View Full Version : The crystal League

Fearless Love
February 26th, 2008, 9:16 PM
This is my first try so please comment.
Chapter one:Runnaway girls
"Get back here you two"officer jenny yelled.The two girls looked back for a moment but kept running.One of them had moon-colored white hair,she had on a blue tanktop and purple shorts.Her name was Crystal.The second one had long black hair that she had mostly down with the front sides up.Also,she had on a tank orange blouse and jeen shorts,her name is Emma.

Emma and Crystal had just turned thirteen and got their first pokemon.They were extreamly exited and got a little carried away.As they ran Emma began to think about what had happened.

*Flashback of earily this morning*

Beep,beep,beep.Emma reached up to turn her alarm clock off."Ugh"she groaned as she got out of bed.She ran down stairs."Mom i'm going to take a shower if crystal shows up tell her to wait up"emma called to her mom.Next,she ran to the closet and pulled out a green and yellow towl,and turned on the shower.

After she got out her hair was still soaked.She ran her fingers through her hair just enough to untangle it,then but it in it's pony tails.Rushing outside she nearly pumped into a tree.Then,she grabbed her bike and rode down to crystals house.It was a beautiful day today.There were no clouds in the sky and the sun could be seen perfectly,though it hadn't raised all the way since it was only 7:00AM.

Heading to crystals house was always enjoyable for emma.Mainly because it was the only place her mother trusted her to go alone.Crystal was one of those people you would call a troublemaker.Always doing something to get you on the notty list.Emma's mother really didn't like crystal but since she was emma's only friend besides Zack manson,so she didn't care."Zack"emma mumbled under her breath.he had moved away last summer with his dad because his parents couldn't get along.

Soon emma reached her friends house.It was a rather new looking house.With the colors of green and pink on it,which emma and crystal reacentl painted.She nocked on the door and then entered,knowing the people who lived there wouldn't care.The stairs were covered with a blue rug.emma entered crystal's room with wide eyes."Crystal,what happened in here it's a total disaster"emma asked trying not to step on the molded sanwhich(eww).

Crystal walked over to her friend and smile."I swiched rooms with my enoying little brother,justin,so come on"crystal answered leading emma to a room across the hall.The room looked a lot nicer then the one she had previously been in.On the walls were thousands of bunny's,so manny you couldn't see the wallpaper.The moon haired girl grabbed what she needed and the two dashed out.

When they reached Profeser ranwoods lab and stopped."About time"crystal muttered.
Once they parked their bikes they walked inside.They found the profeser talking to two other men."Excuse us,we're here for our pokemon"crystal announced sounding pretty impatient.Pr.Ranwood walked over to them a big smile on his face.For a profeser he was really young,about 26."yes,well follow me"he said.'what's he so exited about'emma asked herself.

After walking for a few minutes they reached a small room.In it were five pokemon.The three of them walked up to the little creachers and ubserved them."You choises for pokemon companion's are Eevee,Skitty,Pichu,corsola,or whismur"ranwood nitoduced the pokemon.The two stood watching the pokemonfor a few minutes.Crystal didn't have to think about it long,she knew just what she wanted.

"I'll take corsola,and if you don't mind i'd like to nickname it Nelly"crystal decided.The black haired,one the other hannd was having a very hard time diciding.she closed her eyes trying to think.Then,she felt something tug on her blouse.When she looked over it was eevee.That made emma's face light up as she picked up eevee.No one had to say a word,at least until emma said,"I'll name you cascet,after my dog"emma announced.

Emma and crystal thanked the profeser and left.Since they had already said goodbye to their parents and packed their stuff they were ready to leave."How about we let the pokemon out"emma sudgested.Both threw their pokeballs in the air."Go Cascet"."Come out Nelly".The little pokemon stared out at their masters happily.Not long after,nelly began running fast tords the forrest.Breathlessly the two girls and cascet followed.

Unfortunetly,Emma didn't see nelly stopped and bumped into someone."Oh i'm so sorry"emma said.The kid shook his head."no it's my fault.I'm derek"he said extending his hand.Emma looked at him and smiled."I'm emma,that's my pokemon casket,my friend crystal,and her pokemon nelly"emma quoted herself.Derek laughed at what she said for a minute but then stopped."How funny Crystal Minutsu,your family is who gave this league it's name"he said laughing.He looked at her with a funny look on his face.

"What's up.seems like somethings on your mind"crystal asked pulling her fingers through her hair.Derek really seemed to be thinking.though he didn't speak,which got on crystals neves.She reached out and pulled on his arm looking impatantly at him.He shoved he off finnaly ready to speak."Ok,ok,calm down.Look I need some help.my old house is looking really bad and I need help painting it"he answered hopefully.Both emma and crystal nodded and returned their pokemon.

"Wow derek slow down I can't run that fast"emma called.When he stopped both emma and crystal bumped into him.Luckily that didn't have to run anymore because they were there.He handed both of the girls a paint brush and a bucket of paint."Just be creative as long as it's not dull"derek instructed.They nodded and got to work.About an hour later emma heard something.she didn't say anything figuting it was nothing.

Then all three of them turned around when they saw a police vehicle.Wait derek was gone!He left them to get in trouble.Emma was furiouse at what had happened and was going to explaine when crystal pulled on her arm."Let's go,they won't listen if we explain"crystal said sternly.The other girl nodded.Then they both began running,emma running hesitantly.

*End of Flashback*

Crystal bumped emma out of her flashback and into reality."Hurry jump behind the bush"crystal comanded.They did just then and landed with a thud.Emma was about to speak when crystal hushed her."Where'd they go"officer jenny cried.Then the officers moived away.The White haired girl sighed a sigh of relief."ow"emma said.She looked over to see a boy about their age and a pikachu.He looked at them."Hi I'm Ash Ketchun from pallet town and this is pikachu"ash introed.

The two intoduced themselfs and their pokemon.Then a blast came out smoke covered the area.it was team rocket."ugh I know about them.Hey don't you dare say that moto it's very suckish"crystal called.but they said it anyway.(i didn't know the motto very well so I won't write it!)Team Rocket grabbed Pikachu and began to brag about it."Casket jump ontop of nelly"emma demanded.The opposite girl looked confusinly at emma before realizing what was going on."Ok nelly now shoot casket up with water gun"crystal ordered.

Once Casket was in the air emma gave out a comand."Ok now shadow claw"emma shouted.Casket attacked the baloon with it's claw.And before it went flying grabbed pikachu and landed on the ground.Both of the girls returned their pokemon and led ash to profeser ranwoods office,making sure not to run into the police.

"Hello you must be ash.Oh hello to you emma, crystal"ranwood said happily.The profser gave ash,crystal,and emma a pokeball.But they weren't like the other pokeballs.Each one had a certaine pokemon in it.Ash's ball was blue on the top with a grass symbol.Emma's was purple and had a phycic symbol.And last but not least crystals was a clear crystal like color with a moon on the front."Now don't let the pokemon out yet,you won't be able to.At the right time the pokemon shal let you release it"the profeser explained.

Then,emma had an Idea."Ash are you doing the gyms"emma asked.He smiled and pikachu jumped into emma's arms."Well yeah you"he answered asking the question back.She aparently had to think for a moment."Yeah.I'm doing gyms and contests"emma exlaimed.Crystal crossed her arms over her chest as both ash and emma looked at her.It was obviouse they wanted crystals opion."I'm just going to do contest"she said straitly.

Emma walked over to crystal ans whispered something."what do you think"emma asked.First,the other girl nodded and emma walked in front of ash.He was no staring at her with a strange look on his face."hey ash since we're all going in the same direction why don't we travel together"crystal asked from behind him.Ash seemed to make up his mind quickly."sure sounds great"he said.

Crystal and Emma cheered.Hopefully things would be really great if they traveled with him.So all four of them walked off on their way to sanbur town.
Next chapter
The missing corordenator
Ash,crystal,and Emma are on their way to sandbur town when they're attacked by a mysteriouse pokemon!when they wake up Emma's missing.and now a mysteriose guy comes along.Why is he here?Where did the pokemon come from and what is it?Where is emma?And will they find her before it's too late?

Fearless Love
March 11th, 2008, 5:47 PM
I'll be posting again soon if you want.Does anyone like it?

March 11th, 2008, 11:08 PM

~Lack of Detail/Description
In writing, you should "Show, not tell"
Since I'm lazy, I'll just link you to a Brainpop video :p
http://www.brainpop.com/english/writing/shownottell/preview.weml <<< This can help. while you're there, why not check out some other videos?

~LOTS of misspelled words
Use spell check, a dictionary, and maybe a thesaurus...

I'm not trying to be mean. I acctually think this has a good plot! but the acctuall writing really does need improvement...

Fearless Love
March 15th, 2008, 7:43 PM
Well thanks.I guess I'm just better at my Naruto Fan-fictions.And I know I'm not the best at spelling,really I'm just posting something I wrote when I was Elevin but I'll do better.Thanks again.

June 26th, 2010, 7:50 PM
Great story Rik.I like it but I'm not good with telling people what is wrong so I can't tell u that but I like the basic idea.

June 27th, 2010, 10:37 AM
Don't bump threads that are over a month old in this section unless you are the author. Double-check the rules.

Thread closed.