Your 14 year old sibling wants to have sex.

[Sir Codin]

If there's no stopping them, then there's no stopping them.

Let them ♥♥♥♥ up (literally) and learn from it. Although I'll still say "be sure to use condoms."

 

[£]

itt: PC is more interested in disciplining 14 year olds over their sexual preferences than most world issues.

Maybe if we treated more important things with the fervour that everyone seems to have when it comes to cockblocking 14 year olds, we might have a better time of things. If their minds are set, neglecting them or giving them strife for it is NOT going to help. What kind of family or friend does that? A truly decent and respectable thing to do is to be there for them even if they seem to be ridiculous in what they're doing.

It does seem like a lot of people here feel bitter towards the idea that they've reached an age they feel uncomfortable with not having sex at; and this insecurity seems to manifest itself in the form of maybe envy at people having sex at a younger age? Won't name any names. Won't point any fingers. You know who you are.

All I can say is that if you're trusted by your sibling/friend/whatever to know what's going on in the first place, don't waste that trust, be there for them. And if you're a ♥♥♥♥, they could be having sex without you even knowing about it. Why would they tell someone if they were a ♥♥♥♥ about it, eh?

Is there backstory behind this post? Yes. Is it story time? No. I think I'll leave it there.

 

[Alexander Nicholi]

It's rather awkward for me to have a reputable and non-biased outlook in lieu of the discussion that has happened to "appear", being merely 16 and all; instead I'll resort to answering what Andy had in mind.

I have a 12-year-old sister, who by is no means going to be doing any sort of that stuff (due to her physique and social awkwardness), however I will not stray from the prompt. Her and some guy want to get it on and there's no stopping them (again, this is really hard for me to imagine, as I myself am a thousand times more likely to dabble in such matters), I would probably take the liberty of riding my mountain bike to Walgreen's (or wherever sells it, idk if it's like... eh), buy some birth control and a pack of condoms, pop a can of cherry coke and tell her to take one before she does anything serious.

 

[gimmepie]

@Lucky Hax

I think it is an interesting point you have made that may or may not be true of a lot of people, but it's kind of narrow minded to assume that is the most major reason. There are a lot of factors involved in this perspective like religious views, upbringing, the law, societal pressures.

It certainly is not the reason for me. I'm a virgin and have no shame admitting it, I'm waiting for someone. I think it's a bad idea simply because I have seen this sort of thing end up badly time and time again, because I know about the risks both physical and mental and I don't want anyone upsetting themselves or harming themselves over something as insignificant as having sex. I'm not saying they shouldn't take part in other sexual acts, I know I did, and I am certainly not saying they shouldn't have relationships. I'm just saying that it seems kind of stupid to me, to risk emotional and physical harm by rushing into sex when there are much more important aspects of a relationship to focus on (assuming that the sibling in this scenario is planning to have sex with a boyfriend/girlfriend and not some random).

But as the scenario explicitly states that we cannot stop them, it's as simple as
"I think it's a bad idea, but make sure you're safe and prepared for any consequences".

It could potentially end out fine. Nobody gets syphilis, nobody get's pregnant they either have sex and continue to date for a long time or break up not too long after with no regrets. It could also work out very badly though, people put a lot of importance on virginity (or the lack thereof) and to have sex with someone only to break up a month later can really hurt some people. I think that it is important to think with your head as well as your genitals when it comes to having sex, especially when you're at a young age with everything to lose.

 

[Dakotah]

As someone who has been sexually active since age 12, I would have to be the biggest hypocrite around to try and tell a sibling that he or she shouldn't have sex at age 14. The chances of me getting someone pregnant is about as remote as winning the lottery (I don't play the lottery). So for me then, the concern would be STDs. If my sibling did confide in me that they wished to be sexually active, then my advice to them would simply be to be safe.

 

[Star-Lord]

Consent.

Consent. Consent. Consent.

I know it shouldn't have to be outrightly said because it's sort of a common sense thing, but if someone confides in you that they want to have sex and they're not educated please tell them about consent laws. I read through this thread and I saw mention of safe sex a lot, but nothing about consent. I don't think they're two concepts that necessarily intertwine (also it's nobody's fault because we've been slammed with SAFE SEX IS #1 THOUGHT so much) but it's just as important if not more important!

 

[antemortem]

Consent.

Consent. Consent. Consent.

I know it shouldn't have to be outrightly said because it's sort of a common sense thing, but if someone confides in you that they want to have sex and they're not educated please tell them about consent laws. I read through this thread and I saw mention of safe sex a lot, but nothing about consent. I don't think they're two concepts that necessarily intertwine (also it's nobody's fault because we've been slammed with SAFE SEX IS #1 THOUGHT so much) but it's just as important if not more important!

Regardless of the associating factors, safe sex should always be a prime point, even if not the most important. However, consent is definitely one of the more prominent as it varies by state/province/country, etc. As for allowing your sibling to run off and have sex at 14, it's more harmful to them to say "absolutely not" than to educate them on the consequences of their actions for a) not abiding by consent laws and b) not practicing safe sex so offering knowledge that they can hopefully convert to wisdom to not make choices they will regret is the only thing I, or anyone, should hope to do.

 

[twocows]

That's a tough question. I think in the end, the only thing you can definitely say will help is to make sure they're protecting themselves (and not just sexually, though that is important; might want to carry pepper spray in case the situation starts changing for the much worse).

Honestly, I would just tell my parents. 14 years old is way too young for people to start having sex in my opinion. I understand that the sibling wouldn't listen to me, but parents bring a foreboding atmosphere that would hopefully ultimately convince him or her otherwise. Plus, I believe this age is right before the "rebellious" age of the teenage mind, so I believe on a psychological level that the sibling would be pretty understanding of the parents.

It's tough love really, but necessary love.

Be careful with that. It's hard to earn back someone's trust. And in the end, there's no guarantee that telling your parents will help in this case. They probably won't be able to stop it, and then there's the question of do they even need to? It'll also probably sour things between your parents and your sibling (though that may well happen anyway if they find out on their own after the fact).

Like I said, it's a tough question. Do what you must, but always be mindful of the consequences.

 

[Esper]

I would take both my hypothetical sib and their partner to get them tested. I'd get tested, too, just to show them there's nothing wrong with being safe. My secret hope, of course, would be to get them to reconsider based on all the information I'd push their way, but if that's against the rules of the scenario I'd also do whatever I could to make sure that they were at my place or I was at my sib's (a.k.a. my parents') place when it happened. I know that sounds kind of weird and creepy, and I don't mean I'd want to be close enough to overhear things, but I'd want to be there in case of anything and I'd want my sib to know that I'd be there for support. Or, if that wouldn't fly, I'd want to make sure there was someone I trusted around.

What I'd really want to do is to kill the mood with education and make sex seem unsexy. If I had any authority or leeway I'd try to make my sib start doing their own laundry and all other kinds of chores with the whole you're-an-adult-now schtick. The chores thing I'd want to do not as some kind of punishment, but because I'd hope it would resonate in a more meaningful way than just telling them that there are consequences. Even people in their 20s regularly ignore possible life-changing consequences when it comes to sex. I just would want to get through to them that it's not all fun and games.

 

[Taemin]

I'd probably tell them that no matter what protection they use, or whether the girl is on birth control or not, there's always a risk there that she could end up pregnant. They can't just huff it off as "That won't happen to us", because oh yes it can. -w- If that's not enough to convince someone who's still basically a child to not have sex, then they're gonna have to learn from their own mistakes. In the end, I'd be there for them regardless, because they're my sibling.

 

[Kanzler]

I would take both my hypothetical sib and their partner to get them tested. I'd get tested, too, just to show them there's nothing wrong with being safe. My secret hope, of course, would be to get them to reconsider based on all the information I'd push their way, but if that's against the rules of the scenario I'd also do whatever I could to make sure that they were at my place or I was at my sib's (a.k.a. my parents') place when it happened. I know that sounds kind of weird and creepy, and I don't mean I'd want to be close enough to overhear things, but I'd want to be there in case of anything and I'd want my sib to know that I'd be there for support. Or, if that wouldn't fly, I'd want to make sure there was someone I trusted around.

What I'd really want to do is to kill the mood with education and make sex seem unsexy. If I had any authority or leeway I'd try to make my sib start doing their own laundry and all other kinds of chores with the whole you're-an-adult-now schtick. The chores thing I'd want to do not as some kind of punishment, but because I'd hope it would resonate in a more meaningful way than just telling them that there are consequences. Even people in their 20s regularly ignore possible life-changing consequences when it comes to sex. I just would want to get through to them that it's not all fun and games.

ugh but sex would be so much more fun when you're feeling sexy and now you're just being a big cockblocker hmmph

the testing thing is scary. i hope never to test for STDs. that's pretty off-putting imo and will kill their libido for the next little while.

 

[Esper]

ugh but sex would be so much more fun when you're feeling sexy and now you're just being a big cockblocker hmmph

the testing thing is scary. i hope never to test for STDs. that's pretty off-putting imo and will kill their libido for the next little while.

Well, in the context of this scenario they're doing it regardless so this seems like the best approach. Plus, if you can't handle the idea of getting tested - which in my mind means accepting the possibility that you're not invincible or immune to bad things happening to you - you're probably living in a fantasy and shouldn't be doing things that could have large consequences down the road.

 

[Eevee3]

I'd want to know who her boyfriend is or if she's just deciding to screw some random guy. >_>

14 is pretty young and having it be my own sister bothers me for some reason...
It's none of my business really, but I still wouldn't stay quiet about it. >_<

I'd probably tell my parents and ask them to deal with her since she's not my child. But if that's not an option, I'd definitely tell her to use a condom and I'd tell her the risks of getting pregnant and STDs.

 

[BatsyDarling]

Give them a pack of condoms, tell them not to mess up, wish them luck and if all goes wrong, I knew nothing.

 

[acatfrommars]

Go for it! You need a condom? sure I'll buy you one, just don;t do anything you may regret later on. If he has his mind set on it, then who am I to try have him change his mind? It's not like sex is a bad thing. One of our main goals in life is to procreate; however, he better be wearing a condom because 14 is too young to have a kid unless you can support it.

 

[Struggler]

Prepare for any harsh consequences, because you're making them very likely to occur with your misguided impatience

 

[Azu]

I would probably tell her to wait and give her my opinion about it.
But knowing her she probably wouldn't even listen to me anyways.
The biggest problem would be my mom being .. maybe kinda angry?
Then again she wasn't mad with me my first time -but maybe it helps to say that I was 17-.

 

[Aeroblast]

Well, if there is nothing I can do, then there's nothing I can do? Though I would say I'm not going to help you if you get pregnant or get someone pregnant.

 

[droomph]

I would probably look upon them with shame, but I wouldn't make them feel bad about it directly. It's their choice to accept my shame looks <3

But if you decide to ignore my disappointmentstares, I really don't mind going out and helping you buy some appropriate materials (although being me, I would be just as confused about the condoms and lube and stuff).

However I would also not be too afraid to ask "are you sure?" and discussing if this is just a "let me put my dick in you" g/bf or "I will be there forever and we will tell everyone how I married my third grade love" g/bf

(again not trying to change their mind but just to tell them trufax)

 

[Sonata]

I would just sit and stare at them slowly moving from a straight face to an "are you ♥♥♥♥ing kidding me" face. Then I'd probably tell them that they're ♥♥♥♥ing retarded and that something will probably ♥♥♥♥ up and they or their partner could get pregnant and then they'll be ♥♥♥♥ed because it's hard as hell to take care of a kid when you aren't even old enough to get a job. I've been in that position before and for like a month I was worried because she started showing and then I did something very very bad and no more worries about being a daddy. But anyways, I'd make sure they had male and female condoms and that they had spermicide and lube and everything to make sure they take every precaution to not get pregnant or make someone else pregnant.