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I'm still not super far in, and my only immediate complaint is that you might be running the risk of being dark for the sake of darkness. All in all I think you're talented though.
CHAPTER FOUR: EVERSTONE
The door slammed behind Red as Blue crept in behind him. He started, twirling around with his Pikachu clinging to his shirt for support, and looked back to see Blue, who laughed heartily and placed his forehead in the palm of his hand in exasperation. Red turned back...
Thanks very much. Just continue to read the clues I drop into the story. Anyway, don't expect the next chapter for a bit, my hands are actually starting to get sore. I'm going to extend that short story tie in, and then Im going to take a break for a day or two, maybe three.
CHAPTER 3
The sun hung high, around noon in Viridian City. Outside the gates to the Victory Road, Red and Blue helped a particularly miffed guard up to his feet. He grumbled a thanks, dusting himself off. His face was scratched, and he had taken a few bruises from the recent wild Pokémon...
If the reader has to decide the majority of the description and story for himself(or herself) that's no good. It's OK to leave things to interpretation, but the picture you've left is so unclear in my mind that for all I know this guy is a purple people eater.
Also the name sounds silly D:
Well here you have difference in taste. Whatever criticism I receive, it will not be an absolute truth. It's a matter of opinion. Vanlen may love Poe, and you might hate him.
too short didnt read DIFFREN STROKES FOR DIFFREN FOKES
Hoo boy. You are rather thorough.
But I suppose the most important question for me will be if you find it enjoyable. To me, this is all that matters. I am 'careering' to be a teacher. I have no aspirations of being a solo writer. I'll write this, and I'll write my book eventually. As long as I...