:D! ...no, just :(. And :( is bad.

So, promotions today! Normally, I'm super excited. I'm usually bouncing off the walls and stuff. Because, omg, orange! Fresh meat! Happy faces all around!

Today, I look at the names and go "...meh."

It's not that they're bad choices. Not at all. Hell, I like Went. But... I just can't get excited at all. I can't squee about it. I can't be happy for them. I just... can't care.

I think it's a combination of things.

1. The week. It's just been exhausted the past two days. I want nothing more to sleep for a good 10 hours right now, but I have a response to type again... I'm tired, and when I'm tired, I'm cranky and mood and ugh. I do a lot of stupid things when I'm running on little sleep.
2. I'm still adjusting to not being staff. This means, you know, having jack for input. I know nothing. It's still hard, not knowing what's going on. Like, Audy posted twice, "I could tell you why you're good s-mods but you'll see in the HQ thread." When you've been on the staff for close to three years, do you know how hard it is, to be told you can't see anything? I want to yell at Audy right now, srsly D;
   It's just so hard to be on the outside looking in after being on the other side for so long. Really, it's the thing I have to adjust to most.
3. This break. It's a great instant relief, knowing that I have no responsibilities to PC other than to follow the rules. That I like. But the main reason I left was to calm down. It just isn't happening. There's been a few things that I've just been mad about. (One of them I feel terrible, becuase I might've been able to do something if I'd still been on staff!) This break just isn't working that well as I'd thought. It's only been a week and a half, so it really can't have changed me that much, can it?
   Then again, me being upset about the staff ruined Audy's s-mod promotion for me, too.
4. I would've preferred other mods as s-mods. Although really, I would've been outvoted anyway.

I just want to cry. Over PC. PC!

SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH.

Here's hoping I'll get over myself over the weekend. Which will be Sunday, unless I get to bed early Friday night. I have to get up early to go grocery shopping. D: SIIIIIIIGH again.

I'm such a sad person.

EDIT: Yeah, I'm stupid. No right to complain when I put this on myself. I'm sorry to infect you like that, PC. But I can't grow if I'm not torn apart every once in awhile, either.

There's not enough *headdesk* in the world for tonight. That's what I get for opening that mouth again.

Well um.. I'm sorry? D: I was just exciting about those two getting to participate in HQ stuff, I wanted to nudge them towards it. I really didn't mean it badly, or to upset anyone or make anyone feel left out.

Honestly though, I think it's silly to want to yell at me over this. If you wanted to see the threads, just ask for your spot back now. You DID ask for this temporary leave, to clear your head and everything, and now you're upset about not being able to see staff stuff? It really makes no sense to me.

If it's a big issue just ask for your spot back ahead of schedule. Not like people would say no or something.

Audy, I think she was just implying that she couldn't see anything and your effort to nudge the mods just edged her a bit, she wouldn't honestly yell at you. She's obviously stressed, so yeah, I don't think she was really going to yell at you. XD;

Samsam, you know what I think. I hope things work out for you.

@ Audy -- I imagine so. You've never struck me as the person to go intentionally rub it in people's faces that OMGI'MSMODANDSEESPECIALFORUMSMUAHAHA! I'm just saying... that's how I felt at the time.
Sorry I kind of pointed fingers at you there. It wasn't smart. >> I didn't really WANT to complain to you, but yeah, posting about did anyway. lol i r smrt, amirite? <<;;

Why does getting upset over not seeing the mod sections not make sense? I don't know, was I not clear? Or is it just that stupid to be frustrated over what you can't have?
I was trying to figure out why I was upset. Is it stupid? I think so. I want the break, and that means giving everything up. It's such a minor issue to get so worked up about, too. But I can't just say it wasn't a factor, either. That'd be lying to myself.

Also, I'd rather not come back early. I'm never going to learn if I give in. >_>

I'll adjust.

Uh, 'scuse me? It was your choice to take a demoted LoA. So if you're going to gripe and complain about staff decisions made when you were gone, just get over it.

And it's not fair to Audy to get mad at him over something as trivial as that. Like I said, it was your own decision to go off staff, so you have to live with it.

The whole point of you taking a LoA was to get your mind clear of staff stress. If you're just going to do this and get all moody and pissy when things happen that you don't like because you didn't get a say, what was the point? o_O

Isn't that obvious? None.

Give me time, Mork.

Also, I'm stupid. You knew that, though. Are you really that surprised?

Even if you decide to take a break from being on the staff, it's difficult to actually calm your thoughts and fears when you see people promoted, and other people acting what you may perceive to be unintentionally patronising about it, isn't that one of those things you wanted to get over eventually, and thought having a break might aid in that goal?

I don't believe there was any real pressure mounted onto you when you took your break. Perhaps contemplation over the way things have changed and your jadedness towards positions and wanting positions, which from what I've seen, have done nothing but embitter yourself toward those who haven't even done anything against you. Contemplating tends to inflict that sort of injustice, when you think too much into trivial matters and treating them like an overbearing mountain of hidden motivation. You've completely warped from the way I used to know you, Sammi, in fact you've gotten to be an outright basket case. That's nothing I'm going to keep to myself any longer and something I don't think I even needed to tell you. If anything, you need to sort yourself out.