Yeah, it sounds like you're right.. but I think your situation was a bit worse, I'd gone mad thinking about that moment.. I'd spend a lifetime. But I guess not, since I got over the faint memory of my dad falling..
Yeah, I bet it feels good, I'm glad I made you feel that way, because I know and understand you need support. When he died, I thought I was the only one having such problems.. I wanted to feel special and be treated like it, I still do.
I'll confess, me, as a child, seemed more devastated than you now. I can't tell though 'cause I don't know you in-person and therefore can't determine how you really feel. What I'm trying to say is that, if I was your age when he died, I wouldn't have any courage to RP or even connect to the internet. I'd literally watch TV for hours, and still watch nothing - my eyes repeated the same motion of him falling, and the audience standing up, wondering what happened. I won't ever forget the look on his accomplice faces on stages, and I'll never forget the sound my mom made next to me when he fell. She told me she was suspecting my father had heart problems and told him to check, but the irony is that he didn't - he didn't even believe it (she told me later).
My aunt took me away from the theater (I didn't even know what was happening), and the next day my mom took me on a walk and told me the raw truth, that my father died before they even called the ambulance.
I cried so hard.. man, to be honest, I don't want to remember such times. But it's good once in a while. My father's death had been troubling me sometimes, it's good to let it out though. Speak freely to me.