antsy. It takes a quick Google search to find these statistics. I'll add those in a moment. Again, I agree with you, plenty of people have had sex at a young age and have grown up exceedingly fine. However, it's not uncommon for the young mind to treat sexual acts with a sense of liberty without caution. You are a proponent of sexual education yourself, and currently the issue with sex education is that it's not taught enough, and not in-depth enough. This is why it takes younger people a lot longer to develop the understanding. However in saying that, laws aren't always just put in place to protect a child's innocence. Honestly, Governments couldn't give a hoot about the ethics of how consensual sex may affect a minor; they're put in place because of genetics. Sexual interaction (excluding certain things like oral sex) can affect sexual growth. On average, girls tend to finish their puberty stage between the ages of 15-17^{1 2 3}. So while we're quite frequently debating the morality of the act here, there is also the physical side that is easily overlooked. Males develop completely between the ages of 16-17 on average, but often more care needs to be taken to ensure that a female has completely gone through puberty before having sex, as she won't be sexually mature. That is a concern a lot of countries have in regards to their consensual laws.

As for citation on statistics of the average age in which people have sex in first world countries, well I'll post up some of those below and add the references:
UK/Ireland: 17-18 (age of consent: 16/17)
United States: 18 (age of consent: 15-18 depending on state)
Canada: 18.1 (age of consent: 16)
Spain: 16.2 (age of consent: 13)
Scandinavia: 16.3 (age of consent: 15-16)
Russia: 18.7 (age of consent: 16)
Australia: 17.9 (age of consent: 16)

References:
http://chartsbin.com/view/xxj (you can note further references in which they note on that page also)

In fairness, some of those statistics are out of date to a degree. Some European countries have a much lower age of consent, and average age in which people lose their virginity. Netherlands, Germany, and Iceland being a few. Interestingly, the average age in which people begin to have sex in Germany is at 15, while the age of consent is actually 14. Again, my point was that on average people tend to wait until they are of age by law. As seen above by the examples I gave, the average age of people losing their virginity is higher than the consensual law in each case.

Cool so I basically agree with you. Sorry for sounding "antsy" it just sort of grounded my gears.

Again, I'm answering the topic at hand, to which I assumed that we weren't talking about male homosexual groups. But yes, of course the male species would also need just as much education. If I was speaking to a homosexual male or female about sex, I would also provide them with all the information I could before they embark in the act.

This isn't meant to be rude but do you think that this is indicative of a societal wide issue if our first thought of sex education/this topic in our mind exclusively goes to heterosexual people and discounts the homosexual population? O:

 

[abnegation]

This isn't meant to be rude but do you think that this is indicative of a societal wide issue if our first thought of sex education/this topic in our mind exclusively goes to heterosexual people and discounts the homosexual population? O:

Nah, neither of my siblings are homosexual so I was, in a way, replying the topic quite literally. A lot of what I said applies to any set of genders during sex though. Safety is a priority mentally and physically, be it homosexual or heterosexual, the stance I would hold with my siblings would to be that they're sure what they're getting involved in and if it's what they really want. A personal generalisation for me would be to say that I would rather people waited until roughly the age of 16 before having sex, but their experience and maturity allow leeway for them to do it younger/older. It depends on how learned and comfortable the person I'm advising is, but I've personally always found 16 onwards to be a decent plateau for having sex for the first time.

 

[Shining Raichu]

OK, a lot of you still seem to be missing the point.

Your 14 year old sibling is going to have sex. There is nothing you, your parents, the SWAT team, or anybody else can do to stop them. Stop trying to stop them, it's going to happen either way.

Putting your feelings about underage sex aside, you love them and want this scenario to work out in the best way for them. What advice do you give them.

Wait a minute who the hell moved this I didn't authorise that.

 

[Nihilego]

OK, a lot of you still seem to be missing the point.

Your 14 year old sibling is going to have sex. There is nothing you, your parents, the SWAT team, or anybody else can do to stop them. Stop trying to stop them, it's going to happen either way.

Putting your feelings about underage sex aside, you love them and want this scenario to work out in the best way for them. What advice do you give them.

But why limit the discussion to that? I think it's getting really interesting as it is.

...so ignoring that (8D), I don't consider it my place at all to try and dictate what anyone, even my own sibling, does with their body. They wanna have sex? Cool. Be safe, make sure your partner's okay with it too, and have fun. It'll probably suck (I know it did for me on my first time) but it's gonna happen at some stage, so go for it. I don't really see much potential for deep emotional scarring or physical harm (provided they're safe of course) with losing it young so... yeah. Why not, really. It doesn't impact me in any way at all, so I don't see it as my business. But maybe I just feel this way because I lost it pretty young and everything was fine for me, so I guess I'm kinda biased.

I... was gonna write a tl;dr here but I don't even feel I need to, haha. That pretty much sums it up for me. If I am gonna stick rigidly to the topic here and say what advice I'd give them... idk. The obvious, really. Be safe, make sure your partner's cool with it, don't let yourself get taken advantage of, have fun.

 

[Shining Raichu]

Because this thread was made in a different section with a different purpose. It wasn't meant to be a discussion, it was designed to see if people could put their feelings aside given a scenario and act in their best interests anyway.

And at that, you've all failed spectacularly. So go ahead, have your discussion.

 

[Puddle]

Because this thread was made in a different section with a different purpose. It wasn't meant to be a discussion, it was designed to see if people could put their feelings aside given a scenario and act in their best interests anyway.

And at that, you've all failed spectacularly. So go ahead, have your discussion.

My feelings were clearly said with a high five.
And if my sibling was a girl and she got pregnant
It better either be a
boy or abortion
I'll just punch her in the stomach
I'll tell her it's okay and we will get through this.
not

Seriously, people have sex at 14 now. With Birth Control and Condoms and Pulling out, they probably won't get pregnant.

And even without all that. It's a 12% Chance!

Will-o-wisp has like an 80% chance, and I never hit with it! They'd be fine.

 

[PokemonLeagueChamp]

I don't see how it's remotely possible for there to be a way for underaged sex to "work out in the best way". The premise here seems flawed, as few people are just going to be willing to go along with it and specifically describe to 14 year olds who are basically still children the best ways to repsonsibly prepare for sex and have no reservation or problems in doing so. Nobody's mature enough at 14. The fact that even supposedly-matured adults tend to have issues when it comes to responsible sex should come as a big warning sign.

Frankly, I think this speaks to a society that's gotten, as a whole, way too over sexualized. However, that will be a discussion for a different day.

 

[CoffeeDrink]

You could of course just kill them but that might get you in trouble, Koff~

Anyways, this entire thread seems to have a couple issues trying to define exactly what it's all about or what it's supposed to do. I'll just say that kids these days need a little bit more discipline. If I tried any funny business (backtalk, bad behavior, belligerent attitudes, etc.) I got a smack. I earned those smacks, and I'm a better person because of it. No threat of reprisal means no consequences, and I feel that's what a lot of kids today have. That's discipline in general. Shouldn't really punish kids for bangin' each other, koffi~

To Link, poor editor: You edited a little piece of work out, effectively deleting it. You could have notified me (usually that would be regulatory procedure) but alas, you half-assed your job. Fine, I accept that it was 'off topic' (may not be far off, as killing someone effectively stops them from doing anything every again) and perhaps a little to grotesque for some palettes. But what I cannot accept is that, not only did you delete most of my work, you also managed to do that poorly as well, making me look like an idiot with '[/C0l0R]' at the end of the post. And you also deleted Koff~ from the beginning of the post, which may seem silly to some, but I hold this as very important to me. You've actually proven to me that I must check up on my own work and correct it for those that have forcefully corrected my work, nice going. Very poor form, Link. I'll have to keep an eye on you, koff~